I looked out the window, lazily, casting my gaze on the trees outside. They just nodded in the evening autumn wind, letting red and yellow leaves fall everywhere. And as they fell, carrying the message of autumn, how this late summer like sunshine will disappear and everything will go to sleep, I felt like sleeping too.
I wanted to rest my head on the pillow, which smelled like chemicals and sickness and matched the sickly colour of my face, and just close my eyes.
This life I used to cling to so hopelessly, this weakening hearbeat I wanted to go on forever... Now they didn't matter. I felt sick and tired, after so much worrying about things like future and races I can't win... After seeing friends slowly disappear from my side... My hear begged for peace, my weary mind went along with it.
And then, and then I heard a faint noise. Like feet tapping on the floor, impatient, full of life, full of energy... I turned away from the window, and I saw Haru sitting next to me.
That's right, Haru's here. Haru's always here. I never would've imagined that I'd just forget that he's with me. But I guess I just did.
Our eyes met, and I saw them again - those swirling emotions hiding behind Haru's carefully crafted mask. I saw worry, fear, sadness... I would've felt shame any other time knowing that I was the one who brought such emotions to him, but now... I only felt numb.
"Is something wrong?" I asked, wincing at how raspy and weak I sounded.
"Nothing" he said, and he turned his head away.
I let out a deep sigh. Months passed since we found out that I'm sick, and there was simply nothing we could say to each other anymore. Sure, there were feelings, words we were supposed to say long ago, but... they just wouldn't come out. And like that, we stayed quiet.
"You know," I started, not being sure if I should really say it, "the doctor said I only have weeks left." Haru gasped and turned to me again.
"What?"
"But, you see... maybe it's for the best." I continued, fatigue and numbness creeping up on me again. "It's not... it's not even a real life I live here. And you too... you're stuck with me in here. It must be boring, just sitting here when you could swim. You shouldn't waste your time on me, just go and-"
"What are you saying, Makoto?" Haru asked, suddenly grabbing my shoulders. His eyes, deep blue pools of raw emotion, were dark, almost black when he said that. "How can you say that "it's for the best?""
"B-but, I mean... you must wanna leave, right? Go and swim, while you still can, or... go to Iwatobi SC, so you wouldn't get cold. It must be so boring, and-"
"That's right! I want to leave!" Haru suddenly lashed out, gripping my shoulders even harder. "I want to leave with you, leave this awful place behind and never return, I want to go swimming and I want to swim with you! I want you to be with me, Makoto!" He shouted by the end, tears slowly rolling down his cheeks as his mask broke down completely.
"I... I'm sorry, Haru." I whispered, unable to keep my tears in.