Parody of episode 1&2

(THIS FANFIC WAS NOT WRITTEN TO INSULT CODE GEASS) I DO NOT OWN ANY PART OF CODE GEASS)

"Crap!" Lelouch thought as his cell phone rang. He hanged up on the caller and hid low. Too late. The Britannian soldiers had already found him. They kicked him to the wall and snatched the green-haired girl away.

"This is a fitting end for a terrorist!" said the captain of the squad.

"You…" cried Lelouch.

"Well, you did well, for a student," replied the captain. "That's the mark of a Britannian!" the captain said, looking at Lelouch's collar. "But unfortunately, your life is now over,"

"Don't kill him!" cried the green-haired girl as she rushed in front of Lelouch and blocked the incoming bullet.

"I would have liked to keep her alive," said the captain. "Report to our superiors. Group CA has found the terrorist's base and eliminated them. However, the hostage was already dead by the time we got here. What do you think, student?"

"What the hell is this?" Lelouch thought. "Suzaku…this girl… Is this how I will meet my end? Helpless to the very end? Nunally!" Suddenly, the girl grabbed Lelouch's hand.

"You don't want it to end, do you?" the green-haired girl's voice said.

"What's this?" Lelouch thought.

"It seems you have a reason to live," the green-haired girl' voice said again.

"The girl? Impossible!" thought Lelouch.

"If you had the strength, you could live. This is our contract. In return for my gift of power, you must grant one wish of mine. If you enter this contract, you will live as a human, but also as one completely different. Different rules, different time, a different life… If you are prepared for that, then…"

"Very well," Lelouch cried. "I hereby enter this contract!" Lelouch stood up, his hand on his ass. "Say, how should I live, as a Britannian that hates Britannia?" said Lelouch to the squad.

"You some kind of philosopher?" said the captain.

"What? Can't shoot? You're up against a student, you know? Or have you finally learned that only those willing to be shot can themselves shoot others?" he said, pulling down his pants and mooning at the squad. A geass mark suddenly formed on his left side of the butt and Lelouch cried, "Lelouch Vi Britannia commands you, all of you, to die!" He then shook his butt twice. The geass mark flown into the squad's eyes. "YES, YOUR HIGHNESS!" they shouted and they immediately lifted the guns to their butts and fired.

"YAY!" exclaimed Lelouch. "Wow! I never knew mooning was useful! Now I shall overthrow the Britannian Government with my mooning powers! WAHAHAHA! But I'm not really sure I wanna moon at Schneizel or Euphemia… Ah never mind." For the next few days Lelouch tested out his Gay-ass at other people and he got a few statistics.

1. Effective Distance – 270m, provided they look at Lelouch's ass.

2. Can only be used once on a person (Got an awful scolding from the teacher when he mooned for the second time)

3. When Lelouch accidentally farts while using his Gay-ass, the Geass is cancelled.

When Lelouch went back home, he was surprised to see the green-haired girl lying on his bed.

"I thought you were dead!" exclaimed Lelouch.

"I'm immortal," the girl replied. "My name's C.C. by the way,"

"How are you immortal?" Lelouch questioned.

"I pampered my Gay-ass," replied C.C. Lelouch couldn't believe the last sentence.

"That's how you got immortal?"

"Yup! Only use high quality toilet paper, and wash it well! You can use moisturizer if you want too!"

Lelouch fainted.