5 Completely and Utterly Pointless Commercials (1?)

By: Chrys Maxwell

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing and I'm not in association with any of the products mentioned in this TOTALLY pointless fiction. This is a product of 5th Period Geometry boredom. ENJOY!

*****

We see Duo sitting on a couch in Scooby-Doo boxers and a grey tank-top *drool* watching Saturday morning cartoons and eating Apple Jacks. Quatre enters in Teddy Bear PJ's *Aww!* and carrying a camel plushie. *Double AWW!* He looks ever and blinks.

"Why do you eat Apple Jacks if they don't taste like apples?"

Duo stops, turns slowly, and speaks.

"Why do you wear cotton pajamas and carry around a stuffed camel?"

Quatre blinks. Duo blinks. They both turn back and watch cartoons.

Duo Voice Over: I eat what I like!

*****

We see all the G-boys running around an abandoned warehouse shooting at each other with Nerf guns and feigning surprise at staged close calls. We see Relena walk to center stage and the boys narrow their eyes and circle around her like vultures. Heero fires and nothing is left but Relena's shoes. Quatre is horrified, Duo and Wufei fall over laughing, and Trowa... does he ever do anything? Heero grins.

"Guess that one was real."

Announcer: Nerf or nothing.

*****

We see a fence. A really tall fence. We hear a soft boinging sound in the background. It gets louder. And louder. Suddenly, Heero appears at one side of the screen, running. He runs, and runs, and runs some more. Then he leaps into the air, boinging, and clears the fence. Then he continues running. Duo pops in on the side that Heero came from.

"Dude, I could do that. That's easy!" Duo says.

Duo then backs up off the screen, then runs, minus the boinging, towards the fence. He nearly clears it, unfortunately, his foot gets caught in the barbed wire at the top. This causes him to flip upside down, hanging by his ankle and his braid dangling.

"Oww... Heeeeelp...."

Chrys, the mighty authoress (grin), walks in from the side Heero left from, then notices Duo's predicament. She grins. Then she walks over to him and begins batting at his braid, giggling occasionally.

"*bat* Hee hee hee! *bat* hee hee hee..."

Duo squirms.

"Cut it out! Hey! Stop it! I'm not going to tell you again! At least help me DOWN! SIRI! get her to stop!"

Nike. Boing.

*****

There is an outline of a Gundam Pilot with the privacy lighting seen on those weight loss commercials and such.

"Erm, Hi. I'm a client of a popular hair care product. It has helped my popularity greatly with the fans. Before, my hair was a fright."

An outline of the character with a cross between Don King and Albert Einstein hairstyle is seen.

"But after using Pantine Pro-V, I've got the best, smoothest hair on the Wing Gundam team! Thanks Pantine Pro-V!"

Duo walks on stage and slaps the unnamed pilot on the back.

"I didn't know you used Pantine Pro-V, Wu-man!"

"MAXWELL! KISAMAAAAA!"

*****

((Offstage))

"I'm not doing this..."

"You won't speak, so you have to do something! I SWEAR I won't ask you to be in any more skits if you do this."

"...I do have some dignity, you know."

"You pilot a giant Swiss Army Knife that always runs out of ammo when you need it the most! How much do you have to lose?"

"...you won't ask me again?"

"I promise,"

"Fine."

Trowa walks onstage in the pink Energizer Bunny suit, banging on the drums. He speaks in monotone:

"Energizer Batteries. They keep going, and going, and going..."

*****

Thank you, thank you! Please review! This is to delay you all in waiting for me to update Who the Fudge Cookie! :D I love you all!