What Could Have Been

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Twilight Saga. All rights to Stephanie Meyers.

Author's note: This is just a little idea I've been toying around with in my head. I'm not really sure where it's going to go. This is slightly alternate reality I suppose. Please feel free to let me know what you think.

Chapter 1

Bella's POV

"Is that what you dream about? Becoming a monster?" Edward asked.

"I dream about being with you forever," I replied.

"And you're ready now?" He asked.

"Yes," I answered and as he leaned in I dropped my head back. I could feel my heart racing. I glanced up at the beautiful gazebo ceiling strewn with thousands of clear lights that looked as romantic as stars –but still paled in comparison to Edward's skin. As he drew closer I could feel his breath against my neck and I trembled. Excitement and anticipation was coursing through me from head to toe. I was going to get to be with Edward forever – to love him forever. I had made my choice.

Edward's POV

It had started as a need to take Bella to prom to ensure that she didn't missing anything – especially not on my account. I could hardly let her go with someone else so of course that meant I put on my best, got the once over from Alice who told me to enjoy every moment and took the woman I had thought I would never find to her junior prom. She looked gorgeous in the dress that Alice had leant her. She was a princess out of a fairy tale, my princess, my Bella. The inside of the school was packed, crowded and noisy so I escorted her outside for some fresh air. The gazebo with its thousands of tiny lights looked like just the place for my princess. I set her, walking cast and all, on top of my feet and began to dance with her. I closed my eyes a moment as I took in her scent. This was probably as close to any kind of heaven as I was ever likely to get and I savored the moment.

The next thing I know Bella is offering her most precious gift to me. She is offering me her life, her mortality begging me to take it away from her. How could she ask such a thing? How could she dangle such a forbidden apple before me. Darn Alice, couldn't she have just been wrong for once? Could Bella honestly know right now what she wanted for the rest of her life? If our roles were reversed and I had just almost lost this beautiful angel would I do whatever was necessary to be with her? Surely though, it is not necessary for her to change to be with me? I heard the answer from a small voice in the back of my head – 'it's a shame he didn't have the strength to change you. He left you as a fragile human'. She would be in danger every time she was with us. I knew that she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and she had just pledged as much to me.

In an instant I may yet regret my heart overruled my head and as I leant to her throat I grasped her to support her weight. There was no painless way to do this. It would be a sacrifice on both our parts. I kissed her a moment and then I closed my eyes, prayed to whatever gods might be listening for the soul and safety of my angel and I bit. Her eyes flew open in momentary shock. What she did next squeezed tightly on my dead heart. She smiled softly and then with the last of her consciousness she whispered, "I love you."

We were still alone – I had made sure of that. I knew I had to hurry and get her away from here. The fire of the venom was going to take her soon and I needed her somewhere where she would be safe. The depth of what I had just done was starting to sink in.

"Edward you did it," Alice exclaimed in my mind, "I was all set for the vision to change. I've sent Jasper for the car. He's driving down to the frontage road – cut through the park area."

Thank God for Alice. I was surprised when she and Jasper had decided to attend the prom but I guess since it was more than just Emmett and Rosalie going this time they had decided to come watch Bella and I. I was now very thankful as I scooped Bella into my arms and clutching her to me I hurried at a human run to the tree line. Once we reached cover I ran at full speed crossing the clearing in seconds to the car that was idling on the other side. Alice sprang out to help me with her just as the Hummer pulled alongside.

"What have you done?!" Rosalie barked, "You bit her didn't you?! How are you ever going to make this work? It's not like you can just run her back to her Dads'!"

Rosalie had a point but I didn't need to hear it right now. It was done and now I just had to focus on Bella. She was beginning to writhe in my arms and I remember all too clearly the last time she had been in such pain. She would never have to endure such pain again once this was over. She was going to be mine and I would protect her with my life.

"Right now we have to get her to Carlisle," Alice cut at Rosalie while trying to help me load Bella and myself into the backseat. When she was cradled on my lap we set off in a hurry. I could tell that my anxiety was working on Jasper because he was typically more cautious with his car.

"How's she doing?" Alice asked with genuine concern. She had been lobbying for Bella as a sister since I had met her. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Emmett's behind us in your car," Jasper said. Ordinarily that would have been an absolute deal breaker, no one drove my car but me – however, everything was about Bella right now.

The drive seemed interminable as we raced along for our safe haven. Jasper stopped the car in the drive and Carlisle was there to meet us. It was only then that I realized Alice had been on the phone with him.

"Well this is a surprise," Carlisle said looking to me. He wasn't angry – in fact he had been one of the advocates for Bella's change when I had argued it with Alice. I had to admit though that my timing may not have been the best. If I had planned for this event though it would have never taken place - it was only because I had been caught up in the moment.

"Help me Carlisle," I looked my father straight in the eye then and I had never in all my eighty years felt more of a man than I did right then with the responsibility of Bella's whole life in my arms. The burden felt greater by the moment, a fact that I think may have been aided by her thrashing now in earnest. She was moaning slightly though I could tell by her fiercely clenched teeth that she was in more pain than she was letting out.

"Quickly, upstairs to my office," Carlisle beckoned and I raced upstairs with Bella in my arms, the others close behind me. Rosalie was the only one who remained in the hall with Emmett in the doorway torn between two allegiances.

"How are we going to cover this one up? We're going to have to leave Forks, if we can. Edward this little accident of yours-" Rosalie fumed.

"Bella was not an accident!" I growled at her now totally overwrought with emotions I was not used to experiencing at all. I lunged towards her but fortunately all of my siblings were in the way.

"Rosalie! Edward, Bella needs you right now," Carlisle said firmly.

"How is she?" Alice and I asked at the same time and I gave Alice a smile.

"As good as can be expected, I have her restrained so she won't hurt herself struggling and now we just wait," Carlisle said still checking Bella's vitals.

"What exactly are we going to tell her father?" Rosalie interjected again, "I mean everyone saw them there together. Edward has laid this mess at our doorstep."

"Well she was supposed to be spending the night with me anyhow," Alice said quickly, "and Chief Swan adores me so I'll just get her to stay the whole weekend."

"Oh yes and of course when Edward takes her back no one will notice the white skin and the blood red eyes," Rosalie interjected.

"I'm online now for the contacts," Jasper said from over at the desk and I saw Alice give him a 'hero' smile. If we made it through this I was going to owe my siblings permanently. Just then Bella squeezed my hand and returned herself to my forethoughts. She looked so unbelievably small and fragile there before me, struggling as the painful burning raged through her. I squeezed her hand back gently in reassurance. Whatever my Bella suffered I would be right here to endure it too.

"If she was eighteen I'd say a run for Vegas and an elopement," Jasper suggested from his position at the desk, "I mean you're going to marry her anyways right?"

"Woo Vegas!" Emmett cheered and Rosalie popped him in the arm.

"Yes, no – I mean I don't think I can marry her now. She's only 17 and…and this is already too much for her," I sighed. I had gotten in over my head. When she asked me I should have turned and ran the other direction as fast as I could. Why did I do this?

'Because you love her more than life itself' a voice inside me interjected. I think if it was still in me to cry I would be doing so right now.

I felt a wave of intense calm come over me and I knew that I needed to lighten up and give Jasper a break. He must be suffering as much as Bella and I. I took a deep breath and released it in an attempt to calm myself. I had to keep a clear head if I was going to get us through this.

"Let's save the marriage until the future bride is able to consent rationally," Carlisle replied evenly, "she is a Cullen now. If she and Edward choose to wed in the future let that be at a time of their choosing." Carlisle and I exchanged a smile. I think he knew a wedding would not be far in the future if I had anything to say about it. I wanted Bella in every way possible – forever. I smiled and brushed the side of her cheek. Her hand was already beginning to feel cooler in mine.

"Maybe we should just pick up and go, maybe a clean break would be better," Esme interjected.

"No, I want her to be able to stay here for a while," I spoke up.

"You must see the difficulty in that," Carlisle said.

"Charlie doesn't really pay Bella that much attention close-up. I mean there's not that much close contact between them," Alice began thinking aloud, "Monday starts Spring break at school – I just thought about that. She didn't have any family plans so if she stays with me. Then when the week is over we can figure things out from there. Maybe we can say she's sick with something…Carlisle you could be her doctor…"

"There would be lab tests Alice," Carlisle refuted, "but I think at least the Spring Break thing is the best course of action."

"She's here most of the time anyways these days. I don't see where it would make much of a difference," Rosalie voiced her first constructive comment of the evening.

"Chief Swan said she could stay," Alice replied from the back of the group. She had slipped away to make the phone call and I flashed a smile of gratitude. Alice was a true sister. Jasper made his way through the group to Alice and they left. We had been here three hours though it felt like an eternity already. I was pretty sure that she had taken him hunting to get him away from the chaos. I felt my own hunger raging at the back of my throat but I was resolved not to leave her side. I fingered the prom dress she had borrowed from Alice and my thoughts drifted back to earlier tonight when I had held her in my arms.

A thought suddenly crossed my mind – what if once she was changed she didn't see things that way anymore? What if she didn't want me anymore? Didn't want this anymore? I didn't have the power to take her decision back. Would I have the strength to let her go?

Alice joined me at Bella's bedside the next afternoon – everyone had trickled out of the room shortly after she and Jasper had gone last night. Alice moved to Bella's other side and rubbed her arm and then her forehead.

"How's our girl?" she asked with optimism.

"Good as can be expected Carlisle said"

"Well that's good then," Alice smiled at me, "look I'm going to take this watch and sit with her a while. Why don't you go hunt with Emmett and Carlisle?"

I made to object but Alice added, "I can have Carlisle back in a flash if anything changes. Go on – she'll be fine. It's easy to tell you love her. She loves you too you know, just as much. Why else would she have chosen this – chosen you?"

I patted Alice's hand where it laid on top of Bella's and gave her a brief smile, "thanks Alice. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Oh don't worry about it. Bella and I are just going to sit here and talk about the latest fashions," Alice joked. I shook my head and with one more glace to assure myself that Bella was going to be okay I hurried out the door.

Frantic minutes had drawn into long hours which had stretched into three interminably long days. During the last six hours my anxiety had gotten the better of me and I had begun pacing. My steps were almost matching the frantic racing of her heart. It pained me to hear it because I knew, without Carlisle's diagnosis, that the end of its' life was drawing near. Soon it would silence and I – and I alone – had been its' executioner. The others had adopted a similar solemn mood downstairs. Esme was reading a book, Jasper and Emmett were watching the TV quietly and Alice was knitting.

I turned around to where Bella had laid for three days now as I heard her heartbeat suddenly transition to a slower and more labored beat. It would not be much longer now. The last of Bella's mortality was seeping through my fingers. There had been a few times in this room, while alone, that I had begged to be able to return it. I had longed to take away that decision and to give her back her humanity. I had taken so many things from her, things that she was probably not even aware of yet. I had also given things up myself. I was never going to see my angel blush again when I kissed her. I would never feel the warmth of her lips against mine – the gentle softness of her skin. There had been many times when it had been too much to bear. Through it all though three questions remained – when that beautiful woman before me opened her eyes would it still be me that she wanted? Would she still be my Bella? And would she come to regret her decision?

I wasn't sure I would be able to live with it if she did. The pressure as the time drew near began to be almost too much for me. I became torn between wanting to be at her side and wishing to escape those questions that were haunting me. She had stopped thrashing about hours ago and I removed her restraints. I gathered her up into my arms and walked to my room where I settled most of her on my lap on the couch. I wanted to hold her when she came to. I wanted her to know she was safe and that I love her. She had to know that. Then it happened, I jerked with a start as my hearing picked up one sporadic heartbeat, then another and then nothing. I waited a long time for that next heartbeat but it never came – instead the only sound was Carlisle entering the room followed quickly by everyone else.

Bella's POV

Time had gone by like a fuzzy dream that had turned into a nightmare. I vaguely remember hearing Alice and was that Rosalie? Edward had carried me and I remembered being in a car before the pain had become too much. I had surely been burned alive, scorched and scarred over every inch of my body so intense had been the fire. The nightmare had seemed to last forever, but just when I thought I would perish for sure the pain had drawn away. It had seeped out of my extremities and settled in my heart and I had felt myself begin to drift up out of the dream. I realized that I felt safe and knew I must be enfolded in Edward's arms – though I didn't feel cold, just momentarily weak. Suddenly the weakness and the pain all disappeared and I began to feel other things. I realized that I was no longer cool pressed against Edward and that he was no longer as hard and formidable as I had remembered. Suddenly I heard a whooshing noise and it took me a moment to realize I had heard a car pass by on the highway. Was such a thing really possible? Were all of my senses like that? Carefully I opened one eye – I expected to be temporarily blinded like when I had regained consciousness in the hospital in Phoenix. I was not. Instead I could see everything like never before. It was like going from antenna reception to high definition on your TV – only my view of things was even clearer than that. The entire Cullen household was before me and I smiled softly opening both eyes to take them in.

That was all the encouragement Alice needed, "Bella, welcome back, glad you're up."

I shifted my glance to Edward whose arms were wrapped around me.

"Hello beautiful," he said gently, "how do you feel?"

"Normal," I hazarded an assessment, "my throat is scratchy."

"Oh that's normal," Alice waved it off.

"That's thirst," Edward explained to me at the same time.

"You'd better take her out and show her the ropes," Carlisle said from my side where he had been checking me over. It was precisely at that moment that I caught sight of myself in a full-length mirror. I was sure Alice must have brought it into Edward's room. I rose slowly from Edward's embrace and he held onto me longer than was necessary as though he was ensuring my ability to stand on my own feet. I guess I couldn't blame him considering how clumsy I was as a human. I wondered if I would be as accident prone now when I was…a vampire. I am a vampire. The firmness of that fact was still eluding me. I never took my eyes from the reflection in the mirror as I crossed the short distance to it. The whole room had fallen silent as everyone seemed to be waiting for my reaction.

The young woman in the mirror was breath-taking. She had porcelain pale skin with a perfect complexion and a face than any supermodel would have paid millions for. Her rich brown hair feel in perfect shiny waves down her back – halfway between shoulder and waist. The woman's body seemed to be lithe and graceful, not at all clumsy as I had always felt. I reached out a hand to touch the fingerprints of my mirror image as if to assure myself it was real. Then I braved a glance at what had worried me the most –my eyes. It had been the one feature I had actually been rather proud of. They were a shade of burgundy red I would not have believed possible if I wasn't staring straight at it. I jumped a little as Edward put his hands on my shoulders from behind.

"They'll change in a few months, Bella," he said gently.

"I know," I sighed softly.

"You look gorgeous!" Alice exclaimed hurrying to hug me.

"I kind of do," I replied bashfully and I caught Edward giving me a small smile. It was only the second one he had managed since I had opened my eyes. Was he regretting this? He could hardly take it back now.

"Edward I think Bella's probably ready for some practice hunting," Carlisle said gently.

"Can I come too please?" Alice started in.

"I hardly think she needs an audience," Rosalie growled.

"If you like," I told Alice softly, "just don't laugh."

"That's what you're worried about?" Edward half scoffed and half chuckled.

I was suddenly very apprehensive, "you think it's going to go badly?"

"I'll come along just to make sure it doesn't," Emmett announced.

"No, Jasper, Edward and Alice can take Bella," Carlisle arbitrated.

I noticed my hand at my throat then as if I could soothe the harsh tickly feeling from the outside. Edward slipped his hand in mine.

"It's going to be okay Bella," he said softly but firmly, "I won't let you do anything you'll regret…and I won't let anything happen to you ever again."

I learned several things on my first hunt. First, that it was a messy business and it was going to take some practice to come home clean like the others and not with the front of one's clothes smattered with blood as I was. Second, that I was no longer repulsed by blood but actually attracted to it and in fact had enjoyed watching Edward hunt before finally catching my own deer. Lastly, that I was not an ordinary newborn. This seemed to be the consensus of the entire Cullen family.

"By the time I had gotten to her she had already stopped herself," Edward was recanting the story to an amazed Carlisle. I had picked up a very strong scent with my breath outdoors and had taken off in that direction. What I found was forbidden fruit – a campsite with a couple of hikers. I had stayed well away and held my breath, sinking to the forest floor as I reassured myself that I would not take their lives. That was how Edward had found me. He and Jasper had been especially shocked. They had been racing after me to restrain me with as much force as necessary to get me back under control but I had done so with my own free will. Carlisle said he had never heard of anything like it. He even ventured to suggest that I might escape the newborn craze altogether. I fervently hoped that it was so.

"And just how do you think she's going to handle being trapped in a house with one?" Rosalie spoke up. Charlie! I hadn't even given him a thought since I had awoken. What was I going to do? I knew that my place was at Edward's side always but Charlie expected me home on Monday.

"He expects me home on Monday," I mumbled but with my new voice it was more than enough for the others to hear.

"I called him and got permission for you to stay the whole of Spring Break," Alice replied. She sighed then, "I just don't know exactly what we're going to do after that."