Hi! I'm new in this fandom and since long ago I've being thinking about writing something. I don't plan it to be too long, maybe 10 chapters max. I hope I'll be able to update every week. I'll see what I can do, at least the next chapter is already written.
Believe it or not, even though the first two chapters are more angsty than anything else, I plan to make this a very fluffly story. I love fluff, who doesn't love fluff?
And to be clear: This is a MariChat and Adrienette story mostly. Also I'll be using Rena Rouge and Carapace (Nino) as characters even though we still don't know much about them. The story isn't placed exactly after any episode, I'll just try to avoid mentioning certain things that could make it incongruent with future episodes.
One last important thing! My first language isn't English and I'm writing this to get better at writing, so please be patient with me. I try to re-read it many times to spot mistakes but I'm not that good yet. I appreciate it if someone wants to help!
Chapter beta-read by KiddyCartoonFangirl
Never enough
Marinette has known Chat Noir's identity for almost two years now... but he still doesn't know that nor her identity. Why? Because Marinette's afraid to disappoint him. She could never be enough. But then, why is Chat Noir suddenly visiting her every night?
Chapter 1: Realizing
Marinette took three long years to figure out Chat Noir's identity. It wasn't a long process, though. At first, Marinette refused to believe any clue that lead her to Adrien Agreste. Her enamored being didn't even want to think about the possibility, so every time Adrien resembled Chat Noir, Marinette just disregarded it. Not that she hated the idea of her two crushes being the same person... she just hated to think that she had a crush on Chat Noir.
What a fool had she been!
During the span of a week, Marinette realised that her trusted companion was none than her crush. And it was one hell of a ride.
"Calm down, Marinette," Tikki said. She ate the rest of her cookie and brushed away the crumbs with her little paw. "Why do you think Adrien is Chat Noir?"
Marinette walked back and forth around her room, her fingers twitching at the idea forming in her mind. She didn't know if she was overreacting or her mind just wanted to play her a joke for liking two guys at the same time. Perhaps it was true that it was just a wild idea to satisfy her imagination. But if Chat Noir and Adrien were indeed the same person, then she... she would do nothing.
She would do nothing.
"... I'm a coward."
"What was that again?" Tikki asked, too distracted with her jar of cookies. Her Kwami was usually very attentive, but after a long, difficult fight, she needed a good supply of cookies to restore her energy. Marinette couldn't blame her and was actually glad that she had been left unattended while in her breakdown.
Would she really not tell him her identity? Probably, unless she a pressing reason to do it. It wasn't her fault that Chat Noir had unconsciously hinted that he attended the same school as her. No one else in that school had those beautiful green eyes and blonde hair that she knew very well from all the pictures hanging around her room.
But if she knew Adrien's and Chat Noir's features so well, how could've she missed her long time partner right under her nose? And he would've noticed her too. She had the same ridiculous pigtails as Ladybug!
"Say, Tikki," Marinette started while sitting on her chair next to Tikki. Her Kwami barely removed her eyes from the cookies but managed to make a weak hum. "Why does no one ever figure out I'm Ladybug? I mean, I have the exact same features except with a mask on, which isn't really a good way to hide someone's identity."
Tikki swallowed hard before finally looking directly at an impatient Marinette. "It's the glamour. It's like a fog that blurs your vision. It doesn't let you point out the similarities between you and your hero self."
"That makes sense," Marinette agreed. Until now, not even Alya had ever noticed how Ladybug resembled Marinette so much. Alya even had an album with pictures of random girls with dark hair and blue eyes that she found on the streets. It was a bit obsessive and at first Marinette was worried that Alya could figure it out if she happened to sneaked a picture of her into the album. But when she noticed how she never appeared in the album after several months, her response was that she didn't even realised that Marinette fit into the criteria.
People usually reassured her that there was no way that she could be Ladybug. It was half offensive and half calming. Her identity was safe, but at the same time could be a bit rude for people to be so sure that clumsy Marinette could never be Ladybug.
Marinette drummed with her fingers on her desk, her mind still racing through different thoughts at the same time. "But if that's true, how could I ever know Chat's identity for sure? Maybe it's just the fog trying to trick me into thinking Chat's someone else."
Tikki giggled at her question. "Oh, Marinette. The fog doesn't trick you, it only makes things harder," she said in a motherly way. "Not even us Kwamis know how it works, but I do know that it favors people. And you have good luck! So if you don't want people to know who you're, the fog will help you make it even harder, and if you want to know someone else's identity hard enough, it'll be a bit easier."
"And Chat Noir?" Marinette asked a tad too fast. She wanted to know—she needed to know if her identity was still safe. If Chat could have already figure out her identity, Marinette was going to faint.
"Chat's a bad luck cat. Poor kittens have always suffered through history because nothing ever goes the way they want." Tikki shook her tiny head, expressing how bad she felt for them. "If he wants to know your identity too much, he'll never find out for himself."
A relieved sight almost escaped her mouth. Marinette couldn't find herself to be sympathetic. She was relieved that she had gotten the good luck, though it still sucked to condemn Chat to a lifelong bad luck.
"So I'm safe," Marinette blurted out.
"Safe?" Tikki gave her a quizzical look but grabbed another cookie.
Marinette laughed awkwardly and evaded Tikki's question. "I think I need to go to sleep, I'm starting to overthink too much."
"It's been a rough day," Tikki nodded. After a long yawn, she flew to the little bed that Marinette had made for her. It was settled in a spot no one would see if someone entered her room while she was asleep, so Marinette could only hear her getting herself comfortable. "Good night Marinette, sleep well."
Marinette flopped into her bed. Her mind was still buzzing endlessly, but her body needed a rest. It was indeed a rough day, with two different akumas appearing only hours apart. The second one had been late at night, which was what had put Tikki into a food coma.
"Good night, Tikki," Marinette murmured, the warm of her bed soothing her thoughts.
...
Marinette decided that making a list was the best option.
Why would Adrien be Chat Noir?
Her mind went blank after writing just the title. She couldn't bring herself to make a list, it made things too real. Marinette tapped her pen anxiously against her desk and after a while she finally started writing again.
1. Adrien puns as much as Chat does.
She nodded at that first reason. Being friends with Nino, Marinette got to hung out with Adrien every now and then. She didn't have the confidence to say she was friends with him or that she was able to had decent long conversations with him, but at least she was around when Adrien and Nino started being silly. It was a bit of a surprise at first, but Marinette liked that perfect Adrien was also silly Adrien.
She giggled under her breath and tapped once again her pencil.
2. Blonde hair and green eyes.
3. Tall… around the same height?
4. Chat said something about being a model once and Adrien is a model
5. Go to the same school
6. Adrien's never around when Chat is (but how would I be sure if I'm never around either?)
7. They both like physics
8. Harsh parents (or only dad?)
9. Both are incredibly gentle and caring
10. Chat always goes back home in the direction of Adrien's home
Marinette read her list over and over again. Every point was too real to let it pass, and it all pointed so hard at the truth that it hurt.
She tapped her pencil again.
Even if they did share a lot in common, none of those reasons made her go aha! She needed solid evidence, something she could not refuse. Something that no one else would share but them. Maybe she could give Chat wrong information and then ask Adrien to see if he repeated the same mistake. As if, she huffed. Marinette didn't have the confidence to do that. She could barely talk to Adrien without tripping, stammering or getting the words mixed up. There was no way she could nonchalantly ask Adrien about the exact same lie she had told him as Ladybug without him getting suspicious. If he was really Chat, then it was like putting a big shiny sign over her head that said "I'm Ladybug!". No, she could never risk herself by doing that.
A careful plan was required for her to discover what she needed to know. But she didn't know what would be an evidence strong enough to decide that Adrien was Chat.
"What's with you girl?" Alya asked her in a whisper. She sounded annoyed and amused at the same time. "You've being tapping for a while and it's making me lose mind."
"Sorry," Marinette smiled coyly.
"What have you been working on?" Alya insisted. They were still in class, so her voice was kept to a mere whisper. She tried looking over Marinette's notebook but she quickly turned the page. Alya raised an eyebrow. "What's with that?"
Marinette was never a good liar but after being Ladybug for almost two years, she became good at making excuses. They weren't that bad, what she didn't know how to do was making it sound casual. Bless the glamour for covering up her nervous lies. "I-I've been having some winter ideas but I don't want anyone to see them yet," she said.
Alya seemed to buy her lie. "Nice! You need to show me when you're finished," she beamed happily before returning her to the class.
If Alya heard her sigh, Marinette didn't know. She had been holding her breath during the little lie without noticing, so when Alya finally looked away, Marinette blew out all the air in her lungs. She needed to be more careful. If she didn't had that good luck and the fog on her side, Marinette was positive that her secret identity wouldn't have lasted much more than a day.
At lunch, Marinette sat on a bench alone. Alya was with Nino and Adrien at the cafeteria buying lunch and Marinette had insisted that she wanted to stay there. She started chewing her sandwich, her gaze fixed on every blonde hair she could find. Paris was a cosmopolitan city and there were people of all different ethnicities just like herself. It made it easier to find blonde guys since they weren't as common as in other cities of Europe. But every blonde guy she found didn't even resemble Chat. Too short, different eye color, different smile.
And there was the glamour too. She couldn't trust her sight too much, knowing that the fog didn't let her compare the exact same color of Chat Noir with any guy she found walking around her school. Marinette growled. It could be so easy if she just asked him.
While lost in her thoughts, a blonde boy suddenly appeared in front of her.
Hair, eyes, height! That's him! Marinette thought. Just by reaction, Marinette jumped from her place and landed right beside that person. He gasped loudly and stumbled with his own feet. Instinctively he grasped Marinette's arm to steady himself but ended up just yanking her against his chest.
"What the-" he cried out loud but stopped himself before finishing the sentence. Alya laughed from behind as Adrien finally recovered from the surprise attack and gazed down to see the girl that landed on his chest. "Marinette?" Adrien asked in recognition.
Marinette didn't move, too stunned to react. Two major mind-blows happened in the span of a second. First, her subconscious had confirmed to her that Adrien was in fact Chat Noir. He was the only one alike in her school and his voice was even the same. And second, she had managed to scare him and now was breathing in his smell. Marinette swore she wasn't some kind of weird pervert that enjoyed smelling people without them knowing, but she was almost hugging him and her nose was buried in his shirt. The situation made it impossible to not breath in his scent.
"Marinette?" Adrien asked again. She finally snapped out of her daydream and looked up to find his green eyes looking at her with worry. "Are you ok?"
Too close.
She stumbled backwards, almost falling again. The only reason she didn't greet the floor was because of the grasp Adrien still had on her wrist. He pulled her against him again until Marinette recovered her balance and she managed to step backwards without killing herself.
Marinette smiled nervously. "I'm sorry Cha-," she coughed awkwardly and tried to avoid his surprised gaze. Good work, now you've blown your own cover. "A-Adrien. I was… uh, d-daydreaming. I had a brilliant idea and got excited. I'm sorry I startled you… haha."
The half smile he gave her didn't reassure her at all. "No worries, I wasn't paying attention either."
"Woah, girl, you've been blossoming with incredible ideas today. Something's got your mind?" Alya questioned while sitting on her side of the bench besides Nino.
Marinette unconsciously glanced at Adrien for a split second. She bit her inner lip and smiled. "Not really."
What a lie.
…
It was really obvious that Marinette avoided Adrien over the next three days. Every time he merely stepped inside her field of vision, Marinette started panicking and babbled pathetic excuses to run away.
Marinette sighed and leaned her head over the library's table. She felt really tired after three days of nightmares and hours of hard thinking. On top of that, the akumas were harder to fight because of her distractions and constant need to call him Adrien instead of Chat Noir just to see his reaction. She felt stupid just thinking that and it made her go mad that she was getting so worked up over it. Not even as Ladybug was she able to speak to Chat Noir, she just ran away right after purifying the akuma.
Alya was the first one to start asking questions about her behavior. Right after the last class finished, Alya tried to speak with her, but at the mention of Adrien's name, Marinette immediately ran away. She quickly packed her things and said a nervous goodbye before hiding in the library.
She felt pathetic.
"Things are getting out of hand," Tikki said from inside her purse. Marinette didn't even lift her head to look at her.
"I know, don't remind me," she whispered back.
"Why don't you just try to speak with Chat? He deserve an explanation as to why Ladybug has been so distant lately." Tikki was trying to cheer her up and act as a mother-like being, but none of it was working. Every time she heard her mention Chat, Marinette just wanted to forget everything. She knew. She knew that they (or he) didn't deserve to be treated that way, but she couldn't help it.
"I don't know what to tell him, Tikki," Marinette whined.
Tikki remained silent for a few seconds, making Marinette a bit anxious about what she was going to say. "Why is it so bad for him to be Adrien?"
Marinette bit her lip. "I don't know," she answered. "I think… I think I just don't know what to feel about it. I wasn't prepared to know Chat's identity."
"You've being together for a long time now. Don't you think it's time for you both to introduce yourselves for real?"
The question was unexpected. Marinette jerked up and looked directly at Tikki's little body. "What? But it was your own rule," Marinette almost shouted. The librarian coughed loudly as a warning and Marinette shivered. She needed to be more careful. "You always bugged me with the whole 'secret identity' thing."
Tikki looked confused. "That was at the beginning. You were too young and mistakes were meant to happen if you knew each other identities. But the miraculous holder's identities are bound to be known, especially between Chat Noir and Ladybug. I was only tried to protect you, but it's your decision."
"Bound to be known?" Marinette licked her lips nervously. "What does that mean?"
"I'm really old," Tikki giggled. "That's just what experience has shown me."
"Are Chat Noir and Ladybug something like… s-soulmates?" Marinette cursed herself for stammering at the simple word. She became nervous thinking of her life being bound with whoever Chat Noir really was. She wanted to deny it to herself but it was impossible: it made her feel flustered and hopeful.
No. Why would I be hoping? I don't want anything with him, she told herself while she shook her head. Surprisingly, Tikki ignored her movement.
"You could said that," Tikki said carefully. "Although I don't know if it's the correct term in human language. Soulmates usually have a romantic correlation, but for us Kwamis our soulmate is someone who's eternally bound to you. Doesn't matter the kind of love, but Chat Noir and Ladybug are always the perfect partners."
She and Chat Noir, perfect partners? Marinette felt somewhere between confused and relieved. She couldn't describe the combinations of emotions that Tikki's words made her feel.
"Sounds too good to be true," Marinette blurted out.
Tikki seemed hesitant to say something else. In the end, she slowly floated up to touch Marinette's cheek. "You're the only one capable of deciding your future. It's all up to you."
After that, Tikki didn't said anything else nor did Marinette. She couldn't understand Tikki's last words and they floated around her mind the entire walk home. During the next hours, Marinette couldn't stop thinking about the relationship that previous Chats and Ladybugs had. She wanted to ask Tikki about it but after watching her cuddle in her bed, Marinette couldn't bring herself to remind her of the past. Even if Tikki assured her that Ladybug was blessed with luck, Marinette's intuition told her that not all stories ended nicely.
Thinking about that made her realize how childish she was behaving. She was throwing a tantrum because she didn't want to face reality. Marinette was afraid of the future. Of how their relationship would change.
When her clock reminded her that it was midnight, Marinette stood up from her bed, feeling a bit more relieved.
"Tikki, get up. We have patrol," Marinette poked her Kwami softly. "It's midnight already."
"Is it?" she answered with a sleepy voice. Her mouth opened in a yawn. "I'm tired."
"So am I, but Paris needs us," Marinette reasoned. Even she didn't know how she had managed to not skip patrol during so many years. It was tiring, but her Ladybug responsibility was stronger. "Tikki, spots on!"
As soon as she was inside her suit, she jumped out from her balcony and started her duty as Paris' guardian. It wasn't an easy job, but acting as a vigilante was easier than fighting akumas. Every patrol night, Ladybug dedicated herself to protecting the innocent civilians. She only stopped low-class robbers and accompanied lonely people walking on dark streets, but it made her tired enough to make her a bit sleepy in class the next day. Usually at three in the morning, Ladybug went home again to sleep. The next day would be Chat Noir's turn, so she could have an entire night of sleep.
However, Ladybug decided to spend the rest of the night at the tip of the Eiffel Tower. She loved the sight up there. It relaxed her and let her think a lot more easily.
"My lady." A shadow appeared from behind her, startling her. Ladybug was about to react until she recognized the voice of her long time partner. His tail flicked nervously behind him.
Ladybug didn't turn around. "What are you doing here? It's not your patrol night."
Chat sat beside her, a bit too far away. Ladybug tried to ignore that fact and continued to gaze at the horizon. The Trocadero was completely empty at that hour, making it look nostalgic. It was weird watching an empty place that was visited every day by thousands of people from all around the world.
"I wanted to talk with you," he finally said.
Ladybug hummed. "What about?"
She didn't want it to be about the thing she had being thinking before.
"Did I do something wrong?"
Ladybug instantly turned around to face him, even though Chat Noir refused to look at her. He was grabbing his baton with too much strength and his facial expression was one of hurt. Most of time, Chat's tail flicked uncontrollably, but now it was laying flatly on the ground.
"No!" Ladybug cried, making Chat flinch and face her right away. His expression now showed plain surprise. "You have done nothing wrong! Why would you think that?"
"You've been acting weird," he said cautiously. "I thought I had done something wrong. Maybe… maybe I'm starting to act differently and it pisses people off? I don't know. I…," he trailed off. Chat covered his face with his hands, unable to look directly at Ladybug, he didn't wanted her to see his weak face. "I'm sorry, I'm probably overthinking this, but I don't know what to do when people important to me start ignoring me."
Ladybug's throat felt dry and not even water could've stopped the burning sensation she had throughout her body. She didn't want to be conceited, so she reached Chat's back with her hand to softly comfort him and asked in her sweetest voice, "What do you mean, kitty? Did something happen?"
It took him a while to manage his voice to talk. "You and a precious friend have been ignoring me, giving me the cold shoulder, and I'm afraid I did something to make you both hate me," he mumbled.
Don't get ahead of yourself, Marinette, it could be a coincidence, she reminded herself. The little comforting circles Ladybug was making on Chat's back seemed to be efficient. He finally gazed at her, his eyes numb with sadness.
"You've done nothing wrong," Ladybug said. "Maybe it was just a coincidence that your precious friend and I decided to be assholes at the same time," she laughed. "I'm sorry, Chat. I didn't meant to hurt you, sometimes I can't help myself."
"Is something troubling you?" Chat questioned.
Even when he was hurting because of her, Chat remained the caring partner she always knew. It pained her to have been such a bad friend to him because she couldn't put her mind at ease.
"Nothing important," she shrugged it off.
"Are you sure?"
Ladybug half-smiled. "I will once I settle my mind."
They remained silent, just enjoying the quiet night. After years of fighting akumas and going on night patrols, the reward was those little moments that no one else could enjoy. The very top of the Eiffel Tower was theirs alone, a view no person could experience. It was hers and Chat's, their private place. Ladybug felt happier than she should've been when she thought about it. Her life was linked with Chat Noir's and they were allowed to share something no one in the entire world could.
The tranquility usually helped her soothe her mind, but she couldn't stop thinking about that precious friend Chat talked about. Ladybug bit her lips, restraining herself from asking. It was the closest she could be to confirm his identity without him knowing, but it still felt wrong.
She couldn't deny the jealousy lingering on her mind. Without knowing, she talked. "So… what about that precious friend of yours?"
Chat lifted his ears attentively like a real cat. A playful smirk crossed his face. "Are you curious?"
She wanted to curse herself for being so obvious. "A bit," she admitted. "You've never once mentioned any friend. I guess I'm just getting interested about your life. We've been partners for so long but I don't know much about you."
"Oh?" the amusement could even be heard on his voice. "Are you finally loosen up a bit?"
Ladybug frowned. "Don't answer, I don't care anymore."
"Alright, alright," he placated. "I don't think I can tell you her name without possibly giving out my identity, it's quite unique but beautiful. We've been friend for a while now, she's really caring and lovely, but I always get the feeling that she hates me."
Lovely and caring. I would be impressed if he's really talking about me.
"Why would she hate you?" The curiosity was taking over her. She couldn't stop asking, she wanted to know if that really was her.
"She has always had these weird reactions with me. She gets nervous, avoids me, doesn't know how to talk with me. She's always so confident and tries her best to help those around her, but all of that goes away when she's with me. Although lately it wasn't that bad… until she started avoiding me again," he narrated. The story felt awfully familiar to be a coincidence.
But something didn't add up well. He wasn't aware of her feeling even though everyone knew because of her being an uselessly clumsy and obvious girl in love. It was impossible, Marinette had always been so sure that Adrien just decided to ignore her feelings to avoid hurting her. It couldn't be.
Adrien had to be the most dense person on this world to not know how hopelessly in love she was.
She suddenly felt nervous all over again. "Have you never thought that she might… like you?"
Stupid, stupid! Stop talking! she scolded herself.
"What? Of course not!" Chat jumped in his place, too surprised at her words. "She couldn't possibly like me, I'm sure of it."
Ladybug couldn't believe it. If Chat really was Adrien, then he was too dense to be real.
"Yeah, sure. You're right, if you're sure then that's it," she tried to agree with him pathetically. Her words didn't even make sense, but Ladybug wanted to erase any possibility of him realizing her feelings.
To her relieve, Chat didn't mention her abnormal behavior.
"So, what happened with her?" Ladybug continued pressing the matter.
"Uhm," he trailed off. "Maybe I'm being over-sensitive, but this week she's been rather cold with me. It's not like her to be that way. Even if she hated me, she would always try to greet me."
"Why don't you try talking with her?"
Chat shook his head. "I don't think that will work if she continues to avoid me."
Ladybug made a mental note to not avoid him anymore, this couldn't be dragged any longer without hurting him. Marinette had never been aware that she was someone capable of hurting him with her attitude.
"I wish I could be closer to her," Chat continued, surprising Ladybug. "I always get this feeling that I know her from before or something. We could be best friends if she let me talk with her more."
Her heart broke with his words. She wanted to cry and apologize for being such a mess with her feelings. But instead, she swallowed her words and decided to continue be Ladybug instead of Marinette. She couldn't become so emotional so easily. And besides, Chat didn't have a clue about her identity.
Ladybug playfully elbowed his side even though she felt her chest press. "Hey, you're my best friend, I won't share."
Even though it would still be me, she thought still with heaviness.
She finally managed to make Chat laugh for real. "At least I've now ascendent to best friend. That's paw-some," he teased.
Although she always rejected every flirty comment and cat puns, Ladybug giggled. "Don't get ahead of yourself."
Chat—Adrien... likes me, flirts with me, he's always looking forward to our meetings.
"I need to take my chances," Chat flirted.
No. He likes Ladybug, it's not the same.
"Stop it," Ladybug pleaded, sorrowful. It hurt much more than she thought. As much as she liked being Ladybug, Marinette found herself hating having a secret identity. "You're always doing that, I don't like flirty people."
Chat changed his expression. "You seem to be misunderstanding," he said. "I only flirt with you, my Lady. You probably won't believe me, but I do love you."
She felt her heart broke. Those weren't the words she wanted to hear. It was so ironic she couldn't help laughing with a bittersweet taste. The two guys that she liked were the same person, which also liked her. But not her, the ordinary Marinette that wasn't brave or stunning. He only liked a really glorified version of herself that only existed with the mask on, someone she only pretended to be. Ladybug was her own rival.
The sun was finally appeared at the horizon and Marinette was sure that she was going to be extremely sleepy in class. But at least she knew that Adrien was going to be too, or at least she thought so.
She strongly wanted to be wrong.
"I think we should get going," Ladybug said while standing up, pretending that she was going to ignore his words. It was best to leave it that way. "Tikki must be really tired of all the time I've been transformed."
"Tikki?" Chat gave her a quizzical look, completely ignorant of her sadness. "That's your Kwami's name?"
She was tired herself after a long night of no sleep. At least she had managed to sleep before patrol, but she was tired enough to start leaking information she didn't intent to give. "Uhm," she considered ignoring his question but decided that it wasn't worth it. "Yes, her name's Tikki. And I can feel how tired she is, so I'm gone. Good-bye!"
Ladybug didn't catch Chat's smile before jumping down from the Eiffel Tower but she managed to hear his last words at the distance. "Someday I'll meet her! And you'll met Plagg!"
No, you don't want to.
…
The first few classes were absolute torture trying to keep her eyes open and when recess finally arrived, Marinette didn't have the energy to think about anything related to Adrien anymore. But life reminded her that not all her problems were about love.
"When are you getting your letter, Marinette?" Alya asked, startling Marinette. At first, she didn't understand what she meant but after a few second of intense thinking, something snapped inside her mind.
University.
Marinette licked her lips nervously. She didn't want to think about it. Maybe all the fuss about Adrien being Chat Noir was just her way of getting her mind away from that specific topic. "What's the date today?" she asked and instantly reached for her phone to see the date.
Her mind went blurry, her head hurt too much. She didn't pay attention to the date but Alya did.
"Oh! It's today!" Alya snapped. "You said it would arrive today. Aren't you excited?"
Saying she hated looking forward for the letter was something that she wasn't going to tell Alya. After months of waiting, the day had finally come but Marinette didn't want anything other than a good amount of sleep.
Alya grabbed her with excitement, an emotion that Marinette didn't share. She was more anxious and tired, and the whole issue with Adrien/Chat had drained her completely. "You're definitely getting accepted, don't worry!" Alya almost shouted. "ESMOD, right?"
"Wow, that's a big one," Adrien exclaimed. "My father went there."
Marinette tried to smile but ended up forming a tired grimace. "I probably won't get accepted. It's too big for someone without recommendations."
"Don't say that, Marinette. You're really talented, I'm sure you'll get in," Adrien reassured her. His hand slowly caressed on her back with circular movements, just as she had done the night before. It proved to be just as nice as she thought it was.
I wouldn't be so sure, she thought.
The conversation trailed off to another topic, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She was grateful that no one else reminded her of the letter in the rest of the day. It made her uncomfortable when people found out she applied for such a big recognized fashion university. It was embarrassing when she thought about being rejected and everyone getting to know she wasn't enough to fulfil her dream.
Marinette dragged her feet all the way to her house, not wanting to know about the letter. Luck was still on her side when she entered the house and found no one. With her energy left, Marinette didn't bother searching for her parents and climbed to her room to sleep.
When she opened her eyes again, it was already dark. Out of reaction, Marinette reached for her phone. 9pm and a message from Adrien.
A message from Adrien!
Marinette instantly jumped from her bed and opened the conversation.
Adrien Agreste: Hey, I'm sorry if this is weird, but I really wanted to write you. Is there something wrong? You've being acting weird and I'm getting worried. Did I do something bad? I hope I could talk it out with you if that's the case. But you know, without the stammering and usual avoidance. Not that I'm complaining, you may have your reasons… but I really want to be friends with you. So if you want to talk, I'm always here.
He took Ladybug's advice too straightforward and Marinette couldn't control how flustered she felt.
"Marinette?" Tikki called her with sleepy voice. She had also been sleeping all day to regain her energy. "Why are you moving around so much?"
"Tikki!" Marinette suddenly shouted. "Spots on!"
"Wha-" before she could finish her sentence, Tikki was sucked into Marinette's earrings and as soon as she was transformed, Marinette ran towards Adrien's house.
She felt overly excited, her body trembled in anticipation. She wanted to tell Adrien her identity, to be confident in herself and let Chat Noir be part of her daily life. Even if she was in love with him, it didn't matter. It was worth it if she could be with her best friend without the mask too. It wasn't fair with Adrien to make him longer for a friendship he already had.
Ladybug stopped on top of a tree branch in front of Adrien's room.
In the spur of the moment, Marinette didn't think about how to tell him. It would be too shocking if she just entered his civilian room and undid her transformation in front of him. There was also a little possibility that she had been wrong all along. Confusion and doubt settled on her mind. What if he became disappointed by Ladybug, or rather, the person beneath the mask? Marinette wasn't as strong and confident as Ladybug. Paris' heroine was just a character she impersonated to win the confidence of the citizens.
And Chat Noir might have not wanted her to know his identity. After all, they had promised each other to not spy on each other to find information about their identities.
What was she doing there? It was all wrong.
"Plagg!"
The recognition of that name struck her. Just the night before, Chat Noir told her that his Kwami was named that way. Just as she was about to leave, Adrien came into her view. A few seconds later, a little black creature appeared floating in front of him while hugging a piece of cheese.
Ladybug almost fell from the branch but tried to compose herself when Adrien's voice reached her again.
"Stop messing around, Plagg," Adrien groaned. "I've already told you I don't like her, she's just a friend!"
"Yeah, whatever you say," the little creature said back without interest.
"I only love Ladybug," Adrien continued, his voice showed how pissed off he was and the determination of his words. "I could never like Marinette. My love belongs only to Ladybug."
Plagg uttered a word and stopped dead on his tracks. His eyes glanced at her direction and Ladybug shivered. The black Kwami saw her, their eyes connected for a second that she felt that lasted an eternity. But at the moment Ladybug was about to run away, Plagg turned away from her without a word.
"Let's go patrol," Plagg said, suddenly serious.
"Plagg?" Adrien questioned. "Is something wrong? What were you looking at?"
The only reason she didn't get discovered was because Plagg interfered in Adrien's way. Ladybug grabbed the branch tightly, hoping to be as covered as possible. "Nothing, let's go!"
The green light that surrounded Adrien blinded her and even after Chat appeared on his place, Marinette couldn't react. She watched him jump from his window and leap from building to building until he disappeared in the darkness of the night.
She had been wrong.
Marinette wasn't prepared to reveal her identity nor confirm Chat's.
…
Her transformation was released the moment Marinette touched her bed. An angry Tikki was shot out of her earrings, landing beside her on the bed.
"Marinette!" she cried angrily. Her usual composed expression was now distorted to a upset face. "What was that for? You could've given me a head's up. And what were you doing at Adrien's house?"
Marinette laid on her bed and hid her face against the pillow. She groaned, telling Tikki she didn't want to talk at the moment.
Tikki didn't say anything else. As a good mother-like Kwami, Tikki reached her cheek and put her little paw on it. "Are you alright?"
"How can I be?" Marinette lamented. "I've ruined it all."
"Don't be so dramatic, you didn't ruin anything. Just talk with him, be sincere," Tikki tried to console her without achieving it. No matter what the Kwami told her, Marinette felt guilty and confused. She thought that it didn't matter, that knowing Chat's identity was alright. But it wasn't and she couldn't put a finger on the exact problem around all of it.
But Tikki was right. She needed to talk with Adrien and explain the situation. Although she didn't knew how to do that without revealing her identity. And right now, Marinette was sure that she didn't want him to know the clumsy Marinette was confident and beautiful Ladybug.
"I'll talk to him," Marinette promised. She wasn't sure if it was to herself or Tikki. "Someday, at least."
"Mari-"
Her door suddenly opened, and by the moment her mother reached her bed, Tikki was nowhere to be found. "You're awake! Good, I've been wanting to give this to you," her mother exclaimed.
Marinette feared the worst. And when her mom handed her the envelope, she knew that it was just what she was thinking. As cautiously as possible, Marinette grabbed the white letter and examined the old-fashioned stamp.
"You've been asleep all the afternoon and I thought you weren't going to wake up, but since you're awake now, better now than later," Sabine said with a big smile. Everyone believed in her being able to be accepted into the best fashion university and assured her that everything was going to be alright. Marinette felt a bit guilty for ruining everyone's mood by being so pessimistic.
It was hard, but Marinette managed to give her mom a smile after blankly staring at the envelope. "Thanks, mom."
Sabine rubbed her hands together, a bit impatient. "I know you'll probably want to open it alone, so I'm leaving. I'm heading to bed, so if anything, you can wake us up. Good luck, my love!"
Tikki came out after the door clicked.
"Is that…?"
Marinette nodded. "It is."
Being nervous was an understatement. Marinette felt like exploding. Not only had she discovered Chat's identity that night but also the path she was going to follow after graduation. It was a lot to stomach.
"You can open it tomorrow if you want," Tikki comforted her.
"No," Marinette declared. "I'm not backing out right now."
Tikki smiled at her. "Then, I'm going to leave you alone so you can open it. 'Night, Marinette."
Good luck. Marinette didn't know anymore if the luck was truly on her side. She silently prayed to her good luck. She need it. Slowly, Marinette opened the envelope and unfolded the letter.
As her eyes traced the words, Marinette's world broke into pieces.