MOVING ON

Chapter One

After speaking on the phone to Aileen in New York, Horatio poured himself a whiskey; sat down on the sofa in the lounge and relaxed for the first time that day, which had turned out to be very, very eventful. He thought he had a lot to be happy about right this minute. The Cardinal had granted him absolution, he had visited the Holy Redeemer Church and spoken to Marisol, his son was home for three more weeks, and Aileen and Tommy would be with him soon.

Then he thought about Jerry forcing him to talk on Friday night, the eve of John and Sharon's wedding. Jerry had been harsh and he hadn't enjoyed it. But he knew he had only been trying to help him, and at the end of the day he was relieved as he got a lot off his chest that night. As a result it had also given him the courage to talk to Marisol at her graveside this evening.

He finished his drink; went into the kitchen to wash his glass out and started singing...

"I Love you baby,"

You're too good to be true,

Can't take my eyes of you,

You'd be like heaven to touch.

I want to hold you so much.

At long last love has arrived,

And I thank God I'm alive.

I love you baby."

Kyle, who was staying the night instead of going home to his own apartment, came out of his bedroom where he had been getting prepared for bed, and making his way to the kitchen heard his father singing, much to his amazement. He had never heard him singing before. Yes he liked music, and had a great music collection, but singing, he could hardly believe what he was hearing. Standing in the doorway listening for a minute, he had to smile; his father actually had a good voice.

Then wandering into the kitchen laughing he asked, "What did you do Dad, drink the bottle of whiskey?"

Horatio chuckled; turned around, and looking at Kyle under raised eyebrows replied, "No son. Why do I look drunk?"

"Mind you, if being drunk is a form of being happy, then I suppose you could say I'm drunk," said Horatio, chuckling again.

Kyle just shook his head from side to side. He was sure his dad was having a happy hour.

Ten minutes later Horatio asked, "Do you want a coffee and a sandwich to finish the evening off Kyle?"

"Yes please Dad."

"Then I want to talk to you Kyle."

Kyle gave his dad a quizzical look.

"Oh yes, I haven't forgotten I wanted to speak to you about your part in the set up in New York."

Kyle groaned, he thought he had got away with that.

"On second thoughts Kyle, it's getting late and I really want to phone Jerry. I need to say something to him. He is always up late so he won't mind me phoning tonight."

"Okay Dad, think I will take this coffee and sandwich to bed with me then," said Kyle dashing away.

Horatio grinned. He had been teasing Kyle, but he did want to talk to him about a few things.

When he finished his coffee he rang Jerry.

Jerry answered his phone straight away and was surprised to hear it was Horatio.

"Horatio... Is everything okay?"

"It couldn't be better." Jerry relaxed when he heard these words.

"Jerry, I'm coming through to thank you for shocking me into talking on Friday night. I'll admit that at first I thought you were harsh, but I'm so pleased you were. You made me see I really had to find the courage to try to let Marisol go. As soon as I arrived home Kyle took me to the Holy Redeemer Church, and I spoke to her."

"Jerry, you will not believe this, but I swear a soft breeze blew up and she spoke to me, and you were absolutely right when you said she might not be resting in peace. She told me she had been waiting for me to fall in love with someone, and when I told her about Aileen, she told me her spirit could now rest in peace and she told me to be happy."

"I hope she really is at peace now."

"This is not unheard of Horatio, I've heard of this happening to others who finally decide to let a loved one go."

"But I may have just imagined it all as I wanted her to talk to me...but whatever, it did the trick, my heart is much lighter now."

"That's good news Horatio, now you can look forward...Yes?"

"Yes... I have contacted Aileen tonight to let her know we will work things out. I'll make sure it does whatever it takes Jerry. We will take it step by step, and to start with she and Tommy will be coming for a month's visit to Miami to see if they like it here. But Jerry, if they don't, you will certainly see more and more of me arriving in New York. I'm not letting this chance of happiness slip away from us."

"Better let you go now...just wanted to say thanks to a very good friend."

"Okay Horatio, I'm happy I was able to help."

Following his talk with Jerry, Horatio made a mental note of things he wanted to do the following morning, (a) phone Chief Burton, (b) speak to Kyle (c) speak to Aileen to go over a few things with her, and then he went to bed. He was feeling tired now after a very long day of unexpected but wondrous events.

Back in New York though, Jerry who was indeed a person who went to bed very late, thought how good it was to know that Horatio hadn't wasted any time and was now seemingly ready to move forward. This led him to think about the conversation he had with him on Friday night. He had been harsh almost cruel, though he had done it with the best of intentions. He rested back in his armchair and recalled the scene and every word.

After seeing John and Michael out he had returned to the lounge to see Horatio sitting there looking absolutely forlorn, and felt a surge of pity for him. He was such a good guy, and though he had fallen in love with Aileen it looked like he may let her go because of his continuing guilt feelings over Marisol's death. Personally, he wasn't at all sure what was at the root of Horatio's guilt as six years was a long time to hold on to such guilt. He sensed there was more behind it than anyone knew. He felt he had to try to do something about this so went across to him, and kneeling in front of him, took hold of his hands and asked, "Horatio, why do you still feel so guilty about Marisol?"

When he got no answer, he carried on relentlessly, "Start by telling me whether your love for her was deep or did you feel sorry for her and just believed you were in love with her? Did you ever cry for her Horatio? We knew you were angry; did this stop you from crying? Crying is an important part of grieving, we need to do this and I think this is something you still need to do."

"Have you ever talked about your anger over her death?"

Horatio looked at him aghast. Jerry had really shocked him with this full on approach.

Seeing his look Jerry nevertheless continued, "Come on Horatio, talk to me about Marisol; get your feelings out my friend. You just can't go on like this. My guess is that you have never spoken to a single soul about your own feelings."

Horatio sighed, and looking at Jerry with anguish in his eyes he finally succumbed and started speaking, "Yes, I was angry beyond belief, as was Eric her brother, who is also one of my work colleague's."

"It's a long story Jerry, but keeping it short I will tell you that a certain Antonio Riaz ordered a hit on Marisol to get back at me. He had earlier promised to hurt everyone I loved. Then he angered us even more because he was allowed to cut a deal by giving up some valuable information to the FBI and the courts deported him to Brazil."

"Eric and I were so incensed we unofficially followed Riaz to Rio, and ended his life. In case you're wondering, it was self defence at the end. But make no mistake we wanted him dead, he deserved to die. I swear he did Jerry. He also killed my brother Raymond who was in Brazil at the same time, although Raymond got into his own mess."

Horatio had paused for a moment and then continued, "However, revenge was bittersweet, it didn't bring Marisol back, and she had lost her life when I should have been protecting her."

Jerry had wanted to step in and protest a little in defence of Horatio, but he didn't as he was talking well now.

"Did I love her? Of course I did. But it wasn't an intense passionate love. You could say I got carried along with feeling sorry for her, but I certainly had a gentle love for her. She was very vulnerable, and suffering with cancer, and had just been caught buying drugs to pass on to sick people. I managed to get that sorted out and she thanked me for giving her help. She invited me to dinner, and it moved on from there."

"She was so sweet Jerry, and we started dating and she seemed to be happy when she was with me, and there was no way I was going to ruin that for her. Then I rushed things a bit. She was looking so sad one day, looking at her bleak future, when she told me she wished she could have had a baby, and I told her she still could."

"Who the heck did I think I was telling her that, when who knows whether we would even have been able to have a baby?"

"Anyway, I proposed to her on the spot. I should never have married her. Because of this I unintentionally put her life in danger and I should have known better. I suppose when Riaz made that threat I thought there was no way he was going to get a chance to hurt anyone I loved, because it was most definitely in my mind we would get the bastard before he had a chance. What a fool I was."

"I had only known her for three months so pretty whirlwind. Good at whirlwind aren't I?"

"Eric did show some concern about this not only for his sister, but for me as well. However, I wanted to give her some happiness in her life."

"Then I lost her the very day we were married. None of her dreams came true and that broke my heart." Tears were welling up in Horatio's eyes now.

Wiping his eyes Horatio continued, "You talk to me about guilt, yes I feel guilty because she died because of me, but I have often felt guilty wondering if I loved her enough. It was nothing like the love I now have for Aileen. I love Aileen in a more intense way, mind and body wise. And if Marisol can see me now I wonder if she is berating me for that."

"I don't know Jerry; she came into my mind so vividly the other night when I was dancing with Aileen, but instead of explaining to her I behaved like a stupid jerk. I did tell her about Marisol later that evening, but not that she had come to mind as we were dancing. How could I tell the woman I had fallen in love with that another woman was haunting my brain?"

"Perhaps Marisol's spirit was trying to tell you that Aileen was the right woman for you Horatio? Which is why she came through so strong to you."

"Anyway as I asked earlier, did you ever cry for her Horatio?"

"No Jerry,' I was so eaten up with anger, the anger took over my life so much that the tears never fell. I have felt sad about her so many times though." Then choking, Horatio suddenly broke down, and sobbed his heart out and cried like he had never cried before. And Jerry had held him in his arms in comfort until the sobs stopped. They had both gone to bed very late that night.

Jerry then pulled away from his thoughts and feeling happy at the way things had turned out went to bed.

TBC