TITLE: Lying to Protect the Heart
FANDOM: Doctor Who
PAIRING/CHARACTER/GENERAL SERIES: The Doctor, Amy Pond

GENRE: Introspection
RATING: G
WORD COUNT: 1552, if you trust Microsoft word
SUMMARY: Amy's thoughts as she looks around the TARDIS for the first time. Based around the last scene of 5x01
WARNINGS / SPOILERS: spoilers for 5x01, and potential spoilers in speculation for the rest of the series. Written after only having watched 5x01, so canon may not be accurate at a later date.
NOTES: my first attempt at Eleven and Amy, written for 100_tales. I didn't have a beta for this, all mistakes are mine. Feel free to point them out or to offer to beta for me.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, I just like to play with them and reluctantly give them back afterwards

Amy looked around the inside of the TARDIS, staying near the door in shock. Her mouth hung open as she tried to speak, only making slight stuttering noises. She'd dreamt of this machine for so long, since the first time her Doctor had come to see her. The machine with a swimming pool and a library; the swimming pool in the library. The crazy man who bounced out, coughing a spluttering, there was no way he was human. The little voice that had always whispered that he wasn't real, that she was crazy, just like the shrinks had said, finally shut up.

Through those twelve years after his appearance, when he broke his promise and never came back, she still imagined it just a vividly, escaping in her daydreams when she needed to get away from her life. All the remnants of her anger with him for deserting her – twice – swept out of her. Her daydreams were standing in front of her.

But this was different; it was real. Real, and amazing, and so crazy. She struck on the word she was looking for. It was alien, just like her Doctor.

"Well? Anything you want to say?" she looked to the side, noticing the Doctor, rocking slightly with a grin on his face. "Any passing remarks? I've heard them all." With that he bounded away up the stairs to the console, leaving her to think.

"I'm in my nightie," she finally muttered, her thoughts starting to process once more.

"Oh, no worries, plenty of clothes in the wardrobe, and possibly a swimming pool," replied the strange man before her.

She knew then. She knew she would go with him, follow him to the end of the earth, the end of the universe, and whatever was beyond that. Rory was in her past, this was her future. As much as she didn't want to hurt him, Rory had only ever been second best for her. She hadn't necessarily known it, but she had just been holding onto Rory until the Doctor returned.

"So," continued the doctor as if no time had passed, and it possibly hadn't, her surroundings seemed to warp time itself, "all of time and space, everything that ever happened or ever will, where do you want to start?"

Amy's stubbornness kicked in at the smug confidence in his voice. She realized she was chalking him up to be the man she'd built in her head over all those years, but didn't really even know who he was. Still was desperate to go with him, but she pushed those thoughts away. First she needed to know why he wanted her to come, and the easiest way to get that was to go on the offensive.

She ran up the few stairs to be on the same level as his, forcing herself to concentrate, not explore the magnificent console next to her.

"You are so sure I'm coming," she said accusingly.

"Yeah, I am."

"Why?"

"Because you're the Scottish girl in the English village, and I know how that feels."

"Oh, do you?" she asked, finally freeing herself up to wander around the contraption.

He smiled at her, a distant longing in his eyes for just a split second. "All these years living here, most of your life, but you've still got that accent." He grins, goading her on, "Yeah, you're coming!"

Wow, you really held your own there Amy, he'd never guess you want to go with him! She thought to herself sarcastically. So her lie hadn't paid off, but then she hadn't really wanted him to believe her, scared she might get left behind again. One last thing to deal with, she didn't want to hurt Rory too much.

"Can you get me back for tomorrow morning?" she asked, not quite giving up her offensive, but knowing he saw through it none the less.

"It's a time machine, I can get you back for five minutes ago. Why, what's tomorrow morning?"

She resisted the urge to point out five minutes had turned to twelve years, too preoccupied not telling him her secret. He'd never let her go. "Nothing. Nothing really, just stuff."

He peeped around the console that still separated them. "OK, back for tomorrow and stuff."

His attention was diverted from her for a few seconds as he took something from the console, talking to it like it was alive. Then again, she thought, would that really be so strange after a giant eye in a space ship? Amy took the chance to look closer at everything in front of her. There were so many odds and ends, she didn't know where to start, eventually pulling a lever when she was sure the Doctor was busy elsewhere. Nothing happened, which was probably a good thing; she didn't have much experience of flying alien ships that might be alive. She turned around before she could touch anything else, looking at the rest of the ship in detail for the first time. There was so much to take in, so many oddities. She could feel her chest tightening up, shock settling into her system once more, almost causing a panic attack. She barely held it at bay, determined not to give the Doctor a reason to not take her.

A thought hit her, and she span to look at him. "Why me?" her eyes narrowed.

"Why not?" he replied.

"No seriously, you are asking me to run off with you in the middle of the night; it's a fair question." Despite the fact that he started pulling levers and hitting keys she found it impossible to be worried about what he might do. It was her stubborn streak keeping her asking questions.

He waved a hand, casual and unconcerned. "I don't know, fun maybe. Do I have to have a reason?"

"You always have a reason."

She listened to his rambling answer and realized he was lonely, just lonely. A part of her, a part of the little girl she used to be, the one she had locked away as she grew up, was disappointed. It was only then she knew she liked him, that she'd hoped he might like her too, as more than just company. Come on Amy, she thought, irritated with herself, real life just doesn't work like that. He wants company, and he's a goddamn alien, he's probably not even compatible with humans!

She turned around, taking a couple of steps away to compose herself. A second later she heard him come up behind her, she had to force her feelings down.

"So you're ok then?" he asked quietly, no longer sounding smug, just curious and a little concerned. "Because this place can make people feel a bit… y'know."

She couldn't look at him, she knew all too well, but wasn't going to tell him. "I'm fine, I'm fine," she said, uncertain who she was reassuring. She knew she couldn't hold it all in, it would drive her mad. She allowed a bit of her surprise and shock to be let out. "There's… there's a whole world in here, just like you said. It's all true. I thought… well I thought, y'know, you were just a mad man with a box."

"Amy Pond, there's something you'd better understand about me, it's important," started the Doctor solemnly. She looked at him; this was worse than when someone said we need to talk. Was he going to kick her off for being rude, she wondered. "One day your life may depend on it. I am definitely a mad man with a box!"

She couldn't help laughing with him, all her problems could wait, she was in a time machine! He pulled some levers, making the machine jerk and shake, she knew she was travelling in time. The laughter continued.

*-*-*

She sat on the other side on the main room to the Doctor, thinking while he fiddled. This was incredible, so much more than she'd ever thought was possible, but the lies she had told, and ones she might have to tell weighed her down. She knew now that she didn't need to pretend she was ok with everything she saw, that she could tell him if there was a problem, but there was more she couldn't tell him.

She was head over heels in love with him. Most me ran for the hills when you told them that, she expected this man would run for a different millennium. And when she was who knew where in time and space that was not good at all! She would just have to suppress it and hope it went away.

Then there was her tomorrow morning business. In the two years since the Doctor had last turned up on her doorstep to fight aliens she had made it more serious with Rory. She thought the Doctor had done his deed and was never coming back. She didn't know what to do. She had a wedding tomorrow, one she had thought was her best option, but now the raggedy Doctor – no longer so raggedy – was back she was torn. She loved Rory, she did, but she had never fitted in in a sleepy English village, or anywhere else she had ever looked.

When she had seen what was outside of that door she would decide, she told herself. Whether or not she would do anything was debatable, but for now she had her Doctor and before long somewhere exciting and new to explore.

She knew she would do whatever it took to stay because she loved him. If he was a vampire, she thought wryly, she may as well change her name to Bella.