If My Heart Could Beat
Heroine
This story takes place as Spike moves into Xander's apartment.
Scene opens in Xander's apartment. The blinds have all been shut and it is surprisingly clean. The only blemish to his home is the big line of black paint right down the middle
of the apartment. On one side of the line is all of Xander's stuff, sort of crammed
together. On the other side is a blanket on the floor and an uncomfortable looking
chair. There is also a bucket of paint and a dirty paintbrush. Xander is looking very
dishevelled, almost wild, his hair's all a mess, his shirtsleeves are rolled up and his tie
is all crooked. Spike is his usually sexy self, wearing his trademark black trench coat
and black t-shirt and jeans
Xander: There! You stay on your side, I'll stay on my side
Spike: Fine, but I want the TV over here. Its almost time for my program.
Xander: The hell with you, it's my TV. You can look out the bright sunny window
Spike: I'm gonna miss Passions. They're bringing in Timmy's replacement today!
Xander: You wouldn't even believe how much I don't care.
Spike: You know I bloody-well hate you, right?
Xander: Trust me, the feeling is very mutual. Now shut up. I have to work on these blueprints.
Spike (mutters):"Wanker
Xander: What?
Spike: Nothing
Silence in the apartment. Xander works. Spike looks around, takes off his coat. Spike
grows bored. Puts toe over line. Xander doesn't notice. Jumps over line. Jumps back.
Jump jump jump jump...Xander whips around.
Xander: Stop that
Spike: What? I'm on my side.
Xander: You were jumping!
Spike: Was not.
Xander: You were! You were on my side! I saw you!
Spike: So what? Is there a law that says there is no jumping in the Harris household?"
Xander: There is now.
Spike bends his knees as if to jump again.
Xander: If you don't knock it off I'll call Buffy, and you will be nothing more than more
dust to use my fancy new central vacuum system on.
Spike straightens his legs and sits down on the uncomfortable looking chair on his side
of the room.
Xander: Yeah, that's right. goes back to work.
Spike: crosses his arms and mutters Wanker
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Spike reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a pack of smokes. Lights one and
closes his eyes for a long drag.
Xander: What are you doing?
Spike: Eating a sandwich.
Xander: Are you smoking? In my house?
Spike: Maybe.
Xander: No, no, no, no,no, there is no smoking. You go outside to smoke.
Spike takes another drag: That would be a bad idea, seeing as its 2 in the afternoon,
and Mr. sun is having a bright sunny day.
Xander: Put it out or you'll belong in an ashtray.
Spike: All right all right, don't get your knickers in a twist.
Spike drops the cigarette in the floor and stamps it outSpike: What am I supposed to do, I'm bored.
Xander: Why don't you go have a shower? I can smell you from here.
Spike: What, and wash off all this lovely basement dirt? I worked so hard on this layer
of filth. It almost makes me look like I have a tan.
Xander: Have a shower and wash your clothes. Have you been wearing those since
you got back?
Spike: Well, yeah, these and that blue shirt, but I ripped that one, so this is all I've
got.
Xander: Spike, are you telling me you only have one set of clothes?
Spike: In a word, yeah. And I'm not wearing anything of yours, last time I put on your
stupid Hawaiian shirt and shorts ensemble, I looked like a bleedin idiot.
Xander: You are a "bleedin' idiot" a pause. Xander puts his head in his hands in
frustration. Okay, tell you what. You have a shower; I'll go out and buy you some
clothes. I don't suppose you've got any money?
Spike: Well, let me check my bankbook. Oh, that's unfortunate, all my funds are tied
up in stocks this week. Let me call my broker in Switzerland and he'll set you up.
Xander: Fine, you can owe me. When I get back, you better be clean. The washing
machine is in the bathroom too.
Spike: Well, that sounds like a wonderful plan, except the bathroom's on your side of the
line.
Xander: puts on his coat and opens the door. Shut up. And wash the paint off the
floor.
He leaves. Spike looks around, lights another smoke. Takes off shirt and throws it on the floor.
Turns on TV. Jumps over the line a few times.
Spike: Home sweet home. He smiles
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Xander's apartment, late afternoon. Enter Spike from the bathroom, wet and wearing
a towel. Leaves wet footprints as he walks to the fridge. Opens it and takes out a
Beer. Takes a long sip. Wanders around the room, picking stuff up and putting things
down. Stops by a mirror by the door. Is looking at the lack of himself in it when the
door opens and he jumps and nearly drops the towel. Enter Willow.
Willow: Hello?
Spike: Jesus sweet bloody Christ, woman, don't you ever knock?
Willow: Oops, sorry spike. Is Xander here?
Spike: nah, he went shopping half and hour ago.
Gestures to door and nearly drops towel again. Willow smilesWillow: You're looking good.
Spike: Hey, hands to yourself, darlin'.
Willow: Yeah, like you need to worry about me. When's Xander getting back?
Spike: How should I know? He must shop like a woman. When I go shopping, its in and
out in five minutes. No fuss.
Willow: Well, you don't usually go through all the trouble of paying for things, and I
hear that part is very time consuming. Puts something on the table. Well, I can't wait,
I've got class, so tell him I was here.
Spike: Right. Wait, No! Hey, I'm not his secretary. I've got things to do.
Willow: Like what?
Spike: Things. Important things. Lots of them.
Willow: Well, you're here till the sun goes down, and I'm sure he'll be back by then, so
just give him the message.
Spike salutes: Aye Aye.
Willow walks to the door and opens it, pauses.
Willow: You're looking better.
Spike: Thanks Will, so are you.
She smiles, and walks out the door.
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Spike reclines on Xander's easy chair still clothed only in a towel, watching TV. Enter
Xander, carrying shopping bags. Xander notices wet footprints on floor, apartment
starting to look kind of messy.
Xander: Honey, I'm home.
Spike: Hey, what'dya get me?
Xander: First, lets go over some things. I didn't buy these cause I like you. You owe
me for them. I'm going to stick the bills to the fridge and you have to pay me back.
Spike: (sarcastic) Ooh, use one of those manly flower magnets. I like those.
Awkward silence as Xander pauses midstride.
Xander: Anya bought me those. They were the first thing she bought for the
apartment. One of the things she left.
Spike (subdued): oh. sorry.
Xander visibly shakes himself.
Xander: It's alright. Anyway. I was going to buy you some nice quality pink shirts I saw,
but I know you're insecure about that sort of thing, so here you go, basic black. I hope
they fit.
Spike gets up and starts examining the bags. Xander walks over to the pile of Spikes
old clothes and picks them up.
Spike: Hey, not bad Harris. Polycotton blends, just like I like them. They breathe, even
if I don't. notices Xander talking his clothes and about to through them out. Hey, not
the coat! Rushes over (as fast as a person wearing a towel can rush) and takes his
classic black coat away from Xander. You don't just go around throwing out peoples
trademarks! I love this coat. Had it for years.
Xander: Why?
Spike: Its dark and scary. It gives me a touch of class. Helps with the whole
intimidation thing, and it great for blocking sunlight... And I look very sexy in it.
Xander: Plus it's the closest thing you can get to wear a cape without looking like
an idiot.
Spike: Well, yeah, that too.
Spike hangs his coat reverently over a chair and takes the bags into the bathroom.
Xander throws out his old clothes muttering I should probably burn these... and starts
to tidy up his home. Notices the box Willow left on the table.
Xander (yells): Hey Spike?
Spike (off, muffled): Yeah?
Xander:(yells) What's this?
Spike emerges from the bathroom, fully clothed, looking his normal self.
Spike: What's what?
Xander: This box thing.
Spike: Oh yeah, Will brought that over.
Xander: Willow was here?
Spike: Didn't I motion that?
Xander: Did she say what this was?
Spike: No, but she did say that you shop like a woman.
Xander: Really?
Spike: Nah.
Xander: Oh...good. I wonder what its is.
Spike: Me too. Open it.
Xander: Alright.
Xander opens the box.
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Spike: Photographs?
Xander takes a stack of pictures out of the boxXander: oh yeah, I asked Will to bring over all of the pictures of Dawn and Buffy's
Birthdays. You know, to see the gang all back together.
Xander flips through the stack and discards pictures on the table, where Spike picks them
up and looks at them too.
Xander: See, these are from Dawn's birthday.
Spike: I wasn't invited.
Xander: You weren't invited to Buffy's birthday either, yet you were there. See, this
one? I popped a balloon right behind Buffy's head. You know, like a joke? Anyway, she
whips around and belts me in the eye! Look, here's me right afterwards. Look at the
swelling!
Spike: I always said you looked good in black and blue.
Xander: I didn't want the guys at work to know I had been KO'd by a girl so I told the
guys at work I walked into a door.
Spike: Because admissions of clumsiness are excellent ways to gain respect in the
Workplace.
Xander: And they still pay me. Oh, here's the ones from Buffy's Birthday. Remember?
We got locked in the house and there was a demon in the walls.
Spike (excited): Hey, there's me!
Xander gives him a look indicating dubiousnessXander: No that's Buffy. If you haven't noticed, your hair is shorter than hers.
Spike: No, beside her. In that empty space there. I had my arm around her. That's
why she's off to the side. (smiles) And why she has that pissed off look on her face.
Xander: That is a good pissed face. You know, I'd bet that's probably the only
picture of you and Buffy together.
Spike: Yeah, it is. The only one. His face gets very sad And I'm not even in it.
Xander continues to flip, oblivious to Spike's sad face, but Spike remains fixated onthat one picture. Xander stops when he reaches a picture of him and Anya. She has a
huge smile on her face and is showing of her engagement ring. They stare in silence
for a time.
Xander: What happened?
Spike: What do you mean?
Xander: The farther I think back, the happier my memories are. You should see the old
high school pictures. Just me Will and Buffy. Everything was so simple, so easy, so
innocent then. What happened?
Spike: How far back are we talking here? It could have been anything. Willow losin' it,
the wedding fiasco, I'd say Buffy dying would be a big one.
Xander: No. Things were wrong before all that.
Spike: The Riley thing?
Xander: I don't think that's it either...
They sit thinkingSpike: I hate to suggest this, but...Dawn?
Xander looks upXander: Dawn?
Spike: Well, yeah. That's when everything started getting strange. That's when Buffy
started getting really stressed, Giles felt all unneeded. That's when things went crazy
and nothing made sense. That's when I...
Xander: When you what?
Spike: Forget it. It wasn't Dawn. Silly idea.
Spike gets up and walks over to the window, still holding the picture of Buffy. The sunis almost down. He parts the blinds ever so slightly.
Xander: That's when you what? Came back? No, you came back way before dawn
came. Although... pauses as if in deep thought ...Maybe it was your coming back to
Sunnydale? That wouldn't surprise me at all.
Spike says nothing. Xander starts to pace like a detective who thinks he's solved the
mystery. He's obviously joking.
Xander: Maybe YOU"RE the cause of all our misery!
Spike open's the blinds a bit more, so a line of sunlight hits his hand and starts to
smoke. Xander is really enjoying this joke, and doesn't even notice.
Xander: Maybe if you had just stayed wherever you were, everything would have
stayed fine. Maybe it would have all turned out perfect. Maybe its all your fault.
Maybe me and Anya and will and Buffy would all have stayed happy if you had stayed
away. He turns around Spike, are you smoking again?
Spike (whispers): ...maybe...
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After sunset, Spike leaves the apartment, the picture in his pocket. He looks like he's
feeling angry and sorry for himself. He enters the cemetery, and sits down on a
gravestone and pulls out the picture.
Spike: ...maybe...my fault...I've done everything I can to make it right...didn't work...
a voice behind him says:
Voice: What didn't work?
Spike jumps up and wheels around.
Spike: Bloody hell!
It's Buffy.
Spike: Oh, its you. You nearly gave me a heart attack.
Buffy: Heart attack?
Spike quickly stuffs picture back in pocket.
Spike: You heard me. What are you doing here?
Buffy: I could ask you the same thing.
Spike: Yeah, you could.
Buffy: I'm patrolling. There's supposed to be a couple of vamps around here
somewhere. The only one I've seen so far is you.
Spike: Lucky you.
Buffy: Hardly.
uncomfortable silence, which drags on. Buffy is shivering.
Buffy: So...it sure got cold fast tonight...its so cold you can see your
breath. She demonstrates
Spike (seems preoccupied): Hadn't noticed.
Another pause. Spike stares at the burned line in his hand, which is already starting to
heal. Suddenly looks up. Buffy is rubbing her arms to keep warm. He visibly shakes
himself.
Spike: What kind of gentleman am I? Here.
He takes off his coat and tries to put it around her shoulders. She jumps away.
Buffy: No!
Spike looks hurt.
Buffy: I mean, no thank you, I'm fine.
Spike: You're cold. Take it.
He holds it out to her.
Buffy: Don't you need it?
Spike: You'd be surprised how much I don't.
She reluctantly puts on the coat.
Spike: Hey, you look pretty wild in that.
Buffy: I always thought i would...Spike, you know I'm not going to...I mean, this
doesn't mean...
Spike: Yeah, I know. It's alright. Really. So, should we go look for those vamps?
They wander around the cemetery, and find no sign of the quarry. Eventually they
give up, and sit back down on a bench. Uncomfortable silence, until Buffy puts her
hands into the pocket and pulls out the picture. Spike is looking at his hand again and
doesn't notice.
Buffy: My birthday..
Spike looks up.
Spike: Hmmm?
Buffy: This picture is from my birthday. Where did you get it?
Spike: Xander gave it to me.
Buffy: Really?
Spike (smiling): No, not really. I knicked it, because that's what I do.
Buffy: I remember when they took this. You were behind me. Right there.
Spike: Yeah.
Buffy: I would be willing to bet that this is the only picture of ...us.
Spike: And I'm not even there.
Buffy puts the picture back in the pocket and takes off the coat.
Buffy: Here. Its late. No vamps out here tonight. Well, except you.
Spike: Except me.
Buffy says goodnight and walks away. Spike puts on his coat and pulls out the picture
again. He starts to walk in the opposite direction from where Buffy went, when:
Buffy's Voice: Spike!
Spike whips around and runs down the path after her.
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Buffy's fighting two vamps and not doing a very good job. She throws one to the
ground and makes to stake him, when the other runs up and bowls her over. They fall
to the ground, tangled up and roll three or four times on the ground. When the dust
clears, the vamp is on top and about to bite her, when Spike runs in and knocks him
off her. By this time the other vamp is up and goes for Buffy. She kicks him in the
stomach and when he doubles over she axe handles him in the head and he falls to the
ground. She stakes him and he's dusted. Meanwhile Spike and the other vamp are
going at it, and Spike trips him and he falls to the ground. Buffy jumps in and stakes
the enemy vamp.
Buffy: Thanks.
Spike: My pleasure. No really, it was.
Its then that they notice the body lying half concealed by the bushes. Buffy zips over
and checks the pulse of the young girl the vamps had gotten to before she arrived.
Buffy: She's dead.
Spike: Oh. Well, that takes some of the fun out of it.
Buffy lifts the girl's head and Spike gets a better look at the girls face. He looks
puzzled.
Spike: Hey, I know her...
Buffy: You know her?
Spike: Yeah, from New York. But that's not possible. She's dead.
Buffy: I think i said that.
Spike grabs Buffy's stake and stabs the girl in the heart, violently. Nothing happens.
Buffy: What are you doing? What the hell is wrong with you?
Spike: You don't understand! She's a...I mean, I turned her into...she's a vampire!
Buffy: What?
Spike: I turned her into a vampire in New York, years ago. I'm sure of it.
Buffy: No, she's human. Or was, anyway. Feel her body, its still warm.
Spike: How can she...?...that's just weird.
Buffy: Weird? You live in Sunnydale and you're describing this as weird? Thank you
Captain Obvious.
Spike: I'm telling you, this is the same girl.
Buffy: What ever Spike. Good-bye.
Spike: Yeah, right, bye.
She leaves. Spike is still staring at the girl. He notices a necklace hanging from the girls
neck. Its very old and looks like it belongs in the magic shop. Spike slips it over her
head and puts it on himself. He tucks it under his shirt and heads home.
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Spike is standing outside the apartment. He lights a cigarette and inhales, resulting in
an unprecedented fit of coughing. He tries again and starts coughing again. Really
hacking up a lung. He looks at the cig in disgust and drops it on the ground and
stamps it out. He goes inside and walks to the elevator. There's a Sign reading "out of
Order" Spike mutters something unintelligible and starts up the stairs.
Xander's Apartment. The place is all cleaned up and back to normal. Spike enters and
closes the door and leans on it, breathing heavily.
Spike: What's going on?
Spike takes the picture out of his pocket, but doesn't look at it. He takes off his coat
and throws it on the chair. Sits down on couch and looks at the photo. It has
changed. A shadow is fading in behind Buffy, of a tall male with his arm around Buffy.
Spike blinks and squints at the picture. The shadow solidifies into a picture of Spike.
Spike drops the picture and runs to the bathroom. There in the mirror is his
reflection, staring back at him, a disbelieving look on its face.
Spike: Harris! HARRIS!
Enter Xander.
Xander (sleepily): What? What?
Spike: Look!
Xander: Its ugly you. What's your point?
Spike: I'm not supposed to be there!
Spike Rips off his shirt and feels his chestXander (very sleepy and still confused): Huh?
Spike: Feel me!
Xander: Wha?
Spike grabs Xander's hand and puts it on his chest. Xander rips his hand away.
Xander: What are you...hey...
Xander puts his hand back on Spike's chest.
Xander (awed): ...Its...beating...looks back in mirror. You're there. How is this possible?
Spike: I...I don't know...
Xander: Well...that's weird.
Spike (to reflection): I'm alive.
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In Xander's bathroom. Xander has sat down on the toilet seat lid and Spike is staring at
his reflection. He keeps putting his hand to his neck and feeling the pulse.
Spike: Did you know I was this sexy? I mean, I knew I was sexy, but this...this is
beyond.
Xander (sarcastic): Oh, yeah, you're a hottie. We should be calling Buffy now.
Spike: No.
Xander: Why not? This is very weird. She deals well with weird. Its her job. Dealing
with weird.
Spike: Explains why she hangs out with you, doesn't it?
Xander: Very amusing. Can I still kill you? Are you still even a vampire?
Spike: I don't know...maybe...
Xander: Then its time to experiment.
He leaves the room. While he's gone, Spike reaches up and touches the necklace
around his neck. Its warm too, like his skin. Xander comes back in carrying a stake
and a cross.
Xander: Here we go. Touches the cross to Spike's arm. Feeling any burning
sensations?
Spike: No. Nothing.
Xander: Ok, experiment 2. I'm going to put this (indicates stake) in your heart and see
if you turn to dust.
Spike: The hell you are.
Xander: Damn. I totally thought you were going to go for that.
Spike (sarcastic): Ha, ha you're killing me.
Xander: No, but I'd like to. Can you make your face go all vampy?
Spike tries.
Spike: It would appear not. Is the sun up yet?
Xander: Just about.
Spike: That's something I'd like to check.
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Outside, on the street. There is very little traffic in the early morning hours. The
eastern sky is just getting lighter. Spike is bracing himself and Xander is holding a
blanket, ready to throw it of Spike, should he start on fire.
Xander: I still think we should call Buffy.
Spike: Can't you do anything without your slayer? Be a man.
Xander: I guess that's what we're all trying to do, isn't it?
Spike: Shut up.
The sun rises. Spike closes his eyes as the first rays touch his face. He smiles as he
remains blissfully undusted. He opens his eyes and stares directly into the sunlight,
squinting.
Spike: Cor. That's something I haven't seen for a while.
He remains lost in thought, while Xander shuffles his feet and looks around. They stay
there for a really long time, Spike lost in the beauty of the sunrise.
Xander: Well? Now what?
Spike: Isn't that beautiful? Its like...I can't even describe it.
Xander: I have to go to work. I don't have time to baby-sit an un-undead. Don't do
anything stupid while I'm gone. Go find Buffy or something.
Xander goes back inside and leaves Spike alone. Spike smiles.
Spike: You know? I think that is a very good idea.
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Buffy's guidance office. She's throwing pushpins into a bulletin board like they were
darts. There's a little bulls eye made of post-its in the middle of the board. She's had
all bulls eyes and is now making a circle around it. She squints and lines up the pin for
the next throw.
Spike: So this is what you do all day? Maybe I could get a job. They look easy.
Buffy spins around shocked.
Buffy: Spike?
Spike: The one and only.
Buffy: What are you doing here? Were you in the basement again last night? Did
Xander kick you out?
Spike: No. Just came in for some guidance. Last I heard you were giving some pretty
interesting sessions with your students. I was hoping you could help me out too.
Buffy: I don't get it...
Spike: Well, let me explain it to you. See, when a man and a woman...
Buffy: Stop. How did you get in here?
Spike: I have a present for you.
Buffy: How did no one notice a man in a smoking blanket running into the school?
Spike: Do you not want my present?
Buffy: What I want is and explanation.
Spike: Fine, if you're going to be rude, I'll just leave.
He starts to leave.
Buffy: Wait!
Spike: Yeah? Changed your mind?
Buffy: Hardly.
Spike: I'll just leave it on the table then.
He removes a piece of paper from his pocket and places it face down on her desk.
She moves to the desk and picks it up. It's the photograph from the night before,
except its changed. She's no longer alone. Behind her is a very clear picture of Spike,
grinning and giving the camera the finger. Buffy looks up.
Buffy: How is this possible?
Spike: Miracle of Science, luv. See, you take this thing called a "camera" and load it
with "film"...
Buffy: Stop it. Just stop. Either explain to me what's going on or let me get back to
work.
Spike: Yeah, I can see that you're busy. Gestures to bulletin board. The phone rings.
Buffy: Exceedingly. See?
She picks up the phone.
Buffy: Hello, Sunnydale High school, Ms. Summers speaking....oh hi Xander...Actually,
he's...yeah, what's going on?.....You're kidding!...How is that possible....no, I can't get
a straight answer either....warm? She walks over to Spike, stretching the phone cord
to its limit and touches his face...yeah, he is...I'll find out...ok...right, thanks for telling
me, I was getting really confused...ok, bye, Xander.
She hangs up.
She reaches up and touches Spike's face ,very scientifically, moving down his neck and
feeling his pulse, down his chest and feeling his heart beat.
Spike: You're really going to have to stop that, luv. My bloods moving fast and you'll
soon be able to guess where.
She removes her hands.
Buffy: Sorry. It's just...amazing. You're so warm.
Spike: Warm as you. Getting warmer, actually. Did you know how beautiful you are in
the sunshine? You actually glow.
Buffy: Stop. You know nothing could make me forget what you did.
Spike: You're not even trying. What's it take with you? I know what I did was
unforgivable, but I'm not the only one who's betrayed you lately. One by one, your
friends turn on you, and I am always beside you. I have given up everything I was and
gone through countless torments to please you and still you treat me like garbage. One
day, when you realize I am what you want, what you've always wanted, I may not be
here anymore. You won't always have me to kick around.
Buffy: I need time to register this.
Spike (aloof): I may not have that much time. There's a lot of things I've been meaning
to do. My schedule may fill up quickly. I've got things to do, people to meet, tans to
work on.
Buffy: I never thought I'd be saying this but, Are you free tonight? We should talk. I
want to know why...this is.
Spike (arrogantly): I might be able to slot you in, if you make it worth my while. Wait in
the cemetery. I might show up.
He walks out the door, evidently very pleased with himself. Buffy stares after him, still
very shocked and confused. She picks up the picture and looks at it.
Buffy: ...crap...
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Buffy waits in the cemetery, sitting on a gravestone, kicking her feet. Enter Spike.
Spike: I knew you'd come this time.
Buffy: I don't want to play games anymore, Spike.
Spike: (sighs) Me neither. I want to apologize for my outburst this morning. I guess I
needed some time to figure it out too. Its a big change. I spent the day walking
around. Everything is so different. I feel so...well..alive. Its great to feel this was after
so long.
Buffy: I get that. Why though.
Spike: Why is it so important to you? Since when do you care about me?
Buffy: I need to know what you did.
Spike: What I did? I didn't do anything.
Buffy: Everything has a price, Spike. You can't just bring people back from the dead
without some kind of sacrifice. Believe me, I know.
Spike: Well I don't care. I am alive, Buffy. You of all people should know the feeling. Its
wonderful. And I'm not going to give it up. I finally have the chance to...
Buffy: To what? Live?
Spike: No. Give. All the pieces are here now. I have everything you need, don't I? A
beating, feeling heart, a conscience, a soul. Warm arms to hold you. I can be with
you, if you let me. I am a man. Flesh and blood. Isn't that enough yet? What else can I
do?
Buffy: Be honest with me. I need to know, I can't be around you if I don't.
Spike: That's all it would take?
Buffy: It would be a start. Why don't you want to tell me?
Spike: Because it would be so easy for you to take away. I think its this. Pulls
necklace from beneath shirt. Remember the girl from last night? I was sure I knew her
from NY, and I did. I did sire her. But she was wearing this. I took it because I was
confused. After I put it on, I changed.
Buffy: Have you really? Changed, I mean.
Spike: In almost every way. I see everything different. I can remember things I
thought and did as a vampire, and almost all the things I thought were bloody
fantastic, seem really horrible now. Its almost all completely different.
Buffy: Almost? What hasn't changed?
Spike: Little things, mostly. I guess some things I did as a vampire, I would have done
as a man too. My music for example.
Buffy: Oh.
Spike: You were wondering about you, weren't you? The way I feel about you?
Buffy (flushed): No.
Spike: You know you can't lie to me. I can feel your thoughts. I still love you. Would
die for you. Again. That's the same too. I guess I'd go about it different now, though.
Buffy: Different? How different?
Spike: Less shoving you into walls, more taking you out for dinner. He stands up and
goes very gentlemanly Speaking of which, would you care to come with me to the
Bronze for something to eat? My treat. Holds out his arm. Buffy smiles, and you can
feel the tenseness slipping away from the conversation. She takes it.
Buffy: It would be my pleasure. We could get one of those flower/onion things.
Spike: Oh, they brought those back? Where have I been?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Week long Date Montage to Weezer's Island In The Sun. Spike and Buffy on a picnic.
Spike and Buffy at the Zoo. Spike and Buffy at the arcade. Roses on Buffy's desk.
Spike and Buffy at a movie (Dracula-Dead and Loving it) sharing popcorn. Spike and
Buffy dancing at the Bronze: the band playing the music that backed the montage.
Buffy: You know, its kind of nice.
Spike: What is?
Buffy: Not having to worry that you are thinking about biting me.
Spike: Well, I think about doing a lot of things to you, luv, but biting isn't one of them.
Well, sometimes.
Buffy: I didn't know you could dance.
Spike: When I was young you had to. Unfortunately I can only do two kinds of dancing.
Buffy: Slow dancing and?
Spike: To be honest, I don't think its really dancing. Its more sort of a mob fight to
music. Lets call it less-slow dancing.
Buffy: Right. Sounds like my kind of dance.
Spike: Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?
Buffy: Are you going to tell me?
Spike: You make the stars pale and lifeless.
The trees sing your name when the wind blows through the leaves.
When I couldn't let the sun's rays touch my skin,
it was your warmth I gloried in.
Buffy (awkwardly): oh...thanks.
Spike (embarrassed): Sorry. I guess my poetry hasn't improved with time.
Buffy: No, no. It was beautiful.
Spike: oh,...(smiles) thanks.
They continue to dance. Buffy rests her head on his shoulder. All of a sudden they
hear faint screaming from outside.
Screaming: HELP! AIII! Help!
Buffy and Spike's heads whip around. They look at each other and sprint out the back
doors, towards the screaming.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Outside in an alley behind the Bronze. Three vampires are terrorizing a young couple,
who are screaming. The door bursts open and out run Buffy and Spike. The Vampires
drop the couple and turn to the slayer.
Vamp1: Looks like more guests to join our little party.
Buffy: We're not guests. We're crashers.
Spike: Prepare to be crashed.
Vamp2: Spike?
Fighting commences. Buffy leaps for the one closest to the couple, who are lying
paralysed with fear on the ground. Vamp1 and 3 attack her from both sides. She
blocks their punches, kicks 1 in the shin and trips him, spins 3 around and pushes him
towards 1, who he trips over and falls. Spike goes for Vamp 2.
Vamp2: So it's true?
Spike: What's true.
Vamp2: You're meat. You're weak.
Spike: You're weak!
Spike lunges towards the vamp2, but without his usual style and grace. He makes
three attacks and misses all three times. Buffy is still engaged with her two, and
doesn't notice Spike's predicament. Vamp2 grabs Spikes arm and breaks it. He
screams, a look of pain on his face. Buffy whips around to see the vamp knock Spike's
head into the wall and Spike fall unconscious. She quickly disposes of the two vamps
and rushes over to stake the third before he bites Spike. He turns to dust and Spike
falls to the ground. Buffy rushes over to him and checks him over. She pulls out her
cell phone and dials 911.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Hospital bedroom. Spike is lying in a hospital bed. He has a cast on his arm and
bandages around his head. The only sound is the regular beep-beep of the heart
monitor. Buffy is sitting on a chair next to the bed, staring into space. Enter Dawn.
Dawn: Has he woken up yet? I came as soon as I heard.
Buffy: No, he's still out. Doctors said it should be any time now. Spike cracks one eye
open and quickly closes it. Buffy stands up, without noticing.
Dawn (angry): So. Why didn't you tell me?
Buffy: Tell you what?
Dawn: What do you think? Why didn't you think to mention that Spike was alive?
Buffy: I wasn't sure yet. I didn't want to raise any hopes.
Dawn: That's stupid. You've known for three days, and i hear it from Anya? How come
she knew and I didn't?
Buffy: I guess Xander told her. He's been talking to her a lot lately.
Dawn: So everyone knew but me? Willow too?
Buffy: Yeah.
Dawn: Well that's just typical. Just like when Angel came back and you kept that a
secret too.
Buffy(also getting angry): Why does everything I do have to be a group thing anyway?
Can't I ever have anything just for me?
Dawn has no reply. Buffy walks to the door.
Buffy: I'm going to get some food. Watch him until I get back, would you?
Dawn: Sure, just glad to be included.
Buffy frowns and leaves. Dawn pauses and walks over to the bed. She touches Spikes
face. He doesn't respond. She puts her hand on his heart. No response. She lays her
head on his chest and listens to his heartbeat.
Spike: That tickles, Niblette.
Dawn's head shoots up.
Dawn: You're awake...
Spike: So it would seem. Where's Buffy?
Dawn: She went to get something to eat. What happened?
Spike: I guess I got knocked out. All I remember is my arm...He tries to lift it and his
face contorts with pain....right. My arm is broken.
Dawn: That's not what I meant. What happened to make you alive?
Spike (smiles mischievously): Magic.
Dawn: Of course, I should have guessed. When...?
Spike: Thursday, and today is?
Dawn: Monday.
Spike: Ah. Well, I guess being human isn't all wine and roses.
Dawn: How do you mean?
Spike: Well, for example, I get tired so fast. And I'm willing to bet Xander could probably kick my ass now.
Dawn: Really?
Spike: Well, probably not. You probably could though.
Dawn giggles. Buffy comes back in carrying sandwiches and juice boxes.
Buffy: You're awake. You're ok. Are you in pain?
Spike: Not so much.
Buffy: Are you hungry? We have a wide assortment of old sandwiches and warm juice.
Spike: Mmm, tempting.
Dawn: I'm glad you're alive Spike. And glad you're okay. I have to go to Janice's to do
homework. I'll come back later okay?
Spike: I can't wait.
Dawn leaves.
Buffy: That was weird. She never does homework without a good swift kick in the
books. So, how are you feeling?
Spike: Like I got run over by a truck. Now I have to sit in this stupid hospital. I hate
hospitals.
Buffy: Me too.
Spike: Ya'know what this reminds me of? It reminds me of that time you knocked an organ over on me. Except then I had Dru to take care of me.
Buffy: I'll...me and Dawn will take care of you. And its not as bad as that. The doctor
said you can leave tomorrow morning.
Spike: That works out well.
Buffy: Why?
Spike (embarrased): Well, I didn't mention anything, and didn't expect anyone would know, having
not celebrated it in a really long time, not being alive and all, but tomorrow's my
birthday. Now that I'm alive I can celebrate it again.
Buffy: How were you planning to celebrate?
Spike: Well, I...I don't know. I hadn't really thought about it.
Buffy: Well, we'll have to throw a party!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Buffy's House, decorated in full party mode. Streamers, balloons, dance music,
munchies, alcohol (of course), the whole shebang. A pile of presents on the table and
Xander, Anya, Willow, Dawn, and Buffy crowded around Spike, who has one of the
presents in his hands.
Dawn: Open it, c'mon!
Willow: Yeah, that one's from me.
Spike smiles shyly and opens the present. Inside is...
Spike: A watch?
Willow: Yeah, its one of those sports watches so you can see your pulse rate. See?
Put it on and press this button and tada, that's how fast your heart is beating. Plus
you can take it up to 2 miles under water.
Xander: Because we all know deep sea diving is your favourite hobby.
Spike: If it wasn't before, it is now. Thanks Will.
Dawn: Me next!
She hands Spike another present. He opens it. Its...
Spike: A camera!
Dawn: So you can take lots of pictures to make up for all the ones you aren't in!
Spike: That's fantastic.
Xander: Give him mine.
Dawn hands him an envelope. Spike opens it. Its a card, and inside it says "The shirt
on Your Back. Don't forget to breathe. Xander."
Xander: I figured I could get away without buyin' you anything because I already did.
So this here, releases you from your debt to me for the clothes.
Spike: The one with the steady well paying job cheaps out on me, while the
unemployed students buy me watches and cameras.
Xander: Hey, just because your alive doesn't mean I have to like you.
Anya: Yes it does. Here, this is from me.
Spike opens the last gift. As he does, Buffy slides out into the kitchen. The present
is...
Spike: Underwear?
Anya: Practical and affordable. Everyone always needs underwear, so they make the
perfect gift. And they were a real deal, 5 pairs of boxers for the price of 4.
Spike: Very...thrifty. Thanks Anya.
Anya: You are welcome.
Spike: This was really nice of you guys. You didn't have to...
He stops as Buffy re-enters, carrying a large, strangely shaped package, wrapped
inexpertly with a big bow.
Spike: What's this?
Buffy: Open it.
He does. Inside is a beautiful guitar, blank sheet music and extra strings and picks.
Spike: I don't know what to say...
Buffy: Nobody writes poetry anymore. I know you have talent, so I figured you could
write music instead.
Spike: Thank you. That's the nicest...
Xander: Wait a minute, Spike writes poetry?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Buffy's house, in after-party disarray. Xander has left, claiming a need to go to work
the next day, and took Anya with him. Will and Dawn have gone to bed, they need
sleep for class. Spike and Buffy are in the living room, on the couch, Spike is tuning
the guitar and trying out chords awkwardly with his broken arm.
Buffy: I didn't know you actually knew how to play.
Spike: Of course. I could serenade you if you liked.
Buffy: That's okay. You like your present then?
Spike: I'd like anything you gave me. And the other presents too. Look, I'm wearing
Willow's watch, and we've already used up all the film in my new camera.
Buffy: I'm glad you had fun. Its nice when parties don't involve anyone getting hurt or
dying.
Spike: Perfectly normal evening.
Buffy: Yes. Yes it was.
Nothing is said for a while. Suddenly Spike stands up.
Spike: Buffy, I can't stand it. I love you. I love every minute I spend with you, but its
just torture until I know how you feel. We've been having fun, haven't we? Going on
dates like a normal couple and all that. Everything is perfect. We can both be happy.
We can have a happy ending.
Buffy (sadly and softly): You know we can't...
Spike: Why not? I love you and I know you care about me. We're both the same
species, both complete healthy human beings. Why can't we have what we both
want?
Buffy: You know as well as I do that there are no fairy tales in Sunnydale. She stands
up and faces him. Do the list: Me and angel, me and Riley, Will and Xander, will and
OZ, will and Tara, Xander and Cordelia, Xander and Anya, even you and Dru were torn
apart here. Love cannot end well here. There are no happy endings, no happily ever
afters, just ever afters and ever afters until you die, and even then, you and I are
both living proof that even then you can't count on an ending. Sunnydale is like a love
vortex. Its all gets sucked away.
Spike(recklessly): Then lets leave. Just pack up our stuff and run. There are so many
things I'd love to show you. Pyramids by starlight and the Irish countryside in the sun.
We could go see them, you and me.
Buffy: You know I can't. I have to stay here and fight.
Spike: Don't you ever get tired of fighting? You didn't make this bed, you don't have to
lie in it just because there are monsters underneath it.
Buffy: What would you have me do? Hide my head under the covers until they go
away? It doesn't work like that. Not all of us can change what we are by putting on a
necklace. Besides, there are other things I have to take care of too. I'm sorry.
Spike smiles gently and puts his good hand to her face and caresses her cheek.
Spike: Its all right pet. I don't even want a happy ending. I love you. I don't want an
ending. Eternal Bliss or everlasting torment, it doesn't matter as long as I'm with you.
We can make this work. There's nothing in our way. There is no past, no future. there's
just now. And right now, there's you and me, all alone, and I love you in a place where
love I not allowed to exist. Every beat of my heart, every breath I take, every thought
in my head and word from my mouth is for you, to you and about you. I don't need
forever, I need now.
Buffy hesitates for a moment and leans up and kisses Spike.
Buffy: Now.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Buffy's living room, a complete shambles. Their clothes are lying all around the room.
They are lying on the couch, naked, and covered with sweat.
Buffy: Well, I'm glad that's one talent you haven't lost. You have pretty good stamina
for a human.
Spike(out of breath): Thanks.
Buffy: C'mon, I'll walk you back to Xander's.
They start getting dressed.
Buffy: Spike, have you see my underwear?
Spike: Yeah, its up there.
Hanging from the ceiling fan is a pair of undies.
Buffy: When did they get up there?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Outside, at night. Buffy and Spike are walking down the street, one of Spike's arms
around her shoulder. Buffy is carrying the guitar case and looking really content and
peaceful. Unbeknownst to them there is a dark hooded figure trailing along behind
them.
Spike: Not a bad birthday. I think I got everything I could ever have wished for.
Buffy: I'm glad you liked it. I had fun too.
Spike: Really?
Buffy: Yeah, I really did.
The figure behind them keeps getting closer and closer.
Spike: You didn't have to walk me home you know.
Buffy: I said I was going to take care of you and I am. Besides, I wanted to.
The hooded figure tailing them breaks into a run. It is carrying a knife and is raising it
to strike.
Spike: I love you. You're amazing.
Buffy: I...look out!
Whatever she was about to say is cut off by the rush of a blade towards them. She
pushes Spike into a bush. Buffy kicks the hooded figure in the stomach and it bends
over. She swings up the guitar case and bashes the figure in the face with it like its a
club. Spike is lying tangled in the bush, a look of panic on his face. He struggles to get
up as the figure recovers and stands. As it stands its hood falls back and its revealed
to be a demon with scarred out eyes.
It leaps toward Buffy and fakes a swing to her face. She leans back and the demon
uses her momentum to push her onto her back. She falls and her head hits the
pavement hard, but she remains conscious but dizzy.
By this time Spike is standing and darts in front of her covering her just as the demon
plunges the knife toward her. It takes Spike in the stomach and blood spurts out. His
face locks into a look of shock and pain and he looks down at the knife jutting from his
stomach. The demon pushes him aside and moves toward Buffy, still dizzy on the
ground. The demon slowly pulls out another knife and holds it up, about to make a
second strike.
Spike closes his eyes and pulls the knife from his stomach as the demon closes in on
Buffy. Spike raises the knife and plunges it into the back of the demon, pulls it out as
the demon whips around and plunges it in again, this time into its chest. The demons
mouth opens wide and it falls to the ground.
Spike gives a weak smile and collapses. His blood starts to spread across the sidewalk.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Buffy fights to get to her feet and settles for crawling to where Spike lies bleeding. His
face is contorted in pain and his breathing getting shallow and irregular.
Buffy: Spike! Oh, god, Spike!
Spike(faintly): ...Buffy?
Buffy: I'm here.
Spike: Buffy. smiles weakly...who's..taking care of who...now?
Buffy: I have to stop the bleeding.
She rips his shirt open to expose the wound. It ugly, and pouring blood fast. She
starts to rip the shirt apart for bandages and Spike grabs her arm. His grip is so tight
her skin turns white around his fingers.
Spike: Don't...it won't help...coughs up blood...I'm dying...ending...tell Dawn I'm sorry.
Buffy: No! She starts to cry, and her voice becomes shaky and panicked I won't let
you die! Not now!
Spike: I love you.
His grip relaxes and he closes his eyes.
Buffy(screaming): NO!
She feels for his pulse. His heart is still beating, but only just.
Buffy: HELP! I NEED HELP! Dammit Spike! Don't die! You never died when you were a vampire, and did way worse things to you! You can't die! Its not fair! God, if you were
still a vampire, you...
She narrows her eyes and grabs the necklace from around his neck and pulls it off.
She checks the pulse again, its faint. Very faint. She slams the pendant on the ground,
but it remains intact. She stands up and searches frantically for a rock, finds a
half-brick and uses it like a hammer. She smashes feverishly at he pendant until it
cracks. Light spills out from the crack and then fades away. She scrambles back to
Spikes body, but finds the pulse has stopped.
Buffy: Oh, Spike. I'm sorry. Its my fault. I knew something would happen to you once
I...
Her hand reaches up and caresses his face.
Buffy: I love you.
She leans over and kisses him. She sits back on her heels and puts her face in her
hands and sobs.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Sidewalk at night. A dented guitar case and a dead demon lay cast aside on the edge
of the grass. On the sidewalk are a dead body and a weeping slayer. She has her head
in her hands and is sobbing like her heart is broken. The only sounds are the roar of
distant traffic and the crying of the slayer. After a long while she stands and looks
down at the body of Spike. Then she turns away.
Buffy: Goodbye, William.
Spike: Why, are you going somewhere? She whips around and stares dumbfounded at
Spike. He's attempting to get up, raising himself on one elbow. And its Spike, actually.
Buffy: Spike! You're alive!
Spike: Well, you're half right.
She throws her arms around his neck and holds him to her, laughing and crying at the
same time.
Spike: Mind the gaping hole, pet.
She releases him.
Buffy: Sorry, sorry.
Spike: You know, its alright. Help me up?
Buffy: Of course!
She pulls him to his feet. He stands and leans against the light post, his hand clutching
his stomach to keep his organs in.
Buffy: We're about a block from Xander's, do you think you can make it?
Spike: I can try. Get my guitar for me?
She walks over to the guitar and picks up the case. Its very dented and battered and
there's a hole in the side.
Spike: Is it all right?
Buffy: Well, the outside is a bit battered and there's a hole in it, but everything inside
is just fine.
Spike: Well, that makes two of us then, doesn't it?
Buffy smiles and nods and puts his arm back around her shoulder, supporting him as
they stagger to Xander's.
Epilogue
Buffy's office. She's filling out some paper work. She pauses and picks up the picture
on her desk. It shows her living room, bedecked in party style. There's a guitar on the
couch and slowly deflating balloons on the wall. But it isn't centred very well. There's
Buffy, all alone, standing on the right side of the picture, but there's room for a whole
other person next to her. Her head is tilted to the left, as if its resting on someone's
shoulder, but she's the only one in the picture. She looks completely happy and
content.
Buffy stares at the picture for a moment and then caress her fingers down the
empty side of the picture. She smiles.
The phone rings.
Buffy: Hello?...Oh, hi doctor, did you get the results? ...Positive?...Are you sure?...I
see...I can...Monday?...9am...okay, I'll be there. Thank you doctor...goodbye.
She hangs up the phone and leans back in her chair, a look of shock and astonishment
on her face.
Buffy: Oh my god.
I'm pregnant.
The End