Sarah Connor, Sarah Reese, Sarah Baum.. She was telling Cameron the truth. She really didn't remember who she was anymore. She used to know, before she met this terminator. She wasn't sure if it was because this model was female or so unassuming looking or if there was something else inside Sarah's subconscious that drove her to a self destructive end. Either way, she found herself attracted to Cameron. If it was purely a physical attraction she could deal with that. She was used to years of being celibate, not saying Sarah liked abstaining, far from it, but she had the strength of character to be able to ignore those kinds of urges. If only it were as simple as abstaining.
But Cameron was everywhere. She was in her house, in her life, in her mind and worst of all she had somehow wormed her way past Sarah's defenses and into her heart. Even Charley hadn't seen this much of her soul and that scared her to death. The fact that she felt safer letting a machine see who she was than a flesh and blood human man.. It made Sarah wonder how much humanity she herself still possessed.
Sarah had hardened her heart, she had to because she knew man kinds fate. She knew of the death and destruction just waiting to be brought into the world. Sarah knew she would never have a real relationship with anyone other than being a mother to John. She'd never really be able to love another human being like she had John's father. Sarah was only certain of two things, one, that she would die, from cancer, a terminator, or some unknown threat and two, that in that last moment before closing her eyes to this life she would still be asking herself the same question she asked every time she looked into Cameron's eyes. Does she feel?
Sarah stood in the kitchen washing the dishes pondering that very question as John and Cameron arrived home from school. She didn't spare them a glance or ask how John's day was. She knew he hated talking about school with her anyway and today Sarah didn't feel up to looking directly into Cameron's eyes. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul but what if there is no soul behind those eyes? What if there is only wires, gears, metal, and a blue shine. Sarah laughed to herself wondering why blue. All the others had red eyes that one could equate with evil, bloody red and full of the devils wrath. But Cameron, who hid the blue shine under benign seeming chocolate depths.. Why did it matter to her?
The colour of Cameron's eyes should not be something she dwells upon as she lay in bed, not sleeping. It would amuse Sarah, the irony of the situation she was in, if it didn't shame her so. When she was awake she was constantly trying not to reach out and touch Cameron's smooth skin, trying not to do all of things her mind imagined doing to Cameron's body as the terminator screamed in ecstacy. And when she dreamed she couldn't help but see that blue in Cameron's eyes turning red and an inhuman sneer curling on her lips as she snapped John's neck. And Sarah would hear another scream, this one hers, a scream of undefinable anguish. And then she would wake up.
That dream was why she couldn't bring herself to do all the things she wanted to do. That dream was why she couldn't let go of herself long enough to drown in those brown depths. That dream haunted her. If she even thought for a second that Cameron could really feel Sarah would be going against everything she was ever taught to believe in, and that in that moment of belief, John would die.
And then suddenly she was there. Cameron had sneaked up on Sarah, as she was prone to doing. Sarah gasped as she felt the warm touch on her shoulder.
"For being made of metal you're pretty light on your feet." Sarah joked blithely, trying to mask her thoughts and feelings.
Cameron tilted her head sideways in that way that made Sarah wonder what she was thinking and she smiled sweetly looking for all the world like the young woman she presented herself as. And then she did something Sarah would never have expected. Her smile changed into a look that could only be described as 'sexy'. Cameron entered Sarah's personal space as if she'd been invited and touched Sarah's lips like a lover would.
Sarah's whole being froze, hanging in a moment of indecision, of want and need fighting against fear and confusion. Sarah needed a lover that she didn't have to love. Sarah needed Cameron. And that was the thought that drove Sarah to open her mouth slightly, just enough to take one of Cameron's slender digits into her mouth. As the warm heat of Sarah's mouth enveloped her finger Cameron's eyes fluttered closed and her breath came faster.
When Cameron came, shaking, with Sarah's hand between her legs she didn't scream. The sound that emitted from Cameron was enough to make Sarah wetter than she had ever been. It was a cross between a moan and a sigh, impossible to describe. And after, when Cameron curled into Sarah her face as placid as ever, Sarah again asked herself that same question, does she feel? Cameron blinked and one single tear slipped down her alabaster cheek and onto Sarah's pillow. And Sarah stopped asking.