A/N: This is where it started and this idea kept bouncing around trying to form the story. I don't usually write in first person and it's harder than I thought. I hope you will like and I have been able to express the emotions I wanted you to feel. Leave me a review and let me know what you think, good or bad. I would like to know.

NC

"Come on let's say good night to your brother." Momma said as we made our way to Sammy's crib.

"Night Sam." I say after kissing his forehead.

"Good night love." Momma tells Sam.

"Hey Dean." a familiar voice calls from behind them.

"Daddy!" I yell happy to see my father home.

"What do you think, you think Sammy's ready to toss around a football yet?"

"No Daddy." I giggle at him giving him a hug.

"You got him?"

"I got him." John said hugging me back. "Sweet dreams Sam."

Daddy took me to my room and tucked me into my bed. I snuggled down under the covers waiting for sleep to overtake my mind. My eyes started getting heavy as I though about what I would do tomorrow besides play with Sammy. I was a big brother and I knew I needed to take care of my baby brother, it was my job, had been since Momma and Daddy brought him home from the hospital. Sammy was still small and couldn't move around yet; Momma let him lay in the floor where I could play and read to him. I don't think he is ever going to get big enough to crawl, let along walk. My eyes closed for the final time as I drifted to sleep.

spn

Something woke me, I'm not sure what it was, a strange noise somewhere in the house, I don't know. I sit up in bed and look around. I hear footsteps outside my door and suddenly I hear my Momma's scream break the silence. Something was wrong and I had to see what it was. I threw the covers back and slipped out of my bed and went to the door putting my hand on the handle. I hear more steps and my Daddy's voice calling to Momma. His voice sounds scared and that made me scared. I open my door and step out into the hall and walk toward the other bedrooms.

I can see something flickering in Sammy's room like lights dancing around everywhere. I took tentative steps closer feeling heat wafting through the air. This wasn't right, it wasn't cold outside, there shouldn't be so much heat. Something that looked like fire blew across the ceiling, but before I could get closer a tall, dark shape was standing in front of me and shoving something in my arms.

"Daddy." I said trying to keep the trembling out of my voice as I looked down at a crying Sammy.

"Take your brother outside as fast as you can and don't look back. Now Dean go!" John yelled.

I knew that voice and knew it was one Daddy used only when he wanted no arguing. I looked up at him with wide, frightened eyes while I clutched Sammy tightly to my chest knowing I had to do what I was told. I turned quickly and started toward the stairs but I had to look back, I couldn't stop it. I saw flames lick out of the room only to be sucked back inside just as quickly. Daddy disappeared back into the room. Sammy's crying broke my trance and I struggled toward the stairs trying to get a better grip on him.

I stood at the top of the stairs for only a moment trying to decide the best way to get us down them without falling. I had to be brave and do what I was told; I had to get us outside. I could do this; Momma always told me how smart I was for my age. Knowing I couldn't walk down with Sammy in my arms, I did the next best thing; I sat down and slid down them on my bottom until I was at the bottom. Sammy fussed not liking the bouncing, but we had made it. I stood and ran to the front door looking up at the lock. I had no choice but to put Sammy on the floor and pull the chair by the door over to climb into it to open the lock. I had to use both hands, but I finally heard the click and climbed down to push it out of the way. Sammy cried out again as I picked him up and got him outside on the lawn.

"It's ok Sammy." I told him whispering into his ear.

I wasn't sure what to do now that I was outside. Where were Daddy and Momma, why didn't they come outside? Without warning, someone scooped Sammy and me up and carried us farther from the house just as the upstairs windows blew out. It was all I could do to hold onto Sammy as we were juggled in the arms of our Daddy. I looked over his shoulder at the house seeing flames hungrily eat at the second story bedroom that had once been Sammy's.

Daddy stopped on the other side of the street, holding us close to his chest. It was then that I realized Momma wasn't with him nor was she standing anywhere around us. I looked back at the front door waiting for her to come out, but she never came. The wail of sirens could be heard in the distance getting closer to our house. They pulled up on both sides of the street, silenced their sirens and fireman began to bail out grabbing hoses and unrolling them.

Several crowded around Daddy shouting questions at him I couldn't understand as I heard him say 'no' and they nodded before going back toward the trucks yelling out orders. Daddy sat me down on the hood of the Impala and pulled Sammy into his arms before sitting down beside me. I huddled close to him shivering from the dampness since all I had on was my light pajamas. Daddy pulled Sammy's blanket closer around him for warmth as he slumped forward slightly like he had been deflated.

spn

The world moved ever so slow around me while I sat on the cold metal trying to make sense of what had happened. It felt like my head was going to explode with all the stimulation going on around me. People were yelling and running around as the hoses came to life shooting water up to the second floor to douse the flames. Someone came up to Daddy asking if we were ok, did we need medical attention? He growled at them and they left us alone after that. I saw some neighbors coming out to see what was going on too. They steered cleared of the angry gaze Daddy shot at them if they stepped too close. I didn't know what to do or what to say hoping Daddy would tell me what was going on. I was in complete shock as my mind shut down, but I didn't know that was what it was called. I just knew there was something really wrong and Daddy wasn't telling me anything.

I thought we were going to sit there all night until Daddy eased off the car and went around to the door to open it. I felt myself being picked up and sat in the passenger seat and Sammy was laid back in my arms. I trembled uncontrollably and hugged him tightly to me allowing his warmth to help warm me. I couldn't see over the dash and couldn't see where Daddy had gone. I waited, but he still didn't come back. An inkling of fear crept into my mind that he had left and forgot about us.

I could see the second floor from where the car was parked and couldn't see the flames anymore. I could still see streams of water being aimed into the barren hole that had once been a window. It looked black and charred and like a one eyed monster staring down on me. I quickly looked away not wanting it to see me and whisk me away into the darkness.

spn

Sammy mewed weakly not liking what was going on around us. He buried his head into my small chest for comfort and found his fist to gnaw on as he huffed once closing his eyes to drift back to sleep. I strained my neck trying to see, to find the shape that was my Daddy in all the milling and moving shadows around the car. My mind was on overload and I didn't know how to make it calm down. I didn't know that I was on the verge of shock and I was about ready to shut down when the driver's door opened making me jerk and Daddy dropped into the seat. He tossed a diaper bag over the back seat along with a duffle bag before starting the car and putting it into gear. The familiar noise of the engine calmed me slightly as I let Daddy pull the seat belt around both of us and fasten it before he eased the car from the curb and drove slowly down the street.

I didn't know my eyes had closed until Daddy was pulling Sammy and me from the car into his strong arms. I laid my head on his shoulder exhaustion and shock pulling me back under into the darkness. I felt something soft under me and a blanket being tucked around me but I lost the feeling of the small body I had clung to. I felt around the area for him trying to rise up when I heard my Daddy's voice speaking to me.

"It's ok Dean, I got him. Go back to sleep."

I opened my eyes a slit and saw Daddy sitting beside me with Sammy in his arms. Seeing both of them safe was all it took for me to allow the darkness to return.

It felt like I had only slept minutes when a small cry woke me. I looked around quickly knowing this wasn't my bedroom and tried to pin point the crying, then I saw a crib set up beside my bed and saw the waving arms as he got louder. Without thinking, only knowing I needed to get to Sammy, I crawled over to the edge of the bed and slipped into it to lie beside him. I pulled my blanket over both of us and shushed to Sammy that I was there and he was safe. His crying turned to sniffing and finally a hiccup before he snuggled up to me and went back to sleep. I kissed the top of his head and wrapped an arm around him as I let myself got back to sleep too.

spn

"Hey Dean, you need to led Sammy go, he needs changing and needs a bottle." my Daddy told me shaking my shoulder gently. I didn't know he was trying to get him out of my grasp and I was holding firmly to him not wanting to let him go. I never realized this would be a recurring thing in the future, me holding tightly to my little brother, never wanting to let him go.

I looked up into his face with bleary eyes not wanting to wake up. I could feel Sammy wiggling beside me and smelled his wet diaper. I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes as Daddy picked up Sammy and laid him on the bed. I noticed the sad, painful look on Daddy's face and how bloodshot his eyes were. I smelled an odor on him I had smelled before, but didn't really know what it was. I had seen Momma and Daddy fighting once and remembered that smell then too. I crawled out and watched him closely as he unzipped Sammy's sleeper and pulled his legs out. He positioned a clean diaper under his bottom and unfastened the wet one pulling it off. I studied him while he wiped his bottom with a wet wipe before squeezing some white looking cream onto his bottom and smearing it around. He adjusted the diaper and pulled a tab from one side to fasten it, doing the same for the other side. Once the diaper was in place, Daddy slipped his legs back in and zipped it back up.

"Let's get Sammy fed and we'll get us something to eat."

I listened to Daddy talking to me, but most of it I didn't even hear. The only thing I could focus on was being sure Sammy was kept safe and taken care of. My eyes trailed Daddy across the room watching his every move while he poured water into a bottle and then added a white powder before putting the lid back on. I had seen Momma do this when she fixed Sammy's bottles for the day. Daddy came back over and sat on the bed beside me as he gave Sammy his bottle. I leaned carefully into his side wanting the human contact for comfort. Daddy looked down at me as I watched Sammy drink his bottle. I wanted to ask Daddy about Momma, where she was at, why she wasn't here with us, but I was afraid of what he would say. Deep down I knew something bad had happened, something really bad that made Daddy very sad.

"I was able to get a few things from the house. I got you a change of clothes and some shoes. They said it'd be a few days before I could go back in to see what was salvageable."

I heard the words Daddy was saying, but my mind wasn't able to comprehend anything just yet. I didn't say a word, just let him talk. I didn't see any sign of Momma in the room, where was she? She wouldn't leave us like this, not when we needed her. I want Momma so bad. I want her to come walking in and take me in her arms and tell me everything will be ok. Why wasn't she here?

"Dean are you listening to me?" Daddy asked me. "Go use the bathroom and change your clothes so we can get some breakfast."

I looked at the clothes lying in a chair and realized they were mine. Not knowing what else to do, I slid off the bed and carefully made my way to the chair to get the shirt and pants. I carried them into the small bathroom and partly closed the door not wanting to close it all the way. I did as Daddy told me, relieved myself and began to take off my pajamas and put on the jeans and tee shirt. It took me two tries with the shirt; I got it on backwards the first time. I washed my hands like Momma taught me before picking up my pajamas off the floor and walking barefooted back into the other room.

Daddy was burping Sammy and looked back up when I came back into the room. I looked deep into his grief stricken eyes wanting him to tell me everything was fine, we were going to meet Momma for breakfast before going back home.

"There's some socks in the shoes." he told me as I laid the bunched up clothes in the chair. I sat on the floor and worked on getting my socks on so I could put on my shoes. My Momma had got these the last time we went shopping; they had Batman on them and were my favorite ones. She showed me how to use the Velcro to fasten my shoes and once I had that done, I looked up at Daddy.

"Ok, ready son?" he asked me, but I just looked down at the floor and waited.

I felt Daddy's hand reach down to take my hand as he led me to the door and out of the room. I didn't know where we were or how long we were going to be there. We walked out of the building and to another one beside it that was a place to eat. I stood close to Daddy as he waited for someone to seat us. Big people were moving around me and I fisted Daddy's jacket in my hand not wanting to lose him. I remember going with Momma to the store and lost her. I was standing beside her and I turned around and she wasn't there. I was scared and didn't know what to do. I tried not to cry as I stood there trying to find her. Then Momma came hurrying back giving me a big hug and telling me it was ok I had done the right thing staying there so she could find me. I was so scared but she made me feel big and brave.

"He'll have pancakes and a glass of milk." I heard Daddy tell the lady who was waiting on us.

Sammy was sitting in a high chair close to me and gurgled and smacked the tray. Daddy had given him a small stuffed dog to play with while we waited for our food. I didn't want to tell Daddy I didn't want anything to eat; my tummy felt funny and didn't want food. Sammy tried to get my attention again and grunted at me. It wasn't very long and the lady brought us plates of food. I watched Daddy cut mine up and put some syrup over the pancakes before pushing it in front of me.

"Eat Dean, while it's warm."

I picked up my fork and speared a piece of pancake looking at it before finally putting it in my mouth. I chewed automatically trying to swallow it, but it didn't want to go down. Daddy put a straw in my milk for me and slipped it closer.

"Be careful don't spill it."

Sammy tried to reach my plate wanting his share, but Daddy told him no, he wasn't old enough yet. He pinched off a small piece of toast and laid it on the tray for him to eat. I wanted to ask Daddy where Momma was, but I couldn't get the words straight in my mind to make them come out of my mouth. I felt disconnected with what was happening around me. In my mind I could see the flames, I could feel the heat, I could smell the smoke, I could hear the crackling of the fire; I didn't understand the full meaning behind all that had happened. It was so much to try to take in for a four year old, it made my head hurt to think about everything.

"Dean, eat."

I looked at the pieces of food in my plate and tried to do what Daddy wanted. The pancakes were starting to get soggy with the syrup but I finally got a piece on my fork and transferred it to my mouth. I didn't have to chew it much now, but I wasn't tasting anything. I laid my fork down and drank some of my milk to wash the sticky food on down. I waited quietly for Daddy to finish his food wondering what was going to happen today.

"You done Dean?"

I nodded my head slightly and slid over to the end of the bench to get down. Daddy picked up the bill and unfastened Sammy from his seat and picked him up. I grabbed onto his jacket as he steered me toward the front of the diner. I saw people watching us in a funny way as we made out way up to pay. I wondered if they knew what happened last night. Daddy paid and we headed out to the Impala.

"We need to go by the house and get Sammy's car seat."

I perked up when I heard we were going back to the house. Daddy drove to our house and parked in front of it. I started to get out, but was stopped by his words.

"No, you stay here with Sammy."

Disappointed, I sat back in the seat and watched him get out and walk slowly toward the house. I got up on my knees and looked toward the door seeing yellow tape across it blocking the way in. I looked up at the empty window on the second floor searching for I don't know what, but I couldn't take my eyes away from it. I watched Daddy go around the house to the back; I guess since Momma usually put Sammy's seat in the laundry room when we didn't use it.

A cold chill raced up my back and I shrunk back into the seat. Something didn't feel right. I didn't know how to describe how I was feeling except that it frightened me. I pulled Sammy close to me wanting to protect him from anything that might want to hurt us. I looked out the window for Daddy wanting him to come back. I wanted to leave this place; it didn't feel like home anymore. Sammy began to whine sensing my discomfort so I rocked him to try and quite him. I sighed with relief when Daddy made his way back around the house carrying Sammy's seat and a couple of plastic bags. He opened the back sitting the bags down so he could fasten the seat into the Impala.

"Come on Sammy, let's get you fastened in."

I relinquished my hold on him and watched closely as Daddy got him strapped in. He climbed back into the car and started it up to head back to where we were staying. I was glad we were not staying in the house. I looked around as Daddy pulled into a parking lot trying to figure out where we were.

"I won't be a minute Dean, you stay here with Sam."

I watched him walking into the store and tried to read the sign by the door. I knew the letters from Momma teaching them to me. It read ABC, but I didn't know what that meant. A few minutes later Daddy came back out carrying a brown paper bag with something in it. He laid it beside him on the seat and headed out. It didn't take us long to get back to the hotel and Sammy had gone to sleep on the drive over. Daddy got him out and we went to our room where he put Sammy in his crib.

"Dean I need to talk to you."

I looked up at Daddy as he sat down beside me on the bed. He put an arm around my shoulders and I felt a small tremble in his body.

"Dean, you know there was a fire at the house last night in Sammy's room. Your Momma was in there..." he started as he voice cracked. "I...I couldn't get her out son. Your Momma's gone, she won't be coming back. I know this is hard for you to understand Dean, but your Mom would want you to be strong for Sammy."

I swallowed hard letting the words sink into my racing mind. Momma couldn't be gone; she would never leaver us like that. Tears began to weld up in my eyes and a soft sob escaped my lips before I could stop it. No! No! Daddy was wrong, why would Momma be gone. I could feel my body start to tremble as I threw myself back onto a pillow and curled up into a ball letting the tears fall. I cried silently not believing what Daddy said. I felt a hand on my back and it began to rub it like Momma use to when I was sick or upset. I pulled away and didn't see the hurt or the tears in Daddy's eyes as I rejected his touch. I pulled the blanket with me as I crawled to the crib and eased into it to lie down beside Sammy. I covered us and pulled him to me. Sammy grunted and settled back down as I wiped the tears from my eyes with the corner of the blanket. I didn't see Daddy take the bottle from the bag and pour some liquid in a plastic glass or down it in one gulp, only to pour another and do the same thing. He sealed the bottle back and hid it in his duffle before speaking to me again.

"Dean, Mrs. Taylor is going to come over and set with you guys for a while. I need to go do some things, I won't be gone long."

I didn't answer...I couldn't...Words were lost to me...I closed my wet eyes and tried to picture Momma in my mind. I could see her loving smile and kind eyes looking back at me telling me it would be ok, there were angels watching over me. I reached for her as she began to drift away from me. I tried to call out to her but no sounds came out only the tears. I cried myself to sleep and didn't hear Mrs. Taylor come in or my Daddy leave.

spn

A cry from Sammy brought me instantly awake and I realized he was not beside me. I crawled out of the crib to see Mrs. Taylor holding a squirming Sammy trying to calm him.

"Dean Honey he's ok." she told me as she bounced Sammy in her lap. She saw the concern on my face and wanted to assure me he was ok.

I didn't like anyone else taking care of Sammy; they didn't know what he needed like I did. I took him as he reached his arms out to me and went to lay him on the bed. I looked around for the diaper bag and pulled it over to the bed.

"Here, let me help." Mrs. Taylor offered but I shook my head and worked on changing him myself. She stood behind me watching as I got a dry diaper on him. "My what a big boy you have become. Bet you were a big help to your Momma..." she started catching herself and stopping. "I'm sorry sweetie, let me get Sammy's bottle and you can feed him."

I climbed up on the bed and fixed the pillows so I could lean back and hold Sammy to feed him. I gathered him in my arms and accepted the bottle Mrs. Taylor handed me. Sammy gurgled and cooed when he saw the bottle I was holding for him. He greedily pulled it toward him and latched onto the nipple grunting and sighing with pleasure.

"Honey, I brought some homemade soup and I made some sandwiches for you and your Dad. Would you like me to heat you some up?"

I shrugged my shoulders at her and moved Sammy to my shoulder to burp him. I patted his back as he snuggled into my neck and slobbering down my shirt front. I watched Mrs. Taylor put some soup in a bowl and pop it in the small microwave in the room. She took a sandwich out of a cooler and cut it in half placing it on a paper plate. She sat that and the bowl of soup on the table and turned back to me.

"I can hold him while you eat dear." she offered to me and I shook my head no.

I got up and pulled Sammy into my arms and carried him to the table. It was hard to get in the chair, but I finally got both of us up on it.

"Dean, I'll sit right here beside you with Sam. I promise I'll be really careful." she told me again holding out her hands to take Sam.

I looked down at Sammy and saw him reach for her so I allowed her to take him and hold him while she sat beside me. I looked at the sandwich and saw the crust had been cut off, just like Momma did. A lump formed in my throat as I held back the tears that threatened to run from my eyes. I picked it up and took a small bite and began to chew.

"Oh I forgot, I brought you some juice boxes too."

I watched her get up with Sammy and produce a juice box from the cooler sitting it by my plate.

"I hope you like the flavor, I wasn't sure what to get. Can I feed Sam a jar of baby food while you eat? That way you can eat together?"

She looked at me waiting for my approval before doing anything. I thought for a moment before getting up and sitting a jar on the table with a plastic spoon. I would let her feed Sammy as long as I was there watching her.

"Why thank you dear. Oh look Sammy, would you like some peaches to eat? Your big brother picked it out for you."

Sammy grinned and cooed looking up at her as she took a small amount of the baby food and put it in his mouth. I watched her closely so I would know what to do. Momma had let me feed Sammy a couple of times, but I wasn't too good at it. I tried a spoon of soup as she fed Sammy. After a few bites, I stopped feeling the churning in my stomach. I knew I needed to eat so I could take care of Sammy. He was my responsibility now and I had to be strong to take care of him.

The door to the room opened and Daddy walked in with an angry look on his face. He looked over at us before masking the look and speaking.

"Thank you for watching the boys."

"You are welcome John; I brought some soup and sandwiches for your lunch. Why don't you sit down and try to eat."

"You didn't have to do that."

"But I wanted to. Mary was such a dear, sweet person and she loved you and the boys so much. If you need me to sit again, I will be glad to, feel free to bring them to my place if you like. I think I still have some of the grandkids toys stashed away in a closet Dean could play with."

"I'll keep that in mind."

I watched Daddy take Sammy while Mrs. Taylor gathered her purse and bag getting ready to leave. Daddy thanked her again holding the door so she could leave. He laid Sammy in the crib and sat down heavily in the chair and wiping his hand down his face. I had never seen him look like this before and it scared me. I offered him my soup that I didn't eat and the half eaten half sandwich.

"Thanks Dean, but you should eat this."

I shook my head no and pushed it over to him. He sighed and accepted my offerings and began to eat. I sat back in the chair not sure what to do.

"Wanna watch the television? There's probably something you can watch."

Daddy found the remote and turned on the television that sat on the dresser. He began to flip through the channels until he landed on some cartoons. I climbed up on the bed and pulled a pillow down to lay on as I watched them and kept an eye on Sammy. I made sure I was close enough to see him if he needed me. Daddy didn't see me watching him as he stood at the microwave and poured something into a plastic glass. I couldn't tell what it was but he threw his head back and gulped it down quickly and let out a long breath. Daddy seemed mad, but I didn't know about what. I had heard him talking with Mike about the police thinking he killed Momma and when they decided he didn't do it, they said it was a gas leak, an accident.

I knew Daddy didn't think this. Mike offered to let us stay with him and his wife, Kate, until we could find a more permanent place. Daddy said he would think about it. I liked Mike; he was nice to me and Sammy. I know he worked with Daddy at the garage that they owned together.

Sammy began to fuss; I guess he was tired of being in the crib by himself. Daddy looked over at him and walked over to pick him up. I held out my arms for him wanting to keep him on the bed with me. Daddy sat him on the bed allowing me to pull him up into my lap. I whispered into his ear only loud enough for him to hear. He gurgled and laughed at me trying to grab my face.

"Mike has offered to let us stay with him until I can get things straightened out and find another place."

I looked up at him wondering if he was talking to me or more to himself. He didn't look at me as he continued to mumble something about not knowing what was salvageable from the house and if insurance would cover repairs or not. I just sat on the bed playing with Sammy and let him talk knowing he wasn't expecting me to answer.

spn

The next few days blurred together as we moved to Mike and Kate's place. Kate borrowed a used crib for Sammy and I slept with Daddy, but I usually ended up climbing in the crib with Sammy to be sure he stayed safe. Kate kept us during the day while Daddy was out. She was nice, but she wasn't Momma. I still didn't like anyone else taking care of Sammy but me. It was pretty much the same thing, get up, eat, watch Sammy and wait for Daddy to get back.

The nights were the worse when all was quiet and the memories came. I woke up several times during the nights with my face wet with tears. The only way I found comfort was to hold Sammy and sleeping with him. I would mourn in silence where no one could see me but Sammy and he wouldn't tell. I thought I couldn't cry anymore, but it seemed like I couldn't turn the tears off. But I only let them come at night after everyone was asleep. I missed Momma and my heart hurt so bad. I didn't think it would ever feel the same again.

spn

I was sitting in the floor with Sammy one evening listening to the grow ups talk. It seemed if you were quiet they forgot you were there.

"I know what I saw Mike, I wasn't imagining it." Daddy yelled at Mike.

"Look John you were distraught, the heat and flames..."

"No, I know what I saw." he growled getting up and going to the sink for a glass. He took a bottle from a cabinet and poured some of it into the glass. He brought it to his lips and gulped down part of it.

"Think you should slow down on that?" Mike asked quietly knowing John had been drinking more than he should since Mary had died. "You thought about when you're coming back to work?"

"I will, just..." Daddy started. "Give me a few more days."

"You know it might help, and the business could use you back. A number of people's been asking for you to work on their cars. They only trust you to touch them."

"I just need a little more time." Daddy told him as he finished drinking what was left in the glass. I saw him hesitate like he wanted to pour more but sat it back down and then pick the bottle back up and pour more out. Daddy walked into the living room where we playing and stopped in front of us.

"Probably time you two headed to bed, come on Dean."

I let Daddy pick Sammy up and followed him toward the bedroom we were using. He went first into the bathroom and got the tub ready so we could get a bath. I automatically found pajamas for Sammy and me and laid them on the bed. Daddy had to go to some thrift stores and get Sammy and me some clothes since we lost most of ours in the fire. They were a little big, but I didn't say anything.

"Ok Dean, you get in and I'll let you hold Sammy."

I stripped out of my clothes and carefully got into the tub. I got settled and waited for Daddy to take Sammy's clothes off and set him between my legs so I could hold him. He sipped on his drink as he washed us both down before taking towels, one for me and one for Sammy, to dry off on. I dried myself as best I could, while Daddy got Sammy dry and carried him to the bedroom. I followed pulling the towel tightly around my thin body. I got dressed as Daddy dressed Sammy and put him in his crib.

"Night Sammy." he told him. "Up you go Dean, night, I'll be in in a bit." he told me tucking me in.

I lay there and watched him leave turning off the light, but leaving the door open to allow light to shine in, ever since that night, I didn't like the dark. It was hard for me to sleep without the nightmares coming. I stayed awake as long as I could before my body demanded sleep and I drifted off.

"Momma." I called as I walked into another room looking for her. I saw a shadow walk into the next room and tried to follow. "Momma."

I felt the heat first and then saw the flames dancing around the room and tried to back out to find the door was gone. I pressed my body to the wall trying to draw in shallow breaths and searched for a way out. Suddenly the flames leaped down at me, when a cry brought me out of the dream. I squirmed to the side of the bed and moved to the crib to lie beside Sammy. He whined softly again as I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him to me. Once he felt my present he calmed down and went back to sleep. I curled around him and settled down to sleep.

spn

Daddy parked in front of small well kept house and looked it over. I sat in back with Sammy waiting to see if we would be going in or have to wait in the car again. I watched Daddy rub his face with a shaky hand before finally getting out and opening the back door.

"Dean you need to behave while we're in there and keep Sammy quiet." he told me as he got Sammy out of the seat. I crawled over the seat to the open door and slip out. I took Daddy's hand and we walked toward the porch and front door.

Before we had climbed the steps, the door was opened and a short, dark skinned woman stepped to the porch to look at them.

"Well don't just stand there, come on in." she said in a soft, lyrical voice. "Hello Dean." she said to me laying a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Oh honey I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it seems like the hurt will never go away, but I can tell you have a strong spirit child. You will be ok."

I looked up into her face as she talked to me wondering how she knew my name. She led me to a couch and motioned for me to sit down. I climbed up on it and turned around to look at her. I saw kindness and sympathy in her face as she smiled at me.

"Here take Sammy and be quiet." my Daddy told him in his adult voice that meant to do as I was told.

I opened my arms and accepted my brother who grunted and wiggled in my arms. I tightened my grip so he wouldn't fall and watched Daddy and this woman talk.

"Now don't be fussing at your boy John. Can't you see he's been through a lot, just like you?" she chided Daddy. "Dean if you need anything you just let us know. I've got some cookies and milk for you, I'll get them in a minute. Did you pack a bottle; I think this little one is getting hungry."

I looked at her in surprise. So far I was the only one who knew what Sammy wanted when he fussed. I knew his cry for hungry, being wet, wanting attention and being scared. I couldn't understand how she was doing it, how she knew about us.

"Don't be worrying your head over me young man, can you feed your brother?"

I nodded my head yes and accepted the bottle and burp cloth from Daddy.

"Hasn't said a word since it happened." I heard Daddy whisper to her before she led him into the adjacent room.

"That poor child has so much sadness and grief in him he doesn't know what to do. Now come on and sit down we have a lot to talk about."

I tried to listen but couldn't heard them talking, only mumbling. Sammy finished his bottle and I burped him and let him snuggle in my arms as he drifted to sleep. I settled down in the soft cushions and let my mind wander as my eyes grew heavy. I tired to stay awake, but couldn't keep them open. I didn't dream so my sleep was peaceful. I didn't move until I felt someone gently shake my shoulder to wake me. I looked up into the warm eyes of the woman Daddy was meeting with.

"Hey honey, I bet you're hungry, you being a growing boy and all. I've got a plate of cookies and some nice cold milk in the kitchen."

I looked around and frowned because I didn't see Daddy anywhere. Sammy was still asleep in my arms and I positioned him better.

"Don't ya worry none, yer Daddy will be back in a bit. Now come on let's see about those cookies. Here let me take yer brother."

I tightened my hold on Sammy not sure I wanted her to have him. She seemed like a nice person, but I didn't know her. I had to keep Sammy safe.

"Its ok sweetie, I'm Missouri and I would never do anything to hurt your brother or you. I hope you like sugar cookies..." she continued as she lifted Sammy from my arms and headed through the archway. "Well ya comin'?"

I broke from my trance and quickly followed her to a neat kitchen all warm and airy. There on the table was a plate with homemade sugar cookies and she pulled a glass of milk from the fridge for me. I clambered up into a chair and let her put two cookies on a napkin in front of me. I tentatively picked up a cookie while never taking my eyes off her and Sammy who continued to sleep in her arms. I bit into the crunchy, sweet treat and let it explode on my taste buds in sheer delight. Without thinking, I tried to stuff the entire thing in my mouth at one time.

"Dean, mind yer manners, you can have another, don't guess yer Daddy's let ya have much treats lately from the looks of it. I know all this is very confusing and frightening to ya and I know when you're ready, you'll talk again. I wish I could say something to make it not hurt so much, but I can't. Just remember your Daddy loves ya, even if he can't say it. You're all he has left now, you and Sam here. It's not going to be easy for either of you, but you have to be strong and have faith, all things happen for a reason."

I stared wide eyed at her as I listened to everything she said. I was not sure I understood it all, but I got most of it. I sipped on the glass of milk enjoying the cold, fresh taste of it. I perked up when I heard the familiar rumble of the engine of my Daddy's car. I looked toward the door waiting for him to come in. It was a few minutes before I heard a knock at the front door.

"You just sit right there and let me go let ya father in."

I tracked her every step waiting for them to return. Missouri entered first followed by Daddy who towered over her. I looked up into his face waiting to see what he was going to do.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes, I gotta keep them safe and that means disappearing and learning everything I can about what you told me." Daddy said looking at me and back at Missouri.

"You take care of these boys John Winchester, they're gonna need ya more than ever now. They are important for the future, you hear me."

"Dean let's go." Daddy told me as he took Sammy from her with one final look at Missouri.

I ate the last bite of cookie and quickly gulped another swallow of milk before getting up to follow him. I looked up at Missouri and gave her a half smile before reaching for Daddy's hand.

"You're welcome Dean and you remember, you're welcome here anytime don't ya forget it."

"Thank you." John mumbled before pulling me toward the door and the Impala that was waiting outside for us. He got Sammy strapped in and I settled in beside him. I gave her one last look as Daddy shut the door and got in the car to drive away.

Our lives changed forever the day my Momma died. Daddy drove us down the street, out of town and toward our destiny.

THE END