WARNING: Those of you who have not read book five, OotP, should NOT read
this fic. Spoilers. Big ones. Go away now, and finish the book. Get
tissues. ::sob::
A/N: After finishing OotP, which did take me a while because when I got to the certain parts I couldn't stop bawling, I felt the need to rip things up. Anyone who knows me knows my favorite character was and always will be Sirius Black, and am heartbroken right now. So I'm writing this to get out anger.
This fic is what not only what I believe Harry needs to say it's a way for me to get this off my chest, because lets face it I'm going to need at least fifteen years of therapy after reading OotP. ::sniffles and hugs Sirius who is not dead, DAMNIT:: So beware of lots of langue, violent thoughts, words, and actions.
It was a hot summer day on Privet Drive, and most everyone was melting into tiny little puddles of sweat. Even the birds were silent, too hot and tired to both singing and chirping. This was mostly lost on Harry Potter, who sat in his room in Number Four, staring at the photo album he had been given by Hagrid at the end of his first year at Hogwarts.
His heart clinched in anger and sorrow, not just for the parents he couldn't remember, but the man standing beside them, his fathers best friend. Sirius Black grinned and took a drink of his wine, winking and then tugging on lock of Harry's mum's hair, Lily. They were captured in a picture, taken at his parents wedding.
Harry would never see his godfather again.
He bit down on his lower lip, blinking rapidly to dry all tears from his eyes. He wasn't ashamed to admit he was crying, anyone in his position would be. Attacked by Voldemort again, learning of his destiny, and loosing the man who had been like a father to him. In his minds eye he could still Sirius, eyes wide as he fell in slow motion towards the veil.
Never to be seen again. Gone from the life he had struggled to regain, gone from Harry's life. At that moment Harry would give anything, even his own life to see Sirius again, to be pulled into a hug by him, to hear his laugh just one last time. To tell Sirius how much he had meant to him, how much he loved him.
But he would never be able to, never, never, never.
"BOY GET DOWN HERE!" Harry slammed the album closed when he heard his Uncle yell, taking a deep breath. He laid the album beside him, staring at it for a moment. He considered, for a moment, to ignore his so-called family, simply lying down and going to sleep, to forget everything. But he heaved a sigh and stood, making his way out of his room.
He walked slowly, in no hurry, and when he reached the kitchen where his Uncle Vernon sat with Aunt Petunia and their son Dudley. Harry felt ill, ill that they lived such happy, perfect lives. Without the pain and death he had seen.
"What, Uncle Vernon." Vernon's eyebrow twitched as he glared at his nephew, and he turned an interesting shade of puce.
"Don't take that tone with me, boy! You've got another bloody owl, with another bloody letter from you freak friends." Harry's hands clinched at his sides, and he gritted his teeth together to keep from grabbing his wand out of his pocket and hexing the whole lot of them.
Instead he walked over and took the letter off the table, sitting down in a chair though he knew all three of the Dursley's would rather he be out of their sight so they could forget he was alive. He wouldn't have minded staying in his room and out of their way, but he rather enjoyed making them angry.
The letter was from Remus Lupin, his old Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and one of his dad's best friends. He scanned it quickly, glad that it was only the standard how are you, we're fine, owl me back so I know you're okay that he almost always got from Lupin. It made him feel slightly better that Lupin mailed him at least every week to check on him. He might not have Sirius or his dad, but Remus was there, and he always made that clear.
"From you murder of a godfather?" Dudley asked snidely, assuming that because he was with his parents that Harry wouldn't do anything. How very wrong he was.
Harry froze, his hands clinching to fists and ripping the letter in half. His face turned pale, and he turned burning eyes onto his cousin. He drew in deep breaths, practicing seeing red from the pure rage that coursed through his veins.
He had never told the Dursley's that Sirius was dead, it was still to raw for Harry to even think of speaking of him to anybody. But Dudley had dared to speak of Sirius in that tone of voice that clearly said he thought Sirius was below him, nothing but scum.
"How dare you." His voice was soft, deadly soft. He was beyond the point of yelling or screaming. No, the fury that raced through him was to harsh, to deadly for him to that. He wanted to make them hurt. To hurt as he did.
"Don't you talk to Dudley like that you little freak!" Vernon snarled, dropping the evening paper to glare at Harry. Petunia leveled a glare at her own at Harry, but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything at that moment.
"I'll talk to him any damn way I please, Uncle Vernon." He stood jerkily, drawing his wand and gripping it in a tight fist. "Never, ever, talk about Sirius in front of me again, or so help me God I'll kill you." Dudley squeaked like the pig he was and sat frozen in shock, while Petunia gasped.
"You ungrateful little punk!" He turned his wand on Vernon now, his eyes glinting dangerously.
"Shut up! Right now, shut up!" Petunia scrambled to her feet and raced around the table, wrapping her arms around her son. Harry felt bile rise in his throat, and he took deep breaths, trying to keep his anger from busting out. Sparks flew from his wand and he fairly snarled at them all.
"You know nothing. Nothing, do you hear me!? NOTHING! I've sent things that you can't even imagine, can't even comprehend! I've faced Voldemort, I've been hurt, I've watched people DIE! I watched-I watched Sirius die!" Tears blurred his vision for a moment but he blinked them back, not even noticing that one trailed down his cheek.
"You think you're so good, so perfect. You aren't! You're the freaks, the abnormal ones! You don't care about anyone or anything besides yourselves and how you look! The only reason you're even alive is because I'm here! I lived through ten years of your shit, of your hate! Knowing that I could die and you wouldn't care, when all I wanted was just one kind word! ONE! Would that have killed you!?
"In my world I'm famous, and even there people turn on me! Because I'm marked, I was marked before I was born! When I was eleven I was attacked by Voldemort and my professor, when I was twelve Voldemort came back and possessed my best friends sister, all to kill me! To kill you! When I was fourteen I was captured by Voldemort, I watched him KILL my friend! He tortured me, I watched my parents spirits come back, to save me! And now, now I've seen Voldemort in my dreams, and I watched him kill Sirius!
"Do you understand me you pathetic excuses for humans!? I WATCHED SIRIUS DIE! TO SAVE MY LIFE! MINE!" Harry broke down them, sobbing uncontrollably, his wand arm dropping. Grief raged inside him, and he fell into the chair he had jumped from, leaning his forehead against the edge of the table.
"He died because of me. Because of me!" The sobs wracked his body, and curled his arms over his head, unable to stop the tears. He didn't care that they were watching him in a shocked silence, he didn't care that he wasn't holding up to the standard that was set up to him. All he cared about was that Sirius was gone, his mum and dad were gone, Cedric was gone, and it was because of him.
"What did you do to him!?" He jerked at the voice, but didn't look up.
"How-How did you." Strong arms wrapped around him, and he turned into them, looking up and seeing the blurred face of Remus Lupin. Harry buried his face in Remus's chest, wrapping his own arms around Remus's waist as he cried. Never before had he let himself do this, and never before had someone comforted him like his.
"Harry, its okay. Its okay, Harry." Remus looked up, eyes flashing as he glared at the Dursleys.
"What did you do to him!" he demanded. Harry had never heard Remus with such anger in his voice, not even when they confronted Wormtail in the Shrieking Shack.
"He just....His godfather...and he just went mad! He's unstable!" Vernon stuttered out, while Petunia stared at them with horror. Dudley had hid his face in his mother neck, trying shrink into a ball.
Harry heard something that sounded suspiciously like a growl rumble from Remus, but he kept his face hidden, still crying. Crying for Sirius, for Cedric, for all the others, and all the times he had never allowed himself to cry. Remus lifted a hand and ran it through Harry's hair, something that a parent would do, very gently. This made Harry cry all the harder.
"Do you have any idea what this boy has been through?" Remus demanded, his voice shaking in anger. "Do you!?"
"He...He said that he watched people die...Because of him." Petunia said softly, eyes wide. Remus snarled, and Harry hunkered into him even more.
"You filthy little people. This boy, this child, has seen and been through more then you know." Harry, who's tears had subsided some what, looked up, lifting a hand to scrub at his face. Remus rubbed his back comfortingly, then leaned away slightly, looking him in the eye.
"What happened, Harry?" He asked softly, kindly.
"They...I got your letter...and...and Dudley asked if it was from...If it was from my...from...Sirius...he called him a freak! He...he doesn't..." Remus' whole body stiffened though he pulled Harry back into a huge, gently calming him and whispering kind words. When Harry gained control of himself Remus stood, and Harry was surprised to find Tonks standing in the kitchen doorway, shock, anger, and pity raging in her face.
"Take him to his room, Tonks." She nodded and went forward, wrapping an arm around Harry. He was drained, tired, ready to pass out it felt like. He leaned on her and she led him upstairs, rubbing his arm.
Remus turned back to the Dursley's, and no words could even begin to describe the anger he was feeling at that moment.
"Let me explain something to you, because its obvious you have no clue about Harry. That boy watched his godfather die not a month ago. Do you understand that, he watched his godfather, the closest thing Harry had to a father, DIE. Before that, he watched his friend die. No, they didn't die. They were murdered. Now I know this hard for you to grasp, but people beside yourselves have feelings. And that boy has shouldered and taken the weight of things you can never understand." Remus drew a deep breath, but his eye began to twitch in a rather odd way when Vernon spoke up.
"Well you heard him!" Vernon blustered. "It was because of him! He's not-" That, obviously, was the wrong thing to say to the enraged werewolf. With a cry he had blown Vernon backwards without uttering a single spell, and stalked forward, heaving the large man up and slamming him against the wall.
"You-Vile-Little-Bastard!" Petunia burst into tears, and Dudley dove under the table. Remus was having a hard time controlling his anger, and Tonks appeared in the kitchen doorway, eyes wide. No one had ever seen calm Remus Lupin loose his temper like this. Frankly, Tonks hoped she never would again.
"I-I didn't-I don't-" Remus cut him off by pulling back and then slamming him into the wall again, leaning a nice sized dent.
"If you ever even think that again I will kill you. You don't deserve that boy, and I wish I could take him away from here right now. Not let me make this perfectly clear, either you leave him alone or I will do things to you that you have never even dreamed of." Remus dropped Vernon, and turned his glare on Petunia.
"I would have thought you would have respected your sisters memory enough to give at least a little kindness to her son. But you always were a vain and hateful woman."
"You don't have any right to come in here-" Petunia started, but cut off and fell into Dudley's chair when Remus advanced on her.
"No you don't have the right! No right at all to do to that boy what you've done to him!"
"Remus, calm down." At the voice every turned, seeing Albus Dumbledore himself standing in the room. Remus stalked over to him, still twitching and glaring, and Dumbledore laid a hand on his shoulder.
"Go see Harry. I'll deal with them." Remus gave a tight nod, casting one last hateful look back. Tonks, who was a loss, simply coughed then followed Remus, having to desire to see what Dumbledore would do.
However, he did nothing, simply glared. He had always look at Harry as his own son, loved him like his own son, and like Remus visions of all the ways he could maim, torture, and hurt the Dursley's ran through his head.
"I believe Remus said what I wanted to. You've treated Harry like a dog for his whole life, I should have stepped in earlier. But I'm here now, and you had best remember that without Harry everything you know, your very lives, will be lost." With that Dumbledore turned and swept up the stairs to check on Harry, leaving Petunia to sob, Dudley to stay under the table and pray to every god he knew, and Vernon to watch the little birdies that were swimming around his head.
A/N2: Yeah. I'm feeling evil right now, though writing this really helped. I still think our goddess JKR is cruel right now...killing Sirius...okay, I'm off to sob and molest Sirius fan art.
A/N: After finishing OotP, which did take me a while because when I got to the certain parts I couldn't stop bawling, I felt the need to rip things up. Anyone who knows me knows my favorite character was and always will be Sirius Black, and am heartbroken right now. So I'm writing this to get out anger.
This fic is what not only what I believe Harry needs to say it's a way for me to get this off my chest, because lets face it I'm going to need at least fifteen years of therapy after reading OotP. ::sniffles and hugs Sirius who is not dead, DAMNIT:: So beware of lots of langue, violent thoughts, words, and actions.
It was a hot summer day on Privet Drive, and most everyone was melting into tiny little puddles of sweat. Even the birds were silent, too hot and tired to both singing and chirping. This was mostly lost on Harry Potter, who sat in his room in Number Four, staring at the photo album he had been given by Hagrid at the end of his first year at Hogwarts.
His heart clinched in anger and sorrow, not just for the parents he couldn't remember, but the man standing beside them, his fathers best friend. Sirius Black grinned and took a drink of his wine, winking and then tugging on lock of Harry's mum's hair, Lily. They were captured in a picture, taken at his parents wedding.
Harry would never see his godfather again.
He bit down on his lower lip, blinking rapidly to dry all tears from his eyes. He wasn't ashamed to admit he was crying, anyone in his position would be. Attacked by Voldemort again, learning of his destiny, and loosing the man who had been like a father to him. In his minds eye he could still Sirius, eyes wide as he fell in slow motion towards the veil.
Never to be seen again. Gone from the life he had struggled to regain, gone from Harry's life. At that moment Harry would give anything, even his own life to see Sirius again, to be pulled into a hug by him, to hear his laugh just one last time. To tell Sirius how much he had meant to him, how much he loved him.
But he would never be able to, never, never, never.
"BOY GET DOWN HERE!" Harry slammed the album closed when he heard his Uncle yell, taking a deep breath. He laid the album beside him, staring at it for a moment. He considered, for a moment, to ignore his so-called family, simply lying down and going to sleep, to forget everything. But he heaved a sigh and stood, making his way out of his room.
He walked slowly, in no hurry, and when he reached the kitchen where his Uncle Vernon sat with Aunt Petunia and their son Dudley. Harry felt ill, ill that they lived such happy, perfect lives. Without the pain and death he had seen.
"What, Uncle Vernon." Vernon's eyebrow twitched as he glared at his nephew, and he turned an interesting shade of puce.
"Don't take that tone with me, boy! You've got another bloody owl, with another bloody letter from you freak friends." Harry's hands clinched at his sides, and he gritted his teeth together to keep from grabbing his wand out of his pocket and hexing the whole lot of them.
Instead he walked over and took the letter off the table, sitting down in a chair though he knew all three of the Dursley's would rather he be out of their sight so they could forget he was alive. He wouldn't have minded staying in his room and out of their way, but he rather enjoyed making them angry.
The letter was from Remus Lupin, his old Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and one of his dad's best friends. He scanned it quickly, glad that it was only the standard how are you, we're fine, owl me back so I know you're okay that he almost always got from Lupin. It made him feel slightly better that Lupin mailed him at least every week to check on him. He might not have Sirius or his dad, but Remus was there, and he always made that clear.
"From you murder of a godfather?" Dudley asked snidely, assuming that because he was with his parents that Harry wouldn't do anything. How very wrong he was.
Harry froze, his hands clinching to fists and ripping the letter in half. His face turned pale, and he turned burning eyes onto his cousin. He drew in deep breaths, practicing seeing red from the pure rage that coursed through his veins.
He had never told the Dursley's that Sirius was dead, it was still to raw for Harry to even think of speaking of him to anybody. But Dudley had dared to speak of Sirius in that tone of voice that clearly said he thought Sirius was below him, nothing but scum.
"How dare you." His voice was soft, deadly soft. He was beyond the point of yelling or screaming. No, the fury that raced through him was to harsh, to deadly for him to that. He wanted to make them hurt. To hurt as he did.
"Don't you talk to Dudley like that you little freak!" Vernon snarled, dropping the evening paper to glare at Harry. Petunia leveled a glare at her own at Harry, but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything at that moment.
"I'll talk to him any damn way I please, Uncle Vernon." He stood jerkily, drawing his wand and gripping it in a tight fist. "Never, ever, talk about Sirius in front of me again, or so help me God I'll kill you." Dudley squeaked like the pig he was and sat frozen in shock, while Petunia gasped.
"You ungrateful little punk!" He turned his wand on Vernon now, his eyes glinting dangerously.
"Shut up! Right now, shut up!" Petunia scrambled to her feet and raced around the table, wrapping her arms around her son. Harry felt bile rise in his throat, and he took deep breaths, trying to keep his anger from busting out. Sparks flew from his wand and he fairly snarled at them all.
"You know nothing. Nothing, do you hear me!? NOTHING! I've sent things that you can't even imagine, can't even comprehend! I've faced Voldemort, I've been hurt, I've watched people DIE! I watched-I watched Sirius die!" Tears blurred his vision for a moment but he blinked them back, not even noticing that one trailed down his cheek.
"You think you're so good, so perfect. You aren't! You're the freaks, the abnormal ones! You don't care about anyone or anything besides yourselves and how you look! The only reason you're even alive is because I'm here! I lived through ten years of your shit, of your hate! Knowing that I could die and you wouldn't care, when all I wanted was just one kind word! ONE! Would that have killed you!?
"In my world I'm famous, and even there people turn on me! Because I'm marked, I was marked before I was born! When I was eleven I was attacked by Voldemort and my professor, when I was twelve Voldemort came back and possessed my best friends sister, all to kill me! To kill you! When I was fourteen I was captured by Voldemort, I watched him KILL my friend! He tortured me, I watched my parents spirits come back, to save me! And now, now I've seen Voldemort in my dreams, and I watched him kill Sirius!
"Do you understand me you pathetic excuses for humans!? I WATCHED SIRIUS DIE! TO SAVE MY LIFE! MINE!" Harry broke down them, sobbing uncontrollably, his wand arm dropping. Grief raged inside him, and he fell into the chair he had jumped from, leaning his forehead against the edge of the table.
"He died because of me. Because of me!" The sobs wracked his body, and curled his arms over his head, unable to stop the tears. He didn't care that they were watching him in a shocked silence, he didn't care that he wasn't holding up to the standard that was set up to him. All he cared about was that Sirius was gone, his mum and dad were gone, Cedric was gone, and it was because of him.
"What did you do to him!?" He jerked at the voice, but didn't look up.
"How-How did you." Strong arms wrapped around him, and he turned into them, looking up and seeing the blurred face of Remus Lupin. Harry buried his face in Remus's chest, wrapping his own arms around Remus's waist as he cried. Never before had he let himself do this, and never before had someone comforted him like his.
"Harry, its okay. Its okay, Harry." Remus looked up, eyes flashing as he glared at the Dursleys.
"What did you do to him!" he demanded. Harry had never heard Remus with such anger in his voice, not even when they confronted Wormtail in the Shrieking Shack.
"He just....His godfather...and he just went mad! He's unstable!" Vernon stuttered out, while Petunia stared at them with horror. Dudley had hid his face in his mother neck, trying shrink into a ball.
Harry heard something that sounded suspiciously like a growl rumble from Remus, but he kept his face hidden, still crying. Crying for Sirius, for Cedric, for all the others, and all the times he had never allowed himself to cry. Remus lifted a hand and ran it through Harry's hair, something that a parent would do, very gently. This made Harry cry all the harder.
"Do you have any idea what this boy has been through?" Remus demanded, his voice shaking in anger. "Do you!?"
"He...He said that he watched people die...Because of him." Petunia said softly, eyes wide. Remus snarled, and Harry hunkered into him even more.
"You filthy little people. This boy, this child, has seen and been through more then you know." Harry, who's tears had subsided some what, looked up, lifting a hand to scrub at his face. Remus rubbed his back comfortingly, then leaned away slightly, looking him in the eye.
"What happened, Harry?" He asked softly, kindly.
"They...I got your letter...and...and Dudley asked if it was from...If it was from my...from...Sirius...he called him a freak! He...he doesn't..." Remus' whole body stiffened though he pulled Harry back into a huge, gently calming him and whispering kind words. When Harry gained control of himself Remus stood, and Harry was surprised to find Tonks standing in the kitchen doorway, shock, anger, and pity raging in her face.
"Take him to his room, Tonks." She nodded and went forward, wrapping an arm around Harry. He was drained, tired, ready to pass out it felt like. He leaned on her and she led him upstairs, rubbing his arm.
Remus turned back to the Dursley's, and no words could even begin to describe the anger he was feeling at that moment.
"Let me explain something to you, because its obvious you have no clue about Harry. That boy watched his godfather die not a month ago. Do you understand that, he watched his godfather, the closest thing Harry had to a father, DIE. Before that, he watched his friend die. No, they didn't die. They were murdered. Now I know this hard for you to grasp, but people beside yourselves have feelings. And that boy has shouldered and taken the weight of things you can never understand." Remus drew a deep breath, but his eye began to twitch in a rather odd way when Vernon spoke up.
"Well you heard him!" Vernon blustered. "It was because of him! He's not-" That, obviously, was the wrong thing to say to the enraged werewolf. With a cry he had blown Vernon backwards without uttering a single spell, and stalked forward, heaving the large man up and slamming him against the wall.
"You-Vile-Little-Bastard!" Petunia burst into tears, and Dudley dove under the table. Remus was having a hard time controlling his anger, and Tonks appeared in the kitchen doorway, eyes wide. No one had ever seen calm Remus Lupin loose his temper like this. Frankly, Tonks hoped she never would again.
"I-I didn't-I don't-" Remus cut him off by pulling back and then slamming him into the wall again, leaning a nice sized dent.
"If you ever even think that again I will kill you. You don't deserve that boy, and I wish I could take him away from here right now. Not let me make this perfectly clear, either you leave him alone or I will do things to you that you have never even dreamed of." Remus dropped Vernon, and turned his glare on Petunia.
"I would have thought you would have respected your sisters memory enough to give at least a little kindness to her son. But you always were a vain and hateful woman."
"You don't have any right to come in here-" Petunia started, but cut off and fell into Dudley's chair when Remus advanced on her.
"No you don't have the right! No right at all to do to that boy what you've done to him!"
"Remus, calm down." At the voice every turned, seeing Albus Dumbledore himself standing in the room. Remus stalked over to him, still twitching and glaring, and Dumbledore laid a hand on his shoulder.
"Go see Harry. I'll deal with them." Remus gave a tight nod, casting one last hateful look back. Tonks, who was a loss, simply coughed then followed Remus, having to desire to see what Dumbledore would do.
However, he did nothing, simply glared. He had always look at Harry as his own son, loved him like his own son, and like Remus visions of all the ways he could maim, torture, and hurt the Dursley's ran through his head.
"I believe Remus said what I wanted to. You've treated Harry like a dog for his whole life, I should have stepped in earlier. But I'm here now, and you had best remember that without Harry everything you know, your very lives, will be lost." With that Dumbledore turned and swept up the stairs to check on Harry, leaving Petunia to sob, Dudley to stay under the table and pray to every god he knew, and Vernon to watch the little birdies that were swimming around his head.
A/N2: Yeah. I'm feeling evil right now, though writing this really helped. I still think our goddess JKR is cruel right now...killing Sirius...okay, I'm off to sob and molest Sirius fan art.