Don't ask why I wrote this. Seriously, you'll just be mentally scarred for life. Dedicated to The Plot Thinnens, who's momentary lack of concentration in reading an IM inspired this oneshot : D There's also a certain dulcet toned, Welsh person in there who I hope you appreciate me writing in : D

Post Doomsday although it obviously had an alternate ending. Sorry, but Russel T. Davies . . . watch your back ¬¬ I will never forgive you for that episode.

Even though you made up for it by writing all those other incredible plots, but still – you made me bawl for hours on end!

DID ANYONE SEE THE DOCTOR SAVE LONDON WITH A JAMMY DODGER YESTERDAY??? Favourite moment ever.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Lend Me Your Ears: *chomps* yum . . . Roundtree's Randoms . . . Up there with the Master's jelly babies on the 'build a shrine to it' scale. Yeah, anyway, Doctor Who isn't mine, but using the tenner I have in my pocket, several packs of Randoms will be

"Ow!!" the Doctor exclaimed, pulling away from his sniggering blonde companion who was brandishing a roll of bandages.

"Don't be such a baby," Rose giggled, her hands shaking with laughter as she attempted to bandage a bony, swollen wrist.

"Excuse me! I think you're the baby here, seeing as I'm over nine hundred years old which is more than thirty times your pathetic twenty and a bit."

"Very mature."

"And stop laughing at me!"

"Sorry, but have you seen your reflection?"

Rose's gangly cohort leapt to his feet and bounded over to the TARDIS console, looking in the dormant, black screen of the monitor that was usually bursting with an array of symbols that meant absolutely nothing to Rose. The Doctor wiped away a clump of sinister purple and green goo from his hair and stared at his oddly coloured face. "Oh."

"Yes, oh! You see? This is what you get when you're stupid enough to try and beat the galaxy record for the biggest turnip pie and you try and bake it INSIDE THE TARDIS." Rose shouted, half laughing as she picked some of the disgusting mush out of her hair.

"Weeell, it's not that bad," the Doctor said nonchalantly, wiping some of the mush from his slightly stubble covered cheek. "It might make a good face pack," he grinned, lobbing a handful of the vegetable at his friend.

"Don't you dare!" Rose exclaimed as the ball of mush hit her square in the face.

"What's that? Are you daring me Rose?" the Doctor laughed, a playful glint lingering in his eye as he began to pace towards her, another ball of mush brandished in his hand.

"NO."

"Really? Are you sure? Are you—WAGH!" the Doctor exclaimed, falling backwards as his well worn converses stepped in a pile of unfortunately placed turnip goo. The Doctor landed heavily on his bony behind, his lanky legs splayed as he attempted to get up from his seat in the mush.

Rose clutched her stomach and held onto to the side of the TARDIS control panel laughing raucously, a wide smile on her lightly tanned face from their recent escapades on the Polonatian Mountains of Klar. "Sorry!" she chuckled. "It's just . . .pfffft!"

The Doctor shot her a look and hauled himself upright, cradling his injured wrist. "Ow," he muttered, limping back to the air cushioned seats. Rose tentatively walked across the slippery floor and sat down next the Doctor.

"Are you alright?" Rose asked, instantly sobering as she noticed the pain contorted across her handsome friend's face.

"Gah. Yes, it's just my wrist," the Doctor said, carefully studying the swollen joint.

"Let's see," Rose murmured, gently taking the Doctor's hand in her own. "Oh my God! That's disgusting!" she exclaimed as the joint moved awkwardly, sliding sideways – slightly out of the place it should be in. "I'm no doctor but even I can tell that's broken. Doctor, you need to go to the hospital."

"No! All they'll do is send me back with painkillers and besides!" he said, leaping to his feet. "I have an entire medical facility in the TARDIS! All I need is someone to work it the trans-spatial multi-dimensional bone polyfiller machine, which –" the Doctor caught sight of Rose's bemused face. "—you can't do. Ah."

"Maybe we could go to Torchwood, they'll probably fix you up," Rose suggested casually.

"NO. Absolutely not, I am not letting that madman Yank anywhere NEAR my TARDIS!" the Doctor exclaimed, bringing his good hand slamming down on the side of the TARDIS console. It replied with an odd whirring. "Sorry girl," the Doctor muttered.

Rose rolled her eyes. "Doctor." She said meaningfully, giving him that look. The Doctor stared back for a moment, chocolate eyes versus almond eyes. The almond won.

The Doctor sighed heavily. "Fine, but I'll warn you now; I've only got one hand so you're in for a bumpy ride."

"It's always a bumpy ride," Rose grinned.

5 minutes later . . .

Rose lay flat on her back in the turnip mush, staring at the golden ceiling of the TARDIS. "Ow." She said flatly.

"Told you it would be bumpy," the Doctor said, grabbing his coat. "Uh, Rose?"

"Yeah?"

"Little help?" he asked, holding the arm of his coat up pathetically.

"Come here," Rose said fondly, gingerly helping the Doctor on with his jacket.

"Ow. Ow. Owowowowow!" the Doctor complained childishly. Rose simply rolled her eyes.

"Right then. Cardiff. Let's go! Allons-y!" Rose grinned, skipping out of the battered blue doors.

Oi! That's my line!" the Doctor grumbled, following his bright eyed companion. The two time travellers briskly crossed the Roald Dhal Plass in search of a certain Tourist Information Office. "Do you know what I want right now?" the Doctor said abruptly, thrusting his good hand into his pocket nonchalantly.

"What?" Rose asked suspiciously, eyeing her gangly friend.

"Custard!" the Doctor exclaimed, jumping on the spot gleefully. "Don't you just want a massive bowl of steaming custard? Ooh . . . banana custard, that would be even better!" he said, his eyes shining.

Rose considered asking the Time Lord if a turnip hit him on his knowledgeable head but then again . . . maybe not.

"DOCTOR!!!" a joyful voice cried across the plaza.

"Hm?" the Doctor said distantly, turning around just as a well built figure in a trench coat came hurtling into him.

"Doctor!" Jack cried out, crushing the Time Lord in an almighty bear hug.

"Gah! Gerroff me!" the Doctor cried out, pushing the American away from him.

"Haha!!" Jack laughed delightedly, picking Rose up. "Rose Tyler! I thought you were dead!"

"I will be soon if you don't stop crushing my ribs!" Rose gasped, trying to unhinge Jack's hands from her waist.

"Oh. Sorry," Jack said sheepishly, letting the petite blonde escape from his grip. "Where is it? Where is the TARDIS?" he said, frenetically looking from left to right over and over again like some crazed cartoon.

"It's in for repairs," the Doctor said briskly. "Now, I've got a favour to ask you."

Jack sighed. "This can't be good."

The Doctor held up his wrist pathetically. "Rose can't work the medical equipment in the TARDIS. Can you help?"

"Ew, that's, that's . . . a really disgusting break, what the hell did you do to it?" Jack exclaimed, moving away from the flopping joint.

"Turnips." Rose said abruptly. Jack looked at her, bemused.

"Riiight," he said incredulously. "Not to worry, I've got a doctor working for me in the hub," Jack said, still looking oddly at the wrist – it was that disgusting that it was its own entity.

"You've got a doctor? Not as brilliant as me I hope."

"Well . . ." Jack grinned at Rose.

"Oi!"

In the Hub

"Ow!" the Doctor flinched as Owen prodded and poked his wrist roughly.

"Hold still," Owen muttered, reaching blindly to his tray of tools and gadgets. "I said hold still!"

Rose stood on the balcony overlooking Owen's work station. "He's a bit of alright, isn't he?" a soft Welsh voice said from behind her. Rose smiled at Gwen warmly.

"Yeah, 'suppose he is," she said casually, scratching the side of her ear.

"You suppose he is? He's flamin' gorgeous! Bit on the skinny side mind, but still—" Gwen shook her head disbelievingly, her black hair flopping on her shoulders. "—absolutely bloody fit."

Rose giggled quietly.

"Isn't he just?" an airy voice said from behind the tittering pair. Rose and Gwen looked at Tosh expectantly. "You're talking about—"

"The Doctor? Yes," Gwen interrupted.

"Oh. Oh right," Tosh said, blushing furiously.

"Why, who else would you be talking about?" Rose asked curiously.

"Oh, no-one," Tosh said quickly, burying her head in a bulging file.

"She's talking about Owen," a booming voice said from across the hub.

"No I'm not," Tosh said quietly, swiftly leaving the vicinity of the Owen who was looking up at the balcony curiously.

"Yes she is," Gwen whispered, smiling knowingly.

"OW!!!!" an almighty cry came from below Rose and Gwen. The Doctor clutched his wrist as Owen set down an impressive metal device.

"There we go," Owen said, clapping his hands together. "Good as new almost. That osteo-calcitus manipulator fused your wrist back together. Might experience a bit of swelling for a few days but this will keep it down." Owen threw a frozen vegetable packet at the Doctor. The Doctor gingerly looked at the packet.

"Turnips? Seriously?"

Right then, apologies for the decline in quality towards the end – it's 0300 GMT 18/04/10 and . . . yeah, I'm shattered. Hope you enjoyed my ramblings =)