Quick Authors note: This story was writte when I was completely exhausted
and extremely hyper on like 2 bottles of 2 liter cokes, so be prepared for
a serious wacky, insane story!!
Disclaimer: Don't own. If I did any character mentioned would have so many issues it would be scary.
Harry and Legolas; to shag or not to shag?
Narrator: Our story begins with our two character just meeting.
Harry: Holy freaking neon yellow sea monkeys, you've got pointed ears.
Legolas: I am an elf
Harry: Your a house elf?
Legolas: I am an elf, not a house elf. An ELF. E.L.F.
Harry: A what?
Legolas: elf
Harry: I didn;t know there was such things as elves. Wait where am I?
Legolas: *fingers bow lovingly* Middle Earth
Harry: Middle what?
Legolas: Middle Earth, you bloody annoying man-child.
Harry: I am not a child. Why did you call me a man? Aren't you a man?
Legolas: OH DEAR VALAR! No, I am an elf!
Harry: Like a house elf?
Legolas: No, not like a house elf. What the hell is a house elf anyways?
Harry: A house elf is a short, strange little ugly creature that pretty much acts like a slave, and willingly too.
Legolas: I am appalled you would think me such a creature, I am NOT ugly. My name is Legolas Greenleaf, crowned prince of the Mirkwood elves.
Harry: Cool. So your really an elf. Not a house elf?
Legolas:Yes I am an elf
Harry: So your not a house el-
Legolas: I AM NOT A HOUSE ELF ALREADY! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?!!!!?!!!!!!
Harry: So your not a house elf?
Legolas: *whimpers* What have I done to deserve this?
Harry: So your not a house elf?
Legolas: *pulls out his bow and loads it* say that one more time
Harry: Why? We've already established your not a house elf.
Legolas: *cries weakly* Why me? Why not the dwarf?
Harry: You know a dwarf? Cool. Are they really short?
Legolas: *puts away his bow* Now that's a subject I like. Yes Gimbli's really very short and has a horrible temper.
Harry: Cool, so he's really short
Legolas: Very, really short
Harry: How short?
Legolas: less then 4 feet.
Harry: Wow, that's really short
Legolas: Very short
Harry: So do you know any other short people?
Legolas: Well there are the hobbits.
Harry: Hobbits?
Legolas: Hobbits are about the size of a human child, full grown and they got really big, hairy feet.
Harry: Cool. Really hairy?
Legolas: Really hairy
Harry: Strange. That reminds me of someone I know.
Legolas: Really? Who?
Harry: My friend Ron
Legolas: He's tiny and hairy?
Harry: In more ways then one.
Legolas: What do you mean?
Harry: Well, let's just say he likes to boast about things that aren't true. He's trying to make up for something.
Legolas: Oh....Ohhhh. I know exactly what you mean. My friend Aagorn is always boasting about his manhood. It's nothing compared to what he says it is.
Harry: *snickers*
Legolas: They're all the same. If they boast they're trying to make up for something
Harry: I've never boasted
Legolas: Neither have I. I don't need to. If one finds out, everyone else knows within the hour.
Harry: Isn't that the truth.
Legolas: Soooo How big are you?
Harry: I don't boast
Legolas: You don't have to boast, you can just tell me.
Harry: Rather see?
Legolas: Sure.
Harry: *shows his enormous manhood*
Legolas: Oh Valar
Harry: *still has pants around his ankles* Let's see yours
Legolas: *shows his not a big, but still enormous elfhood*
Harry: Nice
Legolas: Wanna shag?
Harry: Fuck yah
Narrator: That's as far as it gets. No sexy elf on Harry scenes. This story isn't NC-17. Maybe next time. Yummy, Elf on Harry
Legolas: That's the best shag I've ever had, even better then that time with Arwen.
Harry: Why thank you. You weren't so bad yourself.
Legolas: You wanna do it again?
Harry: Yah!
Narrator: Don't you just hate those authors who cut off right at the good part? Oh wait that's me. Mwahahahahahahaha!!!!
Harry: So the points are really just a decoration? You really don't have enhanced hearing?
Legolas: Unfortunately, Yes but I've got amazing eyesight.
Harry: *snickers* The better to see you with, my dear.
Legolas: What?
Harry: Sorry, it's a line from an old children's book.
Legolas: Oh
Harry: So you wanna shag?
Narrator: I know I know, but I just had to do t one more time. Humor the lazy narrator. Now lets go see what the boys are up to.
Legolas: Oh Harry that feels so good
Harry: Your not the only one feeling it.
Legolas: Uhh, harder
Harry: I'm trying. Your lying on your stomach weird. I can't get the spot.
Legolas: *shifts body slightly* Better?
Harry: Yah
Legolas: Oh Valar, where'd you learn to do this?
Harry: My friend, Hermione taught me everything I know
Legolas: She must be an expert
Harry: Yah, Guru Hermione. The best damn masuse there is.
Narrator: Oh come off it, you didn't actually think thay were haveing sex? OH MY GOD you did!! Mwahahahaha, I love leading you on.
Legolas: So that big, swirly, green portal thingy is here to take you back to your world?
Harry: Yah
Legolas: Do you have to go? You were the best shag I've ever had. Way better then Boromir. I don't want you to go.
Harry: Okay
Legolas: What?
Harry: Okay, You're a great shag, better then anyone at home. Besides I got a crazy mass murder of a father after my head.
Legolas: Father?
Harry: Yah, my mom cheated on her husband with Voldemort, the Token Bad Guy at the moment. I accidently killed him when I was a little over a year old and now he's back and wants my blood.
Legolas: Weird. So your staying? Cool. He's staying.
Portal: What? I had to travel over 6 different fandoms to get here! All for what? Nothing! He's coming if I have to drag him back. *tentacles of magic shot out and wrap themselves around Harry and pulls him in before Legolas can do anything. The Portal closes*
Legolas: Well shit
Narrator: Mwahahahahahahaha!!!! Legoland lost his Pothead. Will they be reunited or will they have to settle for second rate shags? They probably will, unless this lazy authoress gets off her ass and writes a sequel!!
The End....Or is it??
Disclaimer: Don't own. If I did any character mentioned would have so many issues it would be scary.
Harry and Legolas; to shag or not to shag?
Narrator: Our story begins with our two character just meeting.
Harry: Holy freaking neon yellow sea monkeys, you've got pointed ears.
Legolas: I am an elf
Harry: Your a house elf?
Legolas: I am an elf, not a house elf. An ELF. E.L.F.
Harry: A what?
Legolas: elf
Harry: I didn;t know there was such things as elves. Wait where am I?
Legolas: *fingers bow lovingly* Middle Earth
Harry: Middle what?
Legolas: Middle Earth, you bloody annoying man-child.
Harry: I am not a child. Why did you call me a man? Aren't you a man?
Legolas: OH DEAR VALAR! No, I am an elf!
Harry: Like a house elf?
Legolas: No, not like a house elf. What the hell is a house elf anyways?
Harry: A house elf is a short, strange little ugly creature that pretty much acts like a slave, and willingly too.
Legolas: I am appalled you would think me such a creature, I am NOT ugly. My name is Legolas Greenleaf, crowned prince of the Mirkwood elves.
Harry: Cool. So your really an elf. Not a house elf?
Legolas:Yes I am an elf
Harry: So your not a house el-
Legolas: I AM NOT A HOUSE ELF ALREADY! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?!!!!?!!!!!!
Harry: So your not a house elf?
Legolas: *whimpers* What have I done to deserve this?
Harry: So your not a house elf?
Legolas: *pulls out his bow and loads it* say that one more time
Harry: Why? We've already established your not a house elf.
Legolas: *cries weakly* Why me? Why not the dwarf?
Harry: You know a dwarf? Cool. Are they really short?
Legolas: *puts away his bow* Now that's a subject I like. Yes Gimbli's really very short and has a horrible temper.
Harry: Cool, so he's really short
Legolas: Very, really short
Harry: How short?
Legolas: less then 4 feet.
Harry: Wow, that's really short
Legolas: Very short
Harry: So do you know any other short people?
Legolas: Well there are the hobbits.
Harry: Hobbits?
Legolas: Hobbits are about the size of a human child, full grown and they got really big, hairy feet.
Harry: Cool. Really hairy?
Legolas: Really hairy
Harry: Strange. That reminds me of someone I know.
Legolas: Really? Who?
Harry: My friend Ron
Legolas: He's tiny and hairy?
Harry: In more ways then one.
Legolas: What do you mean?
Harry: Well, let's just say he likes to boast about things that aren't true. He's trying to make up for something.
Legolas: Oh....Ohhhh. I know exactly what you mean. My friend Aagorn is always boasting about his manhood. It's nothing compared to what he says it is.
Harry: *snickers*
Legolas: They're all the same. If they boast they're trying to make up for something
Harry: I've never boasted
Legolas: Neither have I. I don't need to. If one finds out, everyone else knows within the hour.
Harry: Isn't that the truth.
Legolas: Soooo How big are you?
Harry: I don't boast
Legolas: You don't have to boast, you can just tell me.
Harry: Rather see?
Legolas: Sure.
Harry: *shows his enormous manhood*
Legolas: Oh Valar
Harry: *still has pants around his ankles* Let's see yours
Legolas: *shows his not a big, but still enormous elfhood*
Harry: Nice
Legolas: Wanna shag?
Harry: Fuck yah
Narrator: That's as far as it gets. No sexy elf on Harry scenes. This story isn't NC-17. Maybe next time. Yummy, Elf on Harry
Legolas: That's the best shag I've ever had, even better then that time with Arwen.
Harry: Why thank you. You weren't so bad yourself.
Legolas: You wanna do it again?
Harry: Yah!
Narrator: Don't you just hate those authors who cut off right at the good part? Oh wait that's me. Mwahahahahahahaha!!!!
Harry: So the points are really just a decoration? You really don't have enhanced hearing?
Legolas: Unfortunately, Yes but I've got amazing eyesight.
Harry: *snickers* The better to see you with, my dear.
Legolas: What?
Harry: Sorry, it's a line from an old children's book.
Legolas: Oh
Harry: So you wanna shag?
Narrator: I know I know, but I just had to do t one more time. Humor the lazy narrator. Now lets go see what the boys are up to.
Legolas: Oh Harry that feels so good
Harry: Your not the only one feeling it.
Legolas: Uhh, harder
Harry: I'm trying. Your lying on your stomach weird. I can't get the spot.
Legolas: *shifts body slightly* Better?
Harry: Yah
Legolas: Oh Valar, where'd you learn to do this?
Harry: My friend, Hermione taught me everything I know
Legolas: She must be an expert
Harry: Yah, Guru Hermione. The best damn masuse there is.
Narrator: Oh come off it, you didn't actually think thay were haveing sex? OH MY GOD you did!! Mwahahahaha, I love leading you on.
Legolas: So that big, swirly, green portal thingy is here to take you back to your world?
Harry: Yah
Legolas: Do you have to go? You were the best shag I've ever had. Way better then Boromir. I don't want you to go.
Harry: Okay
Legolas: What?
Harry: Okay, You're a great shag, better then anyone at home. Besides I got a crazy mass murder of a father after my head.
Legolas: Father?
Harry: Yah, my mom cheated on her husband with Voldemort, the Token Bad Guy at the moment. I accidently killed him when I was a little over a year old and now he's back and wants my blood.
Legolas: Weird. So your staying? Cool. He's staying.
Portal: What? I had to travel over 6 different fandoms to get here! All for what? Nothing! He's coming if I have to drag him back. *tentacles of magic shot out and wrap themselves around Harry and pulls him in before Legolas can do anything. The Portal closes*
Legolas: Well shit
Narrator: Mwahahahahahahaha!!!! Legoland lost his Pothead. Will they be reunited or will they have to settle for second rate shags? They probably will, unless this lazy authoress gets off her ass and writes a sequel!!
The End....Or is it??