Jack's Yew, Britain. 1820.
The yew forest that gives the town its name - possibly once belonging to a man named Jack? – is dense and ancient. In the winter the ravine that edges the forest floods until it freezes over. It rains in the summer too, producing thick mud that steals shoes and stockings. People in the town think it dank, haunted and miserable but I call it home.
Mr Plutt rents out old mining cottages – a generous term for hovels – for more than they are worth. Plutt is an old naval officer, though everyone knows he turned pirate, and he does not let the lack of ships stop his pilfering. The mines that run under the forest are abandoned and dangerous, plundered years before. Those desperate enough sometimes venture in during the spring and summer months, searching for any remaining kyber crystals. They either return empty handed or not at all.
I have been exploring those caves since I was a child, at first under Mr Plutt's orders – he likes skinny youths that can shimmy through cracks and down chimneys. At the age of ten I had found a large lump of kyber crystal and that had won his respect, if I can call it that. A blob of a man he rules the underbelly of Jack's Yew, offering food, goods and lodgings in return for whatever he puts value on.
I had been sold to Plutt as an infant, or so he says. I do not recall my parents but I do know in my heart that I was not abandoned, I know that one day they will be back for me. So I stay and I meek out a living as best I can. I could live in the town, become one of Plutt's magpies but I see what happens to pickpockets when caught. I can scale the caves better with two hands thank you.
A rag picker earns less than a thief but it is honest and I keep the streets clean, salvaging unwanted fabric, ribbons, buttons and even metal, when available. Plutt, however, desires crystals and no one knows those mines better than I.
"They say that one tunnel runs under a hill housing a mighty Yew, deep within the forest," Lor's eyes widen and the children hang onto every word. I smile, having heard it before. Lor, now well into his eighties, had taught me how to read and write in the small village on the outskirts of Jack's Yew, as he had many before me. You will not find so many literate orphans in these Isles. He was a renowned Swedish explorer, having sailed to far off lands and knows sixteen languages. His walls are lined with maps and oddities taken back from his travels. Why he chooses to live out his last years in this place I'll never know. Maybe he is waiting for someone too.
"A magic hill?" a little girl asks, mouth agape.
"Precisely! Find the right entrance and you will venture into the mystical Land of Mortis."
The children gasp and clap. I cock my head, putting the rug he had made into my satchel. He is a fine weaver and I can get him a good deal. I also clean in exchange for a meal, not that he would refuse if I did not.
"Be careful it is not at night," I add dramatically.
"Yes. Rey is right, as always. Step into Mortis during the day and you will find floating mountains and lush fields of singing flowers. A paradise. But at night you will find a barren and terrible wasteland. The night is when the Dark Side is at its strongest." He looks out of his window at the sun starting to set over the moor. "Best be off home I think, hmm?"
They all nod and jump to their feet, thanking Lor for the story, handing over their boards and chalk, their lessons done for that day. I follow them out, Lor's red and white dog following at my heels. Byron Boddington the Eighth - Bee for short - was a gift to Lor from a great Rebellion sergeant called Dameron, the eighth in a litter. Since I can remember the dog has never strayed from Lor, though he will walk me home from time to time.
"Don't worry Bee, I'm not scared of the dark." In fact I feel no sense of fear and if there is darkness within I do not think it means any harm. Lor, while also a teacher, is a preacher for those who believe in The Force, an ancient religion that is now regarded as nothing more than a myth within the Empire. He tells me in hushed tones that some in the Resistance believe but even there it is a dying creed. All talk of Rebels and their fight against the Empire is done in secret of course, even in this remote part of the world. Lor is just an eccentric old man and nothing more.
Dawn and dusk are when the Light and the Dark are balanced, the most peaceful parts of the day. I smile at the memory of his voice, bending to scratch Bee's ears, his tail thumping the ground in pleasure. I know my life could be worse, I could have no skill at writing or reading and my mind could be as broad as the edges of this small town. Lor's tales of knights wielding swords of light and evil wizards commanding storms is an escape as captivating as dreams.
I had not conceived that Jack's Yew was not a retirement to the old man, but a hideout.
Whispers that a small regiment of the Emperor's army had camped in the outskirts of the town was at first dismissed as nonsense but soon the black clad officers, with their sashes of crimson, could be seen walking through the streets. I had never seen any before; only in pictures that Lor had shown me. He said that many years before there had been a mighty battle on the moors but I thought that was just one of his stories until I discovered an old, rusty helmet in the woods. Whatever remnants of that battle had been picked clean years before.
As the summer starts to die and the rains fall I watch as a procession of soldiers make their way through the main street. The guards dress in white, their faces covered with white masks. They are as eerie as they are silent. I pull my hood close to my face, mindful not to make eye contact. They had beaten one of Plutt's magpies after her stupid attempt to steal from one of the officers.
The officers ride on horses, heading towards the deserted manor house atop the moor. Plutt had been renting it to a merchant family but evicted them when they could not keep up payments. It has been empty ever since. A man with red hair and pale skin passes by, his chest glinting with medals. His eyes sweep over the gathered crowed with disdain, his mouth twisted in contempt. He would be handsome if not for the scowl. I assume he is used to the finery of the capital, or the vast seas, not this little damp town.
Why on earth are they here?
The night when everything changes is cold, a persistent drizzle falling. The soldiers creep from their encampments to hunt through the streets, finding company. The painted girls, some younger then I, beckon them in. I am nineteen and have been approached many times by Madam Plutt, Mr Plutt's sister. He governs his army of pickpockets and she has her den of girls. Many had been rag pickers like me or thieves but the Madam offers warm beds and a reasonable salary to live on. I hear they are treated well. I do not blame them, in winter some freeze to death which is better way to go than starvation. If I did not have a knack for navigating the mines and finding chips of kyber would I be so ready to turn her down?
Lor would have a heart attack…so would I. Never even been kissed before… I push the thought away as black clad men exit a brothel, laughing. I walk behind, overhearing.
"Shame we can't take them with us, the girls are clean and moderately pretty."
"I overheard that Sir Ren, the prince of darkness himself, found the old priest with the map. He'll bewitch the old fool to hand it over or just apply good old fashioned means to that end," he mimes stabbing.
"Don't mention Ren, he puts the fear of god in me. The sooner we leave the better."
"Oh Mitaka you are a pitiful creature but yes, I can't wait to get back to civilised life in London."
I stop as they move off, losing focus. There is only one old priest in this town…I start to move without thinking, running by the time I reach the moor. I crest the hill and stop, all the air escaping my lungs. The moor is on fire and Lor's cottage is ablaze at the heart of it.
"No…"
I run, pushing my hood back. Rain hisses against the flames and the heat makes my eyes water and vision blur, the smell of smoke acrid and terrible. A furry red blur rushes past me, whimpering. "Bee!" I yell but the dog is gone, racing for the trees. Around the burning cottage men stand, silhouetted against the flames. One is incredibly tall, dressed entirely in black. He kneels down to something in the grass and my heart leaps with dread.
Lor?
The tall man stands and motions at the heap with a lazy sweep of his hand. Soldiers bend and lift someone, dragging him towards a waiting carriage. With a swell of relief I see it is not Lor but a much younger man, wearing a brown and orange uniform of a resistance fighter. He is thrown into the back of the carriage, pulled by huge black horses that stamp the ground. The hooded man looks back at the cottage for a moment before heading to the carriage, his gloved hands curled into fists. He stops before two white clad guards.
"Find that map and bring it to me." I hear his voice over the fire, deep and strange. For a moment I feel like I am going to faint, mind spinning. I have heard that voice, seen that hulking shape before…but where? I crouch behind a bush as the carriage thunders pass and the guards follow on foot. One of the guards falls behind, looking at the cottage, his head lowered and for a heart rending moment I am sure he has spotted me. His painted metal face stares at my hiding place for such a long moment that I leap up and run.
I race towards the woods, only looking back once I'm under the shade of trees. The guard is walking after the carriage, sword sheathed. He had seen me, watched me run and done nothing…Rushing through the dark forest I push the thought away, tears running down my ash smeared face.
The sun rises through mist and I meet it tiredly. I could not sleep, frozen with fear. Every creek I hear I think a guard is coming to get me. My stomach knots and my face heats. I had left Lor there in the fire, he could be hurt but I had run. It is shameful and cowardly. I never thought myself either before now. I get up, holding my breath before opening my door. The leaves drip with water and the steps hewn into the rock that leads to my home have turned into a miniature waterfall. A dog sleeps curled up at the door.
"Bee!" I drop to my knees, tears welling again as the dog wakes. He whines and licks my face and hands. "Oh you poor thing," he is wet and shivering, either with cold or fear. I pull him in and sit before my cook fire, drying him. After getting dry and feeding him a sausage we both start to feel a little better.
"What happened?" I ask and he just looks at me plaintively. Under his fur something silver winks in the light. I find a thin metal tube, no longer then my finger. Frowning I remove it from his collar and move it closer to the fire. The top of the tube in sealed with wax paper, secured with string. I untie it, staring at Bee as he falls asleep. Inside is a rolled up piece of parchment and a smaller scrap. I unfold the parchment and flatten it out on the floor.
"A map?"
I recognise it at once, though with some differences. It is a map of the kyber mines, detailing all of the tunnels and caverns. I follow them with my finger, covering those familiar and others not. Some are blocked due to cave-ins or floods while others are utterly new to me. I thought I knew all entrances to the mines but some of these I have never found. One, marked near the centre of the forest, is labelled with a large cross.
"The Temple," I read, tapping the drawing of a stone circle. "I wonder what that is?" I look at Bee but he is deep asleep. I smile and look down. "Did he mean for me to have this?"
The scrap of paper catches my eye and I grab it and read the hastily written note.
Captain Poe. I am sorry that I could not greet you in person. It had been an honour to meet your father and to accept his generous gift. That gift carries what you seek. Look for a rey of light in the dark.
Your friend,
Lor San Tekka.
I read it again and again, memorising it. Captain Poe must be the man who was captured on the burning moor. This note is for him.
"Look for a rey of light in the dark…Hmm, not ray but rey. Me."
Lor must have known he had to send the map away before the soldiers arrived, before the tall man could find it. Sir Ren, who seems to strike fear into his own soldiers. I sit back against my bed, inhaling and stare into space.
What do I do? Rescue this Captain from a platoon of deadly guards and some dark knight? Ha! If it was Lor he would do it, an old man whose joints ache in the cold. He would at least try.
That kind old man died because of this map and now it is my responsibility.
The encampment did not pack up and move on, they remain as autumn turns the leaves dry and brown. It means that they will not leave until they have the map.
I turn over a dozen brass buttons to Plutt and a single fragment of kyber. He ignores the buttons and grunts in pleasure at the crystal. We haggle until reaching an agreement. He even takes the buttons. I adjust the basket on my back, now light. The map is flat against my chest, hidden under bindings. I eye some black clad officers passing outside. "They must be good for business," I ask and he nods, eyes glinting.
"Measurably. Not so good for old Lor but I have never been a man of faith."
I grit my teeth. "Why did they kill him?"
Plutt stares at me for a moment before leaning down from his broker's table and speaks quietly. "He was for the Resistance."
"No, he was peaceful."
Plutt shrugs, straightening. "No matter, he is dead. How much for the dog?"
I blink, thrown by the sudden question. Bee sits at my feet. I had tried to make him stay in the woods but he will not leave my side. "What?"
"The Collie would fetch a handsome sum," so saying he motions to a small trunk and opens it a fraction. Gold bars wink back at me. It is more money than I have ever seen in my life. I look down at Bee who licks his paws, unheeding of this business. I shake my head.
"He's not for sale."
"Pity…" Plutt sighs, watching as I leave. His regard makes my skin crawl. I walk around the back of the building, towards the pen. Here Plutt keeps horses for sale but there is only one I am drawn too. A white mare called Falcon stamps the ground as I approach, throwing her head. She is beautiful but wild and Plutt has had her for many years. Too wild to sell but too valuable to slaughter. It has taken me a long time to get near her but she has grown to trust me. I wish I had enough to buy her. Instead I offer her a carrot and watch her eat with a smile. The sun getting low I leave. Preoccupied I bump into a black clad officer I recognise. Mikah? Mitch? I forget.
"Careful," he says, not unkindly.
"Sorry sir," I mumble, about to walk on when he grins and crouches down, petting Bee.
"What a beauty! My uncle used to breed pedigree hounds. Marvellous beasts."
"Thank you sir, I better be -"
"You found her I expect?" he asks, gaze sweeping over my brown skirt and blouse. He knows I cannot afford such a dog. He knows, he must know. I nod and say nothing, hoping he will drop it and thankfully he does. He gets to his feet and suddenly stands to attention.
"Mitaka."
"General Hux," Mitaka salutes the red haired man I had seen weeks before. He still retains the sneer which deepens at the sight of me. I curtsy and then make my escape, thankful that Hux views someone like me not worth more than a second of regard.
As I reach the edge of town I look back, unable to stop myself. The tall dark knight is with Hux and as I take a step back he looks up and right at me. I feel as if something is pinning me down. I cannot even breathe. His face is a shadow in the depths of his hood but I know Ren is staring at me. I stumble suddenly as he looks at Bee at my feet. He takes a step forward as white guards run up to him and Hux. I think Ren is going to come at me but he suddenly whips around towards the guards. I watch for a few seconds as one of the guards suddenly falls to his knees, clutching at his throat before I turn and run.
As twilight settles over the woods I pace the steps before my home, unable to stay inside. I feel like an animal caught in a snare and the hunters are approaching. I could just give the map to them; I don't know what it is or what it is for. I could even leave it with Plutt…
Bee watches me, his dark eyes calm. I wish I could be.
I have lived in quiet solitude for so long that the thought of being sought out, hunted, is bewildering. I minded my own and others did the same. That time has ended, I can feel it. That dark man is coming for me and I should run. But I cannot. Someone is coming back for me and I will never stop believing that. They promised.
Fretting I realise Bee is no longer sitting but upright and alert. I still and hold my breath. I cannot hear anything, just the wind in the leaves. I'm about to move to him when he suddenly darts up the steps to the forest floor and is gone at stop speed.
"Bee!" but he is gone and I know he can run for miles without stopping. With nothing else to do but hide I follow, calling after him but he ignores me. Bee, who has been my little guard since he was a pup seems to be on the hunt for something. Or someone.
Could it be Lor?
I try to ignore this hope but it spurs me on. I reach the edge of the forest that encroaches the moor. The main thoroughfare that leads to the next town crosses through here. It is also where the army has encamped. I keep to the tree line, gritting my teeth. I look towards the top of the moor and see Bee finally coming to a stop. Two figures greet him. I have no idea who they could be.
"Traitors," a deep voice answers behind me. I turn, startled.
"You," I say.
His tilts his head and I see now the shadow I thought for a face is a black mask, similar to the white ones the guards wear. I move to the side, wanting to run into the woods when my entire body freezes. I cannot even blink.
"Don't fight it," comes that deep voice behind the mask. His hand lifts towards me and I know he is keeping me still. How? How? I want to scream but I can't.
He moves closer, growing huge in my vision. "You've seen the map…" he mummers and the feeling of something tickling over my mind makes me want to vomit. He is in my mind. He is in me! I –
Be quiet. Show me where it is.
I roll my eyes up to stare at him, willing myself not to think, not to draw any attention to myself but it is too late. I think of the bindings around my chest. I hear an inhale from behind the mask and he moves close enough so I can smell him. He reaches down for something and suddenly an angry red light crackles below my eyesight. It is hot against my hip.
Please, please, please.
"Give it to me or I will take it from you," he says with impatience and something else. Shame?
I try to swallow but my muscles are stuck. He comes close and lifts his gloved hand to my face. Ah but you've seen it, it's etched on your mind...His impossible voice in my mind is laced with relief.
What is he? What is happening? I close my eyes, suddenly the only things I have control over. He presses into my mind, blunt but oddly gentle and I try to push the image of the map deep, like something from a dream.
"Sir! The dog got away." Guards suddenly shout, appearing through the trees.
"It doesn't matter," he answers and withdraws from me. I gasp, tears blurring my eyes as he moves behind me. I try to run but my vision goes dark and the last thing I feel is his arms around me.
In the dark he appears, making me fall. I had ventured into the land of Mortis at night, a terrible time to be there. I am now stuck with only this dark man for company. He hunts me relentlessly.
The dream sifts away as I awake, a dream I have had often. I lick my lips, mouth and throat dry and try to focus. I am lying down on a slanted bed, my arms shackled at my hips. I look around the room and realise I am not in a tent of the encampment. It is a bedroom, and a lavish one. The window is covered with a curtain. Where am I?
"You're in what this town calls a manor," a voice says with derision behind me. I steel myself as Ren comes to stand before me and all the fierce words I had on my tongue dissolve. His mask is gone, his hood lowered to reveal a young man. His long, handsome face is pale, his mouth full and set. Dark, thick hair waves over his head.
He's got a big nose, I think and his lips thin.
And you're a skinny forest rat.
"Stop!" I shout, shaking my head. "Don't do that," I plead as he moves closer.
"You're more intrigued then horrified," he murmurs, his voice deep and drawling. He gives a bow. "I am Kylo Ren, knight of the Emperor."
He is no true knight. This man killed Lor and will do the same to me. "Let me go."
He shakes his head. "This doesn't have to be hard. I'm giving you a choice. I have not touched you," he adds and he is right. The map is still pressed to my chest. He could have ripped my blouse off to take it but hasn't. Why?
"Why do you want it?"
"What do you care?"
"It doesn't belong to you. It was Lor's and you killed him."
Ren inclines his head, calm. "I did, yes…I knew him when I was a boy but that didn't stop me. You will not either," he whispers, moving close enough that I can see the green in his hazel eyes.
"You're monstrous," I look away from him as he lifts a hand to my head.
"There are other ways to find out. It's your choice."
I swallow. The choice is either let him plunder my mind or let him have the map. Lor died for it and this man must never have it. I wish I had destroyed it. I turn to stare at him, teeth bared.
"I won't let you."
He smirks, eyes trailing over my face before I feel his sudden intrusion in my mind. Memories come floating up, beyond my control.
My hovel in the woods, my neighbours only rabbits, badgers and foxes. Plutt pushing me into a mouth of a dark cave at the age of seven. The mane of a white horse. A painting of an island in a warm blue sea.
Hmm, you've never even seen the ocean, his voice says quietly and I wish I could drown him in that ocean. I feel his amusement at this. You're the one that will drown, little rat.
I push him away from my mind, straining against the shackles, sweat pouring down my face but he is stuck like a leech. Not knowing what else to do I flood my mind with memories, blocking him from seeing the map. His teeth grits and he moves to stand before me, hand out stretched.
"The more you fight the harder this will go," he thrusts his hand out and my body thuds against the pallet, knocking the air from my lungs. The pressure of him inside my mind increases, probing for what he wants. I focus on that, his presence and feel along it like a thread. He frowns, lip thinning as I push against the thread, following it. It is almost tangible, a dark current flowing from him. He has forced open my mind and so has left his open to mine. He gasps and his eyes widen, arm wavering. My body arching off the bed I push and push until a swell of emotion crushes over me.
Fear, rage, confusion and a terrible loneliness. A craving for something lost. A massive demon in a black mask.
"You are terrified. You fear not being strong enough, as strong as -"
"Enough!" he shouts and rips his hand away and the thread that connects us snaps. I slump against the pallet, gasping and shaking. He stares at me like I am something horrifying and then without a word he turns and leaves the room, locking the door behind him.
I wake in a bed, in the same room. The upright pallet I had been tied to is gone and I would think it all a nightmare but my arms ache. That is nothing to my head, which thumps in time to my racing heart. I sit up and press my hand to my chest. The map is still there.
Why would he leave it? He can kill a defenceless old man but stripping me is beneath him? I reach under my blouse and tug the bindings loose, removing the map. I have memorised it. Whatever is at the centre of the map it cannot be anything good in Ren's hands. When the door opens the map is in tiny fragments littering the cold hearth. Ren looks between me and the destroyed map. He sighs.
"I would have let you go if you had handed it over."
"You're lying."
He moves to me and I back up, legs hitting the bed. "That was my intention originally but now…" his eyes travel over my face. "You're like me."
"I am nothing of the sort."
"You felt it. You crudely wielded it."
"W-what?"
"The Force."
I lick my lips, unable to look away from his gaze. "I don't understand."
"I know but you will come to, in time," he moves back to the door, which stands ajar. I could try to escape but I know it will be in folly. He seems to read my mind as he moves to block the way with his body.
"What do you want from me!?"
"You will lead me to the Temple. You know the way. That blob fish Plutt says no one knows those mines better than you."
"Why should I help you?"
He doesn't answer. He moves out of the room and waits, arms behind his back. "Come."
He leads me through the manor, which is the grandest building I have ever seen. The furnishings are mostly gone, taken by Plutt, but here and there some things remain. A broken mirror hangs on a wall above the grand staircase. My reflection is ghostlike, my hair falling out of its bun. I look a fright. Ren regards me, his expression unreadable until he places his hand on my elbow and we descend the stairs. High ranking officers pass us, most with their eyes lowered. The door is open, overlooking the moor and town below. His hand on my arm tightens. I stare up at him as Hux appears from a drawing room. He gives me a cursory glance before turning his attention to Ren.
"Well?"
I can feel Ren's irritation like heat off a fire. "She will show us the way. I'm just leading her to the wine cellar for further…persuasion."
The wine cellar? Does he plan on getting me drunk?
Hux's expression grows cruelly amused. "It seems your powers of integration have some limits. Which appear to be skinny scavengers? I'm sure the Emperor will be delighted."
Can this rude ginger man not feel the way the air is growing thin, the hair rising pressure emanating off my capture? Ren's jaw clenches as Hux disappears back into the drawing room with a sneer.
"He's pleasant," I whisper and Ren grunts. He pushes me towards another staircase that leads down. The cloying atmosphere I felt is still hovering, though muted. We pass a kitchen and scullery, now both in use. The smell of baking bread makes my stomach rumble. I haven't eaten since the day before.
"A guard turned traitor helped a rebel escape. I was hunting them when I came across you. They could have been miles away from here but they came back."
"What are you talking about?" I stop as he takes out a set of keys from his coat and unlocks a heavy wooden door. Inside it is dark and cold, with rows of bottle slots standing empty. Ren pushes me into the room and around a corner. Two men are chained to opposite sides of the room.
"Meet Captain Poe Dameron."
Dameron looks up and I try not to wince. His lip is split and dried blood covers half of his face. Next to him is a guard in white, his face uncovered. I have never seen him before but I think I know who it is. The black man looks up and gives a bleary smile.
"It's you…from the moor."
"You let me go," I say and my stomach turns over. Had these men really come back for me?
"They were hunting the map," Ren says with that unnerving insight. "They thought the dog had it." Ren crouches down and looks Dameron in the eye. "She destroyed it. You came here for nothing. This traitor will die in the morning because of you."
"No! Please," I beg but he ignores me. Dameron stares at Ren with not an ounce of fear.
"If the map is gone than we're in the same position Ben."
Ben?
That crackling intensity suddenly explodes and Dameron groans, slamming back against the wall. Ren's fist clenches and the bleeding man yells.
"Stop it!" I grab Ren's arm but he shakes me off, relaxing his grip. Dameron slumps, gasping for breath, which turns into a laugh.
"You're just as well tempered as you were as a child."
"Shut up!" Ren grits out, jaw clenched and nostrils flared. He suddenly turns to me, pointing down at the prisoners. "If you do not show me the way both of these men will die."
"Give him nothing," the guard in white says and Dameron nods.
"Finn is right. We both knew the cost of this endeavour. What the map leads to is too dangerous is the Empire's hands."
I shake my head, throat tight. "I won't let either of you die because of me." I stare up at Ren, tears welling in my eyes. "Spare them and I will give you what you want."
"I can't let them go…but if you are true to your word I will spare them. They will be sent to a prison colony."
I stare down at the men who shake their heads, lips thin. "I'm so sorry." I whisper to them before nodding at Ren, who visibly relaxes. He leads me out of the cellar and locks the door behind him.
Back in what I presume is now my room I find a platter of bread, porridge and grapes. I have never had grapes before. I eat everything, too hungry to slow and savour the flavour. I cannot stop thinking of the prisoners below. Are they being fed? I will make sure they are. Someone has bought up a metal tub filled with water, now a little tepid. Woollen breeches lie on the bed, with soft leather boots atop. My own clothes are threadbare and overly darned. I dip my fingers into the water and then strip but not before placing a chair against the door.
Scrubbed clean and hair washed I gather it into its usual bun, looped with a thin braid. My hair almost reaches my hips, as it did as a child, and I have kept the same style for years. When my parents return they must have a way of recognising me.
At noon a guard takes me down to the drawing room, where Ren and Hux sit. At the general's feet a large ginger cat lies, its tail swishing. Ren looks up from a book he is reading and stands and after a pause Hux follows. They both incline their heads. Uncomfortable I take a stand near a window and they sit.
"I hope the bath was to your satisfaction?" Hux asks, surprising me. I nod and he gives a thin smile. "If Ren insists on having you dine with us I insisted on said company not smelling like a wet dog."
"What happened to Bee? The dog," I add and Ren shrugs.
"Got away."
I exhale with relief, focusing on that rather than Hux's jibe. I pluck at my breeches. "I don't usually wear these."
"Ren thought it would be easier to move around the mines." Hux says and leans forward, eyes narrowing. "I'm not all together sure that you won't lead us into a trap, some unstable part of the tunnels. Can she even read? Your little scavenger could be lying about the entire thing Ren."
"She's not…but if she does try anything foolish she knows what the consequences are. Don't you?" he asks, staring at me with hard, penetrating eyes as he gets to his feet. I say nothing, just match his gaze until a bell rings in the distance. Hux rises.
"Dinner at last."
I feel incredibly exposed sitting at the table with six other officers, their silver buttons shining in the candle light. Most avoid looking at me, as if doing so will lead to some punishment. Ren garners the same treatment.
"Have you ever had chocolate before girl?" Hux asks as I down a glass of wine. The food has been the best I have ever tasted, a feast of roast chicken, quiche, potatoes and lemon cakes. I tried to slow but my manners are not as refined as these gentlemen. From the looks on their faces they think the same.
"No."
"Of course not," Hux answers with a smug smile. "If this mission is successful there will be some for you," he says and while this should be a wonderful treat it only fills me with scorn. He is treating me like a curiosity.
"When we have what we came for she will be rewarded with more than just chocolate," Ren says, the first time he has spoken since we sat down.
"What do you mean?" Hux fills me with disdain while Ren is something altogether more complicated.
"I have received word that the Emperor himself wants to meet you personally. If you keep your word," he adds. I can only stare at him open mouthed. The Emperor is only talked about in hushed tones in Jack's Yew. He is some figure out of a fairy tale, the most powerful man in the world. He has not been seen in public for decades after a failed assignation attempt. There were also whispers that he was in touch with dark forces. I had not believed it but now…
"I'm just a rag picker."
Ren's lips curl slightly. "And you would have remained that until the day you died if I had not found you."
I shake my head, the others around the table forgotten. "I have agreed to help you find the Temple but nothing else. I can't go."
"Yes, the heady delights of Jack's Yew are hard to leave behind," Hux says to a few titters. Ren ignores him, his eyes fixed on me.
"Whatever you are waiting for is long gone," he says it with a strange gentleness but I can sense the annoyance below.
I shake my head and look at my empty plate, pushing a few crumbs with my finger. The table lapses into quiet talk and I keep silent. Ren says nothing, his gaze not wavering from me until the others finish and head to the drawing room to smoke. They leave us alone. If I had been born into gentry this would be unheard of, I would be chaperoned but I am below even a chamber maid here. There is nothing about me to respect. Ren snorts and I look up.
"What?"
"You have no idea who or what you are. Kings, queens and popes do not even possess a fraction of the power within you."
I want to deny it, to push the burning confusion and need to understand deep but I cannot. "I saw into your mind…I think I even dreamt of you."
"And I of you," he stands and moves around to me. I get to my feet. He is far too tall to look at sitting. "You are connected to the Force, as I am."
"I know stories, myths and legends told to me as a child. Knights who could call on light and goodness to defeat evil. Using that power to grow strong."
He nods, moving closer. "It's true. Those knights, now dead and gone for centuries, channelled one side of the Force."
"The Light."
"It's opposite is the Dark," he says softly and then draws out something from under his cloak. It is a cross-guard style sword, the blade missing. Set in the pommel is a red crystal with a thin fracture running through it. Ren takes a step back and the stone flares an angry red. A blade made of crackling red light issues forth, flaring and spitting.
I stagger back, remembering the heat of something red before he knocked me unconscious. "Is – is it real?" Is any of this real?
"Yes. The light can cut through anything. It is powered by the kyber crystal," he explains and then extinguishes the blade. Red lights dance in my eyes.
"Kyber? I have been finding it in mines for years. It has always been clear. Plutt sells it to jewellers."
Ren nods, sheathing the sword. "The crystal takes on a hue when you channel the Force through it. They can be as varied as a rainbow."
I cannot help the smile of wonder that breaks out. "Yours turned red?"
"A colour commonly contributed to the Dark Side of the Force."
The smile fades and I stare at him. "Evil."
He does not counter the statement. "The Dark is power, passion and raw strength. It does not shun feelings of hate or anger. Is that evil?"
I've heard stories of evil knights called the Sith. They lived millennia ago, along with the Jedi, those who fought for good. They wiped out the Jedi and tried to extinguish the Light. I had never even questioned that these stories could be real.
"You're a Sith?" It sounds odd on my tongue. Ren shakes his head.
"There are no Sith, no Jedi. Those old ways are gone and forgotten. A new order is about to begin."
He cannot possibly mean with me? I would laugh but this strange man would take it deeply personally. "I don't know what this power is but I do know one thing. Your new order will be without me. I will not leave this place for anything."
His jaw clenches and then nods. "When we're finished at the Temple you'll see how wrong you are. Though I don't need to show you, do I? You know the truth, you always have."
With that he leaves me and retreats upstairs to his room.
I sleep fretfully, dreams of racing through dark tunnels, looking for any light that will lead me out. He calls my name, his voice laced with rage and pain. The dream stays with me, like a portent.
We set off just before dawn, a troop of guards leading and bringing up the rear. Ren offers his hand down to me from his horse. The beast is a mighty black Friesian, beautiful and spirited. I would rather walk but he gives me the option of being tied with a rope and dragged behind. I take his gloved hand and he effortlessly pulls me up to sit behind him. Nothing else to grasp onto I take hold of his cloak and we begin to ride for the forest.
It is deathly quiet among the elms, the birds subdued when they should be singing in the dawn. We approach my hovel and stop so I can collect my gloves I use to scale the caves. I grab a small potato peeler and pocket it. I look under the table for my gloves and freeze. Bee crouches under a chair, his eyes open and gives my hand a lick. I press a finger to my lips and to the dog's credit he remains still and silent as I close the door.
Back up on Ren's horse I wrap my arms around his waist, not caring any longer how intimate it is. I feel his muscles tense and they do not relax until we reach the edge of the ravine. From here we will need to proceed on foot. A guard stays with the horses while two others, including officer Mitaka, accompany us down the side of the ravine, stepping carefully on mossy, stone steps.
"Where are the prisoners? They were not in the cellar," I had slipped down there after waking with breakfast but found it empty.
"Gone."
"Alive?"
Ren smirks. "As you requested. They should be on their way to the coast as we speak."
"If you are lying to me none of you will get out of this forest again," I say and pick up the pace as we reach the bottom of the ravine. Mitaka grows pale but Ren just stares and says nothing. Approaching the centre of the wood the elms grow huge, bent over with age like old men. I have been this deep only a few times before, as I had not known there were any caves here. Elms form a corridor above us, the ground littered with old leaves and mulch. The end of the elm corridor leads us to a grove and then a sheer wall of stone. We have reached the end of the ravine. When the forest floods this must be a spectacular waterfall. I turn back to Ren but he moves to the wall, running his hands over the stone. Looking for a way in.
I stand beside Mitaka, who has been quiet. "You are a lieutenant?"
"Yes miss."
"What is he?" I motion at Ren, who has taken his gloves off to touch the wall.
"He – he is a knight."
"He has no insignia," I whisper and Mitaka swallows. He leans down and speaks above a whisper.
"He operates outside of the military."
"But you follow his orders?" I keep my eyes on Ren, feeling a throb of irritation which is not mine.
Mitaka nods. "It is the Emperor's direct order. Sir Ren is a law onto himself," he says and abruptly falls silent, as if he has said too much. I nod. This explains General Hux's barely concealed disdain for Ren. Hux outranks Ren but the tall knight views him and everyone else with a sense of intense superiority.
"Come here," he says suddenly, moving back from the wall. I thin my lips but go forward.
"A please would not go amiss."
"Touch the wall, tell me what you feel," he instructs and after a moment I comply. The wall is made from granite, cool and jagged. Exhaling I close my eyes and try to feel something.
"…It's just stone…Wait," I concentrate, sensing a vibration. I press my ear to the rock but it is not a sound, not really. A thrumming pulse emanates from the stone, almost a song. I go deeper and in my mind a see a swirl of light, fanning out in a spiral inside the stone.
"There are tiny fragments of kyber crystal in the wall. It has been placed there on purpose. It's in everything, too small to see," Ren moves close to my side, his large hand spread out next to mine.
"What do we do?" I ask but Ren suddenly sits with his legs crossed, pulling his gloves back on. Without looking up he grabs the end of my cloak and pulls me down to sit beside him.
"Lieutenant Mitaka, have the guards build a camp fire."
"Yes sir."
I watch as the guards collect wood and then look back at Ren. His eyes are closed. "What are you doing?"
"To channel kyber you must detach yourself from this place."
"Oh…why?"
He sighs and looks at me. "The Temple is likely on the other side of that wall. We must channel the Force to pass through."
I nod and look back at the wall. "…We could blow it up?"
"I could but I can't risk destroying what is beyond." With that said he falls silent and closes his eyes. Not knowing what use I can be I start to rise when his hand snakes around my wrist.
"You will stay here."
"Mitaka is perfectly capable of guarding me."
He gives a snort in answer and for the next twenty minutes he remains still and silent. Bored I stare up at the top of the ravine wall, where the biggest elm tree I have ever seen rests. It brings to mind Lor's tales about Mortis and the ways to enter it. Under hills and escorted by dark princes… Maybe every child's story I have been told is real. Mind occupied I sense a swell of victory and look at Ren. He is smiling, the first one I have seen but it is gone when he gets to his feet, bringing me up with him.
The wall is no longer grey but flecked with throbbing chips of red light. When I stare at the light my vision doubles and for a moment it appears that the wall is gone. I blink and look back at the guards. Mitaka looks confused.
"Do you see it?" I ask but Mitaka only shrugs.
"They do not have the vision to see this. They're not…attuned," Ren explains and after giving orders for the soldiers to sit and wait he pulls me towards the light. I hesitate for a moment, the red light hurts my eyes and more, sending a spike of pain into my mind. Ren tugs on my wrist. The strange double vision intensifies until I can no longer see the stone, only burning crystal. We pass through.
I fall to my knees, my head aching with pain. I blink, trying to clear my vision and look up. Ren is pale and his teeth gritted but he seems invigorated by the ordeal. His chest expands and his eyes gleam.
"The Temple."
I look around and see a stone circle in a clearing, the pillars waist high. A path juts off from the circle to a cave entrance. I get to my feet and look back. The red lights are gone and the stone wall stretches up unbroken. It appears far, far taller on this side of the wall. The elm tree is above us, again looking a lot bigger.
"Lor told me stories of reaching magical realms. You get there under hills."
"Yes, I've heard them. He was a fanciful loon but his tales had a thread of truth."
I want to hit him for talking ill of Lor, my stomach rolls with it. Ren stops and looks at me. He smiles for a moment.
"That hate gives you strength."
I shake my head, wanting to deny him but I cannot wash the taste of bile away. I do hate what he has done, what he has taken from me but I will not feed it.
"You will pay for what you have done," I promise and walk past him, ignoring his searching gaze. I focus on the entrance to the cave, which is huge. The entire circle of stones and path are large enough to comfortably house hundreds. I look back at the circle and see that it is split in two, one half formed of white pebbles, the other black. A figure sits at the centre, neatly split between both sides.
"Both sides of the Force," Ren explains and I am intrigued despite myself.
"And at the centre?"
"Balance. There was a prophecy that a being would be chosen by the Force and restore balance. They say he has already lived and died..."
"The world doesn't seem very balanced to me," I say and Ren nods. I point at the stone entrance and move closer. I had mistaken stones at either side of the entrance for columns but I see they are sculptures. On the left a woman points down and on the right a man points up. Bridging the entrance is a figure sitting crossed legged, its hands outstretched over both figures. It is too weathered to determine gender.
"Did Lor tell you of these three?"
I shake my head and Ren moves to touch the statue of the man. "As a child he told me of the Daughter, Son and Father. They live in the lands of Mortis, a land beyond time and death. She is the Light, the Son the Dark and the Father is the Balance," he stares at the Father, his gaze lost. "I learned a lot from him."
"And yet you killed him."
"He had a choice and he chose death."
Ren looks down and then moves to the entrance, ignoring my glare. How he can be so cold I will never understand. I follow him in as he draws his light sword, igniting it so it casts crackling red light over the walls. I do not think I will ever not be amazed. He waits for me to take the lead but I remain at the entrance.
"What is in there? What are you seeking?"
"What is usually crossed off on a map? Treasure."
"I don't believe you. I think you are here for something terrible. This place is hidden for a reason."
"If the Force did not want us to enter we would not be here."
"The Dark side maybe."
Ren sighs, hand clenching his sword. He offers his hand to me but I stay still. What was I thinking? I cannot go into a dark cave with a murderer who can summon dark powers. He could find what he wants and leave me for dead.
"I will not abandon you. My order is directly from the Emperor. You are to meet him and if I do something to stop that…" he trails off, his jaw clenching and I sense a deep throb of fear. I do not understand how I can feel what he experiences but I know it is true. I ignore his offered hand and walk into the cave, the light from his sword showing the way. It feels like descending into hell.
We find an old torch on the floor and with a touch of his sword it flames. He passes it to me and sheathes his weapon. Beyond the entrance the cave opens up into a large cavern, the ground smooth. The floor depicts the mural outside, this one much larger. A pool of water covers it, still and clean. Light issues down through a fissure above.
Three doorways lead off from the cavern. Again on the left is the Daughter, the middle the Father and on the right is the Son. Ren comes to my side.
"Which way?"
I blink, starting to recall. "On the map it showed this cavern. It showed no doors however, just a word: present. I – I don't know what that means."
Ren smiles. "I do. She is the past, he the future," he points at the Son. "This is the present." He moves to the doorway below the Father and waits for me to follow. We walk down a tunnel, the walls grey. I have a feeling the walls of the Daughter will be white, the Son black. Our footfalls are the only sound at first but then I start to hear whispers and stop.
"Do you hear that? I – I thought I heard Mitaka."
Ren nods but does not stop. "You did. They are eating."
"But how can we…"
"This is the path of the present. That's what we hear."
I walk along, mouth open in wonder. I wonder then about Dameron and Finn, the deserter. Immediately the tunnel echoes with the sound of the sea and the ground seems to rock beneath me. Ren looks behind, irritated.
"Focus."
I look down but I am too amazed to be ashamed. How can he not be impressed with this place? I can hear and even feel those I think of. The idea comes quietly and uncalled for, as if someone had placed it there. I close my eyes and think of my parents, of the last impression I have of them. The sound of the sea fades away and the sound of nothing replaces it. I cannot hear Ren walking before me or even the sound of my own heart. I open my eyes and only darkness surrounds me. I try to move but I am stuck, as if the walls have caved in and earth packed in tight. I open my mouth but I have no mouth. I am nothing. A hand drags me up from the dark and I gasp, coughing. On my knees I look up at Ren, who is breathing heavily. He looks enraged.
"What did I say?! Focus on now. Right here!"
"I'm sorry. I – I thought of my parents and…oh god it was so cold."
He stares impassively before turning away, leaving me to collect myself. I inhale and wipe tears with the back of my hands. "They're just far away, that's all."
He says nothing as I take the lead, torch stretched out before us. It shakes.
I lead us to a dead end. The tunnel opens up to another cavern and the path stops abruptly. Before us is a yawning abyss, huge and dark. Ren's jaw clenches as he grabs a rock and lets it fall. A splash far below answers us.
"I swear this is the way."
"What comes after?"
"This cavern and then a short tunnel. The – the treasure is beyond." I say and he nods and loosens his cloak. I take a step back, not wanting to get too close to the edge. "What are you doing?"
"What is beyond the treasure," he asks. I look aside, thankful that he has only taken off his cloak.
"An exit."
"Once we jump it will be hard to get back up here, so…" he motions at the edge. I shake my head vigorously, still keeping my eyes fixed over his shoulder. The edge draws me with a sickening pull.
"I can't swim."
"I won't let you sink."
I retreat to the tunnel mouth, lips pressed together. "I don't trust you."
"Tough." He comes at me and before I can turn he wraps his arm around my waist and then jumps off the ledge.
"Bastard!"
I scream and then hit freezing cold water. It rushes over my head before he pushes me up to the surface. He does not let go. I panic, wrapping my arm around his neck as he wades. I expected to be submerged in darkness but directly across from us a pale light shines. I could not see it from the top.
"You can read a map," he says and then wades to the edge of the pool, pulling me as if I weigh nothing. He pushes me up and I scrabble out of the water, gasping. He pulls himself out and then sits beside me. Across from us a huge sheet of ice covers the entire wall and we are reflected perfectly in it.
"What is that?"
"Something of the Dark," Ren shrugs, getting to his feet and I quickly follow. As with the edge there is a pull to look in that mirror. I cannot imagine anything good would look back at me. The light filters through a thin crack in the wall before us, just big enough for Ren to fit through. The ice made me feel cold and lonely, while the light is warm and welcoming.
"Is this the Light?"
He only nods, looking uncomfortable. I smile, imagining him as some overgrown bat thrust into the daylight. He motions for me to move so I slip through the opening and as I expected the walls are light and smooth, like polished agate. Rivets of grey run through it. I run my hands over each side as I walk, the way narrow.
"Do you feel that? It's so…" I cannot put it into words. It is the comfort of a warm bed and a full stomach, the discovery of some good wares. Sitting on Falcon's back. Laughter and joy. It is the feeling of home. I turn to Ren and the light that emanates from the walls cast his face with a warm peach light. He looks oddly soft, his eyes bright and glowing. I touch his arm, unable to stop. "You're trying not to smile."
"This is horrible," he gasps and he is telling the truth. For a moment he is laid bare to me and I see his conflict. He is a man pulled in two directions, wanting to surrender to the dark but unable to stop wanting the light. He wants to smother it, suffocate it with his rage and suffering. Despite what he has done I feel pity. Why would anyone reject this? What is the Dark Side to this?
Unable to take anymore he pushes me roughly through the tunnel until we reach the end. At first I think I have made a mistake. The room is small, round and utterly bare. An opening across from us leads to the way out, I can see trees and grass. I look at Ren who points down. I had not seen the piece of rock lying there, blending in with the floor. It is no bigger than my hand and thin as paper. He bends down to pick it up and stares. I don't dare move, unable to look away from his face.
The warmth that momentarily lit his eyes vanishes and a stony passiveness replaces it. He turns the stone over and then with a growl he throws it to the floor. His sword suddenly ignites and with a maddening rage he starts slashing at the wall. Shocked, I pick up the stone, turning it over. It is bare, the pinkish surface shiny and unharmed. I look around as he loses control, looking for anything else but there is nothing.
I don't know if it is Ren but I start to feel the beginnings of anger too. I have not come all this way, lost so much to find nothing. I close my eyes, blocking his havoc from my mind and focus. This place is embedded with a sense of peace and not even his rage can muddy that. I open myself up to it, as I had done with the kyber crystals before. There are none to find here but I feel a pull.
Ren.
I open my eyes and see he has stopped for a moment, chest heaving like a bellows. I have never felt so centred, so sure.
"Get control of yourself, you are a knight," I say and the shock seems to release him from his rage. Now he just looks affronted. "Take this."
"Why? It's nothing."
"Please," I whisper and he complies, pulling off his glove to touch the stone. Immediately it flares with light, depicting strange runes. I look up at him and smile. "It needed both of us to work."
The way out of the Temple looks like no more than a rabbit hole from the outside. No one would even spare it a glance. It is night, we must have been in there for hours. Both wet and cold we decide to build a fire and get dry before finding the guards in the morning. We had called but heard no response.
He quickly lights the wood I had found and then begins to unlace his shirt. I look at the fire, my own shirt cold and clinging. I only have my bindings and camisole under it. Ren, now shirtless, throws his wet clothes over a tree bough near to the fire. I look up, scandalised as he reaches down to his breeches.
"I will push you into the fire if you dare."
His lips quirk and he relents, sitting down to pull off his boots. Unable to bare the wetness any longer I move behind his drying coat and take off my own, wringing out the water as best I can. I leave the camisole and bindings on. I move back, arms crossed over my chest. Face burning I glance at him but he is staring into the fire. We sit in a heavy, awkward silence.
"Is your name really Ben Ren?" I blurt out, unable to stay quiet.
He looks at me with a frown. "What?"
"Dameron, the rebel captain, called you Ben."
He stabs a stick into the ground, not looking at me. "Ren is the name of the order of knights I belong to. Kylo is the name the Emperor gave me," his voice is without feeling.
"I think I prefer Ben." I watch him but he does not look at me. "Dameron seems to know you well."
"A long time ago," he says and throws the stick into the fire. He rises and takes his shirt and coat from the tree. He throws mine to me and then sits, pulling his own on. I hold my damp shirt, griping it tightly.
"What happens now?"
"You come with me."
"I can't," I plead with him but he shakes his head, moving around the fire to sit beside me. "I have done everything you asked. You have what you came for."
He looks down, shaking his head. "I did not intend to find something else. I can't leave you here, even if I wanted to." So saying he places his coat around my shoulders. I almost thank him.
"Why would the ruler of the entire Empire want to see me?! I'm nobody."
He nods. "In this place you are and tomorrow I will prove it to you," he whispers the words softly but they strike like daggers.
"You are heartless."
"And you cling to ghosts. I promise you will have nothing left to stay here for. You come with me and you will want for nothing."
"I don't care about wealth or society! I won't be bought."
"But you were; that's why you live in this miserable corner of the world. You were sold like an animal. Not even that."
I push my face against my knees, hands over my ears. It is as childish as the tantrum he had thrown earlier but I do not care. His words are poison.
The dark is absolute in the forest, no light from stars penetrating the dense trees. I wish to be back in my small home, in my bed but instead I am curled up on leaves next to a fire. My bones ache with cold and the rabbit I had caught earlier was thin and lean. We had tried to get back into the warmth of the tunnel but it seems to have shrunk to the size of an apple. I have my back to Ren, who has not said a word for hours. I hope in the morning he is gone, like a bad dream.
I hear leaves crackling and look to see him leaning over me. "What are you doing?"
"You're cold and so am I."
"Take your coat back then or be cold."
"Don't be ridiculous." He pushes me over so I am facing the fire and before I can jump up he slots in behind me, his arm over my chest, pinning me to him.
"This is improper."
"You're not a lady."
"And you're certainly not a gentleman."
"No, I'm much more…" he murmurs sleepily. His heat is welcome but everything else is not. I have never felt so tiny in his arms. He is a huge man. The gloved hand that holds mine down completely covers it. I think my face is burning hotter than the fire. I try to relax, try to get comfortable without moving too much. I wiggle and he makes a deep noise into my hair. I do not move again for the night.
In the morning I wake in a different position. He is below me, his arms wrapped around my body. Head resting against his shoulder I cannot move, even if I want to. I fit neatly under his chin, one hand griping his shoulder with the other against his chest. I slowly lift my head and find him awake.
"…The sun is rising," he says and sits up, his hands gentle. I push away as he stands, looking for his boots. I get up, pushing my hair back and look for a tree to crouch behind. Afterwards we regard each other as if the night had not happened, an unspoken agreement. As we head through the trees the dawn chorus is deafening, the birds celebrating the sunrise. I do not feel there is anything to sing about.
We walk for hours, my stomach rumbling, until I see something familiar. A cave that leads to a kyber mine. I had picked it clean last year.
"We're close." I lead him to the huge elm tree that crowns the top of the ravine wall. I frown and look behind us. "When we went through the wall we could see this tree from the other side but it's just forest now," I point at the trees behind.
"The Force works strangely."
Not able to argue with that logic we move along the sloping ravine until we reach another staircase that leads down to the bottom. Tired, hungry and with a forced calm I watch as Mitaka and the guards come into view. They are tending to a fire.
"We're back," I call and Mitaka and the guards spin around. One of them drops a log.
"But – but you just left," Mitaka points at the wall. "You both disappeared moments ago."
Ren ignores him and sits, taking a plate which is piled with hot, fat pigeon and takes a long drink from a flask. I follow suit, too hungry to explain, not that I possibly could.
When the tablet is not touched by both of us it remains blank. Ben – I will start calling him Ben, it makes him less threatening and it irritates him – construes this luck down to the will of the Force. Whatever one calls it I don't think it is done with me yet.
"We leave first thing tomorrow," Ben says again, as if this time I will agree. We are back at the manor, the officers surprised to see us back so soon. They have no idea how strange that is.
Hux, who I overheard is called Armitage – Armie to his friends – stares at me aghast and then back at Ren. "You can't possibly be serious? She's barely human let alone civilised and you want to present her to the Emperor himself? Might I remind you his imminence has not received visitors for nigh on three decades?"
I think Ben would like nothing more than to send the ginger man through a window. He stares at Hux so intently that spots of colour appear on the pale man's face. It pains me that I agree with Hux.
"Even if I wanted to do this I can't. I'm – I'm not presentable," I whisper, my own face heating with shame. Ben looks down at me, his gaze softened.
"He only cares for your spirit. This means nothing," he waves a lazy hand at my attire. I have changed out of the breeches and into a skirt made of light grey cotton that was laid out on my bed. Green embroidery circles the hem, a ring of vines. I have never owned anything as fine.
Hux makes a noise and gives me the smallest bow. "My lady."
I watch him walk away and consider if it is ladylike to make a rude gesture behind his back. I do it anyway. Ben snorts.
"He has no idea how many times he has escaped death."
I do not smile because I know he means it. "You said you would prove to me there is nothing left to stay for. We might as well get this over with so you can leave and I can carry on with my life."
His gaze turns contemplative. "I think if we were separated by an ocean we would still be destined to meet. It's out of our hands."
"I wish you had never come here," I say it with softness. I would give the finest silks and turn down meeting royalty if I could hear Lor tell me a story again.
"You will let go of the past, of this life. In time you will come to thank me…Hux is right about one thing, you are not like them and neither am I. We're not human, we are something more. The map and what we found is meaningless to me next to that."
Next to me? I inhale, trying to control a swell of feelings. Again I am not sure if it is my own or his. He turns to leave, his horse waiting outside and after a pause I follow.
It is market day within the town and very busy. Peddlers sale their wares, haggling with people. This was an important day for me, when I could buy books, new buttons and the odd lemon cake. It all seems so small already. I grip his waist tightly. He is here to acquire a new cloak and I to say goodbye it seems. He dismounts and then reaches up to lift me down. I should not like the sensation of feeling weightless but I do. He ties his horse and motions to Plutt's business.
"He will be expecting you."
"Why?"
"Because he has something to share. You were saving up enough to find out the whereabouts of your parents. That cretin does not give out information freely."
"No he does not," how he knows I was saving to find out I cannot guess. Plutt came into information about their whereabouts many years before but would not share it with me until I decided to pay for it.
"I will meet you back here at noon," he inclines his head and turns on his heel.
"Ben!" I watch his shoulders tense but he does not correct me as he turns. "What if he lies?"
"He knows what will happen if he does. At noon," he says again and then leaves me. I exhale and begin walking to Plutt's, stomach twisting.
Plutt, behind his high table like a magistrate, slides over a piece of paper sealed with wax. He does not appear harmed but there is a discernible greenish pallor to his face.
"As…requested by your paramour."
"He is no such thing," I stare at the edge of the paper, within easy reach. I hesitate. "What is it?"
"…An address."
Hope, like a tiny flame, sparks alight. I snatch the letter and hold it to my chest. "I will give you no thanks." I turn to leave when Plutt clears his throat.
"Girl? You may not believe me but I was only doing you a kindness," he says and I scoff, hand on the door. "We both know you had saved up enough for this information long ago. I would still listen to that reluctance. Here you are safe but with him…" he falls silent, shaking his head.
"You just don't want to lose your best scavenger," I give him one last glare and leave. The bell over the door rings in my ears for a long time.
The address is in a part of town that is frequented by drunkards, brawlers and gangs of pickpockets. It houses the more seedy brothels, where it seems the white guard are celebrating their last day in Jack's Yew. The officers visit the more refined brothels, if such a thing exists here. I have avoided this part of town for years. Could my parents really live here? I admit I had imagined them as travellers, my father a seafarer and my mother…but no. If they lived so close why would they not make their presence known to me?
You know the truth…I push Ben's words away and focus on the address. It comprises a number and a street name, neither familiar to me. I reach the edge of town, the run down houses dwindling until all that is visible is farm land. The house numbers do not even go up to 19. I walk along the lane, seeing an old man snoozing under a tree.
"Sir? Do you happen to know the whereabouts of Potter's Lane, number 19?"
He wakes, gaze unfocused but smiles dazedly. I give him the address and he nods. "Ah miss, that's a plot."
"…A plot?"
"Ay. In the potter's field yonder. I tend to them best I can," he says proudly and I nod, not hearing him. I begin walking and enter the field. Poppies flutter in the breeze, a field of red and green. In the distance I see two men digging a trench. Three wooden caskets are stacked behind them, waiting to be lowered. I swallow, throat tight and keep moving. Small stone markers are almost hidden in the grass but I find it.
"…Silly. It's silly really. I knew about this place but never wanted to come. I'll end up here one day so why spoil the surprise?" I talk to the poppies who nod in understanding. "I imagined sometimes that they would have a sea burial, something noble…but they are – were like me. A pauper's grave, what else." I lean down and touch the stone marker. I remain until the sun reaches its peak in the sky, clouds starting to blot its light. I am reminded of Ben. I do not feel sad or even disappointed, just a rolling sense of anger. I stayed here for them and Plutt knew the truth and kept up the pretence.
You know the truth, you always have.
"Be quiet!"
The flowers flatten in a gale of wind I do not feel and the coffins waiting to be buried topple. I ignore the gravediggers scrabbling and make my way back to town. To him.
Weighed down by my few belongings I throw coins at Plutt's table. They bounce against his gut and skid across the surface. He scrabbles for them before they fall.
"I did warn you -"
"Payment!"
"Rey, come girl surely you understand?"
"I understand perfectly. I think that should cover it." There is not nearly enough but I do not care. I stride out and Ben is waiting, now in a new cloak. I ignore him and he does not approach as I enter Falcon's pen and begin saddling up the white mare. She tosses her head but lets me climb onto her back. Ben is already on his own horse. When Plutt comes waddling out he blocks his way.
"What-what! This is theft! This will not stand!" His usual pasty face is red as a beetroot. I think Plutt would drag me off and flog me if he did not fear being trampled. I do not spare him another glance, digging my heel into her flank. Falcon runs to beat the devil, Ben and his beast left in her incredible wake.
The encampment disembarks with efficient speed; I can see that half are already gone by night fall. Hux does not want a woman to travel with the troops and I agree.
"They will take some days to reach London. We will not," Ben says across the dining table. We will leave first thing by horse. I have no intention of taking a carriage, not when I have Falcon. She is as antsy to be gone as I am now. Ben had said nothing of my parents; I think any forms of commiseration are foreign to him. He now has what he wants and that is all that matters.
"Tell me of the Emperor?" I ask, slicing a peach. "I hear that he is completely mad."
Hux thins his lips but says nothing, just glances at Ben, who shrugs. "Rumours created by the rebels to sew dissent. He is…a visionary and that can seem like unreason to some. He is a great leader."
"Here, here!" Hux raises his glass and the officers follow suit. It seems the one thing that Ben and Hux agree on. I bite into a peach slice, Ben's eyes fixed on the fruit. Is he surprised I am not stuffing it into my mouth as before? I do not want to give Hux anymore ammunition.
"You'll present what we found to The Emperor. What then?"
"It needs to be studied. He possesses great knowledge. He will instruct us what to do next."
Us. He truly believes that we will be allies or more. His arrogance is astounding. I finish the fruit in silence and then make my way to bed. Ben accompanies me up to the door, hands behind his back.
"Goodnight."
He takes my arm, stopping me. "You have a horse now, a fast one. I know what you are planning and it is futile. If you run I will catch you."
I smile at him. "Where would I go? I know nothing or no one outside of this town, those woods. You were right, I have nothing left to stay for."
"Your life has led to this point, as it was always meant to. I meant what I said at the Temple, I will not abandon you."
His voice conveys no deceit, just a fierce and pure conviction. It is misplaced but I wish for a moment it was not. I wish that we could have met under different circumstances, no blood shed and loss. His eyes are so soft in the candlelight, his intentions open and honest. For all his strength and size he is incredibly vulnerable, his heart unguarded.
I wish him goodnight as he leans down, breath on my cheek. I think he will keep me there but his grip loosens and I close the door. Leaning against it I feel his presence on the other side. I think I will be able to sense that storm now from miles away. He carries gravity around him, like a star.
I will not run but in the population of London's teeming thousands I think I could disappear. Once the idea gave me hope but now I just feel a nagging stab of guilt. He believes that providence has brought us together and nothing will separate us again.
I must prove him wrong.