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"I got a question." I said, looking sideways at Spock, who was sitting on my left, looking out the shuttle window as we returned to earth for shore leave. His hair was immaculate, as usual, and when he turned to me and I fully looked at him, he cocked an eyebrow, causing my heart to flutter. He was my best friend, despite our rocky start, but I wanted more. So much more…
"And what would that be, Captain?" He said formally, tilting his head slightly. I smiled, loving all his little habits.
"Oh come on, Spock! Stop being so formal, we're on shore leave!" I said, punching his shoulder lightly. He stared at where I touched for a moment before nodding.
"As you wish, Jim." He said, staring at me as he waited for my question. I took a deep breath and mentally prepared myself.
"Do you want to spend shore leave with me? There's a really cool place in New Zealand that I wanted to check out and I'm sure you'd find it fascinating." I offered with a smile, mimicking the way he said fascinating all the time. His eyebrows raised, the most surprise a Vulcan can convey, and I swallowed hard. "That is, if you don't have plans with Uhura."
Nyota Uhura was a great friend, in fact I considered her family. But sometimes when I caught them kissing I couldn't help the sadness and jealousy that was coiled in my gut. That feeling was what alerted me to the possibility of my feelings for the emotionless Vulcan. What confirmed it was when he cried on the other side of that glass, his hand to mine in what I knew was a Vulcan kiss. At that moment I thought it was too late, and I had opened my mouth to say I love you to him and died before I had the chance.
"Jim, I feel, as your friend, that I should confide in you that Nyota and I have terminated our relationship prior to my boarding the shuttle." He said with a straight face. How could he be so calm about this? Yeah, I was happy, he was single and I might actually have a slim chance now! But I didn't want him hurt either.
"May I ask why?"
"It was a mutual decision based on our feelings no longer being the same. We are still friends and I believe she will be attending shore leave with your engineer." He stated, looking away from me. I wondered if that angered him. "So to answer your question, yes, I will accompany you on shore leave."
A grin broke out on my face as we started to land and I had to fight the urge to hug him.
"Thanks, Spock. It means a lot to me, seriously." I said, giving him a crooked smile. The corners of his lips twitched when he turned back to me and I knew part of the reason he was coming was because he practically never left my side anymore.
After our shifts, every night, he would come and play chess with me, we ate all our meals together and he was constantly finding excuses to come over to the Captain's chair and check on me. When I inquired about it, he said it was illogical of him to be doing so, but he felt protective of me and liked to spend time with me. He even went so far as to call me his best friend. It made my heart melt and flutter and I wanted so badly to kiss him on multiple occasions.
"I would go anywhere with you if you wished it, Jim. I enjoy our time together." Then he actually gave me a smile as he stood. However, I stood at the same time as he went to brush past me and we ended up chest to chest and frozen in shock. My eyes met his and they seemed darker than usual, more intense and deep and I might have kissed him then and there had Bones not started to whistle and cat call. Spock slipped past me and retrieved his bags.
"Chess?" I asked with a smile, simultaneously flipping Bones the bird.
"Indeed, but should we not pack? When do you wish to depart?" He asked, slipping his bag on his shoulder and handing me mine.
"Tomorrow morning, if that's alright and nonsense, we're already packed." I said with a grin, poking his bag.
"Right." He muttered, his cheeks flushing slightly. They were back to normal in an instant and if I had blinked I might have missed it.
"Woah, woah, did I make you blush, Spock?" I said quietly enough so only he would hear, nudging his hip with mine.
"No." he said curtly, remaining silent and looking straight ahead the entire taxi ride to my apartment building, which was across from his since they were Starfleet issued. Finally, when we reached the apartment and the door closed I grabbed his elbow.
"Come on Spock, it's normal!" I said, grinning at him. He shot me a glare and if looks could kill I'd be dead right now. But I teased him constantly and he didn't seem to care.
"Jim, release your hold on me now. I did not blush, perhaps you were seeing things." He said, reaching to grab my hand. I tightened my grip and his eyebrow lifted, making me smirk.
"What if I don't want to let go?" I teased.
"Jim, if you do not release your hold, I will pin you to that door and see how you like it." Thing is, I would like that A LOT. Bad thought to have when I realized his hand was on mine and his cheeks had flushed green. I'm sure mine were bright red as I loosened my hold on the damn touch telepath. But his hand had mine locked to his arm, his gaze pinning me.
"Do you mind not invading my privacy, Spock?" I grumbled, looking away and running my free hand through my hair. I attempted to think of anything. Puppies, kittens, purple elephants in tutus. I heard him chuckle and shift, releasing me but stalking forward until I was backed up to the door, only stopping an inch away before placing a slender hand on my wrist.
"What are you trying to hide from me, James?" He murmured. I held back a groan, biting my tongue and trying very hard not to think of kissing him, which turned in to me thinking about kissing him.
"Please stop." I whispered. I was really scared. What if he left because of my more than just friends thoughts? What if he stopped talking to me? He glared and I heard him growl and suddenly my wrists were in one of his hands, pinned above me to the door.
"What if I don't want to?" He mimicked, smirking as my eyes widened. "I want to try something, Jim, with your permission please."
"S… Sure." I stammered, trying to keep my breathing normal with how his body was against mine. Slowly he bent his face down to mine, softly brushing his lips against mine before gently capturing them with his own. A sigh of content slipped through my lips and he released my wrists in favor of gently holding my waist, his other hand cupping my cheek. Slowly, I slipped my arms around his shoulders, kissing him back gently, amazed at how he made my mind so silent.
After a few more lingering seconds, he pulled away, regarding my flushed face and I tried but couldn't stop myself from looking up with him with eyes full of adoration. This is all I've ever wanted. To be held by him, to have him kiss me, and it was better than I ever imagined. But what he said clicked in and I stiffened, removing my arms and clearing my throat.
"Was that a good enough experiment for you, Spock?" I asked, pushing past him and going to retrieve my chess set. I felt used, sort of, but I shouldn't have given him permission, it only hurt when he finished his damn experiment.
"Jim, I must inform you that-."
"Let's just play, Spock." I said, sitting down at the table. He remained standing by my chair, staring down at me until finally I slammed my hand on the table and looked up at him.
"James, if you would allow me to finish?" He said, looking at me with amusement.
"Fine, sure, whatever." I grumbled.
"I am not blind." He stated. I blinked, not quite sure what he was getting at. "I do know how you feel about me, Jim."
"Oh, okay, then, why kiss me? Hm? Was that fun for you?" I growled, glaring at him. Bastard.
"Indeed, I found it most pleasing." He said, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me to him. I gasped, looking up at him in surprise.
"But it was just an experiment to you." I muttered, searching his eyes, begging to be wrong. He smirked, dipping his head down to kiss me once more.
"I never said it was an experiment, Jim, you jumped to that conclusion on your own. Now please, I implore you not to pull away from me again." He actually cried out when I pounced him, wrapping my arms around him and holding him close as he stumbled slightly before correcting himself and holding me close.
"I thought…. I never knew…. I've wanted to hold you like this for so long and I was going to tell you how I felt many times but I was too scared." I whispered, burying myself in his neck and breathing in his scent.
"Illogical, you should have just informed me." He muttered, kissing the top of my head gently. I relaxed in his arms, no longer caring about the chess game. I was tired, content, I just wanted to go to sleep in his arms.
"I was going to tell you, but before I could…." I trailed off, swallowing and pulling away, grabbing his hand and bringing it to my face. "Let me show you what I was thinking. Please?"
"Alright, if that is what you desire." He whispered. I tried to think clearly, and found that when his mind clicked in to mine it was easy to bring back the memory that had eluded me for a while after I had awoken.
I closed the compartment door, hoping to decontaminate it so they could at least retrieve my body. I wasn't stupid, I knew I was going to die. But at least the crew wouldn't. At least the people I love would live. After a second I realized someone was there and struggled to look up, locking eyes with Spock, who sat outside the door, staring at me in shock.
"How's our ship?" I asked as loudly as I could.
"Out of danger." He said softly. I smiled, taking an uneasy breath.
"Good."
"You saved the crew." He said, I could see him holding it together and I envied him at that moment more than anything else.
"You used what he wanted against him." I looked up at him with admiration. "That was a nice move." He looked slightly confused.
"It is what you would have done." He replied. He seemed so close yet so far away. This Vulcan, this man, would never be mine. I looked away, straining to keep my eyes open.
"And this…" I trailed off, looking back up at him. "This is what you would have done. It was only logical."
I locked eyes with him and in that moment I was overwhelmed with fear and I wanted nothing more to make it go away.
"I'm scared Spock. Help me not be…" I looked away from him, staring at his blue uniform shirt. "How do you choose… not to feel?" I felt a tear trickle down my face.
"I do not know. Right now I am failing." I heard the pain in his voice and slowly looked up at the usually emotionless Vulcan with tears in his eyes. My expression softened and my heart swelled.
"I want you to know…. Why I couldn't let you die. Why I went back for you." I needed him to know, even if I didn't quite understand it yet.
"Because you are my friend." A tear fell from his eye and I used the last of my strength to move my hand up, placing it on to the glass. He placed his hand in the form of the Ta'al and I slid my fingers over to mirror him in what was a Vulcan kiss, finally placing my feelings for as more than friendship. More than love even. So much love…
I watched him slowly look at me in shock and I looked up in to those beautiful eyes, needing to say it just once before I died. But when I opened my mouth all I managed was I and then the pain took over, then it was like I was fading even though my eyes didn't close.
Spock pulled away from me, stumbling back and I realized we were both crying. It was difficult, almost like I was there again.
"Sorry… I forgot about the emotional transference." I said shyly, feeling bad for making him cry. He looked up at me, meeting my eyes with shock, wonder.
"I assure you, the tears are mine." He said softly, looking at me as though he hadn't seen me in years. Although he were seeing me for the first time.
"I'm sorry, I didn't think of how emotional it was for both of us…" I felt ashamed, wanting him to know but feeling selfish for making him go through that again.
"Jim." He whispered, tentatively touching my face, wiping away a tear. "T'hy'la."
"What does that mean?" I asked, tilting my face in to his hand. He smiled gently, searching my eyes, that look of amazement never leaving his face.
"More than love." My breath hitched and he kissed me. "Brother, friend, soul mate."
"Didn't know you were a romantic, Spock." I teased lightly. He chuckled, brushing his thumb gently across the corner of my mouth.
"Indeed." He replied, leaning down and kissing me softly once more. It was a chaste kiss and it made me smile.
"Stay the night?" I asked, my hands resting on his chest. He raised an eyebrow and I chuckled. "Just sleep Spock."
"I see no reason why I should refuse." He muttered, leaning down and kissing me again. I grinned, loving the idea of New Zealand even more.
"Where are we going, Jim?" Spock asked as I dipped the paddle in the water, pushing the canoe I had rented down the stream. It was a warm day so I wore a simple baggy black t – shirt and faded blue jeans. I smiled at Spock, who was wearing a long sleeved black shirt and black dress pants. He stared at the water curiously.
"It's a surprise." I said, grinning when he met my gaze. Behind him I could see the cave that we were approaching and stopped. It would be dark really soon and I need to wait for that to really reach the effect.
"Why are we waiting for the sun to set again?" He asked with a sigh, he was rather impatient today.
"Relax, just enjoy being in a peaceful boat next to your boyfriend." I said, grinning when he smirked at me.
"Come here, Jim. You've been out of my arms for far too long." He muttered. I felt my heart flutter and nearly dove across the small distance but refrained.
"You'll have to wait a little longer or we'll capsize the boat." I said, enjoying his look of irritation. The sun started to set while we just chatted about meaningless things. I didn't even notice it had gotten dark until I could barely see Spock in front of me, and the cave coming to life.
"It's time." I said, grabbing the oar. "Remember the deal, eyes on me until we get there."
"You couldn't possibly make me take my eyes off you." He said. I sighed, loving when he took my breath away as I paddled slowly in to the entrance of the cave.
As we entered I saw Spock blink, his mouth parting slightly as he looked at the ceiling in awe. I smiled gently, looking around at the sight before me.
Spock was illuminated a gentle blue as he stared at the natural rock formations. I stopped rowing, looking up at the ceiling with him. Small strings of what looked like beads hung above us in groups, illuminating the entire cave as though we were looking at the sky.
"What are they?" Spock said quietly, looking around in amazement. I know the sight that I should have been focused on should have been the lights, but I couldn't help but watch him instead.
"Glow worms." I said. He looked over in surprise, noticing that I was staring at him.
"These are… insects?" He asked, looking at the ceiling again. I chuckled, my gaze softening as I watched his every move.
"Mhmm, for some reason they like this cave and I read about it when I was a child. I hadn't had enough time or been in the right mind set to actually see it for myself until now and well." I leaned over, grabbing his hand and causing his eyes to meet mine once more. "There's no one I'd rather be here with."
"Oh, T'hy'la. Thank you, they are fascinating." He said, squeezing my hand before going back to examining the rocks. I pulled back, letting my hand slide from his and paddled a little farther in to the cave so that we were in a rounded room like formation, surrounded by the lights around us.
"And at last I see the light, and it's like the fog has lifted. And at last I see the light and it's like the sky is new. And it's warm and real and bright and the world has somehow shifted. All at once everything is different, now that I see you. Now that I see you…" I sang quietly, drawing Spock's attention back to me as he gazed at me fondly.
"What is that from?" He asked, smiling at me.
"A Disney movie…" He started laughing, and I mean, laughing. It was a weird thing to hear but it was nice.
"The great Captain James Tiberius Kirk, not only watches Disney films, he has the songs memorized." He teased. I huffed, leaning back and blushing.
"Well, if that's how you're going to be, maybe we should leave." I muttered.
"No!" Spock yelled, lurching forward and making the boat rock. My eyes widened as he froze, a hand on either side of the boat, his face inches from mine in an expression identical to me.
"I was kidding." I said gently, raising my eyebrows. "Don't. Move. Or we're going in the water and your system can't handle the cold."
He raised an eyebrow, gently and slowly, moving his fingers until they touched the water. He wiggled them a little, then smiled a mischievous smile.
"Jim, I do believe this water's temperature, considering what time of year it is, would not be harmful to my health." He said.
"That does not mean I want to go in the water, Spock." I growled, leaning forward as much as I dared, kissing him gently. He pulled away but the glint was still in his eyes. I opened my mouth to say something and before I could he skillful threw his body weight to the side, causing the boat to flip as I cried out and plunged in to the surprisingly warm water. I resurfaced, looking at a disheveled Spock who was laughing at me. I rolled my eyes, grunting as I flipped the boat back over, trying to make sure that I didn't get water in it. With a sigh I dunked myself under the water, grabbing the oar and coming up to Spock pressed against me.
"You look….. How you would put it…. Sexy." He whispered, capturing my wet lips with his. I groaned as our lips slipped against one another's, our hands tangling in hair, grabbing cloth, anything to get closer to each other.
"I love you." I whispered, leaning my forehead against his.
"I love you too." He murmured. We laced our fingers together, not really caring that we were soaked, just holding one another and looking around at the cave that was lit up like neon lights.
Alright, I hope you liked it, please review and check out my other stories!