GIVEN, TAKEN.
Written on: 06/01/19
Posted on: 06/02/19
A/N: Little daring princess ventures in a land of the gruesome. An AU Where Sonoko is a princess who now is a traveler decided to venture to a forbidden forest.
TW: Suicide, Death.
"You're something between a dream and a miracle."
— Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Love letters.
I.
Once, there was a traveler, she was of royalty but she knew in her heart she was not meant to dawdle around in pretty dresses and waltz around other royal lineages. There was more her heart ached, more her soul knew it must relive and more her body longed to experience. She knew there is a desire and a necessity for her existence to venture and so, a few days after her coming of age ceremony she had bid farewell to her mother, father, sister and brother-in-law. As they looked over the castle and the kingdom, she had left in pursuit of what she termed as happiness, food for the soul.
She was pampered, loved and attention spoilt, not a single mishap in how her heart was fed and not a single scratch on it. Her heart was as pure as it could be, free from any envy and free from any ill intent. While she had everything, she, too, was content if ever so something lacked. She was easily upset, yes, but she was also easily encouraged; the little things such as a visit from a dear friend or having her favorite dessert on tonight's meal, or her bedsheets being changed to her favorite pink and yellow silken ones—those little things could fill her heart so easily.
She had a lion heart but it wasn't just her heart that held strong ideals; even her pretty mouth uttered words so unsophisticated—there is not the slightest hesitation when there is even a speck of uneasiness she felt—she dared not to keep her words quiet, not at all. Justice must be served and so she voices what her heart aches to scream, what she believes is rightful and what she believes must be done. Yet, it does not stop there—she knew when to stop. Because even lions rest, and so her heart curls back to its softened nature. She would think, she would withdraw when she knew it would hurt too painfully. A rejection from an invitation she gave to a dear friend would not make her upset, she would have smiled, waved her hand and say, "It's fine, next time then!" she was that kind of person.
She did not want to be a burden, that was one of her flaws, she did not want to be a memory so insignificant or so bothersome in another's mind.
This traveler was a princess so loved, but all is returned and thus she earned an equal amount of hatred.
II.
Once, there was a distant land, it was said to be inhabited by the ghouls of the forgotten—testaments of specters wandering aimlessly have been found however was never confirmed. There had been a total of ninety-nine testimonies for ninety-nine different people however the day after their statement, they had died in their sleep. It had all happened in a span of a mere two years. Then it happened, story after story, curse after curse and superstitions began to pile and reach further lands until nearby villages had migrated far away from that haunted village. The cycle had continued for years until decades then it happened—huts, farms, pastures that were once tended had decayed and trees have begun to grow. The once peaceful little village had turned into a haunted forest.
Kyou-en. That was the forbidden name of the forest, no one must dare to utter its name for it calls forth upon its deceased inhabitants and ghosts in those who dare utter of their name. They fall in love with one's negativity until the person wakes in hysteria,
"Loneliness, despair—I am lost and I seek this guilt!" "Let me be in my shame, let me drown in agony!" "Do not end my life, I wish to prolong my misery!"
Those were a few instances of what men and women alike have screamed the moment they wake after they uttered the forest's name. Not too long after, these people have been burnt to death—their hysteria was as good as a plague, it had haunted children in their sleep, had made them cry until they lacked sleep until they eventually died of exhaustion and mania. It had been said that the elderly aged faster when they were near the cursed, their skin was drier than usual and their teeth grew weaker by the day until they passed away in their sleep and decomposed immediately two days after death.
It had been decades since then and people have learned to never even dare utter or think of the forest, everyone had made sure to educate their children to never even go near the forest, then again, it was almost impossible to set foot on the land.
Twenty years ago an earthquake had befallen and tore kingdoms apart, villages suffered and all lands were divided—yes, even Kyou-en. The forest was completely out of reach, a large cliff would prevent any traveler to even catch a good glimpse of the forest. It was said, if one would stand at the tip of the cliff, they would hear the forest murmuring, almost as if it was begging to be visited.
Five years after that instance, a traveler from the other side had discovered a way to reach the forest closer, halfway towards the forest they were halted by the speeding increasing temperature, it was as if they were being boiled to death, The fog and moist surrounding them had ceased any way for them to inhale oxygen that the traveler must escape as soon as possible. He almost did not make it and he had confirmed that there was no other way to reach the forest. However, before the man had begun feeling the heat, he had said he heard murmurs, but unlike the one by the cliff, he heard growls—he heard screams and he heard miserable cries—it was as if the forest pushed away any possible threat.
Because of the cliff and the gap between lands, it was impossible to reach that side and the other was far too dangerous as well, the forest was completely isolated.
But no traveler had the courage to even try to reach it—until this fateful day a daring little princess became a traveler.
III.
"Eeeeeh, it's impossible?! No way!" The princess whined loudly at the poor old man who had just finished tending his plants.
"Ah... Ah... Oh.. sorry, yes, there—there is a cliff that stops this land connecting to the forest, tremors often happen there so the land is unstable… year after year the land breaks and the gap between enlarges..." The old man gulped then wiped the sweat off his forehead, "as for the other path… it seems that those who try to test if the heat still exists, the parameters have expanded and the danger zone encompasses more lands enough for the nearest village which is almost thousands of kilometers away from it to migrate as they had already felt the odd sporadic temperature increases on their ends."
A brow raised, "So you're telling me, the almighty and fair future Queen of Lands, Sonoko Suzuki, that it is impossible for me to even reach Ky—"
"Shush, shush, shush!" A shaky hand covered her mouth, "Do not utter the name, do not utter the name, I beg of you!" His wrinkled hand quivered by her lips.
Sonoko immediately took steps backward to retreat.
The elderly man widened his eyes in surprise, "Ah… I apologize..." then it came to him, "Pardon… Suzuki? Are you truly the youngest princess of the Suzuki's? The ruler of all kingdoms?" He could have sworn his teeth would fall off out of shock.
A laugh roared out of her lips as a wide grin drew on her expression, "Ho, ho, ho! The one and only, of course! No curse, no superstition will stop me!"
"Ah… hha… I see, but please do be careful..." He knew how lion hearted the Suzuki bloodline was, they were determined and would not stop once they've had their minds settled. The least he could do is send his best regards to this princess. "One may have a myriad of lands, multiple of admirers and loyal subjects, however, there is only one life that we can have..." His voice was solemn, almost mourning.
Sonoko's eyes widened momentarily, her heart stopping its tracks, "You… you've lost someone, didn't you…?" She was almost hesitant to say but she knew.
The old man smiled, "Yes." a pause, "He was strong, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually—he was one of a kind—my grandson, he been presumed dead twenty years ago."
"Presumed dead?"
He nodded. "He had set off to seek the secrets of this forest, we all thought that he might be the savior of all, that he may be the one to break the barrier, purify the curse of the forest for he was strong in all aspects..." his voice trailed off, as if growing fearful, "but we overestimated, we were far too complacent."
Twenty years ago…?
"Then the earthquake happened. He hadn't returned from his trip before then and when we knew the earthquake had separated the lands, there was no other way… none at all… that my grandson, my only family, could return."
"But you haven't seen him yet, right?" Sonoko pressed the issue further. "Just because some damn land shake that split us all apart doesn't mean he's dead!"
"B-But… the forest—"
"So, who cares! It has damn trees, who knows, he might have survived there and began to live there! And he might be waiting! Waiting for the day that one day there'll be someone to find him and get him outta there!" Sonoko was breathless, hopelessness was not in her dictionary, there was no way she was going to let this old man wallow in his misery.
The old man was quiet, the confusion—the puzzlement—that was evident on his expression slowly turned into one of gentleness, "You are an odd princess, Lady Suzuki." His voice, it seemed as if he regained some sort of confidence. "But it is far too risky, no matter my grandson, you are an important woman—your people need you…"
It was Sonoko's turn to smile, "I'm just a figure of power, am I right? There are other Suzuki's who can take my place, in this life, I want my heart to scream… I want to live as me." She glanced at the skies, it would be sunset soon so she looked back at the elderly man. "Thank you. But that'll end our conversation… please, never stop hoping, never stop praying for good health for your son… because if there is even the slightest possibility he's out there, he would need all the prayers to keep him in good health." She turned her heels then left.
The old man raised a hand, unsure if he would catch and run after her or simply stay. He shook his head, his gaze softening as he watched her figure eventually disappear from his sight.
"Stay safe, Lady Suzuki… and my prayers, if only you had known, I've been prayers every night to my dear grandson… my dearest grandson—"
IV.
Once, the fair princess-now-traveler was a simple wanderer—moving from land to land, she had wanted to discover aspects and cultures of different villages however she had a destination in mind this time. It was a destination that may be the end of all.
To the forest, Kyou-en.
Village after village she made her stops but it became scarce, the farther she went, the smaller the villages became and the more desolated the land became. It was slowly diminishing of human existence, she knew, then, it was because of the existence of the forest—its fearsome curses and hauntings.
No one knew what went inside Sonoko's head, no one knew what made her heart quiver, all they saw was her haughty laughter and her brimming confidence and overflowing charm. No one knew how much she wanted to quiver and cry, no one knew how much she curled and cried herself to sleep in sheer fear of the forest. No one knew she had begun to lose herself in her mind. She begun to grew lonely, so lonely, she wanted to be someone. She never knew she had been this lonely, memories of her childhood came to resurface, the days when her sister would be busy attending parties and welcoming guests as well as her mother and father discussing with the other kings and queens. She never knew how lonely it was when she was far too open and outgoing than the other sophisticated young princes and princesses.
Night after night, the colder it became. She ought to believe this heat wave was some sort of lie, she was, assumingly, going closer to the forest, one end would be the cliff and the other would be the scorching and asphyxiating heat. Considering it was not even an ounce hot, she must be nearing the cliff entrance. But that was not the only issue that the cold began to creep under her skin.
V.
Village after village, there was one evident thing noticeable. That the closer the village was to the forest, the poorer their situation was. The lack of crops, lack of water and the uncomfortable temperatures, but considering how populated the other villages were, it would be marked difficult to migrate without certainty for space. Soko noticed that. The first village she went to a few days ago had run down huts but their crops seemed fine despite its small quantities however most of their articles of clothing were becoming less available to the masses. SHe came across a pregnant woman who was freezing, her heart could not help but ache at the sight of her predicament and so she offered her thick cloak to cover the woman.
"I'm sorry," the woman said, her hand cradling her swollen belly.
Sonoko gave the sweetest, warmest smile she could offer then a dismissive wave of her hand, "This coat warms me up at night, just me, but for you? It warms up you and a child. Besides, you need it more than I do." Her cheeks began to flush as well as her nose, it was getting colder than she expected but she thought it must be the first sensation that bites, she would have warmed up soon after.
The woman looked at her with wide eyes, teeth biting into the flesh of her bottom lip as her voice quivered and nails digging deep into the coat draped over her. "Please… please take care, young lady, bless your soul."
"And you—bless you and your family and child!" She paused then took her leave, but she looked back, raised her arm and waved her hand, "Bye Bye!"
The fair princess was left with her normal clothes, just a long-sleeved top and pants, and some shoes and a bag.
VI.
The next village, she saw a group of children who were out of their village. Sonoko had conversed with them, they had said they were on a journey to the main villages in hopes to find some way to earn food for their own village as they lacked enough crops to sustain food for everyone. Sonoko's stomach churned, they were malnourished and their breaths reeked of decay, Sonoko wanted to vomit at their reeking scent but she forced a smile through the disgust. She took a bag with golden coins from her satchel and gave it to the children. With this, they didn't have to go that far, this money would be enough for the neighboring villages who had crops to feed their own villages.
"You, brats! Where do you think are you going? It's already late!" Sonoko said, pointing at the mischievous kids as one hand rested by her hip.
The kids jolted in surprise then they huddled closer together, trembling hands holding each other.
Her eyes widened then hummed as she took a few steps closer, "Are you alright?" her tone grew softer.
One of the children gulped then mustered the courage to speak up. "We! We… We're on a journey!"
Sonoko raised a brow, "Oh ho? A journey?" These kids… they aren't on a journey, huh? But Sonoko wouldn't dare dampen their mood, she was patient though, she'd wait until they revealed the truth.
"Yes! We're going to the mainland since we've heard that supplies are cheaper there!" The other child came in and his eyes glimmered in hope, one you would expect from a little villager boy who would go to the city for the first time.
Sonoko's heart felt a bit cold, almost the same sensation of falling or drowning, it was full and heavy.
"We… we want to help our village—ever since the droughts came more frequently, our crops have been dying until last week it had all completely dried out. Just two days ago all our supplies have gone. Our fathers left to journey and gather help from the nearest villages but..." It was too much and the child had begun crying.
One of the girls from the group held the boy, rubbing circles on his back as she shushed him with the warmest lulls. "I'm sorry, Miss Traveler, all we want is to help out village, we've heard there are cheap markets at the mainland and we hoped that we could do something..."
"And how will you pay?" Sonoko calmly asked.
The group of five kids, four boys, and one girl looked at each other and then showed their money. The boys had 2 gold coins and 3 copper coins in total and the girl had 5 silver pieces. Sonoko thought how this could barely buy a whole kilogram of rice in the kingdoms she knew. But she couldn't break these children's hearts and so she stood up straight and rummaged through her bag.
She took a bag full of coins, it was supposed to be her money for her travels but she knew these kids needed more and she already has enough evidence.
"Here," she handed it to the tallest kid.
The kid opened the bag and his breath hitched. "M-Miss?! This… This is!"
"Yup! Money, I hope this money would be enough for you to resort to nearby villages instead, take this advice from me, the mainland isn't as accessible as you think it is, go ahead and use those coins I gave you to buy from villages instead, alright?" Sonoko's heart grew lighter, almost as if it was lying down and resting peacefully in her soft silken bed back at the castle.
"But, but we can't!"
"Oh, yes you can!" Sonoko argued as she rubbed the kid's head, "Now, go seek shelter first, it's getting dark, you know? There might be thieves who'd get that money so you should take care of it." Sonoko waggled her index finger as to warn the children.
Scared, they nodded and saluted towards the traveler. As the four boys immediately tried to find shelter, the young girl stayed for a little while to hold the princess's hands, a bright smile on her face. "Miss, one day, we'll repay you! We promise that! Please stay safe on your journey too!" Then she took off before the other children were out of sight.
Sonoko smiled then sighed, there went her coat then now all of her money. She might think she's losing her sanity and turning into a completely foolish traveler but there were some things she knew she had to do. She turned her heels and continued going straight.
Now there without her money, there was no certainty of her life.
VII.
All this time, all her life, for the most part, she had relied on money. How her dresses were made, her comfort was suited to her liking, how her food was prepared, how she was able to meet a vast number of nobles. They all circulated because her name held money, her money held power over kingdoms after kingdom. It almost was hilarious to reminisce how she, as an individual, was a mere pawn to a name.
And it hurt, realizing that had she not existed, had the youngest princess born was not Sonoko, it would just be another pawn to a Suzuki namesake. Everyone, every single one under this bloodline and every other individual under the same fate of noble lineage was in the same cursed fate. A chain, a bond, that cannot be broken. Sonoko wondered if there were more out there who would sympathize with her feelings, wanting to be someone. Someone, yes, be someone. Not anyone.
VIII.
The weather had been fair, so to speak, however, the temperature had been far too cruel. One moment it was deathly cold and the next moment it would be as hot as the supposed flames of hell. Sonoko might as well begin to disintegrate, her skin was going to lose its healthy glow from this in a few weeks or in mere days!
"Aaah—Ah-choo!" A loud sneeze left her lips and mucus dripped from her nose. She rubbed her shoulders in an attempt to warm herself, at this moment it was one of those cold weathers. She used the edge of her shirt to wipe the clear mucus from her nose as she proceeded to continue her journey.
It had been around three days since she last saw those kids, she had been simply feeding off the fruits she had stored in her bag but now it came to an end. Her bag was as good as empty—carrying it would just burden her due to its weight.
She took a breather, leaning down by a tree trunk then removing her beg as she dropped it by the roots of the tree. She had no need for it and was for any traveler out there who may need this not-so-suspicious bag lying about in this uninhabited path.
No coat, no money, no food, no bag—she was now down to her mere top, pants, undergarments and a pair of boots.
IX.
It had been two days since then; Sonoko was down to the last bits of her strength, she was able to gather some food from bushes and trees but so far there had been no villages within sight, she assumed that this must be entering the danger zone, or as how the villagers termed it as the cursed ghostlands. These were the once flourishing lands neighboring around the forbidden forest and due to migration, most belongings and farmings were left until they eventually decomposed. Those who have survived until this far have said they've heard cries and cheers as if they were specters of the once brimming with life villages.
Sonoko emitted a shaky breath, bags were under her eyes, though she knew when to take a rest, her body was growing weak. She needed to find somewhere to rest or else this journey would end in a disappointing end.
Disappointing, unfulfilling end.
Sonoko felt herself wake up then she shook her head vigorously, "No way! Not a single chance! I'm going to continue until I find that place, I want to see it with my bare eyes!"
Maybe… just maybe—what her heart yearns for would be…
X.
Did you know, there was such a thing as love at first sight? No, it was not as how when you first laid your eyes on someone or something. It was when you truly see them. Love at first sight of the depth of their reality.
Yes, there is such a thing such as that. However, it is rare, almost impossible to identify it. People misunderstand that to fall in love at first sight, is the moment you've laid your eyes on them. Absolutely not. It is when your heart breaks through the barrier and you successfully see the reality between the unreality of the world.
Do you believe all is real or unreal? There is such a thing, a possibility, that all is a figment of each other's imaginations, interconnected and each mishap, such as different perspective, is a matter of mismatched connections between our imagination. But then, to have an imagination—a connective, connected, imagination—it must mean there are others that exist alongside you, then perhaps all along not everything was unreal in the end.
When one fully understand the other, sees through those sugar-coated emotions, they will begin to realize how true life is and how deep-rooted their love have flourished.
XI.
There it was, there… there it was!
Sonoko couldn't believe it, she really couldn't!
It was small as she was still far away, but she knew… she knew it!
The trees and vines seemed to be more connected than the ones a while ago, the roots were more aggressive as they weren't flat on the ground. Sonoko could care less however, her heart was racing and she could almost feel her rib cages tremble at how her heart wanted to shake out of her body. Her smile couldn't be stopped! It had been hours, hours since her head has been spinning and her ears ringing. She was already holding tree trunk after tree trunk to support her body since she began to wobble around, her knees weakening and her legs growing numb. But she was not going to stop anytime soon!
"Papa… papa! It's me, Sonoko!" Her mind screamed, "Papa! I'm doing it, I'm really doing it, I'm traveling!" Her heart was jumping in joy.
"Papa, I want to love, I want to be loved!"
Her train of thoughts broke when her foot got stuck at the roots of a tree. She fell face forward on the ground, the harp barks and branches grazing her skin and inflicting founds on soft flesh. A whimper emitted from her lips as tears welled up in her eyes, it was painful.
She shook her head, this wasn't going to make her budge or back out. She puffed her cheeks and sucked in a deep breath, despite her aching body she pushed herself up and then unclasped the belts of her boots. As her feet slipped off she left her shoes and continued walking barefoot. She couldn't bother removing her shoes from the roots, that would require too much energy, she had to conserve whatever strength she had.
It was a dark pathway, the trees barely making way for light to reach, her vision was growing hazy and for some reason, the temperature just kept growing colder and colder. It almost as if her heart was being lonely in a vast, wide open area. It was an odd sensation when she was almost trapped in a pathway of vines and trees—it felt as if all this did not even exist and she was just standing in an empty field.
"No, papa! I won't be goody-goody! What's the point of living if I can't be honest, what use is communication if you would lie!" Those words echoed in her head, she chuckled, it was what she had said as a kid during some silly nobles party. She had gotten in a fight with one of the other king's sons. He was a cocky, arrogant little asshole and Sonoko wasn't going to back down. The boy was being mean to another girl and Sonoko wasn't having that!
"If we were confident then what use is a friend?! What is the point of being in a relationship if we're always so sure? We need a little doubt, a bit of fragility because through the cracks we feel the warmth! If the heart was so cold and hard, we wouldn't feel the warmth at all!" It was when she was around her younger teenage years. She remembered that it was when another noble tried to manipulate her childhood friend's doubts as a means to lure her but Sonoko knew better—these fragile feelings should neither be kept and forgotten nor should it be manipulated by others. This negativity, these doubts, and feelings of hopelessness must be utilized and used to strengthen bonds and to strengthen oneself!
The more her mind raced with memories, the more the energy was being drained from her body but at the same time the amount of light being seen was growing and her eyes widened. Could it be…? Could it be the end of this path?!
She paced faster, disregarding her bleeding feet as a grin plastered all over her paling face, her lips have chapped days ago and her hands grew thinner. Blood began to drip from her wounds but that was a matter she could forget, what mattered now was that this was the moment everyone feared and the moment she had been waiting for.
Then she felt it, the end of the line. She stepped out and there it came, the full and cool breeze, the sight of the open skies and the imagery of the forbidden forest—Kyou-en—in full sight!
"Haaah…!" A refreshing, loud sigh escaped from her lips. There it was, the cliff that everyone had said. They were right, their stories were right, there were tremors and the ground was unstable. But despite the fear lurching in and over her heart, Sonoko mustered the strength to continue walking forward until she was a few steps from the tip of the cliff.
Her gaze was set on the forest before her, the land separated by the gap between this cliff and the land after. It was truly a sight to behold, the way the forest was dark and dreary—and yes, it spoke.
"Goodbye, goodbye."
It did not simply speak. It sung—sung hymns of loneliness and heartache.
"This is my one and only desire."
Sonoko's lips were pressed in a thin line as she listened attentively.
"The pure is what was impure all along for it bears what we call,"
What…?
"Goodbye, goodbye."
Sonoko's eyes widened—this was it. This was the secret. This was the hidden cries of the forest. A surge of heartache welled up inside of her as the tears could not be stopped.
"Oh god…," She sobbed, she wailed—her cries were loud and clear as she felt her heart being ripped in shreds, her lungs filled with indescribable sadness akin to water, it was burning inside of her—she was drowning in a surge of negativity and loneliness.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry—" It had been so lonely, so very lonely, for so long. The forest ached in its negativity. It did not seep into people's hearts to hysteria, it had hoped to open a path inside their heart, a path to openness and acceptance.
When negativity sinks in, it drowns. But there are those who let the negativity in and they become an ocean of possibilities that let ships cross.
Sonoko shook her head, wiping her tears away as she stood up straight, walking until she was one foot away from the tip. She spread her arms wide as she sucked in a deep breath.
"Feel my regret, feel my loneliness! It's just as you cry, the only thing pure is what we deem impure, the purest emotion of all! Sorrow! We ache, we desire and all is in sorrow!" She wasn't speaking, she was no longer speaking, she was only screaming what her heart had sung in her mind, "Aaaah, aagh! Augh.. h… Hear… my heart..." her tears continued streaming down her face—the feeling was overwhelming, almost as if she was sucked into a vacuum of nothingness.
"You're right, there is nothing more in this world! But when there's nothing, there's something!" Sonoko wasn't going to give up. "There are many things I've wanted, many things I've wished I could do and wish I had—but if I weren't so lonely, I wouldn't have had the desire. If I hadn't wanted to be loved and to love, I wouldn't be here! The heart was never cold, it had always been yearning, always!"
Then she glanced down into the pit of nothingness, she could never tell what was in the depths of this cliff but she smiled then looked back at the forest.
"My heart is yours, this loneliness is yours because this heart yearns for a place to bury, a place for which it flourishes."
And without a second thought, her feet had stepped forward until there was no ground to step on. She closed her eyes as she let the gravity pull her downwards. She turned her body as she saw the clear blue skies growing smaller, the darkness consuming her sight the more she fell. A smile was drawn on her lips—it almost as if her heart was tucked in a soft bed.
"Bye Bye. This life. This love."
She slipped into unconsciousness, she was to fall to the bottom hell of this curse until a man jumped off right after her, his arms enclosing around her body, holding her tight.
XII.
Have you ever fallen in love? In a certain love so dreadfully pure that it succumbs into your depressing. It is so pure, so unobtainable, no matter how kind this love is, the consequence, the pain brought to you is returning tenfold in the most gruesome manner?
Some people walk for years, live for years, without having felt love. Yes, they exist. This love of first sight, it is difficult, so difficult, to see what is real and what is not, because we are blinded by far too many obstacles, one of which is our own belief. We cannot love when we believe, we must love because there is a desire.
And that desire isn't just to love but to protect someone.
XIII.
The subtle crackling of fire came to her senses first, then the scent of firewood and burnt fish. Her fingers twitched, there a stinging sensation crawled its way to all her nerves-her body was aching terribly, she almost could not feel her whole body, it was sore to the bone.
"Nn!" She attempted to pull herself up, but to no success, her body, out of self-care, was pulled down by gravity and longed to stay in resting position.
What…? What is…
"You shouldn't move."
The voice was rough, deep-almost stoic-at first, you could barely hint even the slightest warmth in the way it sounded.
Sonoko's eyes opened then she turned her head to the source of the sound, though with great difficulty, she blinked twice in order to fix her vision until it cleared. Her face flushed at the sight of an unfamiliar man.
He was tanned, thick eyebrows, and the most beautiful indigo colored eyes. Sonoko had never met this man… where…?
"You're heavily wounded, the exhaustion from traveling have seeped in and now your body can barely even sit up or move an inch." He began, "You're also dehydrated and growing malnourished, your body's temperature had dropped and you were very cold." Sonoko noticed it, a slight flush came to his cheeks, though tanned she knew her eyes didn't fail her.
She tried to move her head a bit to look at her body, her clothes have been completely changed…! Then she immediately picked it up, her pale complexion immediately flushing a deep red hue.
"I didn't do anything… I promise, I needed to change your clothes or you'll die."
Die…?
Then it clicked. She remembered, she remembered now, her final moments before she had jumped to her death. She looked at the unfamiliar man with wide eyes, puzzlement evident in her gaze.
"Who… who are you." She winced in pain, the effort of even talking was far too strenuous.
The man finished cooking the fish and set it neatly on a banana leaf as she walked towards the woman, setting the leaf beside her as he sat down near her.
"Makoto." He began to slowly cut up the fish with his hands, removing the small bones. Once he made sure that it was soft and clear of any fish bones he held it near the woman's mouth, "I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but I must feed you."
Sonoko flushed, Makoto… "Why… why are you taking care of me…?" There was no reason for this-in fact if she remembered clearly she was falling down from a cliff if this man had saved her, one wrong move he would have died too.
"Of course I would, as the guy who loves you most in the world." His tone was serious, his expression was honest, there was nothing that hinted that any one of those words he uttered was a lie.
She was dumbfounded, love…? How was it that someone she had never met would…
"You may not know me, but I heard." He paused, "I heard your heart, the way you cried to the forest, how you openly loved it even to fall for it." Because this the forest that listens, a world-a reality so benign.
Sonoko kept quiet, her words were stolen from her lips, there was nothing she could say but listen, slight hums left her lips but she could not help but feel fluttering in her stomach and heart. She wondered if perhaps this was the effect of hunger.
"Ah… Ahn…" She opened her mouth, lips trying to inch closer to Makoto's hand that had bits of cooked fish on it.
Makoto's face flushed the slightest as he had his other hand cup the back of her head and support her while she ate. "No rush, even how hungry you are, your body is too weak to actually chew fast."
Sonoko nodded, her tongue slightly stuck out as it took in the bits of fish inside her mouth, her head nudged back as she chewed slightly, her eyes closing as she let her tongue savor the taste and be familiar with it. "It's good." She smiled then smiled towards Makoto. "I've never tasted this kind of fish." She was surprised, she was sure she had tasted almost all the kinds of fishes edible but it seems-ah.
The realization was evident in her expression, she did not carelessly fall off a cliff. She was on a journey to the forbidden forest. She stared at the man and he only nodded.
"Yes, this is Kyou-en, the forbidden forest, because it is untouched, this fish can only be cultivated in this land."
There was no way… then…
Sonoko's breath hitched. This was it, she was actually able to go to the forbidden land, to this world that no other traveler had ever dared to venture! She could barely hide her enthusiasm and it showed with the grin on her lips and the way her green eyes glimmered in sheer delight.
"I knew it wasn't impossible!" She immediately sat up, her hands fisted and close to her chest, and it was at the moment she realized her grave mistake.
Makoto's eyes widened as he immediately set the banana leaf on the ground and had both hands assisting the woman. "Are you alright?" His tone sped up, his heart raced faster and his body was closer to hers.
Sonoko flushed as she groaned in pain, her bones felt like it was going to shatter and her organs were all knotted up she wanted to vomit all that was inside her out. She leaned on Makoto as she sighed, "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to suddenly move-I just got excited." She sighed once more then she was slowly laid back down on the ground.
"It's all right, but do be careful next time." He continued to feed her in small amounts and Sonoko complied.
It was quiet for the first few moments, the sound of the firewood and the flickering of the campfire, the whispering of the wind and the sound of their breaths were the only things echoing in this part of the forest. Despite the silence, neither of the two were uncomfortable with it. Makoto continued to tend to her hunger as well as her hydration and Sonoko quietly complied; although there were more she had wanted to talk about, her body was far too exhausted to register the right words.
It wasn't until it seemed to be finally nightfall, the skies were growing dark. Makoto tended to clean the area then settle near the woman, he made sure that the fire was just nearby to keep them warm and that there was water available nearby as well.
Makoto glanced at the sleeping woman and smiled, it was time for him to retire for the night as well, it wasn't too long ago when he had stopped feeding her as somehow the woman fell asleep halfway through. How silly and careless she was.
As he rested and settled his back on a tree trunk he let his own exhaustion seep out, drowsiness flooding him that eventually, his eyelids felt heavy. He had almost gone to unconsciousness when he heard it.
Her voice called out to him.
"So… noko…"
Makoto's eyes opened and he looked at her, mouth almost gaping open.
"That's… my name." Then she smiled and fell back to sleep.
Then that was it, that was when he knew this heart that was long lost buried in the depths of loneliness had found the purity it had been seeking all along. Her name, it rang and echoed in his head until he never even noticed he had fallen asleep.
It was her name that had opened this unreality to its reality.
XIV.
The forest had been once the purest lands ever known, there had been not a single sin committed by any of its inhabitants; it was even considered the golden paradise by which the gods were birthed from. Women, men, children and elderly, married, single or widowed they were all free from any ill intent. It was said that drinking even just a single drop of blood from any person native from that land would be cured of all illnesses and would receive an eternal grace of contentment and happiness.
The native people were so pure in heart and mind that no one noticed the origins of their soul.
Thousands of hundreds of years ago, before there were even kingdoms, when the world was one massive land of nothingness, there was a crying child, a lonely child who wandered in this world in hopes to find a way to stop this lonely feeling. The child was so lonely, so very lonely, he had begun to dismember his body parts and bury it in varying lands. In one region he had buried an arm, the other in another region and then the other body parts followed. Eventually, he had lost one half of his brain, then the other half, his eyes, his nose, his teeth, a lung, a few ribs, patches of skin, his tongue, his liver. All were planted in various distant lands. The last he had offered were his legs and his heart.
The child cried as it offered the last of its remaining vital parts, with his legs he had his heart ripped off its heartstrings and planted it under the ground, unfortunately, without his heart he could no longer function and so his legs were left to bury alongside his heart.
This heart will speak, this is the end, but it shall begin again. This heart will sing, for it lulls itself to sleep-but it sings like the sweetest hummingbird. This heart desires only for one thing, for this loneliness to be loved.
Without any other organ and body part to enable him to speak, his dying words were left by his heart.
Then, the end truly came.
Years and years later, the lands have flourished, the once wasteland had grown life, grass and other plant life grew, eventually animals came to be and souls have risen until it had begun to turn into flesh-these first souls were known to be the purest forms of humanity for they were the very essence of soul solidified.
But no one knew that each of these lands had its own secret.
These souls never knew of its originator, despite its brimming and overflowing purity, it was empty. It was because they all came from the strongest soul in the universe, the very first creator, the lonely child who had killed himself to pieces in order to spread himself and grow.
The land from which his eyes were buried were gifted exceptional sight, not in a way they were inhuman, but in a certain manner that they were blind to the unrealities-these people mayhap be the crazed among all as they have birthed prophets and storytellers. The land who were birthed from the child's lungs were given the capability to intake an immeasurable amount of sadness that their lungs could burn and it would still feel as if they were simply breathing. When tragedy occurs, humans tend to feel suffocated, but these people breathe in misery.
Just like flowers, when the wind sweeps away its seeds, it finds somewhere else to plant itself on the ground and one day it'll grow and flourish in other, distant lands.
The child had given his parts in order to grow, in order to create, this was the only way for this loneliness to exist and cease to exist.
But the final land was the cursed yet purest of them all. The land of which where the heart and legs were buried. It was the last land to flourish and the last land to ever grow humans and other sources of life, yet it was the land most superior as it was gifted the capability to hold so much love in its heart, it was so empty of love that all else could crawl its way into their hearts. They were the emptiest and clearest containers of disillusions, heartaches and illogical desires that one day these souls have fallen gravely ill.
The souls of which were considered the most pristine of them all had begun to feel utterly lonely and so they procreated, the intermingling of two souls had procreated a human with half an impure soul. These generations continued until they had become the impurest of them all, their hearts were so full of these desires that the land from which they resided in begun to decay.
Hundreds of years later, they had no other choice but to migrate, they ran away from their hometown, the newer generations did not even know of their origins are of what they truly were, unbeknownst to them that this gift of legs was the gift of escapism and proclaiming. They have scattered and fallen apart, running from one land to another and they had proclaimed their loneliness; these parts of them rooted itself in many people's hearts until people's gifts had mixed together.
But… there were those who had stayed. They stayed until all life had become so utterly cursed that no one dared to come and all humans eventually ceased to exist until they became specters of their own homes.
XV.
The next day came, the sun shone through the gaps of the leaves from the trees and the breeze was fairly cool. The first to wake up was Makoto and he had immediately begun preparing food when he heard Sonoko groan. He stopped what he was doing and knelt beside her, his hands supporting the back of her head and her middle back.
"Good morning, Sonoko-san."
Sonoko groggily gazed at him, a smile drawing on her lips as she inched closer to his arms as if she was drawn by his warmth. "Good morning, Makoto-san."
Makoto smiled and helped her up, "Are you able to walk?"
She shook her head, "I can move my arms and stay sitting but my legs are quite numb and weak still."
He nodded, "I understand, then please relax, I will prepare food in a while."
"You're so sweet," Sonoko spoke, smiling through her reddened face.
"... For you."
Sonoko had almost forgotten the unexpected confession from last night, Makoto had said that he had protected and took care of her as he was 'the guy who loves her the most in the world'. Sonoko would squeal and squirm in her position right now but her legs were far too weak to even budge, she stared at his back as Makoto prepared food, her hands rested on her lap, her fingers pushing against each other as a habit of nervousness. He loves her.
And for a moment, she felt that there must be something peculiarly special happening-it was when she had finally uttered her name last night, although she was half unconscious she still remembered she said her name to him. It was on that moment when her heart poured out and deflated as if it was emptying itself. The way she had smiled that night had sent her to a good night's rest.
Now, when she looked at him, all she knew is that she wanted this empty heart to be full of him.
XVI.
It didn't stop.
Day after day, Makoto would continue to wake and sleep near her, day by day he'd continue to take care her needs. In fact, each passing day was more intimate, the food gradually became better, Makoto began to take her to other parts of the forest though he carried her on his back as she hadn't recovered strength on her legs. Sonoko stated she felt guilty she was still relying on Makoto to move around but he reassured her that if there's anything he could do in the world, he would rather take her to anywhere she wanted to go to.
"Makoto-san… you really don't have to, I already feel guilty you've been preparing my food the past few days."
"Not at all, don't mind it, Sonoko-san." He paused then smiled as he let out a relaxed sigh, "If there was anything I could do in this world… it would be taking care of you and taking you anywhere you wanted to go."
Sonoko flushed deep red as she simply kept quiet and tightened her arms around him, her legs tightening around Makoto's waist as she let her head rest by his shoulders.
Then it came to bother Sonoko, she was sure she had regained her health and yet she wasn't sure why her legs were not working-she could still feel it-she could feel when there were things crawling on her legs or when water would drip on her legs. She could also curl her toes ever so slightly but she couldn't bring herself to fully control her legs.
"Makoto-san… Will I never be able to walk again?"
Makoto shook his head. "It must be the forest."
"The forest?" her breath hitched, was she… cursed?
"Mhm, this forest is one of the unrealities, so to speak, when people venture to any of these unrealities, it seems people lose a part of themselves but they eventually regain it after some time," Makoto explained in a serious tone.
Then Sonoko tipped her head to the side, curious, "Makoto-san." She began, "What did you lose?"
Makoto smiled, "I'm not so sure."
That was the only lie Makoto had ever said.
XVII.
It had been over a month since they first met, each day they continued their usual routine. Makoto tending to Sonoko's health, bringing her around the forest and taking naps together. Sonoko would ask if she bothered Makoto due to her disability but the response would always be the same.
"Sonoko-san, it's alright. Just be yourself."
Sonoko almost felt his heart implode, there was no ending to this, every word he said, every time he looked at her, she had an overwhelming feeling of love. It was as if it didn't matter if she couldn't walk anymore, she was happy just the way this was. She was quite literally content with this predicament.
But this sort of feeling will soon disperse, will it not? It will decay and something new will bloom. But Sonoko couldn't ever imagine this love to decay. Out of heartache, she had unconsciously shed tears, sniffles and sobs came to be and were heard.
Makoto stood from his position, walking and then sitting beside Sonoko who had begun to cry with attempts of hushing it on her own.
"Sonoko-san, what happened?" His tone grew warmer, it was gentler.
Sonoko shook her head, her body quivering, "It decays," she paused then looked up at the other's deep blue hues, "this love, it will." She recognized this, this utter heartache and desperation. A desire for a revival, a cyclic life. She was in love with this moment, this feeling, this continuum that she had hoped would never end. She wanted to feel this fresh blooming love that overflows in her heart.
Makoto's eyes widened, he felt his lungs tighten and shiver within rib cages, teeth sunk into the flesh of his bottom lip as his brows furrowed. "Sonoko-san."
"Makoto-san," hands weakly raised up to cup each side of his face, a weary smile drew on her lips, "I'm in love with you." Her thumbs rubbed over his cheeks as she pulled his head closer, letting their foreheads touch.
It was at the very moment those words spilled her lips that Makoto realized what it was that he had lost. Eyes stayed wide as its gaze wavered, tears welled up then his hands found its way to hold the calm, petite ones cupping his face. Eyes then shut as he bit his lip, too deep that blood began to spill out. "Sonoko-san."
Sonoko smiled, her eyes shut closed as she let her hands feel the warmth pooling by her palms. "Makoto-san, this heart, it is lonely, so utterly lonely, but it is full of love. It loves you, and it wishes to grow."
Makoto opened his eyes, looking at Sonoko's pale complexion and flushed cheeks-the calmness in her smile had made him feel more than fear, it was more despicable than loss, it was more malicious than desperation. He held her hands, pulled it then removed his grasp on her hands, he cupped her face and slowly, his lips touched hers as his eyes slowly shut close. Slow, shy, but certain kisses.
It was warm, almost overwhelming. Makoto pulled back, looking at SOnoko's reddened face though her eyes still closed. Makoto took a deep breath, inching his lips close as he gave her a deeper kiss.
Then another, and another, until they found themselves tangled in each other's arms on the ground.
Sonoko lay motionless under Makoto, her hands wrapped around his neck as Makoto rested his elbows on the ground beside her head.
"Sonoko-san, I have found what I lost." He was breathless, tanned complexion flushed yet his gaze was unwavering.
Sonoko smiled, "Was it your heart?"
Makoto fell silent, his breath hitched, then he found himself smiling as he buried his face by the crook of her neck. "Yes."
"I dreamt of it." Sonoko began, giggling at the tickling sensation of Makoto's lips brushing against her skin. "The lonely God who had planted himself on various lands."
Makoto shifted his position, laying down beside her, then pulled Sonoko into an embrace, wrapped himself around her, Sonoko indulged being in a certain protective, gentle warmth.
"I saw the little boy, heard his cries and felt his heart." Sonoko rested her hands by Makoto's chest. "He was so lonely, it made me feel so sick to the stomach, the world was so empty and he wanted to be someone. Then there I saw it, how he had given up part by part of himself, planted it in various lands, in hopes that he'll grow and create a bigger world where there won't be loneliness and that he'll be with someone. In one land, he planted his eyes, the others his ears-his hair, his hands..."
"Then..."
"Mmhm, in this forest, the root of all sorrow and loneliness, was his heart." Sonoko curled closer to Makoto, clutching onto his shirt, "The villages nearby this forest, those were a few of his parts before he had fully planted his heart here, he had thrown, kicked the other parts of his body to nearby villages. Until only his heart and legs were left."
Makoto came to full realization, two were buried here. The lonely God's legs and his heart.
"Makoto-san, you have, not once, ever felt so lonely, haven't you?" She looked up at him with a smile.
He nodded, "I had thought living in this forest would make me realize what loneliness is. Despite my original village's massacre, my parent's death, despite being the sole survivor, I had not once ever felt lonely." He paused, "But that doesn't make any sense, shouldn't my heart have been taken when I entered this forest?" This began to induce anxiety.
Sonoko shook her head, "Not if it's been so long ago; before the lands had split this forest far from any possible entryway." Her tears began to well until it streamed down her face. "Don't look, I look awful crying."
Makoto's eyes were one of puzzlement. "What do you..."
"Makoto-san, you've lived for so long. Your time stopped the moment you were locked in this forest."
Then it dawned upon him.
That twenty years ago, there had been a man who wandered the lands in search of a reason, an emotion, that seemed to be like the plague to every other person. Then he found himself lost in this forest, one that had completely enamored him to stay. It was as if it called out to him.
Stay, someone is waiting.
In truth, it was he who was waiting. Waiting for the heart that he was missing.
He looked at Sonoko, almost in horror and almost is sheer disbelief. "I'm..."
"You've lost yourself in this timeline, Makoto-san."
But the same could be said to Sonoko.
It had been over a month since they've first met but in reality, it had been hundreds of years since then, their times have stopped and clocked only to themselves.
"Makoto-san, let's go back."
This heart was never hers, it had its rightful owner.
"Mhm, you're right."
Makoto smiled, this legs who had wanted to travel more in search of something had found its end. What was given would then be returned.
People have misunderstood what was given would be taken, of course, after all, all this life is simply borrowed, given for a certain period of time.
"We've been using them for so long, no wonder we are so lost and lonely."
XVIII.
"I love you, Sonoko."
"I love you, Makoto."
"Let's meet again, in another distant land."
"Yes…! I'll wait for you, you will wait for me, right?" her eyes beamed with such a childish joy.
"Of course…!" And his eyes equally shone as bright as hers.
Makoto stood, grabbing a shovel that was stored beside one of the large trees. They were at the heart of the forest where spirits lurked and were more than visible, he smiled, this was the truest end. He began to dig the soil, deep and wide enough for two bodies.
As he dug, the more the spirits came, the more the souls became visible. Makoto glanced around him, the faint white light ambiance showering throughout the dark heart of the forest. He felt himself growing weaker, his legs were growing weary and he felt more anxious, he had never felt this much emotion before.
Eventually, the land was deep enough and so he threw the shovel to a distance and looked at the woman lying down on the ground a few meters away. He stood upright, an odd sense of calmness washing over him.
Sonoko began to feel an old, familiar sensation tingling by her legs. She blinked twice as she tried to sit up, her legs curling as she looked at Makoto who only gazed at her longingly with warmth in his eyes. Sonoko smiled, then nodded as she tried to push herself up with the assistance of Makoto. Although her legs began to feel, her heart grew weaker. It was beating erratically and loudly, like the last few explosions of a group of fireworks.
"Makoto-san."
"I'm here, are you scared?"
"I am, but it's fine, you're with me…"
With caution, Makoto went first inside the burial ground, then raised his arms for Sonoko to be guided to. She then followed until both of them were inside the hole at the heart of the forest.
Sonoko shed off her clothes, as well did Makoto. Then they threw it over, away from their resting place. Once they were fully bare, they stared at each other longingly, faces flushed slightly as they wrapped each other in their embrace.
They settled neatly under, lying down as their vision tunnels, and all they could see were the leaves of the trees covering the sky. It was dark, it was beginning to be suffocating in this cooped up burial hole. But Sonoko and Makoto could care less, they were blanketed with each other's warmth.
"This love." Sonoko began, her breath warm against Makoto's chest.
"It decays, alongside with us." Makoto kissed the top of her head, his hand running against blonde tresses.
"It decays but it flourishes again in time."
"Let's bloom together in another time."
Their voices trailed softer until only their dozing sighs and whispers were heard. Their eyes shut close and a peaceful smile drawn on their lips. Bare bodies close together as their skin began to pale.
Souls, white and translucent sauntered closer to the burial ground. Empty eyes looking over at the young couple who had found the truth and sought to return the comfort.
Eventually, all the souls gathered in a circle, their hands clasped together in prayer as hymns began to echo and resonate.
"And one day, this shall return, but no longer in misery. This sorrow ceases, and you all will be free. This love, it no longer decays, and it shall morph into various forms. No longer will it fade."
A/N: Yeah, I'm overly dramatic, I know. Feel free to review :)