While working on a super long one-shot about Michael and Lucifer, I wrote this fic and listening to The Fray's song: Found Me. This is written pre-season 1 and kinda my head cannon why Gabriel was so bitter and cruel up until the ending of Changing Channels/ Hammer of the Gods, stemming from what his Father said to him. Super angsty and based off slightly to conversation between Metatron and God in 11.20- Don't Call Me Shurley.
Warning: blasphemy, swearing, bad talking religious beliefs
Disclaimer: None of the character's words pertaining to any religion are my own thoughts and are not meant to be offensive towards anyone. Also, I don't own characters.
It was fun for him being both Loki and the Trickster, screwing with assholes that needed their just deserts and ultimately having no care in the world. Anything he wanted, he had: women, candy, alcohol, you name it; he had it with a single snap of his fingers. All of his heart's desires were at his fingertips. And best of all, the longer he remain this Trickster persona, altering himself to fit more in with the pagan deities he had grown to call friends, the less Gabriel acted like the Archangel he had been created to be. Heaven and his grace had been so far down inside his vessel so Gabriel lived the rest of creation on his Father's creation without being found. Even old memories he had once held dear were locked tightly away to try to forget about the life he had lived previously, of all the good times and bad.
The freedom he now had was euphoric, no rules to set him back, or orders to follow. Gabriel felt like the shackles he had once worn in Heaven were gone. But as much as Gabriel loved being Loki, an ache still followed his wherever he went. From the phantom feel of his now hidden wings to the aching silence in his head, part of him did wish he was home. His real home, Heaven, not this place he claimed as his new home. But he couldn't return, no matter how much he the pain was because the home he wanted to return to was long gone.
He gave a snort at his thoughts; lifting the bottle to his lips and feeling the sweet alcohol run down his throat. There was no burn as it went down – the perks of an Archangel, he'd grumble – and glanced around the half empty bar. He was hardly a place he'd normally find himself in, the lack of loud music and barely dressed humans disappointing but with how he was feeling, a small bar in an equally small town seemed much more appealing.
"Rough day?"
Lifting his head slightly, Gabriel met the bartender's eyes and a half smirk, huffing. Rough day wasn't even the tip of the iceberg. Try rough millennia at least. "Yeah, guess you could say that," he chuckled dryly, placing down the bottle on the worn wood bar top. "Nothing I'm not used to though," Gabriel added with a shrug, not really in the mood to play therapist with a random human bartender.
The bartender gave a nod. "You wanna talk?" he asked, having grown used to hearing complaints and long stories from other customers about horrible bosses, cheating spouses and everything else in between.
"Believe me, if I had any clue where to start, you'd never be able to sit long enough to hear the end," he joked, smirk growing slightly.
"Far enough. Brief summarization?"
Seeing as how the guy didn't seem to take Gabriel's hint to drop it, the Archangel took another swig of his beer. "Shitty family. Fighting, abandonment, the whole shabam," he eventually stated, keeping it as brief as possible.
The bartender looked sympathetic. "Yikes," he exclaimed and Gabriel nodded, giving a half shrug. "Sounds pretty horrible."
"You don't know the half of it," the Trickster laughed. "What I just told you makes the rest seem normal and average." Finishing the bottle, he pulled out a couple dollar bills and placed it on the counter. Rising from his seat, the Trickster made his way to the door, planning to head back to his apartment and get properly drunk on heavier ale. "Thanks for the beer."
Just then the door swung open and a scruffy man entered the bar. Gabriel froze as something powerful washed over him, eyes widening slightly. The aura given off was not that of an average mortal and immediately that sent off alarms in his brain. At first Gabriel had thought that maybe it was another pagan god, but due to the fact the man had yet to recognize him, Gabriel ruled that out. He was quite well known amongst the pagans and the odds of not being recognized where nearly impossible. Ruling out deity – and monster as well since there was no strange stench emitting from him – Gabriel was left with very few options. It had to been an angel but Gabriel knew he was the only heavenly being to set foot on the earth for thousands of years.
The man sat down in the seat Gabriel had just vacated, a tired expression etched on his face. "Whiskey, bartender," he mumbled and the bartender nods, preparing the drink.
Something drew Gabriel to the odd stranger and rather than leaving, the Trickster sat down beside the man, watching him silently.
Noticing his staring, the man shifted his body to face Gabriel, frowning. "You look like you've seen a ghost man. You, uh, okay?" The man asks, taking note of Gabriel's strange look.
The Trickster blinked, not realizing what he was doing and then nodded, feeling a bit embarrassed for having been caught staring. "Yeah, uh…" he began, giving a chuckle. "Sorry, thought you were someone else," he admitted and the man gave him an understanding look.
"Name's Michael," Gabriel lied easily, the name slipping off his tongue. He loved to use his older brothers' names while doing vulgar things just to piss them off and show how much he had hurt them. Plus, should any of his brothers ever do decide to come to earth in vessels similar to their ideal human form, the looks on their faces would be incredible.
Gabriel also used the name hoping to get some reaction out of the man, should he be an angel and possibly sense Gabriel was more than an ordinary mortal. But the man merely smiled saying, "You don't look like a Michael."
Raising a brow, Gabriel laughed and ordered another beer once the bartender returned. He did get an odd look from the server but the Archangel dismissed it. "Really? I've only gotten that once."
"The name's Chuck Shurley," the man introduced and Gabriel searched his brain for the name, wondering why on earth it sounded so familiar before blanching.
Shit. No wonder the human had a heavenly feel to him. He was a prophet. Clearing his throat and trying to remain cool, the archangel responded. "Nice to meet you Chuck. What's got you in this fine establishment tonight? Women, men, money?" He asks, hoping to not blow his cover and attract the attention of Heaven. Gabriel had been hiding for years and wasn't going back just because Karma was a bitch and made him bump into a prophet of all things.
The prophet took a large gulp of his whiskey – Gabriel was a bit surprised the man didn't flinch – before sighing, "Life." He didn't add on to the response and Gabriel lifted his beer to toast.
"I'll drink to that Chuckie," Gabriel laughed, bitterness creeping into his laugh and he took a swig of the drink. "It's like what those drunken bastards drinking away their sorrows outside the liquor store say: 'God hates us and would rather make our lives a messy, chaotic joke. That He gave up on us long time ago and enjoys screwing with us.'" He quoted, hand tightening around his bottle ever so slightly. Some of his own harsh words had snuck in there as well but Gabriel hardly cared. Speaking blasphemy wasn't anything new for him and Dad-be-damned he wasn't going to change his ways just because of a pathetic prophet in a bar!
Chuck gave him a frown, blue eyes watching the pagan god. "You don't believe in God?" he asked, sounding a bit surprised as if Gabriel came off as one of those devote Catholic men.
Gabriel gave a dry chuckle, shaking his head. "I'm more with the pagans than the Westerners with Christ and God and all that," he admitted, the irony sweet on his tongue. "Gives me satisfaction that there is at least one god out there that cares rather than depending on one big guy who is cruel and causing only suffering for everyone."
The prophet gave a small nod, seeing where the man was going with his beliefs. "You were once Catholic, right? I'm guessing with the bitterness you have for the religion," Chuck asked and Gabriel felt his grip tighten on the bottle. Noticing that, he added quickly, "Sorry for jumping to conclusions, I didn't mean…I was just…"
"It's fine," Gabriel interrupted the prophet's stumbling over words curtly. He reigned down his powers, not wanting them to lash out and harm the humans around him. "And it's a long story."
After that, the two of them continued to talk about little things and as the bar began to clear out; Chuck soon rose and put some cash on the bar top. "I have to go, but it was nice talking with you," he said to Gabriel, a small smile on his face and the pagan nodded.
"See ya 'round Chuckie," he said to the prophet, glad that neither of his older brothers had shown up to find him chilling with a prophet of all people.
"See you around." Chuck had practically made it to the door of the bar before turning and looking over his shoulder at Gabriel. "And take care, Gabriel." He exited the bar and Gabriel's jaw dropped, gold eyes wide as he heard the prophet say his name.
His real name.
No, no!
He found himself beginning to panic, wondering how it had been possible for the prophet to see past his guise. Gabriel knew he hadn't slipped up, not once and yet, somehow Chuck say right through it.
Shit, Gabriel cursed, running a hand through his hair. This wasn't good. Should the prophet accidentally let it slip to the wrong being that Gabriel wasn't who he said he was then Gabriel knew Michael would find him instantly and drag his ass back upstairs.
"Chuck? Hey wait!" He called, snapping up some bills and rushing out the bar to find the prophet. Flinging open the bar, the Archangel searched around wildly for the other man, feeling his buried grace trying to break free from fear. "Chuck! Where the hell are you?" Gabriel yelled, trying to somehow locate the prophet but he was gone.
It was a rather foolish idea, Gabriel knew as he should be as far away from the states as possible. As far away from where the prophet Chuck might be but Gabriel wasn't always known for making the best decisions. Instead, the Trickster found himself searching the town and also a few nearby to find where the pesky prophet had disappeared to. It bugged Gabriel far more than he cared to admit as he had been hidden for centuries; playing the trickster guise so well that Gabriel often forgot he was older, more powerful than all of the gods he hung with but it took just one lowly man in a bar to see through the mask of the Trickster.
So, between screwing with his victims, Gabriel swept the town over and over, wanting to know how Chuck had done it. How a prophet managed to outsmart the Trickster but it turned out Chuck was not as easy to find as Gabriel had originally thought. Somehow, a small man who let off quite a beacon of power and Heavenly light managed to vanish completely from his senses. That was why when Gabriel managed to accidentally bump into the prophet on the street, he almost didn't realize it was Chuck at first.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there and-" The man began to ramble, a lot more nervous and shaky than Gabriel first remembered.
Gabriel narrowed his gold eyes, responding, "Hello Chuck." His voice was cold and the Archangel grabbed the front of the prophet's shirt, dragging him into the nearby alleyway.
Chuck gave a pathetic squeak, eyes wide as he was yanked around by a man he barely knew and found himself with his back against the wall, eyes never leaving the man before him. A fearful expression grew as Chuck found himself fumbling for his wallet in his pocket. "L-Look buddy, I'll give you whatever you want!" he stuttered, ground beginning to shake. He felt his heart thumping in his chest and Gabriel rolled his eyes, taking a step back.
"Crap. Chuck, I won't hurt you, okay?" Gabriel exclaimed, gold eyes glancing upwards. "I don't want your money."
The rumbling only grew stronger, a high pitch whine filling the air and Gabriel gave a frustrated sigh.
This wasn't working! Gabriel knew one of his older brothers would be here and find him, hauling his ass back upstairs. "Just call off your guardian angels, 'kay Chuckie? I won't hurt you but the last thing I want is my ass smitten," Gabriel told him, annoyed that the prophet wasn't listening and calming down. For Dad's sake, his identity was at sake because of this prophet!
"G-Guardian angels? What are you talking about?"
"Look, just stop worrying and we can deal with this someplace else." Gabriel stared at him, arms crossed against his chest and slowly the whine died down and rumblings faded away. "Finally." Then, with a snap of his fingers, Gabriel transported the two of them to one of his many pocket dimensions just in case one of his brothers got nosey.
Landing in a lavish living room, Chuck looked around wildly.
"How did we get here? We were just…" Eyes widening as he looked over at the pagan god, he scrambled backwards away from Gabriel. "What are you?" He began to panic once more and Gabriel was at least grateful his brothers wouldn't be able to find him here.
"Oh, that's rich, coming from you," Gabriel snarled, advancing on Chuck and the prophet backed away from the pissed trickster. "I've been hiding for centuries, been Loki so long, dishing out just desserts, and yet somehow a crummy little prophet knows my real name. So why don't you tell me what the hell are you?" Gabriel was almost chest to chest with Chuck now, eyes blazing and the air was crackling with anger. "'Cause there is no way in hell that a prophet is smarter than a bunch of pagan gods and angels," he spat.
The prophet swallowed, "Look, I thought your name was Gabriel, that's it!"
"I told you it was Michael but when you said goodbye, you called me Gabriel."
He played a Trickster long enough to recognize a lie when he heard one and plus, who did this guy think he was? Not even any of Gabriel's foolish younger brothers would fall for such a poorly constructed lie.
"It was an honest mistake buddy! Look, I'm just- I'm just an ordinary guy and-"
Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Bull shit. Cut the crap Chuck. I'm not in a playing mood at the moment."
Nodding quickly, Chuck gulped. "Okay, look Michael – or do you want me to call you Gabriel?"
"Loki works," Gabriel told him curtly, wanting answers rather than small talk and the prophet nodded.
"Okay. Okay, so there was something a bit off about you when we first met and I just-" the nervous behaviour didn't seem to soften Gabriel's attitude and the prophet sighed, taking a step back. "This isn't gonna work, huh?" he chuckled, dropping the fearful expression in an instant. The air shifted around them, fear dissipating and Chuck adopted a much calmer, more neutral expression.
"No, it's not," Gabriel growled, not letting the so called prophet see the surprise in his features. "So why don't you tell me who you really are." His anger remained and Chuck didn't back down or look worried.
Rather, he gave the Trickster a soft smile. "You know who I am, Gabriel."
It was a cryptic response, one that had the most obvious answer but Gabriel didn't know it.
"Oh yeah? And who might that be?" Gabriel, quirking an eyebrow and crossing his arms across his chest, asked. "Because no prophets are as powerful as you are and I doubt a pagan would hide as one."
Chuck nodded, agreeing with the Trickster. "That's true. I'm not a prophet, per say, but you are right about hiding as one." Chuckling, he watched the Archangel with warm, kind eyes. "Running away from home and becoming someone you aren't, where'd you get that idea, kiddo?"
The last part sounded almost mocking to Gabriel and he narrowed his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked impatiently, growing less fond of the games as seconds passed. "And how the hell do you know if I ran away?"
"Just because I left didn't mean I stopped watching all my children, Gabriel," Chuck admitted. He turned, hands going behind his back and looking around the room. "But I have to say, of all the things you could've pretended to be to hide from your brothers, a pagan god wasn't on my list." There was a soft chuckle from him and Gabriel frowned, confused.
He tilted his head like a dog, eyes still on the not-prophet. "'Your children'?" he echoed. "But…" His sentence trailed off and Gabriel went ridged as he realized who stood before him. "Dad?" he gasped. Gabriel took a step back away from the powerful being, worried about how his Father might act.
Chuck turned; facing Gabriel once more and only gave a nod. "Yes, my son." He moved closer to Gabriel but the Trickster flinched and shied away from His touch. This caused the Lord to frown, not expecting such a reaction from His child. "Gabriel," He began and Gabriel shook his head.
"You left us," Gabriel told his Parent, emotion buried under his words. "You left us without any warning."
God heard the wavering of Gabriel's voice, knowing His youngest was trying to rein in his emotions and keep up the mask he had worn for so long.
"I did, didn't I?" He gave a sigh, "But I had to do it, Gabriel, you must understand."
The Archangel's hands curled into fists at his Father's words, sick of everyone making excuses. He had heard enough of the sugary lies and empty excuses and it seemed his Father was no better than anyone else. Gabriel expected a real answer and explanation to his Parent's actions but once again, he was expected to blindly understand and forgive the "Perfect" Creator. But Gabriel had changed since his days in Heaven and learned that you can't keep putting up with people's bullshit. "Oh, I understand," he said with sarcasm dripping off his words. "You walked out on us after throwing your favourite son in Hell," Gabriel spat venomously. The Lord might not want to admit it, but everyone in Heaven knew the place Lucifer had in their Parent's heart.
God shook His head, "Gabriel, my boy." He never got to finish as Gabriel gave Him an icy glare.
"You lost the right to call me your son when you ditched us," Gabriel snarled. "I am not your son. Not anymore." He had tossed that life away when he had become Loki. "Raphael thought you were dead and I nearly believed him! I thought it would be better if you just came home, but now, I see it would've been better if you were dead."
God looked at His hurt child, shocked. He had heard Raphael' accusations about Him dying and would hardly be surprised of this reaction from His Healer but from Gabriel? The Messenger He had known would never act with this much attitude. No, He had expected that upon revealing Himself Gabriel would be ecstatic, not angry. "Gabriel, please, listen to me."
"No, you listen to me. You. Left. Us. Michael tore himself apart trying to figure out what he did wrong to cause Daddy to leave him. To leave us! He blamed Lucifer for this! You bastard! You wrecked everything!" Tears now began to form in Gabriel eyes and the Archangel was shaking. The angry and hurt and betrayal that had been buried so far down for centuries began to slip out. "We trusted you! We needed our Father and you showed us the middle finger and left without even telling us why!"
Gabriel turned away from the Lord, rubbing at the tears on his cheeks rather harshly. He hated that he was crying and didn't want to in front of his Parent of all beings. Especially since half of him wanted to rush into those arms and feel His warmth and safety once more. To have all the pain and weight gone but the Archangel refused to submit to his feelings.
God looked at His son, "My Messenger, you must understand that nothing was getting better or improving with my presence in Heaven. My departure-"
"Created a war!" Gabriel hissed, spinning on the balls of his heels to face him and finishing his Father's sentence. "It turned the angels into mindless soldiers, made Michael a heartless general and Raphael so cold and distant!" He swallowed back a sob, hands forming fists. "How was any of that good?"
That sentence was meant to hold fury and all the betrayal Gabriel had faced but instead is merely filled with pain. Gabriel seemed to much smaller and scared after uttering those words, crushing the Creator. God tried to reach out and comfort Gabriel's crying grace but the Trickster never let Him, once again avoiding his Father's touch.
Wiping away the still falling tears, Gabriel's teary gold eyes met his Father's dark comforting eyes.
"I-I looked for you. When I r-r-ran away, I searched e-everywhere, hoping to convince you to come home but a-after…years, I just listened to Raph… I-I believed you were d-d-dead." He shook his head, hurt in his gaze. "But it turns out you were hiding as a human and watching as shit hit the fan without any care.
"Why'd you do it, huh?" Gabriel hiccupped. That was the big question every angel was wondering.
"Why did I leave?" God clarified and Gabriel nodded, wrapping his arms around himself, looking much smaller and no longer like a powerful being but a little boy whose Father abandoned him. "It was because you disappointed me," He stated bluntly with a sigh, causing Gabriel to stumble backwards as if he was hit, grace recoiling.
"W-What?" The ex-Archangel looked at his Father, hurt and confused.
God frowned, looking at His son. "All of you were such disappointments," He explained and Gabriel gave a flinch at those words.
All at once, everything crumbled around Gabriel as he realize the Father he had tried to look for, didn't want Him. The one, who he believed would fix things, didn't care if His children fought one another. Heaven could go to shit and God wouldn't bat an eye. Something inside Gabriel snapped and he no longer tried to push down his wild grace, instead letting it lash out in anger.
The Creator looked like He was going to speak once more but Gabriel narrowed his tear filled eyes, hands clenched in fists. He wasn't scared or sad anymore but pissed. "Screw you!" He yelled, ground shaking ever so slightly as his anger began to build up. "You selfish bastard! We were your children! We prayed to you!"
"And I heard them."
"But you didn't fucking answer them!" Gabriel shouted back. A few of the lightbulbs popped, raining down shards of glass but Gabriel could care less about the mess.
His Father merely shrugged, not pleased with His son's outbursts and the fact Gabriel didn't seem to understand what He was saying. No, the angel was acting rather selfishly in His eyes. "Why should I always have to do everything for you angels? Why should whenever something went wrong, you ran to me and expected Daddy to fix all your problems?" God asked and Gabriel let out a low growl, eyes flashing gold.
"Because that's what Fathers do! They help their fucking children, not walk out on them when they most need them!" Gabriel roared back, the shaking growing.
"You needed to learn to grow up for once," God retorted, losing His temper at the youngest Archangel, who in turn gave a humourless chuckle, eyes blazing.
"And what, pray tell, did you try to teach us? Because all we learned is our Dad was a deadbeat who didn't give a rat's ass about us." Gabriel felt the air crackling around the two of them and he snorted. "Some lesson you taught us. You didn't even step in when angels began to slaughter each other! No, instead you spent your time sitting on your ass, drinking and bitching!"
Gabriel knew at this point he was pushing it but he didn't care. He didn't care if he was talking to his Father, the Creator, or one of his brothers at this point. He had dealt with enough of this crap and was putting his foot down.
God though, finally having lost what was left of His patience found Himself towering over Gabriel, power radiating off His body. The air crackled and hummed with power as the Creator leered down at His mouthy child, who didn't flinch at his Parent's actions and chose instead to stand his ground.
"Out of all the angels, I think you have disappointed me the most, Gabriel," His voice boomed through the room, bouncing off the walls. "You took the cowardice way of running and hiding on Earth, as a pagan god of all things – calling yourself a god, really? – Completely turning your back on your family and Heaven. And then mating and having offspring with giantesses and pagans?" The Creator looked at His child with disgust and disappointment etched on His face.
Gabriel's wings flared out, appearing as shadows along the walls of the room, and the remaining light bulbs above them shattered.
"All of your brothers did well, but you, you were one of my mistakes, flawed," He spat bitterly and the anger on Gabriel's face melted away, the hurt from before resurfacing.
"You are no Archangel."
Gold eyes dropped to look at his feet and Gabriel felt his shoulders sag, sucking in a ragged breath. The wings on the wall disappeared and hearing his Father basically disown him felt like being hit like a truck. Never before had Gabriel hear his Parent say such words. Lucifer had been thrown out of Heaven but God never stripped him of his old title. God still loved the fallen Morning Star. Gabriel, it seemed, He didn't. Not anymore.
At that, Gabriel straightened up, chin high. "You're right, Daddy-o. I'm not an Archangel. Gabriel? He died a while back. It's Loki now," he snarled, eyes no longer watery and filled with tears. His old life was gone, just like the Father he once had, and there was no returning to what it once was. A cold grin forms as he lifts his hand to snap away, saying, "I have no family. And definitely no Father."
He vanished with a snap, the pocket dimension surrounding Chuck falling apart.
I hope Chuck/God didn't seem too OOC, as He was only a jerk for two episodes and I had to try to base Him off that. Also, about the Gabriel having children, since he was Loki, Loki in Norse mythology had multiple children (Hel, Fenrir, Narvi, Vali, Sleipnir, and Jörmungand) with giants so I decided to add that in as well with him pretending to be a god because that has to be considered blasphemous or against what God commanded.
Anyways, it was super angsty and I hope you guys liked it!
-Ally