I don't own Harry Potter or the Princess Bride. Yes, the Princess Bride. I found a challenge here in the forums for Princess Bride quotes and they are in here, some of them more obvious and some more butchered than others. There are 15 of them buried in here but you don't have to have watched or even liked the Princess Bride to read!
Percy Weasley growled as he left the Leaky Cauldron, his arms full of bags from Diagon Alley. Well, mostly there were two large bags from Flourish and Blotts, one from the Apothicary, and the obligatory one from Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. That one was very small and he had tucked it into the non-descriptive bag from the apothecary. Percy didn't live far away. He was renting a flat in above a muggle potions shop; no, above a muggle chemist. They called the strange thing a chemist. Percy sighed as he entered the store. Through the window he saw the grumpy older muggle who owned the shop talking to a customer before Percy leaned against the door and walked inside. The air was remarkably cool within the building, a relief from the hot, humid air outside. For once Percy had to agree with his father that muggles were amazing. He paused for a minute, enjoying the coolness before starting toward the stairs hidden behind a door in the corner opposite the entrance. It was right then that a muggle, about his own age, with long dishwater blonde hair came rushing up to him.
She was wearing a thin, white coat like the owner of the store but she seemed so much younger. The name tag pinned near her left shoulder read Audrey Prin. Her mouth opened to speak as Percy shifted his bags, wishing he hadn't paused. "I don't mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?" she asked sheepishly.
"Do you always begin conversations this way?" Percy questioned in return, looking at her in confusion. Muggles. He would never understand them.
"Well, no I just-"
"Audrey, I need 10 milliliters of-" called out the grumpy muggle from the back room.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming!" she called back to her boss with a sigh. "Sorry. I don't get to go until I give antibiotics to a man who's having surgery Tuesday to remove the extra finger on his right hand. I really need to get to the library because-"
"Audrey!"
"Sorry!" she yelled back and hurried away. "I'll help you in a minute," she said, turning her head to look at Percy.
"Um, well," he began but didn't have a chance before the woman dashed into the side room to help her boss. Percy stood frozen, debating whether or not to just leave when she came rushing back. "Hi, how can I help you?"
"I actually live upstairs," he told her, gesturing with his elbow.
"Oh," she said plainly. Then she sighed. "I am an idiot. Sorry. I haven't seen you before. You must have moved in last month, right?" Percy nodded. "I was on a holiday but I'm back for the year now," she said, glancing toward the back room. "Anyway, nice to meet you-?"
"Weasley, Percy Weasley," he said, shifting the bags to his left arm and sticking out his right.
"Audrey Prin," she told him, lifting her own hand and smiling.
"Nice to meet you too," he told her.
"Audrey!" her boss called again.
"Coming!" she called back. "See you around Weasley," she told him as she left. Percy nodded and walked toward the door, pulling it open and heading up the stairs, his arms killing him. He had some letters he needed to write for work and some books he needed to read in order to have a full understanding of the latest decree Hermione was trying to push through the Ministry on house elf welfare.
Percy yawned as he walked into the chemist's late that night. He had apparated into the Leaky Cauldron only a few moments ago and pulled off his robes, leaving only a knit tank top and a pair of jeans. His robes were now under his arm as he started heading for the door when he noticed that the light was still on in the back room. Normally it was bolted shut by now. Percy listened for some sign of life within the room and heard none. Curiously, he walked forward toward the door, dropping his robe on the table. "Is anyone-" he started before a blur came toward him with a dash of silver and suddenly he yelled as it hit him in the upper arm. He swore as his eyes turned on Audrey whose eyes had grown wide with realization. "That hurt!" he said as he looked at the tiny blade on the end of a silver colored tube on the end she was holding.
"I am so sorry!" she told him, her eyes wide as she stumbled past him out the door and reached under the counter to pull out her purse. "I am so- I didn't know," she pulled a bag out of her purse. "I'm sorry. I thought you were an intruder," she admitted as she pulled out a small bottle, a fuzzy white ball, and a piece of paper. Percy looked at her strangely. "Come here," she instructed as she came toward him. She turned over the small bottle on the cotton ball and lifted it up for an instant. Percy pulled back. "It's iodine. It'll keep it from getting infected," she told him, holding up the bottle. "This won't hurt," she assured him as she lifted it to his arm and dabbed it on his cut.
"Ow! What happened to no pain?"
"Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something," she told him absently as she gave his arm a final rub and reached over for the piece of paper. Percy heard the sound of the paper crinkling in her hands.
"And what exactly were you selling?" he asked her in a grumble.
"Iodine. More specifically, I was trying to get rid of my guilt for stabbing you with a scalpel by making sure your cut doesn't get infected." Percy felt something sticky attach to his arm and delicate, warm fingers pressing against the sides of the sticky thing but not on his new cut. "I am sorry though," she said again, looking up at him. Her eyes were a light color of green, still slightly flustered. "Really sorry," she said imploringly.
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. Normally people who are sorry for hurting somebody don't hurt them again five seconds later," Percy told her dryly. She rolled her eyes as she headed back into the back room.
"Alright, fine, I'm not sorry," Audrey said as she passed him. Percy turned around to watch her as she picked up a clipboard and a thin tube and began looking up at a shelf.
"What are you doing here at this time of night anyway?" Percy asked her. "Besides stabbing me in the arm," he added.
"Inventory," she sighed, moving the tube across the paper like a quill. Percy saw ink coming out of the end.
"Why are you doing that now?" he inquired.
"Because Rodney is an ass," she replied, not looking away. "He says to me, 'Audrey, do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed in Greenland!'" She shook her head a little in exasperation, still not completely looking away from her task. "I'm not even from Greenland, but of course, that's where Rodney thinks everyone is from who wasn't born in London." Audrey sighed loudly in annoyance, shaking her head again, her ponytail bobbing. "He wants it done tonight and of course I'm going to do it. I'm going to be a chemist and this is my year of practical training. He must know I'm behind on studying for my registration exam. I know he does."
"You're still in school?"
"This is my year of practical training," she repeated as though he were stupid.
"Oh, right," Percy said, pretending he knew what she was talking about.
"Look, I don't mean to be rude but this is not as easy as it looks, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me," she sighed, finally turning around. Percy looked at her, the young muggle who now looked a bit frustrated. She looked… pretty.
"Would you like to get a drink with me some time?" he asked her, before he could baulk. She looked at him curiously.
"You do know I'm the one who just stabbed you, right?" she questioned.
"There's not a lot of money in revenge," he told her dryly. She raised an eyebrow at him.
"Alright. I'll go. Make it up to you," she said, studying his shirt.
"Friday?" he asked.
"Okay. Wear a different shirt," she instructed.
"See you then," he agreed, walking away.
"Bye Percy," she called, turning around to pick up right where she'd left off. He didn't see the confused smile that played on her lips, the smile he would grow to love.
"Can you move at all?" she asked in exasperation.
"Move? You're alive. If you want, I can fly," Percy mumbled into her ear as he stood behind her at the counter. The blinds were drawn on the shop, the dark night not touching the two remaining occupants. For a year now, Percy had been drawing close to the degree of fascination his father had with muggles. However, he doubted his father's obsession had anything to do with the way Audrey's hair tickled him, the way she smiled when she thought he was crazy but entertaining, the way she tried to remain calm and collected but her emotions always showed in her light green eyes, the way- Percy could go on forever. Audrey sighed as she leaned back against him, looking up. He liked the way she fit there perfectly against his chest too, the top of her head at just the perfect height for him to gently rest his chin. Her nimble hands slid over his arms around her waist.
"You're going to have to let me go eventually or we're never going to be able to go catch the movie," she told him. Slowly Percy sighed and let her go. She smiled at him as she flounced over to the till and began counting out the muggle money. This was her least favorite part of the day. She had past her exam two months ago but continued to work with Rodney until she had earned enough money to start up her own place. But Audrey's favorite part of her job had to do with the actual potions- no medicine- she worked with, not the money counting. She did have a mind for business though. Percy often pondered introducing her to George but that would be too dangerous; she didn't yet know about magic, not really.
Not to say that she had no clue at all. Percy had hinted as best he could without actually tell her. He had to abide by the law of course. But there were times where he couldn't help but hint. She had asked about his work even on their first date. For the first three months or so, she constantly had to correct his clothing choices when they went out together. He had to be introduced to many muggle things like movies and money. She had to deal with seeing buildings she couldn't see when he wasn't with her, like the Leaky Cauldron. And Audrey wasn't stupid. Percy doubted he would have liked her for so long if she weren't so smart. No, liked wasn't really a strong enough word. Like had been what he had felt with Penelope ages ago. Love. Percy Weasley was in love with a muggle. Merlin, he dreaded telling his father.
"Alright, I'm done," she declared, closing the till. She turned to him and smiled before standing on her tip toes to give him a kiss, her arms slipping around his neck. Percy grabbed her by the waist and drew her into a close embrace, kissing the top of her head.
"You should go grab your purse so we can go," he mumbled. She nodded as his hands slid from her waist, but they were still resting at her sides when a small, bright dog came bursting into the room. Audrey yelped, her hands dropping from Percy's neck but never leaving his body as she slid to his side.
Ron's voice came out of the dog saying, "Group of uncaptured Death Eaters at Diagon Alley. Get there." Percy swallowed hard as the dog disappeared. He could feel Audrey shaking next to him.
"What was-"
"Audrey get upstairs."
"What?" she asked worriedly.
"Come on," he ordered, grabbing her wrist and dragging her toward the stairs. She tried to yank her hand away.
"Percy! What's going on! Stop it!" she ordered as she pulled her hand more sharply and got away from him. "Percy what is going on?" she asked worriedly, her eyes searching his. "I don't-"
"I have to go," he told her.
"To this Diagon Alley?"
"Yes."
"I'll come too."
"No. It's too dangerous!" he yelled at her, turning on her sharply, making her back-up against the wall. "I won't let you. You wouldn't stand a chance against them."
"Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming," she told him, her eyes narrowing though her voice was still on the verge of crying. She was still frightened and nervous. "I'm not defenseless you know."
"Against them, you are."
"I'm not stupid either."
"I know that," Percy sighed, backing up. Audrey moved forward, her hand brushing against his face as he looked away.
"Just tell me," she pleaded with him. "I know it's bound to sound unbelievable, whatever it is but I can take it Percy. I'll believe you. I know-"
Percy gulped and grabbed her hand, closing his fingers around her smaller ones. "I will tell you," he decided, looking at her worried eyes. "But I need to go help my brother first. And I need you to go upstairs to my flat and stay there. I know you'll be safer there if they leave Diagon Alley, okay?"
"By they, you mean Death Eaters?" she asked carefully.
"Yes."
"What are-"
"Later," he insisted, pushing her toward the stairs. Audrey went in that direction but she didn't give up.
"Tell me Percy," she insisted. "I have a right to worry too you know."
Percy sighed. "They're exactly what they sound like but their leader is gone. These are just a group that hasn't been rounded up yet," he told her as they reached his door. He pulled his wand out of his pocket and tapped it, hearing the door unlock, both mechanically and magically. Audrey studied the action but didn't seem totally surprised. "They're murderers and criminals of the worst degree and- just hide if you see anyone in a mask okay? I'll- I'll find you," he assured her. Audrey reached out and hugged him quickly before slipping into the apartment.
"You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted," she said quietly, looking up at him imploringly. "First thing they teach you in story books." She threw her arms around him one last time before he shut the door, re-locked it, and disapparated to Diagon Alley.
It was two in the morning before Percy got back to his flat feeling far more tired than he had in ages. He used his wand to open the door and his eyes caught on the young woman who had gotten up from the couch and was struggling to get out of the fort she had made herself out of his books. She was still holding one in her arms, but she dropped it to the ground as she got closer to him and threw her arms around him, burying her head against her chest. Percy pulled her close as she cried into his shirt, her hands now clutching at the front of his t-shirt. He kissed the top of her head before looking around, his eyes falling on the book she had been reading, A Recent History of Wizardkind. He knew exactly what had set her off; he knew how Death Eaters were mentioned in that book, along with the war. Finally she pulled back away from him, her eyes red and puffy. She shook her head as she used her arm to try and slosh away her tears.
"I'm sorry it has to end this way," she told him.
"End?" he asked her worriedly, suddenly feeling not so tired. He didn't want her to go; he wanted her to stay right with him forever. "End? What do you mean-"
She swallowed and sniffed as she began to talk. "You have always been so kind to me, and I won't be seeing you again since I'm killing myself," she told him, her eyes still bright with tears that hadn't fallen. "I've been so stupid. How could I have not- It's such- it's everything in your world and I-"
"I was so afraid you were going to find out and you would be mad at me for not telling you everything. Or that you would think I was crazy or- I couldn't-" he looked at her, trying to find the words to tell her she wasn't stupid, that he'd never thought of her as stupid. "I love you." Okay, maybe those weren't the right words but they had sprung to his mouth, demanding to be said. Funny how whenever he'd thought of telling her, he'd never pictured himself grubby from a fight and worn out from dealing with the sudden surge of activity at the Ministry afterwards; funny how whenever he'd thought of telling her he loved her, her tears hadn't recently left wet marks all over his shirt; funny how Percy Weasley, who always wanted to do things in the right, by the book way, didn't care as long as she knew.
"Why would you say that?" she asked him, her eyes wide.
Percy grinned sheepishly, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach, "I just want you to feel you're doing well. I hate for people to die embarrassed. I mean, you can't think that not knowing has anything to do with you. I- I made sure you didn't know and were starting to catch on so fast and-" Audrey reached up and placed a finger against his mouth to silence him. It made him quieter than a silencing charm could ever have managed.
"I love you too," she said softly. "Don't ever go chasing after Death Eaters again."
"There are still some of them out there. I can't promise-"
"I know. I read to the end of your book. But it makes me feel better to say it."
"Okay," he agreed before she slid into his arms again. "Okay."
"Really? And could you tell be about how the aeroplanes stay up perhaps?"
"Well, um, physics isn't exactly my area of expertise."
"Oh I swear you've grown since I saw you a week ago, Victore!"
"Bill, have you seen Ginny and Harry?"
"No. Do we need to go have another chat with that Potter boy?"
"Charlie, Bill, I'm right here. Harry's over there. Go kill Ron if you want to scold someone for inappropriate snogging. He and Hermione are going to town behind the chicken coop…again."
"Fr- No George, get over here boy! Never could tell you apart, now could I. Guess there's only one of you to remember know."Percy flinched in near physical pain as he heard his Aunt Muriel's comment. Checking that his mother was safely occupied cooing over her so far only grandchild, Percy headed over to go help George. He had been intending on getting back to his wife to save her from his father's muggle curiosities but George's issue was far more pressing.
"Thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?" George spat at their great-aunt just as Percy reached the scene from one side while Charlie got there from the other. George didn't notice them and stormed away, right toward the drink table.
"I'll get him," Charlie assured Percy. "Go have fun. Your wedding and all," his older brother told him before heading after George. Percy nodded and turned around to go rescue Audrey but instead found that she was standing right behind him, her hand reaching out for his shoulder.
"Are you alright?" she asked quietly. Percy nodded solidly.
"So you're the muggle girl I'd assume?" Muriel asked, looking her over. "Nobody ever properly introduces me anymore. You look like a good wind could knock you over, you do. If I had a say-"
"Come on, Audrey. Why don't I introduce you to my cousin Barny?" he insisted, putting his arm around Audrey's waist and pushing her away. She consented easily as they drifted away from Aunt Muriel.
"I don't think I like her," Audrey told him. "I heard what she was saying and-"
"Let's talk about something else."
"Talking?" Bill asked coming up beside them. "Percy, if all you do on the day of your wedding is talk to your wife I seriously am going to disown you," he laughed. Audrey looked down at her feet as Percy felt his neck and ears growing warm.
"Daddy, daddy, potty!" a little voice directed, pulling on Bill's robes. Victore looked up at him anxiously, her eyes wide. Bill glanced over at Fleur who had sat down, her stomach well protruding with their second child before scooping up Victore and hurrying toward the house.
"Um," Percy said intelligently.
"You do remember my uncle Lenny, right?" she asked him. Percy chuckled at the memory from earlier in the day. The legal, binding part of their marriage had taken place in the beginning of the day at a muggle church. Percy's immediate family had come with the strict warnings that they were to behave like muggles. For that reason, Hermione had come along to, to keep Ron in line. The reception was non-muggle and was at the Burrow. Unfortunately, that meant Aunt Muriel was there. Percy sighed as he held his new wife close to his side. She leaned her head against his shoulder, fitting perfectly against him, as always.
"Rubber ducks!" his father pronounced loudly, coming over. "What exactly is it they do?" Percy sighed again as his father pulled Audrey into another conversation about muggle objects. It was lucky she found his muggle fascination cute otherwise Percy was pretty sure he would have the shortest marriage in Weasley history, less than twenty-four hours. At least Uncle Billius claimed to have been married to a straight Veela for forty-eight, if anyone believed him.
."Are you sure I look alright?" Audrey asked Percy as she stood in front of the mirror, turning herself as she looked at the robes she was wearing.
"You look beautiful," Percy assured her as he cleaned his glasses against the sleeve of his shirt.
"You're not even looking!" she snapped at him. Percy sighed as he put on his glasses again, looked up at her.
"You look lovely," he told her, trying to keep the twinge of annoyance out of his voice. This had to be the fifth time Audrey had asked him the same question in the last ten minutes. Apparently she still caught his tone as she glared at him before turning back to the mirror and sighing. Percy stared up at the ceiling and began counting to five in his head. One…Two… Th-
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Audrey! Why are you so insecure tonight?" he asked her in exasperation. In response, he got a glare and she stormed out of their bedroom and into the living room. Percy sighed and followed after her, entering the living room just as she grabbed her purse from the couch and began heading to the fireplace. Percy reached out and grabbed her arm. "I'm sorry. It's just you seem- Why are you so worried?"
Audrey shrugged before she looked at him. "I've never worn robes before," she told him quietly.
"Sure you have," Percy told her in confusion. "I've walked into the kitchen most Saturday mornings to find you sitting around in mine because you said your pajamas were too cold, and I know Hermione and Ginny have-" Audrey was shaking her head.
"It's not the same. These are mine. I'm actually wearing them to go out somewhere."
"But why does it matter so much?" Percy sighed.
"I don't know," she told him, looking down at the fabric again. She did look pretty; he wasn't lying. But Merlin, why was she so worried about them? They were just dress robes. "Let's just go," she decided, her eyes meeting his. Percy looked at her, seeing in her eyes that she was still nervous and torn between trying to comfort her and his desire not to be late. In the end his desire to be prompt won. Besides, what could he do to comfort her besides show her that everyone else was wearing the exact same thing? He pulled her close and disapparated with her at his side.
The atrium of the Ministry was already filling with people. He put his arm around Audrey's waist as they walked toward his father and mother who were talking with Perkins. Percy spotted Ron and Ginny over in a corner with Hermione and a smudge of black hair behind a plant. Presumably, Harry was again avoiding the media, a few of which always managed to snag dates to the Ministry event. It was expected. This was the reason they had a formal at the Ministry really. It allowed the press to get candid interviews and allowed Ministry members not to be completely surprised by reporters popping up to them. Then again, Harry seemed to be avoiding an interview anyway. Percy snorted as he saw the potted plant gliding slowly across the floor.
"Weasley!" someone declared and Percy didn't even look up. There were two many other Weasleys. It wasn't until Audrey tapped him on the shoulder that he turned around to see Jonathan Kelley, a Ravenclaw boy who had been in Percy's year at Hogwarts. They had gotten along well enough, both spending most of their time in the library. He had been Percy's main opponent for the position of Head Boy.
"Hello," Percy said, turning toward his former classmate who he knew now worked somewhere in the Department of Mysteries. Other than that he didn't know much about his job, but then again, when it came to the Department of Mysteries, who did? He stuck out his right hand and Jonathan took it but his eyes caught on Percy's left hand.
"I didn't hear that you were married," Jonathan said with a laugh, looking at Audrey. "Sorry we haven't met before-"
"Audrey," she told him, sticking at her hand nervously as her eyes wandered the room.
"Never been to one of these things before?" he asked her.
"Audrey, this is Jonathan Kelley," Percy introduced as Audrey shook her head.
"I've never been here before," she remarked, her eyes lingering on the tall marble plaque standing in the middle of the room. It was surrounded by a circle of water with two paths, one on either side that led up to the plaque so names could be seen. It listed the names of people lost in the first war on one side and the second on the other. Brushing one's fingers against a name would bring up a picture of them before flashing to when they had died and, if known, where they were buried. Then it would go back to the picture until whoever had touched their name let go.
"You didn't lose anyone then, did you? Most people come here to see who they've lost," Jonathan said matter-of-factly. Audrey shook her head.
"I didn't even know about the war." Jonathan looked confused.
"You're not foreign are you? I thought the oldest one, Bill, isn't his name, I thought he was the one who married a French witch."
"Bill did marry Fleur," Percy said. "Audrey's a muggle."
"Seriously?" Jonathan asked in surprise, looking at Audrey. "Seriously, Percy Weasley married a muggle?"
"Yes," Percy told him. Jonathan shook his head in surprise and then smiled.
"Well, nice to meet you Audrey. You must be a pretty special girl for Percy here to marry without magic." Percy rolled his eyes before turning to look at Audrey again. She smiled at Jonathan and laughed but something in her eyes seemed off. Was she still worried about her dress robes? He decided that must be it and shrugged it off as Jonathan got called away by one of his coworkers and Percy made his way over toward his parents. They had now caught up with Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and the poorly hidden Potter. Honestly, for a boy who'd evaded the Ministry for a year, Harry was terrible at hiding. Although maybe that had something to do with the fact that Ginny kept trying to drag him away from the plant by his hand and Ron kept laughing at him.
"There you are!" his mother declared as they got close. "I was wondering where you were. It isn't like you two to be late."
"We got here a while ago," Percy told her as he gave her a quick hug in greeting. "We got sidetracked by Kelley."
"Harry, come out!" Ginny insisted. "It's not working anyway. I'm sure everyone can see you. If the reporters haven't come over by now, they're apparently deciding to respect your privacy."
"No," came Harry's muffled voice from behind the plant. "I'm avoiding Rita Skeeter and she hasn't come over because she's bugging Kingsley!" he insisted, a hand coming out from behind the leaves. Percy looked over in the direction he was pointing and saw Kingsley indeed being followed around by a woman with bleach-blonde curls and a floating notepad and quill. Just at that moment, she appeared to give up on Kingsley as he turned to talk to a tall brunette woman, and Rita's eyes began searching around the room. Harry quickly dashed behind the plant again as Ginny and Ron slid closer around him to shield him. Hermione quickly began striking up a conversation with them, turning her back to Rita to try and make them less noticeable. Her hair was, after all, somehow straightened for the night which made her quite unrecognizable from the back.
"Ah, the Weasleys," came the voice that made Percy flinch in sympathy. Audrey looked at her curiously and then glared as she saw the quill on her notepad floating behind her starting to move; she had been told exactly who Rita Skeeter was. "My there certainly are a lot of you. And you're not directly employed by the Ministry are you?" she asked looking over at Ginny. "You play Keeper for Bats or some such-"
"Chaser for the Harpies," Ginny growled.
"You're dating Harry Potter aren't you Jenny?"
"Ginny."
"That's whose date you are, isn't it?"
"Yes," Ginny told her. "He's in the bathroom."
"Ah, shame, shame," Rita sighed, looking around. Her eyes fell on Audrey. "And who are you?"
"Audrey Weasley," she replied.
"Weasley? No red hair. Must have married in," she said eyeing Percy carefully, her quill still speeding along on the pad. "You married the runaway Weasley then."
"I came back," Percy growled, surprised at how similar his tone could sound to Ginny's when it came to Rita.
"Yes, yes, just before the war was over. When you knew it would look good."
"Stop saying that! I didn't-" he started, not noticing his mother and sister's eyes narrow.
"Tell me," she interrupted looking at Audrey, "you've met the great Harry Potter in person now I'm guessing. Is he really as great as he sounds? Be honest now dear," she prompted. "How has he failed to live up to your expectations?"
"I- I didn't even know-"
"She's a muggle," Percy told Rita, slipping in front of Audrey. He saw his father put a hand on her shoulder; she was the only one still innocent of a Rita interview.
"A muggle?" Rita said in disbelief. "You married a muggle? Poor girl. Married to continue making up with your father is it?"
"No!" Percy yelled, not noticing Hermione shaking her head to get him to stop. "She's just a muggle not some- some-"
"Ah, Harry!" Rita said suddenly, seeing Harry through the disillusionment charm he had cast on himself. Harry slunk back further behind his plant as Ron attempted to block Rita's way while Harry walked swiftly toward the men's room. Audrey stood there for a moment before turning around suddenly.
"Ladies'," she muttered before taking off in the opposite direction. Percy looked at her in confusion as he heard Rita's loud voice of greeting to some other Ministry official. Apparently Harry had managed to escape to the men's room.
"Aren't you going to go after Audrey?" Ginny asked, giving him a look like he was stupid.
"She said she was going to the ladies' room, Ginny," Percy informed her. Ginny rolled her eyes, Hermione sighed, and his mother shook her head. Percy stared at them for a minute before his mother pushed on his shoulders.
"Go!" she commanded. Percy looked back at his mother, sister, and Hermione, thinking they were insane. Ron shrugged his shoulders and his father met his eye, looking just as confused. Percy sighed and started to walk in the direction Audrey had gone. He found her in a side room, the break room for most of security. There was a younger couple in there, enjoying themselves in the corner but Audrey was leaning in the opposite corner formed by the wall and the counter, her arms crossed over her chest. He walked over to her and she looked up with a glare.
"I'm not a witch, I'm your wife," she said angrily, her voice full of spite. The young couple in the corner stopped and looked over at them before deciding it was as good of cue as any to rejoin the rest of the party.
"I know?" Percy told her.
"Of course you do. I'm just a muggle," she spat at him.
"I didn't mean it like that!" Percy told her quickly. "I only meant, Merlin Audrey why would you think I meant that? I meant to say that you were a human being not some forgiveness token or something. Between my family and me things aren't perfect but they're- and even if they weren't-" he found his words stumbling as Audrey's eyes softened.
"I know," she said quietly before looking away.
"Then why on earth are you-"
"I don't know!" she told him angrily before tears appeared in her eyes.
"Audrey, I didn't-" he glanced at the ceiling, trying to fight his exasperation. She didn't notice. Instead she flung herself into his arms, her head buried in his chest as he rubbed her back. "I didn't mean to make you cry," he protested. She nodded into his robes, though he wasn't sure if that meant she knew or if she thought he was lying. He sighed as her tears began to ebb away and then suddenly she pulled away from him, her eyes frantic. "Audrey, what's wrong?" he asked her worriedly as she walked a few steps, apparently didn't see what she was looking for and leaned over the sink, a noise Percy had gotten his fill of the time their whole family had gotten the flu when he was eight. Her hands braced against the sink as she pulled back, her body shaking a little as he hurried to her side. She turned her head slowly.
"I think I'd like to go home now," she told him calmly as he pointed his wand at the sink to clean it. Percy brushed her bangs back from her forehead, the rest of her hair pulled safely back in some form of up-do he couldn't name.
"Let's go," he agreed, grabbing her hand and starting toward the door. "I'm just going to tell my parents' we're leaving, okay?" She nodded in agreement as they headed out the doorway, only to find his parents standing nearby with Ron and Hermione.
"Everything alright?" his father asked, looking at them.
"I believe my stomach has hired my emotions to help it start a war," Audrey told him. "It's a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition. Or at least a long one. I'm not quite sure about the gloriousness of the flu virus," she sighed. Percy saw his mother lift her hand and put it on Audrey's forehead, frowning.
"You're not warm at all dear," she informed her, cocking her head to the side. Audrey gave her a half-hearted sort of smile as Percy, put his arm around her waist before they said good-bye and disapparated, Percy thinking he caught a knowing gaze from his mother as they left. Eight months later he was positive he had as he held his newborn daughter for the first time. Morning sickness, as Audrey informed him was true in every movie with a pregnancy, could look an awful lot like the flu.
Um, the end? I love reviews. Want to marry them. But that would just be awkward. I don't think many ministers perform marriages between people and fanfiction reviews, do they? Maybe I'll just marry my laptop instead…