Chapter 1: Theresa May and The Chamber Of Secrets
(Nicola's POV)
"Go! Get out, now!" She hissed, her almost non existent lips practically folding themselves away into the obyss of her inner mouth. Emphasising the danger of the impeding situation, she was throwing her hands everywhere and seeing her all worked up like this made you hot - so you decided to pull your white leather Spanex up your legs every so slowly. Slowly.
Just as the thought came into your head it was closely followed by another which rapidly turned into an idea. Calmly you smirked at her and minced over to her beats pill speaker in neon green and discreetly turned the volume all the way up and play your song. Before Theresa May knew what hit her Despacito was playing at deafening volumes out of the window of 10 downie street.
Suddenly armed police were rushing up the stairs and in the next instant the door is in splinters on the floor along with the rest of your clothes. At this point Theresa is passed out on the floor, blood gushing from all of her orifices. The leader of the 10 strapping men that have just entered the room removes his protective helmet to revel the face of a man you know all too well, David Cameron.
A look of disgust flashes across his face and you try to rush over to him to explain the situation but you trip over your nipples, forgetting that your tits have become so saggy that sometimes orphans use them to skip rope. David rolls his eyes before drop kicking Justin Bieber out of the 3rd story window, swiftly followed by a spinning heel kick to your face - and then there is nothing but darkness
(David's POV)
A sigh of effort leaves your lips after you knock out that stupid sket Nicola and you tell your men to leave. Standing over Theresa's naked body, you whip out your dick and cover it with peanut butter and coax the cat, Larry, over to lick it all off. Damn Larry give the good succ. You pick up the corpses and throw them out the window then look at your watch, damn looks like your shift is over lol not your problem. You remove your uniform and return to the stately mansion you share with ed miliband.
knock knock* "honey I'm home." No answer. Weird. You knock again and from inside you hear a ragged moan. "Oh so you wanna play that game, huh," you say through the keyhole and make you way over to the window. The curtains are drawn tightly shut - he was prepared. What he was not prepared for though, was the fact that you have a king fu master tied up in the basement for your personal entertainment and you summon him. He breaks free and jumps down from the 5th story window, the blast sends you straight through the second story window. While you still hold the element of surprise you take off your belt, discard it and make your way hurriedly down the stairs.
You are just about to shove your dry cock up Ed's asshole when you realise that those aren't the saggy cheeks you're so used to clapping, they were Nicola Sturgeon's... SHE WAS EATING HIS ASS!
Ed turns his head about 200 degrees to face you, no remorse in his eyes. Fighting back tears, you showed a strong and collected front. Instead of the tears rolling down your face the came out of your ass as you stormed out gunning down 6 orphans in your rage. You know who you have to turn to to resolve this, the orange dictator - D00nlid Tramp