Disclaimer: All Characters belong to their original owners.
Author's Note: I am Handicapped so please bare that in mind if my spelling is off. I use spell checker. I also have a slight mental disability so please excuse any mistakes. I do the best I can with writing these stories and trying to post chapters.
Introduction
Steve can't take the guilt of betraying Tony anymore and hurts himself. And continues until his team find out. They make a move to help him. But the only person who Steve wants and knows can help him is Tony. The person he loves and the person he betrayed…
Warning: Self Harm
Chapter .1.
Steve had been feeling guilty about everything he had done to Tony. Ever since leaving Tony is Siberia he had been feeling sick with guilt and the betrayal he did. And Tony's words to him because of Steve's betrayal haunted him.
"He is my friend", Steve remembers himself saying
"So was I", Tony had said
Steve trembles remembering Tony's betrayed face. He had betrayed the man he loved. And he remembered Tony's hurt face. All he could think about is that he hurt Tony, he had betrayed him. He was clutching his hands so tight with a knife that they bleed he just stares at them. The blood made him feel better as he thought it was right since he made Tony bleed he wanted to bleed to pay the deed and to feel the pain he caused Tony.
He started to think it helped him hurting himself. And he started to hide the fact he was doing it by doing it on his arms. He acted like he was fine when he was around the team but behind closed doors was where he cut himself. More other then before when Rhodey joined them after being angry at Tony for himself getting hurt. Steve tried to tell Rhodey it was his fault but Rhodey didn't listen.
So Steve thought it was his fault for taking Tony's best friend away. Steve had spent nights now it tears at the thought of Tony being alone but also himself for spending time alone. He REALLY wanted Tony.
He still cut to make the feeling of hurt and want go away. But it was being to not get enough for him. He felt he wasn't punishing himself enough. So he stopped really eating. He knew it was bad because of his Enhanced Body but he didn't care at the moment.
He thought he was being careful so nobody would notice he should have known he wasn't good enough to hide it.
Sam had gone into his room and found the razor and asked Steve about it. Steve lied and said he wasn't cutting himself. Sam and the others told Steve they where worried about him because he looked like he was dropping weight. Steve denied everything and the team decided to leave it for now but Steve noticed they were watching him more closely.
Now he was asleep for the first time in ages. He didn't sleep often because he always saw Tony saying he hated him. This night was different.
"Tony!" Steve calls
"I hate you Rogers. You chose a murder over me", Tony says
"Please Tony I love you", Steve cries
"You disgust me Rogers", Tony says glaring
"Please I want you", Steve begs
"I loath you with every fibre of my being", Tony replies
The dream then changes to Steve killing Tony in Siberia.
That was when Steve woke up screaming. He was panting with tears falling down his face. He sobbed he knew Tony hated him. He didn't think he had anything to live for. He grabbed a blade he was hiding and thought how easy it would be to kill himself. Nobody would even miss him. But before he did it he was going to use that phone.
He presses the only number in it sobbing as it rang. Thinking nobody would pick up. Accept that there only was one ring before a voice he was longing to hear answered.
"Steve?" Tony asks
Steve sobs at hearing Tony's voice.
"Steve are you alright?" Tony asks alarmed now
"I am sorry. So sorry", Steve sobs
"Steve what is going on? Are you safe?" Tony asks making Steve sob all the harder
"I am sorry", Steve sobs
"Steve your scaring me. What is wrong love?" Tony asks
"I know you hate me. I am sorry for what I did to you", Steve hiccups
"Steve I don't hate you. I was mad but my anger is gone now", Tony reassures him
Steve's sobs where beginning to worry him. Tony didn't know what was going on but Steve sounded broken.
"You do hate me", Steve states crying and sobbing
"I don't why do you think I keep this phone on me every second?" Tony asks with a weak chuckle
"I am sorry", Steve says again and again
"What is wrong? Love please talk to me", Tony asks severely worried now
"I am sorry for blaming you for Ultron. I am sorry I didn't listen to you about the Accords. I am sorry for taking your best friend away. But most of all I am sorry for not telling you the truth early even though you trusted me with your secrets of deafness, dyslexia, robotic arm and leg", Steve continues to ramble
"Steve breath. Deep breaths love", Tony says softly and soothingly
"I can't I hate myself", Steve admits
"No you don't", Tony says worried lacing his tone
"I just want to end it all Tony"
Tony feels the fear in his heart. He knew Steve meant it. Everything that had happened was coming back to bite him. And he knew if he didn't do something Steve would be dead soon. Probably within minutes. He gestures to Stephen to come over and he wrote what he needed.
"You don't mean that your CAPTAIN AMERICA your STEVE ROGERS. You will not die on foreign soil. I won't let you die", Tony declares gesturing wildly to Stephen
"I am sorry but I can't do this. Know I love you and I am sorry", Steve says
"St…", Tony starts but Steve hung up
Steve looks at the razor and puts it towards his neck when Tony suddenly comes out of a portal that closes behind him. Tony had his hands up and he was dressed casually. His eyes full of worry.
"Steve you don't want to do this", Tony says softly
"I do. Your not here anyway. I burnt that bridge", Steve sobs
"Stevie I promise you I am here. Why don't you give me the razor?" Tony says kneeling down to look at Steve
"I am sorry. You hate me", Steve sobs
"I could never hate you. I was angry but that is long passed Love", Tony says looking at Steve so he could see the truth in his eyes
"You can't possible be here to say that", Steve says
Tony takes Steve's other wrist and puts it against his heart.
"Feel that love. My heart beats and I am here. Why don't you give me the razor and we can go somewhere to talk", Tony says softly
Steve trembles as he feels Tony's heartbeat against his hand.
"Your really here?" Steve asks tears falling
"Really here. I will always be", Tony says gently
Steve's tears fall and his hand with the razor comes down but leaves a mark on his neck. Tony gentle takes the razor out of Steve's hand and Steve falls into Tony's arms sobbing. 'I am sorry' over and over again. And he clutches 's shirt.
"Shh it will be alright", Tony says running fingers through Steve's hair
That is when they hear a knock at the door and the voice of Bucky outside.
"Punk let me in. You need to talk to me", Bucky says
"We have to go", Tony whispers
"Please don't leave me", Steve whimpers holding on tighter to Tony
"I want you to come with me. Do you want that?" Tony whispers to Steve
Steve nods but holds on to Tony tightly.
"FRIDAY have Stephen open a portal", Tony says into his watch, "Steve is there anything you want to take with you?"
"Just the phone and your shirt", Steve whispers
"My shirt?" Tony asks
"I stole one to bring with me. I am sorry I will gi…", Steve starts
"You can keep it. I will get that stuff ok?" Tony asks, "But I have to let you go. Will you be ok?"
"Yes", Steve whispers
"Punk come on. I am worried", Bucky says
Tony picks up the phone and Steve's clothes just as the portal opens.
"Come on love lets get out of here", Tony says helping Steve up and noticing how light he was
Tony was going to have to fix that. Steve clutches to his shirt again as Tony starts to leave.
"I am going to knock this door down Stevie", Bucky threatens
"Lets go", Tony urges
Tony and Steve make it into the portal and it closes just as Bucky brakes down the door.
"Stevie?" Bucky asks looking around to find Steve not there and his things missing, "Shit! Guys we have a problem?"
Author's Note: What do you think? Please review:)
I have a poll up to ask if anyone should join the Tony/Steve/Stephen Harem. The top one, two or three will be added. Poll on the profile:)