This is a rewritten verson of my story "Are You Really Gone?"

I found myself rereading it, realizing how much my writing style has changed and now I want to redo it, make it more how I envisioned it. Due to rather a lot of people requesting I keep the old fic up, I won't be taking that down just yet.

Warnings: Self harm, rape, torture, kidnapping, slight smut, abuse, yaoi

You have been warned, reviews and questions are welcome!

I do not own Durarara, the characters or most of the setting, the plot idea is mine.

Enjoy

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"I Know your story... I know how it ends"

- Margaret Barrish, Political Animals-

There is little feelings in the world as strange as the feeling of guilt. He knew he should be elated, he should be hollering for joy! Orihara Izaya was gone! Never to be seen again!

So why was his heart aching at every thought of the raven?

The tall, muscular blonde shoved his hands into the pockets of his black slacks, staring up at the apartment building that once was Orihara Izaya's, the new tenant, a kind young couple, had called Shizuo, requesting the blonde come and get Izaya's old things. Why they would call him of all people was beyond him, however he figured that it wouldn't anger him too much to simply be in the flea's old home, his scent no longer permeated the penthouse, it couldn't be as horrible as the ex-bartender feared.

Orihara Izaya... how could one describe him? A cunning, ruthless bastard with no regard to human emotions or lives? Or perhaps he could be seen as the devil himself... either way, he had been gone for the past three years, Shizuo was just happy he no longer had to listen to that God forsaken nickname...

So why did it hurt when someone said his name? Why, after these three years, did Shizuo jolt awake in his bed, thinking about the raven?

He sighed as he knocked on the door, looking at the newly painted numbers adoring it, the woman opened the door. Her name was Aiko, she seemed kind enough, after all she had been the one to find Izaya's things and instead of tossing them away, she called Shizuo. She had heard the stories of the two monsters of Ikebukuro and Shinjuku, she figured Shizuo would want Izaya's things, why, he didn't know.

She lead him through the house, the décor at atmosphere so different than it had been. He stood tall as he walked through, pushing the hanging lap out of the way so it didn't smack him in the head as he walked past. "I put all his things in here." Aiko said sweetly, just as everything she said was. Shizuo followed the point of her hand to a large box in the corner of the painted baby blue room... "We gave most of the furnature away or use it now, I just... didn't know what to do with all these computers and phones." She held a hand to her cheek, sighing as she shook her head. "My husband and I looked through all the cell phones, and all of them had your name in them, Mr. Heiwajima... I supposed you two were friends?" She was trying to not make assumptions, but she didn't know the extent of Shizuo's hatred.

"No... yeah, thanks." He said gruffly, "I just... didn't think about it." The blonde said, looking over as he knelt down.

"It's just so sad, loosing someone to suicide like that..." He looked up, aghast at the words coming from her soft lips. "Hiroshi and I were looking through the home security videos, trying to figure out more... I've never seen someone so broken up like that, I only assume that's what happened." She didn't care too much to look further into the life of the previous tenant.

Shizuo let out a sad chuckle, "No, um... he didn't kill himself, he just... vanished one day." He shrugged. "Do you... mind if I look through this?" He asked softly. She recognized the underlying question and bowed out, walking to the kitchen, she wasn't fearful of the man in her living room, after all, they had met to have coffee or sushi many times... her husband present of course.

Shizuo sunk down to the ground, the floor smelled like lemons, Izaya liked lemons... a pregnant silence filled the home as he began to slowly unpack the contents of the box. He skipped the many laptops, surely nothing too interesting could be on those. He sighed, seeing his numerous cell phones, notebooks. He found a stack of DVD's, cocking his head. That was odd... what would Izaya have to do with so many dvd's with random dates?

He packed up the electronics and thanked the woman, he took the mountain of crap to Shinra's, surely the doctor would have better use for most of it than he. Shinra welcomed the blonde in, just as he usually did and fully expected the box shoved on his table. "Well, what's inside?" The underground doctor asked curiously, Shizuo dropped down to the chair by the kitchen table.

"Poke around, don't care." He said, pulling a fresh cigarette out much to Shinra's dislike, and lighting it up, smoke bushing up over his eyes.

"You'll kill yourself smoking like that Shizuo." Shinra warned, but what did warnings do?

Shizuo shoved the box closer to Shinra, the doctor letting out a held sigh and began to dig through. At first it was exactly as he expected, computers, laptops, cameras, cell phones, way too many cell phones, even some of his beloved switch blades were in the box. "Seems weird... don't you think Shizuo?" He asked, making the brute look up from his cigarette. "I mean, this would all be stuff Izaya would take with him if he was moving or going underground... he even left his knifes. That's just... it's weird, I don't like it."

"Doesn't matter what you like." Shizuo gruffed, "He's gone, just... let it go." Shinra wanted to argue, Izaya had been his friend!

No one knew what had happened to the informant, nor did anyone think to give a logical answer. Many believed Heiwajima Shizuo himself killed the raven, others believed the Yakuza finally got to him, others thought he had killed himself, much like Aiko, from the evils he had caused... Shizuo and Shinra? They didn't start to guess.

Izaya never let anyone in, he never trusted, never allowed anyone to see his true face... maybe that was why he left... he wanted to start again.

"Shizuo." Shinra said, snapping his fingers in front of the blonde's face, goddness, he had been calling the body guard's name for nearly five minutes! Shizuo jerked back, snapping out of it,

"H-Hua...what?" He stuttered, Shinra had unloaded it all onto his table.

"What are these?" He asked, holding up on of the disks, the fading Sharpie writing in Izaya's flawless scrawl spelled out 'July 21, 2014.'

"Hell if I know what the fuck the flea was doing on that date!" Shizuo grumbled, fuck... why couldn't people just leave him alone about Izaya? He didn't know what had happened to the raven, nor did he care...

He didn't care...

He didn't care!

Shinra knew the blonde was having an internal battle over this entire situation, hell, they all were, it was a struggle almost daily to figure out what happened to Izaya.

He grabbed his computer and turned it on, entering a password that Shizuo just bet had something to do with the headless rider who seemed... absent at the moment. "Let's just see."

At first it seemed like nothing more than a security video, it was poor quality, obviously there was a better copy since this was the negatives of it. Shinra stopped, "What the hell is he wearing?" He pointed to the Izaya waltzing around in his usual fashion in the video, but that wasn't a black shirt or pants...

"Holy shit, he's a freak." Shizuo chuckled, Izaya was wearing a leather kitten outfit! Shizuo watched in a slightly... sadistic humor, it was downright funny to watch the cocky raven strutting about in a kitten outfit like some common whore!

The Izaya in the video stopped as there was a sharp knock at the door, he sighed softly, not that either man noticed, the video was poor quality at best. The kitten walked to the door, opening it for a tall, dark haired man to come in, the camera followed Izaya, meaning that another human being was filming, that was... odd to say the very least. There was a closeup of Izaya, and through the black and white screen Shinra could see the makeup Izaya wore, this wasn't right. "Shizuo... somethings wrong here." He said, but Shizuo was too excited at seeing Izaya treated like an animal to care, or perhaps it was seeing Izaya looking as beautiful as even they could see, either way, his eyes were glued to the screen.

The male stepped into Izaya's home, eying him before speaking. The words were slurred, unheard however he took Izaya into his arms, Shinra moved back in his chair... this wasn't just a security video. The man slipped his hand behind Izaya's body, stroking the tail that shoved out from his ass, Izaya wasn't meeting the man's eyes, embarrassed and degraded. The stranger pushed Izaya into the wall, meeting his lips in a furious kiss, only when Izaya's latex pants were removed did Shinra slam his laptop closed, eyes wide and a crimson blush painted on his cheeks.

"T-That was weird." Shinra said, looking down at his suddenly intriguing shoes.

"So what? Flea's a slut, not like everyone didn't know that already." Izaya never mentioned his sexual life, so Shinra honestly didn't know the truth, however he figured the dark haired male did enjoy his bed activities. Shizuo shoved his cigarette into a white plate he was ashing on. "Look, I don't care about him anymore, that Aiko chick wanted me to get his shit, so there you go." He yawned, pushing his sunglasses on even though it was nighttime, "I'm going home." he said gruffly, "Look into the past all you want, I want no part in it."

With that he was gone.

Shinra stared at the dozens of videos in the box before pulling his laptop back open, the video paused as Izaya's pants were pushed away, showing the soft, pale skin under. He sighed, pushing his glasses back onto his face... no... he knew this was just digging into a wound that was truly never healed... but he needed this... he needed to know what Izaya was doing...

And so it began.

I hope you enjoyed this! More chapters to come! Until next time, please review and tell me what you think, the original fic was called "Are You Really Gone?" And because I was asked not to, I won't take it down! So check it out if you want.