Six Billion Souls
"At this moment there are 6470818671 people in the world, some are running scared, some are coming home, some tell lies to make it through the day, others are just not facing the truth, some are evil men at war with good, and some are good struggling with evil, six billion people in the world, six billion souls, and sometimes, all you need is one"
If I could tell you one thing Eli that's what I would say, that you're my one soul. The one I need to make it through every day. When I was falling to pieces it was you I wanted to run to and ask you to hold me, to make it go away. Part of my reason for trying to leave you was because I thought I was doing you a favor, a favor in the sense that we wouldn't have to fight anymore. You wouldn't have to worry about me. It wasn't until later when I saw you at your house, heard you sobbing like that, that's when I realized we worry because we care and we care because we love.
When I'm trying to find words to describe how you make me feel, I can't. There are too many things to say but I can tell you that without you, I am nothing. I don't want to feel, to eat, sleep or even breathe. It's funny how in such a short amount we've fallen so deeply in love, it takes some people years or lifetimes to find the connection we have. Our love is the kind of love that if you throw it away it will eat you alive until you are actually reduced to nothing but silhouette of what you used to be. But our love is also the kind of love if you find and you keep it ,it grows into the most breath taking, overwhelming, mind boggling, heart stopping love you've ever felt.
Ever since my parents I always found love to be such a fickle thing, and when you think about it, it is. We don't chose who we love we just fall for them. When I was nine I told my mother that I would pick my prince charming because I knew exactly what I wanted. She laughed, I remember her kissing my head and telling me "Clare, we never choose who we fall for. I never thought I would of fallen for your father" I just told her she was silly that you had to be able to choose, I was so sure of it because I made the choice not to like boys all the way until high school.
K.C was the first boy I never decided to like just happened, when we met I told him shortly after I wasn't ready for a relationship because I wanted control. I wanted to be able to tell myself what to feel, how to feel and how strongly to feel it. It took me a while to realize that I couldn't,my mother had been right we don't choose. Just like I never chose for the break up to happen or the hurt or any of that. In a big way though K.C did me a favor because I got you out of the deal. It wasn't that simple though, not for me.
I told you when I fell for you, but I never told you ,when I first met you I also felt this instant connection. As crazy and cliche as it might sound I knew there was something between us that day you crushed my glasses. It wasn't just your looks or the mystery behind you. It was everything, all the signs, all the flirtatious gestures,the fights, secrets shared, all of it that brought me to right here today. It was like my body knew before I did that it was coming, it knew that out of the 6470818671 people in the world, I found my one.