"This is side one, flip me over. I know I'm not your favorite record. The songs you grow to like- never stick at first, so I'm writing you a chorus, and here is your verse."
When I look at him, it's like I have to catch my breath all over again. I choke on my words. Not saying that he's dumb, but I don't think he can tell that he makes me speechless. Every time he laughs or throws that crooked signature smile at me, I can't handle it. My heart beats accelerando, and I lose my ability to breathe normally. He doesn't have a damn clue.
This might sound cheesy, but I have a small, spiral-bound purple notebook where I write almost every creative idea that pops into my head. I'll think of small poems randomly, and they go into this notebook. Every time I write, it's almost always about how he makes me feel. I can never write about him specifically. I can never capture the details correctly. There are no words in the English (or even Demonic) language that could describe the green of his eyes. His confidence. His smile. His humor. He runs my brain thoughtless; my mouth speechless.
It's crazy. I've been hit on by guys more attractive, funny, and smarter than him. Hell, AquaLad even asked me on a date once. I even said yes. Beast Boy didn't even notice.
I think that's when I gave up.
I thought he was the one that was supposed to be in love with ME, not the other way around. I hate it. I feel weak. It's like the only functioning structure in my body are my bones. Everything else just gives up. I can't think. I can't move. I can't speak.
Is it even possible for someone to feel so bone-shakingly attached to someone?
The only time I ever remember ever showing him how I feel was a few months ago.
Cy brought home his usual case of beer, but Starfire had convinced him to buy some liquor for mixing drinks and other concoctions that were bound to be dangerous.
Two bottles of flavored vodka, Schnapps, Jack Daniel's, and rum later, the entire team was absolutely shitfaced, for lack of a better word. Beast Boy was busy getting drunk off of Malibu and blue Gatorade (idea courtesy of Cyborg). I dug into the whiskey, and we were all lounging around, watching an old Hitchcock movie form my collection.
I was sitting on my spot on the couch when Garfield came and sat close to me. His arm curled around my shoulders. Everything was fuzzy, but I distinctly remember this night. I've seen the changeling drunk, but I've never been the victim of his affection. Every so often he would look at me, his green eyes even brighter with the contrast of bloodshot veins. We sat through half of the film like this.
Suddenly, he got up and motioned for me to follow him. We walked to the elevator, trying to be quiet because everyone was sprawled out on the couch passed out. He clicked the button to the roof. The elevator ride was short, but I still felt awkward in the unexplained silence between us.
When we arrived on the top of the tower, he walked over toward the side of the platform; facing the city. He sat on the ledge of the building, which caused me to panic, knowing that there was no way he was sober yet. He managed to sit down safely, his feet dangled over the edge. I followed in suit, not knowing how close to sit. I sat fairly close, but I doubt he noticed as he nudged his way over to me, our thighs touching in the process.
"Sometimes, I think about what would happen if I jumped from here." He said, breaking the eternal-feeling silence. "It's not that I'm depressed anymore, Rae." I hate that name. "I just want to know what it feels like to be completely in control of life and death. I know that if I did ever jump, I'd change into a bird or something. At least, I guess that's what the smarter side of me would do. Haha, it's funny that I even think I have a smart side. Anyway, I know that there's another part of me, probably the beast part, that wouldn't stop; the side that would keep the commitment of falling. That sounds kind of sad I guess, but I know I could talk myself out of it, but I don't know if I would, ya know?" He never looked at me, just at the layout of Jump City in front of us- played out like a moving painting of lights and cars.
About 30 seconds later, I realized that he opened up to me. I know he only did it because he was drunk, but it was still a new feeling- a feeling of trust between an Empath and a changeling that has never existed until that moment.
He looked at me with his half-lidded eyes, leaned toward me, and kissed me.
The concrete base of the tower started to crack.
Time seemed to stop.
The light on top of the door to the elevator shaft broke into shards.
He cleared my mind; he was a new form of meditation I only discovered during a drunken slam-therapy session.
All it took for the door to the roof to fly off was a drunken kiss.
All it took to heal myself was a drunken kiss.
He eventually broke away from me. That's when he tilted his head backwards and gave me a sideways look. "You know, you have a sort of beautiful that I've never seen on anyone else. You wear it well, Raven." He said with a smile. My face was burning. This boy was a blessing and a curse. I stress so much about my feelings for him, but that night I discovered that he was the only one who seemed to calm me.
Currently, I'm strapping on nearly six inch heels. I'm wearing this ridiculous royal blue dress that grips my thighs too tightly. This humiliating get up is all for Star's amusement, being that it's her 22nd birthday. In addition to the blue and green pendant I got her, her gift included dressing me for her birthday party, located in the most popular club in Jump City. She insisted that the entire team got somewhat dressed up.
She managed to get Cyborg into a light blue, three quarter sleeve dress shirt and dark jeans. Robin and Beast Boy wore the same outfit, except with red and blue colored shirts. All in all, we cleaned up fairly well. Starfire, of course, was the prettiest of all of us; a short green dress with cutouts on each side of her waist. She wore the pendant I got her, which honestly made me feel great inside.
We all got cooped up in the T Car and made our way to the dreaded club. Cyborg drove, Star took shotgun, and I was sandwiched between Rob and BB. Starfire was way too excited; her high ponytail would bob side to side when she would describe the "extreme amounts of the fun" we would have tonight.
Her birthday enthusiasm was adorable, but she didn't even know how great her night was going to be. Robin told all of us (except her of course), his plans to propose to her tonight. We weren't really surprised; they have been dating for almost six years and were beyond perfect for each other. I try not to be emotionally involved in too many things; or anything at all, but Rob and Star have a relationship that I wish I could have. He's going to make her so happy.
When we arrive at the club, we walk to the front of the line because:
We're Titans and we have exclusive access to almost every nice place in Jump City. Being a hero has its perks.
Star had a VIP room and drinking area, so we had special access. Score.
When we enter the club, the entire place is already packed. We all strode to our table, looking like an extremely coordinated pop band from the 90's. Together, we all have a $300 tab limit (already paid for, thanks Rob!) and Cyborg is ready to go get us our first round of drinks. Star orders her first 'birthday' fruity drink- something with cotton candy vodka and gummy bears. Robin gets rum and coke, Cyborg gets some fireball, BB gets some Jack Daniel's, and I tell Cy to make Star's drink a double. I never have girly drinks, but what the hell.
When the drinks come to the table, I stare in horror at what I had ordered. The drink was pink on top, blue on the bottom. Gummy bears stuck to the slim gap near the top of the glass. The rim was garnished with what looked to be pink sugar. This looked like absolute hell.
I lied. It's delicious. Star was on her second (but different) birthday drink. I was still nursing my first sugar-coma inducing drink, which I just found out is called the Barbie. Fitting. Star is struggling to convince Robin to dance, and throws me a pleading look. I guess that's my cue to dance with her.
When I start to stand up, she squeals and grabs my arm so hard I have to grit my teeth. She throws me onto the dance floor; where sweaty bodies are grinding together to the beat of a Tove Lo song I've only heard a handful of times. Starfire starts moving her hips and tries getting me to move my arms and hips in time with hers. Jokes on her, I can't dance unless I'm completely intoxicated.
Robin finally joined Star, so I started to walk back toward the table. I ordered another drink- this time a Mike's Hard Lemonade; my favorite. I'm waiting for my drink when a guy who looks about my age comes and sits right next to me- way too close for my liking.
"Hey, what's a pretty girl like you doing here all alone?" the mystery guy says to me. "Waiting on my drink, I guess." I respond. He isn't bad looking, but he's not my type. His blonde hair is spiked upwards, and his shirt cut down way too low on his chest. Not my favorite thing. Luckily, my drink arrives and with it comes Cyborg.
"Hey Rae, who's that?" he gives me a weird look. "I don't know actually, so how about he leaves and lets me drink in peace?" I give the mystery guy a look, and he starts to get up and walk away. As he's sulking away, I hear him mutter, "Bitch."
Cyborg snaps his head around and instantly confronts the douchebag; "What the hell did you just say to my sister?" Cyborg starts to size up to the guy, and the last thing I want on Starfire's birthday is a fight. Knowing her, she would probably cry, and it would be really annoying. I step in between the two and push the guy away from Cyborg. All seems to be well; I finish my drink, sit down, and have a few moments of peace to myself. This is the case until Beast Boy slides in from the side, grabs my arm and practically drags me out to the dance floor.
I don't dance. Whatsoever. Not even when I'm intoxicated. However, I've been told by many people (mostly creepy, extremely touchy and desperate club guys) that I'm pretty good at dancing. The truth is, Starfire is an amazing dancer and I just try to follow her lead. But right now, I didn't have a choice. The boy I've had a mental attachment to for a long while is forcing me to dance, and I'll be damned if I let that chance slip through my fingers.
We go toward the center of the crowded dancefloor, and I can't see anyone I know. I don't have anyone to fall back on. It's just me and him. Under the lights, his green skin seems to glow almost blue, and my grey skin seems to shine green. For some reason, my tipsy self finds that to be fascinating. I'm so interested in how our skin looks in the changing lights that it takes me a while to notice his hands around my waist. I can't even fight the blush that creeps up my neck and onto my face. I doubt he notices in the constant changes in colored light, but then he looks down at me and throws that grin (you know the one I'm talking about; one tooth sticking out and smiling wide) and I blush harder at the fact that he notices me blushing. I'm a mess right now. Not even a "hot" mess; an awkward dorky mess that keeps getting worse by the minute.
At this point, I'm mentally panicking and doing this weird swaying motion that seems like a shit excuse for dancing. I know I look pathetic. He probably knows I look pathetic, too. But hey, he's still here. That counts for something, right?
He pulls me closer and tries talking to me, but I can't understand a single word over the pounding bass of a song I don't even know. Would it kill the DJ to play some Arctic Monkeys or something more calming? I guess that isn't really dancing music, but it would make things a lot less hectic. Oh shit, he's still talking to me. "What did you just say?" I ask. He laughs and leans toward my right ear, pushes my hair behind said ear, and whispers something along the lines of "I really hope this works out for Rob and Star." I don't catch everything he says because I'm hooked on the electric current that sparked through my body when he got close to me.
"Oh. Yeah. I'm sure it will be great, they've been together for how long?" I finally respond. He looks around. "Honestly, I've always wanted a love like that." He says. "Same." I say. Was that weird? "You actually think about that kind of shit? Like, I don't mean that in a bad way. Fuck." He says. I can't help but chuckle. "Yeah, actually. I have a lot of time to think." I stutter. I look away. I just made it even more awkward. Confidence? What the hell is that? Am I right?
I look down, and I see his head turn the same direction. I make the possible mistake of looking upwards. He flicks his eyes upwards, and now we're locked in a dead stare. Emerald on violet. The whites of his eyes are somewhat bloodshot, and I don't know if it's because of the alcohol or the fact that he's been awake for the past 22 hours. He trains early in the morning, so I bet he's tired constantly. He's been keeping up on himself, and I've noticed.
Other girls have, too. The jealous Raven doesn't very much appreciate that. He doesn't need to know that, though.
My thoughts are broken by his deep voice.
"Rae, don't take this the wrong way, you look amazing, but this doesn't seem like you." He says. He glances at the ground, and I'm trying to process what he just said to me.
He's right. I'm not made for clubbing. I'm not the excessive amounts of makeup on my face. I'm not this tight dress. I'm not fruity liquor. I'm not a girl pretending to enjoy this shitty club music.
"You're right, Gar." I look up at him. He gives me a closed mouth smile. It almost feels faked. "I didn't know you were this observant. You're the first person to notice that I'm really out of place." I said with a chuckled.
"May I?" he said. I have no idea what he's talking about, so I say "Sure?" He reaches his right hand around to the back of my head while keeping his left hand around my waist. His right hand pulls lightly on the clip that holds the majority of my long hair back out of my face. My hair falls out of its half-assed updo. His hand stays at the back of my head and starts moving to the nape of my neck. His left hand starts pulling me closer to him, and his right draws my face toward his. My face is probably an inch from his when he smiles and says "May I?" for a second time. God dammit, he is so cute. "Please." I respond.
He pulls me softly into him, and kisses me. It wasn't like the kiss him and I shared previously. This felt genuine. I feel his fingers shift and wind into my hair. We're still locked together.
I swear to god, nothing has ever felt so right in my entire life. Suck it, nervous side of me. Shit works out sometimes. Score.
Garfield and I are still going at it when we hear the music die off, and that's when we finally stop and catch our breath. We look over at the small gap that has formed on the dancefloor. As expected, Robin is down on one knee in the classic proposal stance. I can't hear his entire speech, but I manage to hear some of it.
"…I've known you and I were going to be something since you came to earth. As soon as I laid my eyes on you, I've felt like I was connected to you in some way. I have never been so happy in my entire life, having you and the team in my life." At this point, Gar grabs my hand and pulls me through the small crowd that has gathered to see the superhero proposal. We stand with Cyborg, who is behind Starfire. Robin stops his speech and glances down at our clasped hands and winks at Garfield.
"Kori, I've loved you for so long," he continues. "And I would love you to be on my team for the rest of my life. So, Starfire, will you do me the honor of marrying me?" The entire crowd collapses into a montage of "Aww!"s, and I will admit that I was part of that cheesy crowd.
Starfire said yes, of course, and gripped Robin into one of her bone-crushing hugs. The entire club roared in cheers.
The entire team gathered the engaged couple into a group hug as cameras flashed and peopled continued cheering. There was no doubt that this amazing night would be documented by hundreds of people on social media, because hey, it's rare that the public gets to witness a superhero proposal between an alien and Batman's main bitch.
Hell, maybe I'd be the next engaged superhuman.
With this thought, I look at Gar, who looks at me and smiles while squeezing my hand tighter. I wouldn't mind a lifetime with this dork.
Hey guys! I hope to add more chapters to this. Maybe some from BB's POV? I dunno. When I write more chapters, they will most likely jump around in time and I doubt they will be chronological, because fuck order, am I right? Once again, thank you all for reading and all constructive criticism/comments/PMs are welcome!
-Much Love, C.R.