Chase's first kiss had been sudden and unexpected. Standing alone with Sebastian at a computer console late into the evening, after all the students had retreated to the dorms, they'd been programming a new training simulation. It was brief, less than a second, just a dry brush of Sebastian's lips against his own, cutting him off in the middle of a sentence, and Chase blinked, registering what had just happened.
"Uh... Sebastian?" He look at the boy next to him, who he'd just realized was standing so much closer than necessary, their shoulders pressed together and Sebastian's pinky braiding over Chase's on the console.
A small smile danced on Sebastian's lips until he seemed to notice the confused look in Chase's eyes and then it faded slowly. "I'm... I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have..." Sebastian trailed off, hanging his head ashamedly.
Chase's chest twisted up. Without him telling it to, his hand moved atop Sebastian's and gripped it. "No!" he said quickly, then regained his composure. "I mean. It's alright." His face was flushing red, he could feel the heat radiating from himself like a new ability. "I just. I wasn't expecting that. No one's ever..." he trailed off, redirecting his gaze downward. He noticed his hand holding tightly onto Sebastian's and let go hastily, going to wring his hands together embarrassedly instead.
"No one's ever... what? Kissed you?" Sebastian asked, and he lifted Chase's chin with his index finger, drawing his attention back in.
"Well. No..." Chase swallowed. No one had ever touched his face like that either, hypnotized him so easily, caused his insides to melt into a mush. "Or even liked me, really," he added with a breathy, humorless chuckle. He supposed that wasn't exactly true. But the one girl who had liked him once didn't really like him anymore once she knew about Spike, even after Adam talked to her. Sebastian, though... Sebastian knew all of Chase's flaws. And still stood here and kissed him.
Sebastian smiled again, gently, his eyes glazing over Chase's lips as he said, "How could someone not?"
Now that elicited a true laugh from Chase and he turned his face out of Sebastian's gentle hold, shaking his head. "Just ask my brother and sister," he said with a snort. "They'll tell you exactly how someone could not like me, in horrifying detail."
Sebastian's hands were back on Chase in a heartbeat, though, this time finding both of his and encasing them in his own as he bent forward to capture Chase's eyes again. "Did you like it?" he asked, and Chase realized he'd almost forgotten that Sebastian had just kissed him.
Sebastian had just kissed him.
Sebastian.
"...yeah. Yeah, I guess I did," he responded with just the hint of a smile on his lips, remembering for the moment the feeling of Sebastian on them. He'd never really considered what it would be like to kiss Sebastian. He enjoyed his company a lot, reveled in having an equal, found himself missing Sebastian when he was gone, but he hadn't ever thought maybe he had a crush on him... Is that what this was? Did he like the feeling of Sebastian kissing him because he had a crush on him? Because he liked him? Why else would his heart be pitter-pattering when he thought about Sebastian kissing him again?
Sebastian just smiled at him for a moment without saying anything, then he was leaning in again and Chase found himself coming to meet him halfway. Prepared this time, he closed his eyes, allowing the thrill to wash over him as his lips touched Sebastian's. It was a simple touch, nothing complicated, nothing fancy, just a gentle kiss. Chase wasn't sure what else to do, but he felt Sebastian's lips move against his and he mimicked the action, and it seemed to work. Despite enjoying this and the way it knocked the breath from him, Chase noticed he was very stiff when Sebastian let go of his hands and instead held his cheek softly. Without Sebastian's hands to hold onto, Chase's fingers hovered between them, lost, but found a natural resting place on Sebastian's waist when the other boy stepped in closer. Whether or not that was correct was beyond Chase.
There was so much going on. The second kiss felt like it had been going on for ages, Sebastian's hand felt soft and soothing on his skin as his thumb brushed his cheekbone, his waist felt lithe and perfectly shaped under Chase's hands. It was all so overwhelming.
A distinct clack behind Chase startled him and he nearly jumped right out of Sebastian's arms, and probably would have fallen if it weren't for Sebastian having put a firm hand at the small of his back at some point during the kiss. He craned his neck to look around the room, but they were still alone.
"What's wrong?" Sebastian asked, still holding Chase close but following his gaze around.
"I heard something, I thought maybe someone..." Chase said, still staring around. Definitely an empty room, nothing but computers and screens. He could do a thermal scan...
Sebastian replaced his hand on Chase's cheek, reeling him back in to look at him. "It was a computer. Don't worry..." he reassured, and Chase couldn't help but relax. His hold was too comforting and his voice too soft and caring. This wasn't like anything Chase had ever experienced. No one had ever treated him like this.
He bit his lip, not letting go of his anxiety just yet, and subconsciously held Sebastian's waist a little tighter. "It's just... I mean, if Adam or Bree sees this..." he sighs. What happened to his ability to complete sentences? What was all this affection doing to his brain?
Sebastian shook his head slightly. "I said don't worry. Even if they did find out, I wouldn't let anything happen to you," he promised and Chase's eyebrows twitched a little. He hadn't expected that at all. Sebastian would... defend him? He'd rescue him from the ridicule of his siblings? Definitely no one had ever done that... "Trust me," Sebastian added, his mouth suddenly close enough again to touch Chase's as he spoke.
Chase couldn't think anymore as Sebastian kissed him again. And kissed him and kissed him. He could get used to this. He could trust Sebastian.
…
Chase had normally paired up with Sebastian during training, even before the kiss, so even though no one should have really thought much of it that they were constantly together, Chase was still paranoid. Every time he caught one of Sebastian's punches, he glanced around the training room, just to make sure no one was staring at them.
Suddenly, Chase's arm was twisted around to his back and his other was strapped against his chest by one of Sebastian's. "You seem distracted," Sebastian said softly, his lips close enough to touch Chase's ear and Chase sort-of-hated-sort-of-loved the tingles it sent across his skin.
"I'm not," he insisted, trying to jerk away, but he could barely move, the way Sebastian had ahold of him.
Sebastian chuckled, loosening up his hold enough for Chase to break away and regain a fighting stance. Sebastian, however, remained relaxed, grinning at Chase, apparently pleased with himself and the way he could make him react. Their little trysts hadn't been going on for long and Sebastian still made Chase nervous. He didn't want anyone to know, not yet, at least. Maybe not ever…
"Think you can take me down?" Sebastian challenged teasingly as he stepped a little closer. He put his fists up playfully and jogged from foot to foot, then winked at Chase, and try as he might, Chase couldn't suppress his smile. Damn this guy… He had Chase's number.
But that was alright. Chase was happy, even if he was paranoid and awkward and nervous all the time. He was liked by someone he liked. It was foreign, unusual, and above all, exciting. He didn't just get butterflies when he thought about Sebastian, he got an adrenaline rush. He had fun with Sebastian, he didn't feel threatened or picked on with him, he felt like an equal. And he wanted this kind of excitement to last forever.
Just beyond Sebastian's shoulder on the other side of the training room, Chase's eye caught on Adam, watching him, and the smile flew from his face immediately. Adam didn't exactly look happy, and he was staring more intently than he ever did. Was Chase acting too giddy? Was he telegraphing his thoughts so clearly that even Adam was picking up on them?
Before he could even reign himself in, Chase felt himself flipped over sideways and thrown to the ground, landing on his back on a mat. Sebastian was suddenly on top of him, snatching Chase's wrists and pinning them above his head. It wasn't an unfamiliar position for Chase to be in, Adam had done this to him hundreds of times before, but he'd never leaned down in such a menacingly flirting way such as Sebastian was doing now.
"Gotcha, teach," Sebastian grinned, but Chase was tilting his head back to look again at Adam, upside down.
Adam had set down his barbell and was suddenly turning to move toward Chase and Sebastian, a serious not-so-Adam look on his face. Chase panicked, adrenaline hitting him fast, and he used that to force Sebastian's unsuspecting hands off, flipping their positions and putting Sebastian on the mat instead.
"Your defense is weak," he criticized loudly, trying to sound firm. "You can't let your guard down just because you think you've compromised your enemy." Holding Sebastian's hands hard to the ground, Chase glanced up. Adam had stopped, and looked them over once more. Then he looked away with purpose, finding something interesting on the other side of the room.
Chase's nerves were still flared up. Adam wasn't bright, but he had a weird intuition, especially when it came to the things Chase was trying to hide. But he couldn't have possibly known about this… no one could know. He'd been doing so good at hiding it.
Except for maybe now as he refocused on Sebastian underneath him and his suggestively lifted eyebrow. Sebastian nodded down to where Chase was still seated on Sebastian's pelvis and Chase bounced off him immediately. "Okay, great training session!" he announced, giving Sebastian a platonic hand up. "I think that's enough for the day!"
As most of the students dispersed, Sebastian hung back, close to Chase. "Let's do it again sometime," he said quietly, letting his shoulder touch Chase's as they both turned to start putting away free weights.
Chase again couldn't stop his smile before it happened. "You've gotta stop that," he said, amusement in his voice despite himself.
"Aw, stop what?" Sebastian asked, leaning closer, suspiciously close to any outside onlooker.
"That!" Chase hissed, sliding away, trying to seem as though he was straightening things up. But he couldn't help letting his eyes linger on Sebastian's grin. He wanted to kiss those lips again so badly…
"Hey, Chase, your tiny body isn't broken, is it?" Adam's voice suddenly called, breaking Chase from his thoughts and causing him to jump as he spun around.
"Wh-what?" he snapped, panicked as he thought of all the times Sebastian had kissed him extra hard or pushed him up against a wall.
Adam nodded to Sebastian as he wiped his neck down with a towel, strolling slowly over to the pair. "Sebastian pinned you pretty good," he commented, his eyes never leaving Sebastian's smug smirk. "Wanted to make sure he didn't crush your weak doll bones." His words were taunting, but something about his expression seemed weird.
Still, Chase rolled his eyes. "Go away, Adam," he bit, returning to his task of straightening up. "Don't you have some paint chips to eat or something?"
There was a pause, and Chase glanced tentatively over his shoulder. Only then did Adam look away from Sebastian and to Chase, sighing, "Yeah, I am pretty hungry." Then he tossed his sweat towel at Chase, hitting him in the face before strolling out, leaving Chase and Sebastian alone.
Chase disgustedly flung the towel off himself, gagging at the stench of Adam's BO on him.
But then Sebastian's fingers were intertwining with Chase's and the mixed panic and disgust feeling melded into that excited thrill again. "I'm pretty hungry, too, you know…" Sebastian hinted, stepping close to Chase's body.
Oh, Chase was weak. After all this physical contact and flirting, he was defenseless. He just wanted to be kissed.
"Not here," was all he said before yanking Sebastian out of the room and around a corner, right into a closet.
...
"Ah-Sebastian!" Chase gasped, pulling Sebastian off him by the shoulders when he felt his mouth working at Chase's neck.
Sebastian pushed himself up, looking questioningly down at Chase. "What?" he asked breathlessly. "You don't like it?"
Chase was on his back on the couch of his shared little apartment with his siblings, Sebastian on top of him. Their little tryst had evolved into hidden kisses in closets, brushing hands against each other secretly, flirting winks and smiles like in the training room. Only today had Sebastian convinced Chase to get a little bolder, to let Sebastian lay him down on the couch and straddle him, pressing their bodies together, kissing him hard and deep. Bree, Adam, and Leo would be gone for a while, he insisted. They'd have no reason to come up here. Chase, weak at the knees whenever Sebastian looked at him a certain way and held his chin and ran his thumb along his lips, relented and allowed himself to be taken down.
However, when Sebastian's mouth began to migrate from Chase's, kissing his jaw and finally licking and sucking the softest part of his neck, Chase panicked.
"It's not that it doesn't… feel good," he explained, trying to calm his heart before it broke his ribs from slamming against them so hard. "I just know that if you apply enough suction to the skin, especially in a place where the blood vessels lay close to the surface, capillaries are going to burst and cause noticeable discoloration." It definitely wasn't that Sebastian's tongue and lips on his neck didn't feel good, because, wow, it did. It felt amazing. It gave Chase goosebumps all over his body, in places he didn't even know he could get goosebumps.
Sebastian scrunched up his eyebrows in thought. "You mean… I'd give you a hickey?" he finally said.
The word sounded somehow filthy to Chase, even though he'd spent a year and a half in high school and he'd definitely heard worse. But the suggestion that Sebastian could give him a hickey, it seemed forbidden and dirty of him. Plus, everyone would see it and know that Chase was fooling around with someone and start asking questions. Or worse yet, they'd think he gave it to himself using the vacuum cleaner.
"Yeah, yeah, that," Chase replied. "I can't have a… a mark on my neck."
Sebastian's mouth curled into a smirk and his fingertips slipped under the hem of Chase's shirt all of a sudden, gently tickling his side. "Say iiiit," he teased. "Say hickey."
Chase fought but couldn't stop the smile on his lips as he squirmed and pushed at Sebastian's hand, arguing half-heartedly, "I'm not saying that word."
"Hickey," Sebastian said through a grin, then leaned down to put his lips back on Chase's neck, kissing him once more. "Hickey." Another kiss. "Hickey." Kissing again. Then licking and grazing his teeth against Chase's skin. There was no stopping him now, especially as Chase's chuckling dissolved into a soft groan which seemed to only encourage Sebastian.
Chase finally put a stop to it again, nudging Sebastian off of him. "No, no, no, seriously, Sebastian, someone will see it," he insisted, making use of what little self-control he had left. This time he wriggled out from under Sebastian as well, sitting up and stretching his neck. How long had they been lounging here making out? Maybe it was time to stop… someone could come up at any moment, there was no promise that Adam, Bree, and Leo would be gone for very long. He didn't even know what they were doing.
Sebastian sat up with him, still halfway behind him. His hands slid up Chase's arms to rest on his shoulders, massaging gently. Chase rolled his eyes, steeling himself up not to fall for this trick. "I guess that's true," Sebastian sighed. "Can't have anyone knowing teacher is having an affair with one of his students."
Chase tensed up, prickling defensively as he turned to face Sebastian. "Hey, now! Excuse me! Who started this whole thing in the first place?" he asked, gesturing between the two of them to indicate their little affair.
Sebastian chuckled and closed the distance between them quickly in order to peck Chase on the lips. "You're cute when you get all freaked out," he hummed, sitting back on the couch again.
Cute? Chase's eyebrows raised as his heart gave a little tremor. Sebastian thought he was cute? He tried to stop it, but he knew his cheeks were flushing pink by their warmth. The next bionic ability he was going to need Douglas to work on for him was processing his emotions. Or maybe that was just a human thing. Either way, Chase needed to figure out how to comprehend things like Sebastian telling him he was cute.
No one told Chase he was cute. Well, except Adam, but that wasn't a compliment.
Adam… what a time for him to pop into Chase's head. Chase knew that if there was anyone in the world who could never know about this, it was Adam. He wasn't entirely sure why he never wanted his brother knowing, though. There wasn't much Adam could say to Sebastian that would ruin this, not much he could do to Chase to make him not want to see Sebastian anymore. But still, the thought of Adam knowing about him and Sebastian made Chase shrink inside.
"Earth to Chase?" Sebastian grinned and snapped his fingers in front of Chase's face teasingly. Chase swatted his hand away, eliciting a chuckle. "You alright, space cadet? You floated off for a second."
"I'm fine, I just, uh… I wasn't expecting you to call me cute," Chase admitted, rubbing his neck and avoiding eye contact. He was usually so much more confident than this, whether he deserved to be or not. Something about Sebastian liking him and being all over him just made him feel so fluttery and weird.
Sebastian's lips were on Chase's neck again, just briefly, though, and not as rough this time. He wrapped a long arm around Chase's waist to pull him closer. "Well, you are," he muttered against Chase's skin. "And I like you. A lot."
Chase knew he was smiling all goofy and his hand wrapped around Sebastian's pressed against his stomach, holding him in close. "I like you, too…" he replied instinctively without having to give the words any thought to know they were true. He turned his head to catch Sebastian's lips again, smiling into the kiss.
He remembered the terrible feeling he'd had about Sebastian when they'd first been getting to know each other. How desperate he'd been to keep Sebastian from even looking at his sister. But how he'd come to really like and appreciate Sebastian over time, finding in him a like mind that he'd never really found in anyone else. And then he didn't want Sebastian looking at Bree because he wanted Sebastian looking at him. Chase had felt alone for so long, without any equal companionship, no one quite at his level of intelligence… then one day there was Sebastian.
Sebastian whose spare hand was suddenly feeling Chase's thigh higher, and higher, until it was sliding over Chase's crotch and giving him a gentle but firm squeeze. Chase jumped nearly clear off the couch and possibly would have completely flung himself away if Sebastian hadn't had such a tight hold around his waist. "Woah! What—what are you—" Chase's voice was somewhere between a breathless gasp and a forced laugh and he couldn't even complete his sentence with all the panic rising in his throat.
Sebastian barely flinched, just kept smiling at Chase, and his hand didn't move away, either. "It feels good, doesn't it?" he prompted, continually stroking Chase through the tight-fit pants of his mentor uniform.
Chase squirmed, but he didn't pull away. He gripped Sebastian's hand harder and searched his eyes as if he was going to find something there to help him relax, but nothing came. "I don't know if, uh… if this, you know…" he stumbled, but honestly had no idea what even to say. Even through all this kissing and holding and touching, Chase had never really considered Sebastian touching him in this way. He'd never considered anyone touching him this way. He knew it was a thing that people did, but it just didn't seem that enticing to him. In fact, it seemed terrifying. It was terrifying. Even if it was Sebastian…
Sebastian, who kissed him again, briefly and softer that before. "It's alright, Chase," he whispered, his voice smooth in Chase's ears, sending a warmth through his body all the way into the pit of his stomach, soothing him. "You can trust me."
There wasn't a huge number of people Chase felt he could trust, and he didn't think of himself as someone who trusted easily. Even Leo, his own step-brother, had had to work for Chase's trust. Sebastian had more than earned it, when he considered it. He'd worked hard to prove himself to Chase, to show him how he could be trusted, that Chase was safe in his hands.
"I trust you," Chase replied before Sebastian's lips touched his again and his hand slipped beneath the waist of Chase's pants.
…
Chase should have never trusted Sebastian. He was stupid to let him kiss and hold him and… touch him. He'd never been so stupid in his life as he'd been making those decisions. Anger and hatred, more than he'd ever felt, clouded Chase's mind as he watched Sebastian glitch. He'd never felt so angry in his life.
And not only that Sebastian had used him, had toyed with him, but he'd attacked Chase's family, too. That was a line he never should have crossed. In that moment, Chase could easily forget everything he'd felt for Sebastian and could almost feel satisfaction at the sight of him tensed up and twitching until Chase finally gave himself the pleasure of shoving him aside.
That's when everything came back to him. Seeing Sebastian unconscious on the floor, Chase's head swam with pain. He just couldn't believe that the only person to ever like him, to hold him and share smiles with him and to indulge his interests and make him feel important and wanted… that it had all been a lie to earn his trust. Just so Sebastian could hurt him more when it came to this moment. Not only was Sebastian trying to take Chase's father away from him, he'd tried to crush him completely.
Chase should have known better than to trust him.
His head still felt heavy and his chest tight when he watched Perry corral Sebastian and his band of troublemakers onto the hydroloop. When Sebastian glanced back at him, Chase wanted to think he still saw something real behind his eyes. But they were icy, unfeeling.
Nothing Sebastian had ever said to him had been real. Chase felt so stupid. He'd been played so entirely. And he'd given so much of himself to Sebastian, too, opened himself up to him. Well, now he would know better.
He broke the eye contact as Sebastian was shoved into the hydroloop capsule. He never wanted to see that face again.
"You know," Adam started after Mr. Davenport left them in order to clean himself up. "We probably should've known Sebastian was evil. I mean, who would want to be Chase's best friend, anyway?" He grinned down at Chase as if the entire thing was a joke, Bree and Leo next to him chuckling.
Chase glared back. "Seriously, Adam?" he sighed, crossing his arms and turning away. He wasn't in the mood to deal with this. It was bad enough they were going to have to go in front of the rest of the students and explain everything that had happened and he was going to be painted like a fool to everyone without them even knowing about how deep his and Sebastian's relationship had gone. He didn't want to have to put up with the ridicule from his brother at the moment. The wounds were too fresh.
"What?" Adam laughed, clapping a hand on Chase's shoulder. "All I'm saying is that no one in their right mind actually wants to be around you."
Anger flared up in Chase and he grabbed Adam's wrist from his shoulder, giving it a firm twist as he threw his hand away. "Knock it off!" he snapped, shoving Adam in the chest in the chest. Adam's mouth twisted in confusion and offense, rubbing his chest.
"Chase, come on, he's just messing with you," Bree tried to reason with him, all the giggling and smiles gone now as she stood beside Adam with a disapproving look.
"Well, I don't want to be messed with," he fought back, defensive. Of course Bree would take Adam's side here. Of course they'd think it was fine to just "mess" with Chase. Of course no one really considered how he felt about this.
Then again, he realized he was getting angry at them for not knowing the entire story. They didn't know what Sebastian had really been to Chase. They didn't know how deep these cuts of betrayal ran.
"Whatever," Chase sighed, taking a step back and forcing his anger down. "Let's just go talk to the students before they get too riled up. Mr. Davenport can catch up to us." He knew it was passive aggressive, but he purposefully pushed between Bree and Adam on his way to the training room, making sure his shoulder hit Adam hard on the way, not that it did anything to him.
…
Chase sat alone in the mentor suite. He assumed Adam, Bree, and Leo were helping to clean up the damage that had been done, or were having dinner with the rest of the students, or possibly talking with Mr. Davenport. Chase had wordlessly left them shortly after the meeting with the students. He just didn't really want to see anyone, particularly not Adam after he couldn't keep his fat mouth shut. Hadn't Adam's parents ever taught him that if he couldn't say anything nice not to say anything at all? Oh, wait.
Chase sighed heavily and leaned back on the couch, dragging his hands over his face. He'd never felt so miserable. Like his insides had been scooped out. He felt like Sebastian had stolen a part of him and taken it with him when he turned on them. It probably hurt so terribly because he couldn't figure out any other reason Sebastian would manipulate him the way he had other than to hurt him as much as possible. He could have gotten all the information he needed just by being Chase's friend, but he took it further, he made Chase feel things. And all just to crush him.
"Hey." Adam barged into the room, flicking Chase on the ear as he walked behind the couch on his way into the kitchen.
Chase groaned in response. There was no way to have some privacy here. Suddenly he felt some sympathy for Bree, having to be around him and Adam her entire life. He knew now what it was like to want to be alone for a while.
"Leave me alone, Adam," he warned, sitting up again and looking purposefully away from the kitchen.
"I didn't even do anything!" Adam scoffed as Chase heard the refrigerator open and slam shut. "Geez, Chase, it's not like you don't deserve me screwing with you."
Now Chase looked at him, mouth hanging open. Adam had always messed with him, even crossed the line of 'friendly brotherly teasing' multiple times. And Chase had grown some thick skin against it. But now he was starting to feel really fed up. Maybe it was the fact he was already hurting thanks to Sebastian, but he wasn't about to lay down and take it from Adam this time.
"You know what? I don't deserve it," he said, standing up now and squaring up his shoulders.
Adam huffed as he poured a glass of orange juice, glancing up at Chase unaffected. "Nah, dude, you do," he insisted, turning to put the glass of orange juice back in the fridge and Chase made a face as he watched his brother take a swig from the carton itself. "You can call me stupid all you want," Adam continued, wiping his lips on his sleeve. "But it was crazy stupid how you just told Sebastian everything. You totally know better."
Something about his voice and expression had Chase's bravado deflating. Adam had never been the big brotherly type. Chase was pretty sure that sort of disapproving tone had never come out of Adam's mouth at all. He didn't know what to say, how to respond. Because Adam was right. For once. Instead of saying anything, he just sunk back onto the couch, resting his elbows on his knees and staring down at his hands as they fidgeted with each other.
Given the silence, Adam continued, "If you hadn't spilled the beans about Krane, not only would he have not turned on us, but he wouldn't have screwed around with you like he did..."
Chase frowned. Something in Adam's voice, his word choice, threw up a red flag in Chase's mind. He stared over at Adam for a moment, watching him take another drink and finally find a napkin to wipe his mouth on instead of his white shirt. "Excuse me?" Chase asked, suspicious. Adam didn't know… no way he knew.
Adam looked up again, locking eyes with Chase as his brain seemed to whir and clink, trying to figure his next move. Finally, he sighed, setting the carton down on the counter. "Look… I know about you guys," he confessed.
Chase's fingers went numb. He couldn't mean what Chase thought he meant. He felt a physical pain across his chest at the fear of Adam possibly knowing. He kept his lips sealed tight, though. There's no way Adam knew what Chase thought he knew.
When he didn't respond, Adam seemed to force himself to walk around the counter, coming closer to the couch, but he stopped halfway, apparently unable to bring himself all the way over to his brother. "It's not like you were exactly super chill about liking him, first of all," he started, awkwardly gesturing and making it very clear how uncomfortable he was. "And then… I saw him kiss you one night, like, forever ago. You guys were doing something nerdy and it was late and I was coming to tell you that I ate your dinner and watch you get all mad about it and… I saw that."
Chase's heart was racing and he felt his face heat up. He'd heard a sound. When he and Sebastian had kissed for the first time, he'd heard something come from the training room adjacent. It had been Adam stepping on something or bumping something or dropping his phone. Some small sound and it had been Adam and he'd seen everything.
Chase had to tear his eyes off of Adam, embarrassed. He massaged his temple with his knuckles, feeling the other end of the couch sink slightly as Adam sat down. At least he wasn't sitting close. Chase wouldn't know how to react. It's bad enough that Adam is telling him this, he doesn't need his brother to get weirdly close, too.
He didn't say anything else, though. Chase could sense the awkwardness between them. How neither of them wanted to say anything to the other. Why hadn't Adam told everyone? Why hadn't he teased Chase about having a fling? Why hadn't he tried to ruin it?
"Why'd you say what you did earlier if you knew?" Chase asked as the thought occurred to him, and looked up finally, frowning across the couch at Adam, who was sitting back stiffly, his hands laced together in his lap.
Adam looked away, chewing his tongue in some unusually deep thought. "I guess I was just mad," he admitted quietly, shrugging without looking back at Chase.
Chase snorted, crossing his arms as he remembered his right to be angry at Adam for what he said. "That's a great excuse, Adam, thanks."
"Not mad at you," Adam bit back. "Mad at Sebastian. For doing that to you."
That took a moment to sink in. Chase blinked for a moment, considering it, and looked back to Adam to find him still staring away obstinately, like he was too embarrassed to look at Chase again. He licked his lips, trying to sort all of this out, before asking tentatively, "Then why'd you have to go and make it hurt even more?"
Adam threw his hands up suddenly, letting them hit his thighs hopelessly. "I don't know, Chase, why do I do, like, anything that I do?" They both knew the answer was that Adam was dumb, but Chase was glad his brother didn't say it out loud and force him to say something nice like 'You aren't dumb, you're special,' because that was a half-lie. Chase had a dumb brother, but he knew and accepted that. He just had to remember that sometimes Adam's lack of thought caused him to say things he possibly didn't mean. Still. That didn't make it hurt any less.
"Listen, I'm sorry," Adam said suddenly, his words sounding a little rushed and definitely quiet. It was probably hard for him to say. Chase couldn't remember the last time Adam had apologized to him for hurting him. Then again, he couldn't remember the last time something hurt this bad. "I could tell you liked him," Adam added, and Chase may have been mistaken, but it almost sounded as though he was bitter about that. "I think everyone could." Oh, there was that rush of embarrassment again, and Chase shrank a little awkwardly. So good to know that he couldn't keep his stupid crush a secret. Now everyone would look at him funny for a week.
"It just… it felt good to be liked so much…" Chase confessed. He didn't know why he was telling Adam this. It would probably only give him ammunition later. But he wanted to tell someone. It felt better to admit that it hurt.
Adam didn't say anything, Chase didn't really expect him to, but his hand gripped Chase's shoulder gently and Chase looked up at him. For once, Adam wasn't laughing at him, wasn't turning him into the butt of a joke, wasn't going out of his way to torture him. In quite the opposite direction, he was going out of his way to do what little he could manage to help. And it strangely worked, just a tiny bit. The pain was still there, but it dulled slightly, at least.
For a moment, it seemed like Adam would say something, and Chase hoped he would. He wanted Adam to tell him it was alright, people like him, Adam likes him. He wanted the physical comfort of being held and kissed again.
He... sort of wanted it from Adam.
It would never happen. It never should. Chase eliminated those thoughts.
Adam moved his hand from Chase's shoulder to his head briefly, ruffling his hair as he stood up and stretched. He cleared his throat, looking like he was trying to seem extra tall. He turned to stroll around the couch toward the door as he said, "Uh, well... if you need a hug or something... Bree's probably down for that."
It was kind of disappointing to watch Adam go now, when Chase suddenly wanted him to just stay around. But apparently this moment of being nice to Chase had been too much for Adam to handle.
Adam paused at the door, turning back to face Chase again. He frowned thoughtfully, biting his lip. After a moment, he finally said, "And, Chase, uh… listen…" Again he stopped for a long moment, then quickly tacked on, "You're very tiny." And then he was gone.
Chase frowned, sitting forward on the couch again, and sighed. Well, it was better than nothing. He suspected (maybe hoped) Adam had originally intended to say something completely different, and couldn't muster anything other than an insult. At least there were worse things than 'tiny' that he could have dredged up just then.
He still felt hollow in his stomach, still wanted this all to be a bad dream, wanted to wake up having fallen asleep with Sebastian tucked against his chest on the couch. But Chase was too much of a realist to even consider that might be the case. Sebastian had never cared about him. The people who cared about him were still here. Adam was still here. And he'd probably cash in that hug from Bree later.
Right now it hurt. And it would probably hurt for awhile. Maybe forever, he thought. But at least Chase had learned better than to trust someone with something like his heart. He wouldn't let anyone ever do that to him again.