Hello everybody! Like always, english is not my first language. Just to get that clear. Sorry for any mistakes.
Onesided RL/SB. This is not a really happy story. Rated T for paranoia.
Rewiews are appreciated!
Remus looks numbly at his hands. He focuses on them, taking in the details of them. His fingers are long. They are tanned. His nails are shorts. He sees marks on hishand from old cuts that were to deep to disappear fully. He's used to them by now. He can see his veins; they're standing out. They are blue tinted. He is also used to them. He turns his hands. On his right palm, there goes a scar down the skin between his thumb and index finger, going down to where his palm ends. It stands out on his skin. It is a new cut.
He wants to scream.
He knows why. Of course he does. Remus is not an idiot. But, oh, he wishes so much he could just ignore it. The feeling he feels everytime he sees him.
But he can't.
Remus takes a deep breath and clenches his fist. He sees his veins pop out even more. They look light blue now.
He wants to slam his fist into the wall. He wants to feel the impact. The pain that he can focus on. It's easier to handle than... this.
Remus closes his eyes and opens his fist. He leans back on his bed and covers his face with his hands. He takes deep breaths, pushing down the instinct to yell. He swallows hard. His breath is shaky when he breaths out.
Why do I have to feel liket this, when it only hurts me?
A sound of footsteps coming up the stairs makes him focus again and he sits up, grabbing the book on his bedtable, opening the page at random. The door to the dormitory opens, but he acts like he don't notice. It isn't until the person falls down on his bed he looks up, immediatley regretting it when he feels his stomach clench and his breath hitches in his throat. He tries to ignore it.
"Do you know what happened today?" Sirius says excitedly, staring up at the ceiling, his eyes wide. Remus raises an eyebrow, happy Sirius isn't looking at him.
"What happened today?" He ask and he is grateful his voice is sounding the way is should; calm and low. Sirius smiles big, throwing his hands up in triumph. Remus smiles a little, but it quickly drops when Sirius starts to talk.
"I finally managed to get a date with Adeline!" Sirius burst out. Remus sits frozen on the bed. He knew Sirius had a crush on her, but that was it; a crush. Nothing more. He can feel his chest tighten and can't seem to get any words out. Sirius waits on a reply from Remus and frowns when Remus don't say anything. When Sirius turns towars Remus, Remus fights to keep his calm when Sirius looks at him, with a frown, his intensive grey eyes that seems to stare deep into Remus soul.
They look like silver, Remus thinks.
"Hello? Earth to Lupin?" Sirius says, waving his hand in front of Remus face. He blinks and escapes his thoughts. He manages to smile a little, carefully avoiding Sirius gaze. He pretends to look at his book again.
"That's great, Padfoot." He says, his voice calm, but Remus thinks it sound hollow. An echo of what it should be. He can see Sirius smile in the corner of his eyes. He didn't notice.
"I know! The date is on saturday, when we get to go to Hogsmeade!" Sirius seems excited with what he has managed to do, but Remus can't get away from the empty feeling in his chest. A sharp pain goes through his body when he glances up at Sirius.
"Okay." He manages to get out, before looking back down into his book. He can hear Sirius sigh next to him and has a hard time to not do the same thing. He can't ignore the fact that they're only centimeters apart, that if he just moved his hand a little, he would be able to touch Sirius arm...
"Okay? That's all? You're boring! I would have thought you'd be more happy for me!" Sirius says, pouting, waking Remus up from his thoughts.
How can I be happy when I'm feeling like this? Remus thinks, but he doesn't say it. He snorts instead.
"You disturbed me while I was reading. I get to be boring." Remus replies shortly, flipping a page in the book. He hears Sirius chuckle and soften a bit. He loves to hear Sirius laugh.
"Then I guess I'm of to find Prongs and Wormtail; bet they will be more excited." Sirius jumps up from the bed and walks over to the dormitory door. Remus wants to reach out and make him stay, but he only looks up, watching Sirius back, only able to do just that. He doesn't say anything, just looks when Sirius opens the door and walks out. Remus catches Sirius gaze a fraction of a second before the door closes, isolating him from Sirius. He drops the book and rest his face in his hands. Tears forms in his eyes and he feel the empty feeling getting bigger, filling his body. He breaths slowly.
Oh, Sirius, if only you could see what you're doing to me.
He sighs softly and closes his eyes. He can only thinks of Sirius eyes. The intense, warm, grey shade that reminds him so much of silver. That he want to stare at them the whole day if he could. That he can never get enough of them. He loves to look at them. Sirius silver eyes.
But it's just like the muggle stories about werewoles, Remus thinks sadly, tears falling down his cheeks. He doesn't try to stop them.
Silver can kill you if you get to close.
That's it, I think. Please leave a rewiew and tell me what you thought!
I hope you enjoyed reading!