"Kids, did I ever told you about how I met you two?"
"No, and we seriously don't want to know" answered Mia
"The date was November fifteenth of 2012 and …"
"Oh! I'm so gonna tell mom about this…" said Josh starting to get up
"No, don't you even think about getting up, you two are gonna stay here on the couch while I tell you this legen - wait for it… dary story!"
"Yeah, whatever, I have plans for tonight anyway so I can't stay" said Mia
"So do I, oh well… Bye dad…"
"NO! WAIT! Umhn… YOU'RE GROUDED! There, now you can stay here listening to this awesome story, which is even better than Laser tag! True Story."
"WHAT? NO! You can't do this to us!"
"I just did" said Barney while he did one of his evil laughs "Now sit down and let me start and by the end of the story you will get important presents. Is that okay?"
"NO!" said both of them
"Good, now… The date was November fifteenth of 2012 and …"
"Wait! 2012? You and mom weren't even married yet! Is this going to take too long?" asked Josh
"Calm down! I am getting to that part." Answered Barney
"Is this gonna be like one of Uncle Ted's stories that Luke and Leia always complain about?"
"No, it isn't even half as long. Now can you let me continue it? Please?"
"Go ahead" said the two of them very annoyed.
"Now… The date was November fifteenth 2012 and it had been a while since I had broken up with this girlfriend of mine named Quinn, we were engaged but we didn't trust each other so we had to end it. And your mother had broken up with this not-as-awesome-as-me guy called Nick just a few days before. We were both single, your mother was her normal self and I was too, but the only difference is that I was hitting on other women to get laid, all of them hot dumb bimbos at the bar…"
"Wait, wait" interrupted Mia "You were doing all of this at the bar? Where you and the gang hanged out?"
"Yes… Why?"
"Where you and mom hanged out?"
"Yeah, but why are you…"
"Bastard! Back then Mom already liked you, didn't she?"
"I don't know "said Barney smiling "I guess you'll have to ask her that. "
"But, if you were both single, and if mom liked you and if you liked mom, why weren't you dating already?" asked Josh
"You idiot, mom had broken up with this other dude not-as-awesome-as-dad (according to dad anyway), just some days before! She needed a break! And I have to hand it to her; it mustn't be easy dating a guy like dad…"
"Oh, you're mom and I had already dated!"
"WHAT?" They both screamed.
"Yeah! But we weren't ready to date each other yet, I got fat, and your mom started to lose her hair and she couldn't stand me anymore so we broke up. This was back in 2009, I think. In 2011 your mother and I (both dating other people) took a cab ride together and, for some reason, we ended up in bed. After that, I realized I still had feelings for her and told her that for me, it had meant something, and if it had meant something for her too, she should meet me back at the bar at midnight alone and we there could talk about our relationship. So I broke up with my girlfriend and thought "The worst is done" and then I was so confident that I filled your mother's bed with rose petals and then I went to the bar. When she arrived (I always loved that green dress on her, even thought now it is kind of cursed) she brought her boyfriend along with her, meaning that she didn't broke up with him for me, meaning that she didn't love me enough to stay with me instead. When she shook her head "no" it devastated me. But I don't think she knows that, and I don't wanna worry her with that now, the past is past, water under the bridge…"
"Oh, daddy…!" Then Mia stood up and hugged her dad and started to cry.
"Oh don't cry sweetheart! Everything is fine now see, your mom and I are married and we have you two guys and we couldn't have been prouder of you. I mean look at you two! Mia, you are gorgeous, you took after your mother, and those blue eyes still haunt me. And you Josh, you are wearing a suit! It's the most defiant proof that I have thought you well! I love guys…"
"We love you too, dad" said Josh, getting Mia a box of tissues.
"Now, let me continue…so one day, I was at the bar hanging around with your mother…"
"Hey!" Robin said
"Hi, how are you? Everything okay? You look kind of bad…"
"It's fine, I just have been thinking a lot lately…"
"Thinking about what?"
"About… Oh I don't know… Everything! My life and how it sucks, and how I am always getting dumped…" And then she started crying.
"Kids to this day, I cannot stand watching your mother cry. I feel so useless and so powerless, and I am trying to make her feel better but I just can't. It hurts, it is like someone grabbed my heart and put it in the middle of a street and there are tons and tons of cars and people passing on top of it and it just gets crushed and bleeds a lot"
"Gosh, dad…" Mia said.
"What? It's true! Every bit of it! Kids, I have seen your mother have some emotional breakdowns during our time together, and she as seen me having some too, like for example when your Grandma died. I never need more support in my entire life, and there she was, your mother, always there to comfort me and make me feel better. I never met better and more awesome person than your mom, and I bet my suits, that I never will."
"WOW! Dad that is deep for you!" said Josh
"Oh, shut up! He is just being romantic!" added Mia
"Thank you, now where was I? Oh yes…"
"Hey! Hey! Don't cry! Your life doesn't suck, your life is great! You're a great, well known journalist, who has traveled the world. You have a wonderful life. You have such awesome friends like us!" and then I gave her a hug and tried to comfort her.
"Yeah but my love life sucks… and there is something I didn't tell you"
"What is it?"
"I've been visiting the box…"
"What box?" asked Josh
"Oh… The Box!" said Barney smiling "By the time, your mother and I were dating for the first time, I had a lot of memories with her, you know, before it all went south. And I kept them all in my house. But when I started dating other women, I didn't want them to think that I was still in love with your mom, but I wasn't brave enough to throw them away. So I rented a storage unit and kept them all there in a box, "The Box of Feels" that's what I used to call it. But one day, your mother asked me what had I done with all the memories, back then I was still dating Quinn, so the stuff was all in the box, but I was too embarrassed to tell your mom that I had kept them, so I told her that I got rid of it. To my surprise, she told me that she didn't like that I had gotten rid of all of our memories and that she could never do the same. An unconscious part of me was thrilled that she could never do that, so I gave her the key and the address, and she went there and appreciated all of our pictures, letters, pieces of a dish, tickets of trips, everything. She told me in later years that she was marveled."
"Does the box still exist? Asked Mia, curious.
"Oh yes, but is a lot emptier, because I have some of those pictures here at home… like this one." Barney held a frame with a picture of them both in eating spaghetti in a fancy restaurant.
"That's lovely! Dad, you and mom were adorable back then, very handsome people!
"Thanks, if you guys want I can take you there, to the box I mean, I am sure your mother will be thrilled. She still visits it, and, over the years, she has added things, and so have I"
"We would love to, dad!" said Mia excitedly
"But continue the story" added Josh
"Okay, well…"
"You have?" I asked
"Yes, I have"
"Kids, this time it was a conscious part of me that was thrilled. By this time I was in love with your mother, and I was sure of it, but I was too afraid to tell her, afraid that I would get a rejection again, afraid that over time we got fat and sick of each other again. I didn't want that to happen."
"Why?" I asked, I really wanted to know
"Because… because… I think… I think I'm in love with you again. This whole thing with the box, and our memories and how you kept them. And when you were with Quinn, I just felt that wanted to kill that bitch because she was lucky enough to have you. And it still hurts when I think about how much you tried to keep your relationship with them, and you just let ours fall… It's okay if you don't feel the same way… I completely understand…"
"Then, kids, I just cut her off with a kiss, like the ones which are in movies, because, as your wise( but not as awesome as me or your mom) uncle Ted says, she was "The One", the one person you wanna spend the rest of your life with, the one you want to do everything with, the only one who you think about doing such things as marriage or kids with. For me, kids, your mother was the reason why any of my other relationships ever worked, and in the end I just wanted to go back to her"
"Ohh… Dad, you're so sweet" Said Mia
"You're so lame…" said Josh
"Hey, when you reach my age you'll think like me about some other chick. True Story"
"What happened next? Asked Mia
"Well… Our kiss lasted like forever, and I couldn't have been happier, your mother was mine again, well at least I thought so, but your mother was terrified for something she had to do, and because she loved me for real, she made sure she told me as soon as possible"
"Well now I am curious…" said Josh
"Don't be, it is not very happy and it is something that worried us some years ahead" said Barney.
"Barney…?" asked Robin very determined.
"Yes? What's wrong?
"There is something I need to tell you, and it's not very good…"
"What is it, Scherbatsky?"
"I am telling you this because I think this will last, and this is why most of my relationships never worked. This is an important part of any relationship and if you can't live without it, you shouldn't be with me. I am telling you this in an early stage because it is much easier to leave you now, than when I will be more attached to you in the future." She took a deep breath
"What is it Robin? You're scaring me? Is it that you can't have sex?
"DAD! What the hell is wrong with you?" Screamed Mia
"Calm down! I was just kidding!"
"Well it wasn't funny; I can't even imagine mum's face…"
"You're mom laughed! With a bit of sarcasm of course, but she laughed!"
"Ahaha! Burn!" Said Josh
Mia was a little annoyed after that…
"But anyway…"
She laughed, but the matter was so serious that the joke lasted little.
"No… It's Umhn… I can't… I can't have kids." And then she started crying again.
"WHAT?" Mia and Josh both screamed
"But… But… How are we here if mom can't have kids!? Are we adopted or something!? Oh my God…!" Mia was panicking
And Josh was too.
"What!? I mean… How!? I don't even…!"
"Just both of you calm down. Please. You are indeed here and you were NOT adopted. You two were like our little miracles. When your mom first found out that she was pregnant with you, Josh, she was like hysterical, nobody, not even me, could calm her down. She was just too happy, and she wasn't even sure that she wanted to have kids! Many years ago, some doctor put the idea in her head that she could never have children, and kids, I didn't even know the news and I could see she devastated about something, and this was in 2011! I can honestly say that I never saw your mother happier, and we didn't even know that we could have kids of our own, we were just having sex. The condoms are only 98% safe, those two percent are always on the loose, remember that!
"Jeez… Thanks dad…" Josh said
"Oh God No!" said Josh
"Any way… back to the story…"
"Hey. Hey! Don't cry! I won't leave you… I don't even care if you can have kids or not! I just want you! As long as I have you I will be not happy, but the happiest man alive!"
"But… But… You want kids; I can't take that away from you…."
"I'll repeat: I want you, nothing else matters. I mean it."
"You do, don't you?" She asked, starting to feel better, but this conversation was no yet done, your mother would insist on this many more times, because she loved me and she didn't want to make my life miserable. And every time I would answer her, the same. That nothing else matters to me, besides her. But when you kids were born, the story changed.
"Truly" I answered.
And then we kissed again, longer this time, more passionately, because if I could spend all my life kissing your mother, I would. This if I wouldn't need to breath, of course.
But I didn't expect what happened next: The gang arrived, and I was still kissing your mother. But we didn't even notice! We were in a world of our own… but the next thing I heard was your aunt Lily scream of excitement.