Cat: Yes, it's me. Again. With a new Story.
This is just a One Shot that I suddenly thought of doing while listening to Shanadoo's "Guilty of Love".
Yeah, that's how I got to the title.
Take a load of that, bitch!
Muhahahahaha!
Timeline .. two years after Shihna and Lloyd go for the Exsphere search.
Guilty of Love
Amazed, the two stared at the city.
The young man from the couple had darkbrown hair that had been kept short in the front, the back was tied
into a ponytail that reached his shoulderblades
and wore a red jacket that he kept open,
a white shirt visible underneath it and long black pants, topped off with black shoes.
The woman had long black hair that she kept in a slightly spikey ponytail, the edges curling a bit, wearing
a scarlet, oriental looking shirt embroidered with dragons
that wrapped around her front, tied with a darkred bow. Her leggings were black and
her boots about ankle height.
"In just two years .." the man said, his mouth hanging slightly open and turned his head around.
"Amazing .."
They slowly walked through the city.
Just two years ago, this city, Luin, had been destroyed and now it was built up like it was beforehand.
It was even further advanced.
Instead of the dirt trodden paths were now smooth stones and the houses were stabilized more than before
with stones as well, so nothing could destroy them so fast.
Someone saw them from afar and lifted his hand to wave.
"Lloyd, Shihna!" he called and went towards them.
He was a pale man with long lightbrown hair, wearing leather pants and a blue vest over a white longsleeved, shirt.
There was a slight trace of a beard around his chin.
"Pietro." Lloyd said, recognizing him in an instant. "What .. what happened? It's .. completely rebuilt."
"Ah, yes, a Mr Bryan from the Lezareno Company sent several workers and fundings to build this city up." Pietro answered him.
Shihna and Lloyd looked at each other and smirked.
Regal Bryan was a friend of theirs, who had accompanied them along in their big group, to save the two worlds that used
to fight over the little rest of Mana that was there.
"It's fascinating." Lloyd said. "Luin seems much brighter and livelier than it did two years ago. Even before it got destroyed it never
seemed to be so filled with people."
"Ah, once the word got around that the Lezareno Company was building up several destroyed cities - among them Luin,
people started to swarm in, all wanting to help."
The talk continued a bit longer, slowly turning into smalltalk, until Pietro had to take care of something for the Mayor of Luin
and Shihna and Lloyd decided to look around some more.
Both had a strong emotional tie to this city.
This city was where Lloyd's mother had been born and where Shihna had joined their, at that time, smaller group
to defeat the Desians, who had been torturing humans in their ranches.
"Oh my .." Lloyd gasped, looking at the statue over the fountain.
The statue showed three people, two of them being the ones just now looking at it, the other showing a woman
in her twenties with short hair, wearing a cloak and wielding a staff.
Raine Sage, who was an excellent healer and, according to the inscription underneath the statue, she was the
greatest healer all over Sylvarant.
"I can't believe it .." Shihna agreed, putting a hand to her mouth, her cheeks flushing.
Lloyd was busy finishing the inscriptions, a definite pink in his own cheeks.
"I .. I am not a Hero." he finally said, muttering slightly.
"Of course you are." Shihna protested and smiled. "You fought for Sylvarant and Tethe'alla, never giving up until you succeeded."
Lloyd looked embarrassed and scratched his cheek slightly.
After they finished gazing at the city that had been rebuilt so fast, they continued onwards to the Haima Mines, where they asked for
access.
For two years, they had been travelling the whole united world to trace every Exsphere and to destroy them.
Exspheres were gems that got put onto the skin to enhance ones skills and senses.
But they were dangerous, if no keycrest was put onto or around it.
It nourished itself off of the host until the Mana in the body was barely able to live and the host turned into a monster,
thirsting for blood.
The Haima Mines were almost empty except for some ore that could still be forged and very few Exspheres.
Lloyd and Shihna collected them and put them into a special Wingpack, which was already holding over one thousand Exspheres.
Their duty done, they left the Mines again and noticed upon getting out, that the Haima Mines were deeper and bigger than they
had thought, the sun already starting to set.
They quickly borded their Rearbirds and flew towards the north.
The snowy continent of Flanoir was located there.
It was hard to land close to Flanoir.
A snowstorm seemed to approach, the flakes were getting more and more by the minute and started to turn hard.
The Rearbirds quickly put into the Wingpacks, they approached the small, quiet city of Flanoir.
The ground was constantly frozen and covered with snow as well as the houses, giving the city an image as if
powdered sugar had been sprinkled upon it.
Into the Inn as fast as they could and a room for two people was booked for the night.
It was to be extended, if they were snowed in from the storm.
Shihna
The snow seemed to drift slower now, so I thought it safe to open the window to get some fresh, cold air inside.
The manager of the Inn had turned the heaters on very high and it was almost positively stifling when we entered the room.
Lloyd didn't seem to mind much, but he didn't protest my opening the window.
But that could be because he was so busy, he didn't realize anything going on.
He was sitting at the square table, checking old papers,
where we had written down how many Exspheres we had gotten from where.
I put my legs up onto the cushioned bench underneath the window and rest my hand on my arm on the windowsill.
Looking outside, the white tops of the houses look like sugarcones on a darkblue platter.
You usually can't see any stars from Flanoir's sky and it was the same just now.
It was too bad, the stars would look pretty in Flanoir's sky.
I slowly turn my gaze back to Lloyd, who was still reading the documents, mentally counting the Exspheres we had, too.
He had changed in the last year.
His voice had gotten a bit darker than before and his eyes seemed to have this constant burning, yet calm, fire in them.
Frankly, he started to look a bit like his father, Kratos.
Lloyd also moved different from before, much more elegant and sure of himself.
I have to admit, that side of him was very attractive ..
Of course, I had already fallen for him while we had tried to save the worlds.
Especially when he comforted and encouraged me to try once more to form a pact with Volt.
I managed to form a pact with Volt, but at the cost of a dear friend's life ..
Lloyd
A slight tinkling sound makes me start and I turn to the source of the sound.
Shihna was holding a hand to her throat, where she was wearing the golden bell tied with the scarlet silk string.
She started wearing it shortly after reuniting the worlds, a memento for Corrine.
Perhaps she was thinking of him again, feeling sad once more ..
I want to take her into my arms and keep her there, until she's happy again, but ..
I don't know if she'll let me ..
Whenever I think of telling her how I feel or showing signs of affection, I have to think of
how she had always seemed so annoyed, when Zelos did it.
I don't know if it was just the way Zelos did it or if she generally didn't like the idea of being touched by a man.
Putting down the papers I had been reading, I lean back to get up, but stop when
Shihna turns her head suddenly and looks at me.
I positively can't move anymore.
Her almond shaped, brown eyes had always captivated me. Several times I talked to her,
I always tried to avoid looking into her eyes too often. And if I did, I probably said something really stupid then.
She had no idea how much I had been struck when she first appeared in front of us,
asking if the Chosen of Mana was there, wanting to kill her.
Her pale skin, so much like alabaster, had been a great contrast to her ravenblack hair,
yet her lips were a dark pink that almost looked red.
And the urge to hold her when she was so frightened of facing Volt made me half crazy.
"What?" Shihna asks, inclining her head slightly to the side.
A faint pout on her lips, they looked so soft ..
I shake my head slightly. I really shouldn't have these thoughts.
Who knows what she might think of me?
"Ah, nothing." I quickly say and lean back towards the table, not sure what to do if I got up now.
I turn my eyes to glance at her slightly.
Is it me, or is she .. looking sad? Maybe it's just a trick of the bright light in the room, but her face looks flushed.
"I'll go out for a bit." she says and gets up, putting on her thick white coat with the fur on the trimmings.
I'm a bit worried.
There might not be so much snow falling as before, but with Flanoir's weather you never know.
Perhaps she knew my thoughts, but before closing the door she waves her fingers slightly, but without turning around.
Shihna
I just barely managed to escape ..
His eyes looked slightly misty just now.
I wonder what he was thinking? And, perhaps I had imagined it, but he looked flushed when he got out of his thoughts.
But the way he smiled slightly when he said 'Nothing' seemed so ..
I don't know how to say it, but at that moment, I just wanted to throw my arms around him, cuddled up
to his warm chest and tell him how I had felt for almost three years now.
But I know it's futile.
He's in love with Collet, the former Chosen of Mana.
They've known each other since childhood and knew everything about each other.
And he's the kind of guy who is naturally attracted to perky, cute girls who need a strong protector on their side.
I, on the other hand, am just looking for a strong shoulder to lean on.
But I can't be like Collet, needing to be protected.
I don't want to depend solely on a guy, I want to be able to show that I can do things on my own.
The little balcony outlook was covered with white snow, glittering like gems.
Here, Lloyd and I had gone for a talk .. I told him how my parents had
abandoned me in the Gaoracchia Forest and how the people of Mizuho never really accepted me,
even less when the incident with Volt happened.
But now .. I was the Chief of Mizuho.
Orochi was taking over for me until I finished the Journey with Lloyd.
.. What will happen then?
Will he leave when we have all Exspheres and destroy them?
Leave it all behind .. leave me behind?
I quickly sit down on one of the many snow covered fences and bite my lip.
I don't want to cry! It's a sign of weakness .. and I am not weak!
From the moment Volt attacked, until now, I never cried.
Not when Lloyd had always placed Collet's life over everything, not when Corrine had died, nor when Zelos betrayed us.
Not once ..
Was it because I was too strong?
Was that the reason why no one had ever smiled at me, put a hand on my shoulder and said 'It's going to be alright'?
Lloyd
Uneasily, I stack the papers nicely and put them back.
I close the window after taking a long last look outside. The snow was falling thicker again.
Shihna's been out for quite some time now .. and I can't help it but confess to myself that I'm worried.
She might be a great fighter and summoner, but I know her past.
We all know her past, but I'm the one she confided her origin from, how the refusal of acceptance from
the people of Mizuho had hurt her.
I grab my jacket and am about to open the door, when it gets opened from the other side and I am eye to eye with Shihna.
We both start, stop dead in our tracks and just stare at each other for a few seconds.
Am I wrong or .. did she cry? Her eyes are slightly red around the edges and they seem to glisten more than usual.
".. Sorry .." she mutters quietly and moves out of the way, her head down and takes off her coat.
"I was starting to wonder where you were .." I say slowly, feeling the heat rising up to my face.
Even with her hair and the collar of her jacket covered with snowflakes,
she's still beautiful.
Her cheeks are pink from the cold - or perhaps from the sudden heat of the Inn - and her breath is still
slightly fast.
"I was about to go out and look for you .." I stutter, the quiet making me feel uneasy.
"Ah .. well .. I'm back .." she mutters, hangs up her coat and stand still.
Shihna
I don't dare look at him.
When we stared at each other when I came in I felt uneasy already.
Maybe he had noticed how red my eyes were?
I had stayed out longer than I wanted, hoping that the cold would cool down my swollen eyes.
But I admit I feel a bit happy about the fact that he was starting to worry and would've
started looking for me.
That showed that I meant something to him, didn't it?
Although, wouldn't it look weird if I just stood like a statue in the room now?
"Wanna eat?" he finally asks, stepping to the hooks next to me and hangs his jacket back up.
I can just tell from his voice that he was smiling,
but he also sounded embarrassed, or rather, uneasy.
I wonder why ..?
I nod slightly and we sit down at the table.
I hadn't noticed that dinner had already been brought. It was still steaming,
so it must've been brought mere minutes ago.
The savory soup was already a meal in itself, but we still ended up eating everything up along with
the bread and some of the currant wine.
The latter was usual in Flanoir, because it was meant not to be drunk all at once, but just a little
bit, as it kept you warm.
Dinner was done and taken away by the maids of the Flanoir Inns and Lloyd
sat down at the side of the table closest to me.
Of course, to discuss where else we might still have to look for Exspheres.
Am I imagining it? His voice sounds a bit funny.
Like he has to force himself to talk.
Doesn't he realize how I feel for him?
I thought he would, when I had seemed so shocked at the saying that we'd be best friends.
I thought it was obvious at that moment ..
Or I'm just giving myself false hope ..
Lloyd
Oh dear, I can't think straight anymore.
Shihna seems so depressed somehow and I don't know why ..
Is it because she had to think of Corrine's death again?
But she usually doesn't seem this down then ..
I keep mixing up the places where we still have to look with the ones we definitely knew
that there were no Exspheres.
Of course, we might have to go to Regal's Company's Mine, but I know he said that
he'd make sure the passages to the Exspheres were going to be destroyed.
I need to say something, but I think the more I talk, the worse I make it.
Shihna's not even seeming to listen very well.
She has her hands on her lap, the shoulders drawn up and her gaze is definitely on the wooden table surface.
Maybe I should just ask Shihna what's wrong. Although a part of me is saying that
it's actually best not to pester her about it.
She's the type who tells you her trouble when she feels she can trust you with it.
"Um .. p-perhaps we should stop by at Iselia, or at Dirk's house." I say, trying to make my tongue say the
words I want to, without stuttering. "Maybe-"
Shihna pushes the chair back with her feet and gets up.
"I'm tired .. I'll go to bed .." she mumbles and goes towards the two beds.
"Sure .." I say, turning a small oil lamp on to the tiniest flame. "Good Night .."
"Night .."
Shihna
Why did I react like that, just because he mentioned Iselia?
After turning off the big light, I took my shoes off and climbed into bed,
Lloyd stayed at the table, a small lamp still on, probably pondering over the papers again.
I overreacted ..
Just because he said that we should stop by at Iselia doesn't mean he did it, so he could see Collet.
I don't think Collet is there anymore.
As far as I remember, she last thing she said was that after spending some time with her family,
she'd go out and help rebuilding the destroyed cities.
Maybe she was already done with that and returned?
It wasn't that unlikely, seeing as how advanced Luin seemed - and even if,
how would Lloyd have found out that she's back at home?
Lloyd
Having finally managed to get no more sense out of the papers,
I left them on the table and went to bed myself and fell asleep almost instantly.
But at some point during the night, I woke up again and at first I didn't know why.
The windows were rattling slightly, so the snowstorm must've hit Flanoir finally.
I roll back onto my side, try to go back to sleep.
But something was still keeping me awake, some kind of urge in the back of my head told me
to stay awake.
And I finally turn around to the other side and see Shihna.
She's got her back to me and seems rather uncomfortable.
Her hands are crossed over her chest and her fingers seem to dig themselves into her arms.
".. Shihna?" I finally say and use an arm to lift myself up.
She flinches, so she didn't know I had been awake.
".. What?" she asks back, her voice seemed to be strained.
I can't quite say how I thought of it or that I really said it, but I did.
Maybe the urge to get close to her was getting stronger, especially now in a cold, pretty city.
"Mh, are you .. are you cold?"
"Of course not." she tells me after a bit, but she must be, since
her shoulders are trembling, almost so hard that the bed was shaking along with her.
"Um, okay .." I finally say, feeling uneasy. My face gets hot and I rub the back of my head. "Because I thought that,
if, you know, you are cold, you could come and sleep next to me in my bed."
Her trembling stops and her upperbody seems to start to turn towards me.
But then she seems to change her mind and remains solidly with her back to me.
"Mh .."
With a beetred face, I can tell from the heat, I lie back down and close my eyes,
but I know I can't fall asleep now.
At least not, until I know that Shihna's fallen asleep, too.
I don't know why, but I just feel like I should do that.
Shihna
I can tell from the light flooding the room that the curtains hadn't been drawn last night.
Although my back is towards the window and my eyes are closed, my eyelids still look very red from the inside.
One hand ready to shade my eyes, I slowly open my eyes and am just able to not scream out loud.
Because the first thing I see with open eyes is Lloyd!
He's asleep .. at least his eyes are closed and his breath is coming in a low and slow rhythm.
Carefully, I turn my head and a bit of my body to know what happened.
I'm .. apparently, lying in Lloyd's bed, with him.
And he's got his arms around me ..
As much as I like the feeling, I'm still a bit shocked.
He probably carried and put me into his bed after I finally fell asleep after tossing around from side to side,
curling up to keep warm.
And I am warm now.
Now that I think about it, I do think I heard something like a 'Sorry' or so during the night.
I had probably guessed that it was just in my dream ..
I don't seem to have minded, since my arms are up against his chest and my head was close to them, too.
Slowly, and very carefully, I stretch my arms a bit and put them around Lloyd's neck,
finally interlocking them and move a bit closer to him.
I may as well enjoy it, now, when I'm conscious to it.
.. I just hope he doesn't wake up now. That would be embarrassing.
Of course, a few seconds later, Lloyd stirs a bit and
his eyes slowly open.
Before he realizes that I'm awake, I quickly close my eyes and pretend to be still in the land of dreams.
He flinches slightly, so he's probably surprised for a moment that I'm in the same bed as him.
But he seems to find it okay, faster than me anyway, and remains where he is.
I can hear a very loud and fast heartbeat.
I can't quite tell if it's his or mine. Mine, for sure, I know that.
But I wonder if his is beating so fast, too.
Or if it's even beating fast for me, at all ..
Lloyd
Well, we're officially snowed inside the Inn for a while.
The snow outside of the doors is about seventy cms high and no one is even going
to bother to try to shovel it free.
At least the snow had stopped completely for now.
I can't really believe I did that last night.
But Shihna had tossed around so much, holding the blanket tight around her.
She wasn't just cold, she was almost freezing when I finally decided
that she was asleep for sure and took her to bed with me.
At least she didn't wake up when I did.
That would've been awkward.
When I got over the first second of shock, I reminded myself of what I had done and
slowly got up, intent on not waking her.
I had succeeded.
Although she was still going to notice that she was in a different bed.
Or maybe not .. she's not really a morning person.
Right now, she was taking a shower in the bathroom from our room,
while I was trying to control my feelings.
I could of course just spill the beans, but what if she really just saw me as a friend?
Although she did seem sort of .. cold when she repeated my words of friendship ..
Of course, maybe I was seeing this the wrong way.
Maybe she did see me as a friend and was really in love with someone else?
Perhaps Zelos? But then again, she mostly got angry at him.
Especially when he was flirting with other women. Probably .. jealousy?
They say that you only get jealous at someone if you love that person, so ..
But what about .. yesterday ..?
She had suddenly sounded, well, not angry or annoyed, but definitely stern when
she went to bed.
And I had just said Iselia .. maybe she thought I was thinking of seeing Collet?
Then that would mean, if I was right, that .. didn't it?
The bathroom door opened and Shihna got out, still steaming slightly from the shower,
drying off the side of her neck.
"Hey, Shihna, .." I start and get up with a start, the chair creaking from the sudden movement.
She looks over to me, her eyes widening slightly, I might've said her name a bit loud and startled her.
But, I'll just finish to say what I want to say.
.. although, it's not really that easy ..
What if I confessed and she really had no romantic feelings for me?
I'd ruin our friendship and the Journey from then on would be rather uneasy for both of us ..
Perhaps .. just .. just take the jump into the cold water ..!
Shihna
Luckily, he didn't realize I was awake when he got up.
I would've loved to have kept hold on him, tell him not to move and just enjoy the closeness,
but that might've sounded weird ..
At least the shower helped. It didn't really cool me off, but it gave me a good reason
for the redness in my face.
And then, just when I come out of the bath, he jumps up and looks like he really wants to tell me something.
He looks almost radiant with eagerness.
Perhaps he did notice that I was awake?
Why would he make a big deal out of it?
Would he make a big deal out of it?
I somehow want him to say what he wants to say apparently, on the other hand, I don't want him to
say anything, in case it might be something that I didn't want to hear ..
I'm almost scared, the longer he just stands there, quiet, his mouth slightly open, ready to form a word.
Please, just say it or keep quiet!
"... I .. I love you .."
Lloyd
.. Did I just say it?
I did, didn't I?
Maybe I should've just shut up?
I can't read her expression.
A few seconds before I said those words, her head turned sideways and down,
so her long hair was hiding most of her face.
I can't believe I said that ..
Did I shock her?
Or annoy her?
I don't dare to ask her opinion.
If she remains quiet, I'll give up hope and accompany her back to her clan,
so she can take over as the leader.
I know that she told the people of Mizuho that she wouldn't
assume her post as Chief until after this Journey.
If I hadn't asked her to accompany me, she could've ..
Hang on, when I asked her, she seemed so happy about it.
So .. perhaps .. or not?
Shihna
I think my heart is going to burst!
Did .. he just say what I heard him say?
If so, then .. we felt for each other the same .. but for how long?
Does it really matter if we've loved each other for three years now or a shorter time?
Okay, he might've said that we'd be best friends that evening in this very city,
but in Heimdall, shortly before he had to fight Kratos,
he had asked me, .. asked me to accompany him on this Journey.
Not Collet.
And not Genius, who had been his best friend for years.
But me!
So, perhaps he had loved me at that time already?
Then .. well .. I should just ..
Boy, this isn't easy ..
If I were as cute and feminine as Collet, it would probably be easier to say.
Clenching my fingers deep into the towel, I don't dare to look up and take a deep breath.
"I .. w-well, I ... love you, .. too .."
I .. I said it!
I said it!
Finally, I got those words out of me. They're just little words, but they
mean so much.
They seem to float around in the air, getting heavier by the second.
One more second of - perhaps surprised? - silence followed by another second of silence ..
And next thing I know, I find myself in Lloyd's arms again.
But this time it's not a feeble and soft embrace that could break any second.
It's warm and hard, yet soft somehow. Protective.
My arms find their way easily around his back and I move myself close to him,
wanting to feel like we're melting to one.
My head on his shoulder, I close my eyes and just listen to our hearts beating,
both fast like they had that morning in bed.
Lloyd
She loves me!
I may be a year younger than she,
but she loves me, just as much as I do her.
I can't help but think for a moment what Zelos is going to say, when he hears this ..
But I shouldn't be thinking of him now!
I should just be thinking of me and Shihna, finally having confessed what we have felt.
No matter how long, it just matters that we love each other.
Day seemed to pass in a daze, even the high piled up snow in front of the Inn didn't seem important.
The window was pulled open widely although some snow was drifting into the room
and we climbed through the window onto the balcony and just talked, laughed
and stared at the white snow.
Does it really matter how we ended up on the bed?
Mere seconds ago, we were sharing a kiss, embracing each other,
and now we're lying on the bed, the same bed that we woke up in this morning,
still kissing.
Maybe what I am doing is wrong ..
I can't but think that while my tongue is playing a gentle exploration game with hers and my
hand is about to untie the ribbon to remove her shirt.
But she doesn't mind.
She's enjoying this, I can feel it.
Hear it. Taste it.
It might be wrong, but for now, let's just forget everything around us and think only of us two.
Her alabaster-like skin is glistening and I trace her bodyline along with my tongue.
A small twitch from her .. whispered words .. her voice is trembling,
from fright and arousal, I can tell ..
Her ravenblack hair is spread about her like a fan.
I push it aside and kiss her cheek, flushed and bright pink, her eyes misty and yet sparkling.
Gently, I bite her ear and she likes it.
Once more and my kisses move back down her neck again, accompanied by my tongue,
so I can savor every bit of her.
Her soft arms wrap themselves over my hot back, gently caressing my neck ..
.. If I don't get stopped, I will defile her.
Her eyes, her bodygesture, her voice and, most of all, her words are telling me to.
That it's okay.
It's what she wants.
What we want.
Cat: Muhahahaha, hope you all liked that!
It's 3:30 am and I've been typing this thing for ... Four and a half hours!
You'd better take this with gratitude!
Sorta good that I stayed up until now, my brain turned itself off and that made it easier to
write from Lloyd's point of you about the sex.
Yeah, I'm not used to writing that stuff from the guy's point of you.
If you find typos, blame the time it took!
Brain turning self off, again .. Thanks for help, Sweety ..
B.. brraaaaaiiiinnzzz!!