July 7th 2016 00:37
A date that will forever be engraved into her brain. Something no amount of alcohol will ever be able to cover up. Nothing could compare to the anguish she felt, the pain that rippled through her chest as she fell to her knees. There was a scream, a painful ear piercing scream which was quickly replaced by the sound of someone sobbing. Sobbing as if their whole life had just been ripped away from them. Their life line and support torn away by another, right in front of their eyes. Sobbing for all the time they missed and for all the moments which were never going to come. Sobbing out of pure sorrow.
It was her.
She eventually realized it was her, the scream, the cries. It was all her as she struggled to come to grips with the lifeless body laying in the hospital bed. An empty shell. She would never see those eyes again, the eyes that lit up like the sun when a smile grew on her face. The dimples which appeared in the corners, a well rehearsed response.
All gone, just like that.
July 6th 2016 5:34pm
She was meant to be home by now. Her shift at the station ended 30 minutes ago and yet she was nowhere to be seen. She wasn't worrying, she understood what Nicole was like. She would never quit on a job unfinished, so being late was something to be expected. But it was their anniversary, they had been dating for three years now and tonight, tonight was meant to be one to remember. It had been seven months to the date since Nicole proposed. They had missed the six month mark due to a family emergency, so this, this was their night.
The table covered by a white cloth with candles placed in the middle, the lights to the room dimmed and their favorite music station playing softly in the background.
The smell of the chicken cooking in the oven wafting through into the dining room where Waverly danced around the room, adding finishing touches to what was going to be a special night, their special night.
July 6th 2016 6:17pm
Her first thought is that something isn't right. She was over an hour late by now... she should have called. Nicole would have called. She always did. And tonight, well, especially tonight.
She remembers the first time Nicole was late and hadn't called, remembers flipping out on her the moment she walked through the door because for all Waverly knew she could have been lying in a ditch somewhere. She remembers crying into Nicole's chest the moment she wraps her arms around her and holds her in place securely, the way her whole body vibrated with each cry. More then anything she remembers the look in Nicole's eyes when she finally calms and pulls away, filled with guilt and sorrow.
Nicole called every time she was going to be late after that. Waverly didn't notice at first, not until Wynonna pointed it out when they were meant to be having a relaxed night at the homestead. And Waverly found herself smiling, because that was exactly who Nicole was. She didn't like to hurt people, even the smallest things she would take into consideration and when she did hurt someone - she beat herself up over it for days.
Wynonna said that she needed to harden up but Waverly, Waverly loved it, she loved her. Her thoughtfulness, the tenderness about her. Just everything that made up the human being who she was ever so lucky to have in her life.
Something was most definitely wrong.
Waverly dials the number effortlessly again, waiting as it rings...and rings... and rings... before finally going to voicemail.
''Hey it's me... I'm getting just a tad worried now. Please call me, I love you.'' and then she hangs up.
Waverly leaves another 19 messages in the next half hour. Eleven to Nicole... five to Wynonna... two to the station and even one to Dolls.
There is no response.
July 6th 2016 6:57pm
Anxiety, noun: a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.
Stemming from the Latin word anxious and later anxietas.
The chicken was long forgotten, sat on the kitchen counter stone cold. The flickering flames of the candles were put out a while back and the lights turned on whilst the music was turned off. It was too much, all too much. But so was the silence, the waiting. All that was heard was the ticking of the grandfather clock in the next room over, only reminding Waverly how terrible things seemed with each passing second.
Maybe she was dreaming, she wished this was all some sort of dream. Because facing reality right now wasn't something she thought she could handle, every possible outcome running over and over in her head. Waverly was intelligent, she wasn't afraid to admit that. It was one of her strongest traits and so every angle of the situation was quickly covered and by now...none of them were looking too good.
Trying to stay distracted wasn't working, there was only so much Waverly was able to do before she found herself sat at the dining room table with her fingers tapping nervously against the wood, her eyes flickering between her phone and the front window that looked out onto the driveway.
July 6th 2016 7:14pm
''Waverly!? What's going on?'' Waverly jumps when Wynonna bursts into the house in a panic, instantly striding over and taking her face into her hands. Her eyes roam over her sister, her first thought being that she was hurt - but there was nothing. No, this went far deeper then what the eye could see. Wynonna's stomach dropped, she knew it couldn't be good, looking at her younger sister... she hadn't been this way since Shorty died. So... withdrawn.
''Waves, babygirl look at me.'' Wynonna pleaded, tilting the girls chin in her direction. ''What's going on?''
''Nicole's missing.'' There it was, the detached, empty voice that Wynonna feared.
''What do you mean missing?'' It was a stupid question, she knew that the minute a fire seemed to light in Waverly's eyes as her eyebrows furrowed.
''It means she's missing Wynonna! She should have been home two hours ago and she's not-'' Waverly blurted out.
''Okay okay, take a breath Waves. Deep breath.'' Wynonna coached, seeing the panic flare up in the girl who had struggled with panic attacks ever since being possessed by that... thing. ''Maybe she just got held up, you know what Officer Dimples is like, she practically worships her job.'' Wynonna tried to joke, managing a small smile which quickly dropped when Waverly just stared at her blankly.
''She would have called- Wynonna you know she would have called me!'' Waverly protested and Wynonna's head dropped. She knew her sister was right, Nicole was too much of a good person sometimes.
''I know, I know.'' Wynonna sighed, trying to come up with a solution but finding nothing. She could always think on her feet, she was impulsive and often threw herself head first into everything but this...this was different. ''Here's what we're going to do,'' Wynonna started, moving her hands to cup Waverly's and draw them away from the table. Anything to stop the tapping, it would drive them both insane.
''I'll drive around town and ask around, see if anyone's seen her. You stay here incase she comes back, let me know if you hear anything okay?'' Wynonna said.
A small, stiff nod was what followed and Wynonna knew that was the only response she was going to get. So she left, heading to the front door. Her heart breaking at the sound of her sisters lost voice talking to no one, calling out ''I love her.''
July 6th 2016 7:48pm
There's nothing to see, it's going to start getting dark outside, soon and fast and yet Waverly finds herself staring out the window. Staring at the spot where Nicole's patrol car would be parked, almost as if she concentrated hard enough it would appear with Nicole inside it. That she would step out the car and dip her Stetson with a small smile, the light reflecting off the badge she wore proudly as her hands gripped her belt.
Her dad had been the Sherif of where they lived a few towns over and apparently his dad before him, and his dad before him. She came from a long heritage of small town Sherifs and ever since she was little had dreamed of following in their footsteps. Nicole told her stories of how she would follow her dad around the house, copying him and holding on to the top of her trousers as if she wore a belt. About how apparently when she was twelve she had tried his belt on, walking around the house that morning proudly until her father came down the stairs and had to reclaim it for work. That her parents had bought her a belt of her own, nothing like the standard issue police belts of course, but still it did the job.
Waverly loved it when Nicole talked about her childhood and growing up, it made her forget about her own. How they thought Willa had died and then Wynonna was carted away leaving Waverly alone in the town for years. She didn't want to think about that and so Nicole told her stories and transported them both to a much better time.
The shrill sound of her phone ringing made Waverly jump. She just stared at the object on the table for a moment, unable to believe that someone was calling her. But then Nicole crossed her mind, maybe it was finally her returning her calls. Oh boy, Waverly was ready to give her so much shit for what she had put her through this evening, she was ready to bring it.
But then it was Wynonna's voice in her ear, a voice she recognised all too well, and suddenly she felt like throwing up.
''Waverly...''
''No.'' Waverly manages to mumble, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth and preparing herself for the worst.
''You need to get to the hospital, now.''
Waverly doesn't remember hanging up, or maybe Wynonna did when she fell into a void of silence. Everything seemed to be blurring around her as she stumbled through the house to the front door, she reaches for the keys on the hall table and she freezes as the ring on her finger catches her eye.
December 6th 2015 4:15pm
Happy. Waverly was always at her happiest when around two people in her life; Wynonna and Nicole. Right now, everything was just perfect.
They had taken a trip out of Purgatory for the weekend, headed to the nearest coast and stayed in an old cabin on the beach. Wynonna was there, Doc was there and even Dolls. Just glad for the escape, a little time away from all the crazy back at home. The afternoon had been spent sat around the dining room table with drinks and food, just talking and reminiscing about old times. They were happy, smiling and in general just having a great time, all apart from Nicole. She had seemed off all afternoon, almost nervous but Waverly tried not to let it get to her. Knowing that Nicole would talk to her in her own time when they weren't surrounded by the people who had become her family.
But then Nicole was taking her hand and gently pulling her from the room into the kitchen.
''Let's go for a walk.'' Nicole smiled, her eyes flickering back to the dining room for a brief second before leading them both out the cabin and down the beach.
The two walked hand in hand for a while until Nicole came to a halt, grinning at Waverly as she reached out to turn her towards the ocean.
Waverly instantly felt her breath being taken away at the sight in front of her. She was in complete awe at the sunset, the swirls of colors lighting up the sky and being reflected directly below by the rippling ocean waves. She was in awe.
''Nicole- it's beautiful-'' Waverly started, struggling to find the right words to describe the situation because in reality, nothing could do it justice. But there was no response, which prompted Waverly to turn.
Another gasp escaped her lips as she looked at Nicole who was down on one knee in front of her, sporting a black velvet box in her hands as she looked up at her in complete adoration.
''Waverly Earp... I don't even know where to begin.'' Nicole started, her voice slightly shaky. She was nervous. ''From day one I knew there was something special about you. I saw you and the first thing I thought to myself was wow... this is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And then I got to know you, I got to know all of you. From your kind heart and strong love to your struggles and not so great past. I got to see the real you and uncover a new piece of the puzzle with every passing day. You never cease to amaze me.'' Nicole paused, clearing her throat as she prepared herself for what she was going to say next.
''Waverly, I- Want you forever, forever and always. Through the good and the bad and the ugly. I want to grow old with you, forever and always. Just you and me Waves.'' Nicole paused again, taking a breath as she opened the box in her hands. ''Waverly Earp... will you marry me?''
July 6th 2016 8:17pm
She doesn't remember how exactly she got here, only getting into her car and then suddenly she had arrived. Not even bothering to shut the front door as she darted into the hospital and straight to the front desk.
''Nicole- Nicole Haught.'' She shot out breathlessly as the nurse just looked at her sadly.
If her head wasn't elsewhere she probably would have recognized the girl, small town after all. But faces and names weren't important right now, the only thing that mattered was getting to Nicole. And the nurse clearly knew that, pushing back from her chair and leading Waverly down hallway after hallway.
When did the hospital get this big? Do we even have this many rooms? The questions just flowed through her head one after another. Somewhere in the back of her mind she's aware that the nurse is talking to her, probably telling her the details of what happened but she doesn't hear them. All she hears is a buzzing in her ears, she feels like she's underwater, everything being muffled and her vision blurring around the edges.
And then she makes it to the room and Wynonna steps out looking sullen. She speaks to the nurse and Waverly just stares at the doorway, knowing how close she is to the love of her life.
''Waverly-'' Wynonna's hand is on her arm, snapping her back to the present.
''How bad is it?'' Waverly hears herself ask, but it doesn't sound like her. She feels like she's having some sort of out of body experience as Wynonna just remains quiet. The only indicator that she needed, the worst indicator.
Waverly tries to gather herself before entering the room, she could be the strong one. She wasn't going to breakdown, not today.
She manages to keep her composure as she walks over to the side of the bed. The nausea is back and she wants to throw up at the sights of all the wires and tubes attached to her fiancé. But she can hear her heartbeat on the machine behind her and it soothes her in a way, knowing that she's still there. Just sleeping, that's all. And so she sits, dragging the chair in the room over to the bed and perching on the edge, close enough so that she can grip Nicole's hand tightly in her own and run her thumb over the engagement ring. The breakdown is imminent, the tears about to burst over, but then her eyelids flicker and those brown eyes are staring up at her and she's smiling, smiling dimples and all with such love and affection. If she's in pain she hides it, her focus entirely on Waverly.
''Hey.'' Nicole breathes out, her voice raw.
''Hey yourself.'' Waverly lets out a small laugh, hearing the door creak shut behind her as she assumes Wynonna leaves the room.
And so they talk, both putting on brave faces and refusing to ignore the situation in front of them. They just want to live in their own world for a while and forget that everything is happening. So Nicole talks, avoiding any subjects which correlate to the situation in the smallest possible way and Waverly pretends not to notice the way Nicole struggles to breath every so often with a flash of pain etching across her face. Or the way her eyes lose focus every so often, as she seemingly stares blankly ahead.
Nicole brings up her nephew back home and suddenly they're on the subject of kids and they're planning for the future that in the back of their minds they know they might never get to have. They talk about adoption, about naming a boy Wyatt and a girl Willa - even with how things turned out between them. Family is family. Waverly mentions making Wynonna their godmother, cracking a joke about how they would be better at drinking whiskey than Nicole by the time they turn ten. And then there's laughing, laughing which is brought to an abrupt halt as Nicole clutches at her side.
Waverly mumbles an apology, her eyes glistening over and Nicole does her best to shrug it off.
''We would need a bigger house for the kids.'' She smiles, desperate to see Waverly with a smile of her own.
It works and suddenly they're back in their own little world again. Nothing else matters apart from the fact that they're together.
July 6th 2016 11:37pm
Waverly is on her way back from the bathroom when the idea hits her. It seems stupid at first but then she see's the doctor exiting Nicole's room with a deep frown on her face and just like that, it's all that matters. She grabs Wynonna, dragging her down the hallway away from the room as she blurts out her plan. Her sister is skeptical at first, arguing that it's actually an awful idea.
It doesn't take her long to realize it's no good, the determination is all Waverly, the heart is all Waverly and the hopeful look in her eyes; there's no way she could have said no to that.
Twenty minutes later and she finds herself crowded around Nicole's bedside. Wynonna, Doc and Dolls all stood behind her and a nurse opposite. The local priest standing nervously at the end of the bed, his hands slightly shaking no doubt from Wynonna who had forced him to come with the help of peacemaker and her backup.
He complies, and starts the service swiftly. The whole lot happens, the rings borrowed from a couple down the hall as they exchange vows. If they weren't crying before they were now, tears streaming down Nicole and Waverly's face, Wynonna laughing softly in the background at the two lovestruck fools in front of her. And when Waverly's turn comes to speak, she does her best to recite the words that Nicole said to her seven months ago.
''Nicole Haught, I want you forever. Through the good and the bad and the ugly, we'll grow old together and always remember. No matter what, we'll still have each other. Forever and always.''
And again nothing else in the room matters, it's just them alone as their worlds finally combine as one and their lips meet. She feels like she's underwater again, the faint sound of those in the room cheering and laughing around her but its just her and Nicole. It always has been. Blood is rushing through her ears as she pulls away, all smiles.
Then it happens.
It starts with a flash of pain and unfocused eyes, the bubble Waverly has wrapped herself in quickly slipping away as her ears are drawn to the beeping of her heart monitor. They're slowing down. The pause between each tone growing longer as the whole room falls silent, no one dares to move. Except Waverly, because suddenly she wants to run. She wants to run and never come back so that she doesn't have to face this. But a weak tug on her hand holds her in place, glueing her to the spot as a weak voice fills the room.
''Waverly- I'm sorry.'' Nicole chokes out, the pain clear in her voice. Desperately trying to find the strength to tell her one more time. It starts slow and only continues to recede. "I'll love you forever- forever and always. Please remember even if I'm not there... I'll always love you forever and always.''
Time seems to freeze as Nicole stares at her, offering her a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes before the beeping stops. As does Waverly's world.
''Time of death, 00:37. July 7th.'' The nurse in the room says quietly, signing something on a chart before shuffling out the room. Doc removes his hat, holding it to his chest and bows his head before leaving with Dolls.
Silence.
It drags on.
You see thats the thing about silence, you never really know how long it's been. Time becomes a void, it becomes nothing as does the world around you. Some could stay in silence for days, a sanctuary in their own minds which shields them from the harsh cold truths of the real world. Maybe this was how things were meant to be, quiet. Nothing.
There's a scream.
Waverly falls to her knees, her arms wrapped protectively around herself as she sobs. Wynonna is at a loss, tears of her own glistening silently down her cheeks for Nicole, for her sister. The pain she's in, the pain she will be in. So she crouches next to her sister and pulls her into her side, tears quickly soaking through her shirt as Waverly clutches desperately at her, holding on for her life.
Her world has fallen, she's free falling without a parachute and there's nothing that can be done.
She doesn't remember much of the next few months, she becomes an empty shell on auto pilot. She moves back to the homestead with Wynonna, she can't bare to be in the house alone. Her days are spent sat on the sofa, her fingers tracing absent-mindedly over the fabric where they used to once sit.
Waverly doesn't forget, she refuses to. Every last detail, from stories of Nicole's childhood to dates and nights out, to cuddling on the sofa and beer nights with her sister. She doesn't forget a single thing. She doesn't think she ever will but she writes it all down anyway. She fills six journals with pages and pages of words, most with stained patches from where her tears had fallen whilst writing. She uses photos as bookmarks, collecting everything she has of her.
When Wynonna tells her that maybe she should pack some of it away, that it might help she screams. She screams at her until her throat is dry and her eyes red and sore. Until she's crying again in Wynonna's arms.
She refuses to lose anything, it was all too important. Because losing even the smallest token,
would be like losing Nicole all over again.