EMAIL: NumfarGal@aol.com
RATING: PG for now.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them. Joss does. I am very envious.
NOTE: Number one, the title, which I am not entirely crazy about, is a song by Tori Amos. Number two, in the fic, if you see ~ ~ ~ it means a flashback, and * * * means a return to the present. Got it? Number three, if you feel like there were parts of the story that were left out, rest assured, the blanks will be filled in in the next two parts.
"I don't know who the father is."
"What? What did you say?", Giles asked, leaning back against the couch, unable to believe he was having this conversation.
"You heard me," Buffy said, her voice low. "I...I don't know whose it is."
Giles cleared his throat, removing his glasses in that old familiar way that comforted her even now. "I don't understand. I thought you and Riley were monogamous. Has something happened?"
"Obviously," Buffy said, putting her hand on her stomach that was now full and round. "I...the last time I went to Los Angeles to see Angel."
Giles looked at Buffy, confusion setting in as he placed his glasses back in their usual position. "Angel is a vampire. He cannot have a child. And furthermore, Buffy," Giles continued, his voice growing angry, "I do not understand how you could put yourself in that position again. You know what could have happened and you did it anyway. I cannot believe..."
"Giles. Wait," Buffy said, reaching her hand out to him and placing it on his arm. "You can keep this mental breakdown on reserve. I didn't have sex with Angel."
"Oh," Giles said, his eyes darting down. "I should have known you wouldn't do something as foolish as that."
"Yes, you should have," Buffy said, looking away. "Unfortunately, I did something else foolish."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Oh Buffy, you know he didn't mean it," Willow said, sitting on the edge of her bed facing Buffy who was sitting on the edge of hers.
"Do I? I knew this was going to happen. It always gets in the way. Especially with humans! How can I expect to be with someone who's weaker than me? It's an inferiority complex waiting to happen. Men! UGH!"
"I think Tara has a sister," Willow suggested, smiling.
"Ha ha," Buffy said sarcastically, letting a smile sneak on her face. "It's just...I can feel it," she said, looking down at her hands, her smile once again gone. "He's going to leave me."
"You don't know that!", Willow exclaimed, exasperated.
"Willow. He said we need to talk. That's guy code for 'Dumpsville'"
"Or...oh! It's also guy code for 'I want to get married'"
"Will..after the fight we had last night? Not on the likely. He said he didn't feel like he fit in my life anymore now that he was out of the Initiative. It doesn't sound very encouraging."
Willow nodded. "When are you supposed to see him?"
"An hour," Buffy said, gulping. She stared at the rug on the floor for a few seconds and then began to shake her head. "I cant do it. I have to get out of here. And now,'" Buffy said, springing to her feet and heading towards the closet.
"Buffy, you cant go," Willow said, getting to her feet and following her friend. "You cant keep running away from your problems."
"I'm not running away," Buffy said, packing a shirt into her duffel bag. "It's more like jogging...or..or..a steady trot. And besides, I'm coming back."
"I know, but Buffy..."
"Willow, I'm going. Just tell Riley I needed to think. Tell him I went to see my Dad."
"But you're not, are you? You're going to see him."
"Yes, I am," Buffy said, looking at Willow. "But not for that reason. Nothing's going to happen. I just need to talk to him."
"OK," Willow said, resigned. "Just be smart Buffy."
"I will. You need not worry."
"Call me when you get there?"
"Of course," Buffy said, lifting her bag onto her shoulder and heading out the door.
********
"How can they refuse to pay?", Cordelia asked, staring at the invoice she had so neatly typed up a week before. "They wanted their possessed garden gnomes unpossessed and we unpossessed them! I got grass stains on my last pair of designer pants!"
"Cordelia, it's part of life," Angel said, sighing as he flipped the page of the book he was attempting to read, although with Cordelia on a rage, it was proving to be a difficult feat. "It's not unlike...someone not paying their taxes, for example," Angel said, not looking up from his book.
"Ouch," Cordelia said, putting the invoice down. "I'm just trying to get us some desperately needed money. There's no need to break out a bag of 'Angelus style sarcastic comments'"
Angel looked up, frowning. "I'm sorry Cordelia. I'm just distracted."
"By what?", Cordelia asked, sighing. "I haven't had a vision in weeks. We have no open cases. And I'm pretty sure you're not reading that book, it being upside down and all."
"Oh," Angel said, flipping the book rightside up. "I don't know. I just feel..."
"...strange," Buffy said, walking in the officer, her hands in her pockets. "Hi Cordelia."
"Hi Buffy," Cordelia said, standing up. "Whoah. Deja vu," she said, leaning back against the desk. "You really have a thing for finishing people's sentences, huh?"
"I guess," Buffy said, looking at Angel, her eyes locked with his.
"OK, so that's my cue to leave, I think," Cordelia said, moving towards the door.
"Wait! Cordelia," Buffy called out, shifting her gaze from Angel to Cordelia. "I need to talk to you. Can we...talk?"
"Um, oook," Cordelia said, turning to walk back to her desk.
Buffy looked at Angel, avoiding his eyes. "Can we...have a little privacy?"
"Oh. OK," Angel said, grabbing his book. "I'll just be...not here."
Cordelia watched as Angel left the room, all the while fidgeting uncomfortably. "So Buffy, what's going on? I doubt you came all the way to Los Angeles to talk to me for fashion advice."
"No, I didn't."
"Although you really should have because teal is not at all your color."
"Thanks Cordelia," Buffy said, refusing to let Cordelia's comments bother her. She knew it was just a front. She had seen Cordelia be incredibly kind. "I need your opinion. I've talked to Willow about it but she's biased because she knows him."
"Riley?", Cordelia asked.
"Yeah. How did you..."
"Oh please. You rub it in Angel's face that you have a new GI Joe boy toy and you don't think I'm going to have to hear about it on an average of 2.4 times a day?"
"Oh," Buffy said, frowning. "I didn't mean to..rub"
"Well you did."
"I know."
"You hurt him."
"I know that too."
"OK," Cordelia said, fixing her hair behind her ears. "What's wrong?"
"I think he's going to leave me."
"Why do you think that?"
Buffy sighed. "It's the whole slayer thing. With Angel- he was- he had powers of his own, you know. That wasn't an issue. But Riley- he's human."
"So he's a wimp? I heard Angel kicked his ass pretty good," Cordelia said, fiddling with her pen.
"No!" Buffy said, shooting Cordelia an annoyed look. "That's not it at all. It's the male ego. He's strong- he's very strong, but he's not as strong as me."
"Well, who is? Besides the Incredible Hulk and maybe Wolverine."
"Cordelia, you're not helping."
"Sorry. Look- bottom line. If he loves you, he'll deal with it."
Buffy nodded, tears in her eyes. "Thank you Cordelia."
"Sure," Cordelia said, her voice quiet. "Are you going to be OK?"
"I'm not sure. Can you tell Angel I want to see him now?"
"OK," Cordelia said. "I'll get him."
Buffy watched as Cordelia disappeared around the bend of the office. She dabbed the tears that had fallen away and ran her fingers through her hair, straightening it. She knew she must look awful, but none of that ever mattered to Angel. He would talk to her even if all of her hair had fallen out.
Buffy held her breath as she heard the elevator moving up the floors. "What am I doing here?", Buffy said to herself, grabbing her purse. "Oh God," she said, quickly collecting herself and exiting the office.
"Buffy?", Angel said a moment later, entering the room. "Damnit!", he said, slamming his fist on the desk.
******************************************
"So I don't understand. Why did you leave the office?", Giles asked, sipping his tea slowly.
"Because I didn't trust myself. I had convinced myself that Riley didn't love me and was going to break up with me."
"But if you didn't sleep with Angel, who? Oh dear," Giles said, looking up at Buffy.
"Please tell me it's not Wesley. My heart couldn't take it.
Buffy smiled. "No. It's not Wesley. You don't know him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Bartender," Buffy said, slamming her empty glass down on the counter. "Another."
"This is the last one," the young bartender said, filling Buffy's glass once more. "After this I'm cutting you off."
Buffy frowned as she quickly downed the last of her beer. She knew she should have learned her lesson after last time, but at least this time she was sticking to a nationally known brand- Budweiser.
"Buffy?", a voice said from behind her. "Buffy Summers?"
Buffy turned around, spilling some of her beer on her skirt. "Yes. That's me. Buf-fy," she said, giggling. "Hey I know you," Buffy said, taking in the sight of the good looking man in front of her. "You were in that movie- 'The Fugitive' Harrison Ford was looking for you. You're a very bad man," she said, playfully punching the man's arm, although the force of it made him wince.
"That's just really funny," Lindsey said, sliding onto the seat next to her, his one arm resting on the bar, the other clutched to his side. "But that was a one armed man, not a one handed one."
"I'm drunk! What do I know?", Buffy said, drinking the last few drops of her beer.
"Listen Buffy," Lindsey said, looking the blonde over. "Angel sent me here."
"Angel!", Buffy said, smiling. "I love Angel! If it wasn't for his little grr problem and his sex problem."
"Sex problem, eh?", Lindsey said, grinning to himself. "Listen. I know you and Angel are meant to be together. He told me how much he loved you and how much he regretted not being able to give you the kind of live you deserve."
"Ooh! I'll take 'Speeches I've heard' for $500, Alex!"
"You're spunky," Lindsey said, smiling. "Angel didn't tell me that."
"Do you have a point of being here?"Buffy asked, her smile disappearing. "Cause you're ruining my buzz."
"Angel sent me to take you back to the office. He's worried about you."
"I can take care of myself," Buffy said, getting up from her seat. "You can tell Angel that I'm a big girl now and I don't need someone to look after me."
"OK," Lindsey said. "That's fair. Can I at least walk you outside and get you a cab?"
"Fine," Buffy said, nodding.
Lindsey smiled, taking Buffy's arm and walking outside.
"Now what do we have here?", a voice said from the darkness. "Good ole Lefty McDonald trying to steal the hero's girl."
"Who's there?" Lindsey said, tightening his hold on Buffy's arm.
"Ow," Buffy said, looking at Lindsey. "Now I may be drunk, but if you want to keep that other hand, you'll take it off me now."
Lindsey looked into her eyes, and without hesitation, let go.
"Good boy," the voice said, and suddenly a figure emerged from the shadows. "Lindsey, why don't you save the acting for the courtroom. She's not going anywhere."
"Gunn," Lindsey said, snarling. "You're swimming in some pretty dangerous water. You make waves, you're bound to attract some sharks. You think about that."
"Nah, I prefer to think about how funny you look with one hand."
"We'll be seeing each other real soon. You relay that message to Angel as well," Lindsey said, stepping into the limousine that had rolled up, seemingly on cue.
Gunn watched Buffy as the limo drove away, an eyebrow raised in confusion. He had seen her picture before, of course, and knew she was the slayer, but somehow he had imagined her differently. Not drunk, at the very least.
"You OK?", he asked her, moving closer.
"I'm fine," Buffy said, her hands up in the air. "I'm not some swoony little blonde in an alley waiting to be rescued by you, you know?"
"You sure could have fooled me. You were about to get in a car with the Big Bad."
"No I wasn't," Buffy said, her head beginning to clear a bit. "I was...finding out..."
"Uh huh."
"...some information about..."
"Uh huh."
"Look! He said he was with Angel. He knew who I was. He knew our history!"
"Look at that guy Buffy. Do you think anyone wearing an Armani suit and his every hair in place is on Angel's side?"
"Well..."
"Didn't Angel tell you about Wolfram & Hart?"
"The law firm," Buffy replied, leaning against the dumpster, her hand to her head. "Oh. Oh," Buffy said, realization sinking in. "I'm a colossal idiot."
"No you're not," Gunn said, smiling.
"Yes, I am!"
"OK. Well, maybe. Just not 'colossal'"
"Very funny," Buffy said, grinning. "Well, how do I know you're not working for them?"
"I'm black."
"So?"
"They're white. They're the Wonder bread of law firms. I wouldn't exactly fit in."
"Oh," Buffy said. "So..."
"You want to know why Angel sent me instead o f coming to get you himself."
"Wow. I'm that predictable, huh? You've known me for five minutes and you've already nailed my thought process."
"Not at all," Gunn said, looking up at the sky. "Look, I'd love to finish this conversation, but there are safer places to do it. Can I buy you coffee? Sober you up?"
"Coffee," Buffy repeated, her mind reaching back a few years. "That would be good."
"Great. My truck's right around the corner."
"A truck?", Buffy asked, wrapping her arms around her chest.
"Yeah. I think you're gonna like it."
"I don't know. I'm not usually a fan of trucks but...Jeepers!", she exclaimed. "It's me as a car!"
"Well, that's one way to look at it," he said, jumping into the front seat. He leaned over and popped the passenger door open for her.
"Thanks," Buffy said, lifting herself inside. She slammed the door shut and stared out the side window, her mind still full of thoughts of Riley.
"OK. This isn't going to work," Gunn said, looking at her.
"What? What's wrong?", she asked, turning back to him.
"I want to get to know you but I don't want to hang out with someone who's going to mope all night."
Buffy smiled, weakly. "I know. I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind."
"We all do. I've got things that are bothering me too. My sister died recently."
"I'm sorry," Buffy said, her hand resting on his. "I didn't know. My problems seem...90210ish in comparison."
"To me, maybe. But to you- they're important. And I understand that. I just- I like your smile and I want to see it more often, OK?"
"OK. Now lets get some coffee."
*******************************************
"So that was him, was it? Gunn?"
"Yes," Buffy said, her hand on her stomach still.
"I've heard about him. Angel speaks of him very highly. I assume he does not know what happened between you two?"
"No. You're the only one. So far," Buffy said, sighing.
A smile settled on her face suddenly as her hand moved. "Giles! The baby's kicking!", she said, and in an instant, Giles' hand had replaced hers. Despite the dilemma he knew Buffy was in, he smiled, proud as a grandfather to be.
Eventually the kicking stopped and his smile faded.
"This is some situation you're in, Buffy."
"I know."
"When are you going to tell Riley?"
"Tomorrow."
"Well, whatever happens, I'll support you," Giles said, pulling Buffy into a hug.
"Thank you," Buffy said, her head on his chest. "I'm afraid tomorrow I'll need all the support I can get."
TO BE CONTINUED....