Chapter 1

"Im sorry you had to...that it came to that." No matter how hard I tried my voice still cracked. I was nervous. And pretty sure he didnt even want me here. He wanted no one here.

"Im not."

"Yes you are."

"It was either you or her Elena."

He smashes his glass into the wall. I see the pain on his face. He lost his friend. He looks at me and his eyes are devestating. Not in a good way this time. They are usually devestatingly beautiful and now they are devestatingly sad. He choose me.

Even though I told him he lost me forever.

Even though I was a jerk to him.

Even though she was there for him.

Even though he counted on her.

Even though I have repeatedly choosen Stefan.

He still saved me but then again he always does. Should I really be suprised? I pushed him away and she pulled him in. Thoughts of her in his arms rush through my head. Seeing how much she meant to him. A feeling comes over me. I cant quite identifiy it but if I knew any better Id say it was jelousy. But I dont have that right. She was there while I was throwing myself at Stefan trying get thoughts of Damon out of my head. He just stares at the fire angry that it came to this. So am I but here we are and im prepared for another fight with Damon. Its what we do. Ive begun to enjoy it. Its sick I know but its how i get him to open up and vice versa. We push each other. It shouldent be this way but it gets us results. So Im okay with it. He turns to face me and our eyes lock. I could swear that there are tears in hs eyes. That he could breakdown at any moment. That his world was falling apart. Did Rose really mean that much to him? Maybe she did. Maybe i missed it while I was trying to stop missing anything involving Damon. I tried to forget but it didnt work. So I decided to stop. Im done pretending. Thats why im here. Im afraid that this might just push him over the edge. And Im afraid that I may be the only one that could stop it. I think he might know that too. But he doesnt know I lied that night. That Ive been lying. Ive been pretending I didnt hear the 'I love you Elena' escape his lips. He turns to walk away and I grab his arm. He lets me and doesnt look up. Hes raw and it scares him.

"Becareful Damon. Your emotions are showing."

"Leave me alone Elena."

"You dont want that and we both know that."

"You did this. You broke me."

"You were broken when I met you. You started to put yourself back together and maybe I helped. Thats not the problem though. You feel and it scares you."

"I was fine with the way I was. Then you prance into my life and throw it into disarray and chaos. You made me care about you and want to protect you. I didnt want to feel and now I do and I dont know how to stop it." He yells. Hes angry. But its not just anger its so much more. So much more than he has probaly felt in years.

"You cant. You really dont want to and neither do I."

"Ya well we cant always get what we want now can we?"

"I think we both know that."

"You are awfully self righteous today arent you?"

"Im trying the 'Damon way' at handeling the situation." I tell him with a mock smile on my face.

"Well you suck at it." His come backs arent the greatest at the moment but they still get to the point. Hes too drunk.

"No. I think Im quite good."

"Why are you still here?"

"You need me."

"I need no one." He tries to state blatantly but hes not fooling me.

"Then it seems I know you better than you know yourself."

"Ha." He looks at me perplexed. So am I in a way. I cant believe Im pulling this off. I wasnt too sure Id be able to.

"I have all night Damon."

"I can wait you out. I dont need sleep like you do."

"Maybe. Ill just keep comming back. You wont be too far though. You and Stefan are till taking turns babysitting me at night. Im going to be your concience. Nagging you till you finally talk to me. All I want is for you to let me in."

"You are annoying." His vice softens and he looks up at me with half a smirk. Not his normal smart ass smirk. But its something.

"So are you but that doesnt stop you."

"How does dear Steffie feel about this?"

"This has nothing to do with Stefan."

"If you think that you can make me crack you are sadly mistaken."

"Thats the beauty of it Damon. You have already cracked. You just wont admit it. I dont get why. Especially to me of all people."

"You have no idea." His face goes blank again.

"I get pain Damon. Hurt too. I lost my parents and so did you. You lost your friend and I may loose mine. You lost Katherine and after she came back I lost Stefan. I wont loose you Damon." I say the last part with as much confidnce that I can muster up. He looks at me after he hears my last words and I know hes trying to find a way to pretend that he didnt hear it. Pretend that he doesnt care.

"You still have Stefan."

"Not really. Its not the same. Im not the same."

"Elena your tired. Go home. As you said Im still babysitting tomorrow night."

"Can we talk?"

"Sure."

"Goodnight Damon."

"Hey Elena?"

"Ya?"

"You pretty good at the 'Damon way'." He smiles at me before I leave and I sigh. Relief.

"I thought so. I kinda liked it. Its liberating to speak the truth all the time."

"Night Elena." He tells me before I shut the door and walk out to my car. It does feel good to be completely honest. Not trying to sugar coat anything. Its liberating. I try to get home hoping that Stefan isnt there and I could crawl into bed and fall alseep before he does get there. I head up to my room quickly to change.

"Are you crazy Elena?"

"Geez Stefan you scared me."

"What were you doing antagonizing him? You know how unstable he is."

"Yes I do. I have first hand experience with that. I have to try Stefan. Hes always there when I need him. He has come so far. I wont let this skrew all that up. This is all because of me. I dont want to hurt Damon anymore than he is. Than I have."

"Did you mean what you said to Damon about us?" His voice isnt malicious its curious and sad.

"Yes." I dont want to hurt him but I wont lie to him either. No more lies.

"What does that mean?"

"I dont know Stefan. I just know that I need to fix my life."

"And that includes trying to fix Damon?"

"Yes. Stefan you have to understand he has been a constant in my lfe since I met him. Saving it or protecting it. Hurting me or being my friend. Right now he needs me."

"I need you Elena." There are tears in his eyes and I can feel them forming in mine.

"Thats just it you dont." Sadly its true. Stefan was fine without me. He lived a good life. Damon didnt.

And with that he leaves.

A quick breeze.

A shiver down my whole body.

And a breath that escapes me like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

Stedan can wait.

Damon cant.

He needs me.

More than that...I need him.