Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Rated for some swearing and slight innuendo. Enjoy. XD

Brother of the Bride

"You know if you combine Myspace, Facebook, Youtube and Twitter you get 'My Face You Twit'?"

Sasuke's eye twitched. God deliver him from conversations with his brother's insane boyfriend.

"Hey, squirt." An elbow nudged him. Sasuke was seized by a sudden urge to break either Shisui's arm or his face. Or both. Both could work. Itachi would forgive him eventually.

"It's a joke," Shisui pressed. "It's funny."

No, actually, it wasn't. Nothing was ever, ever funny for Sasuke when this particular person was involved.

"Oh, forget it." Now the older male was rolling his eyes. "Jeez. I know you're Itachi's baby brother and all, but I thought you were the self-professed 'normal' one. Yet you share his crappy sense of humor."

"I don't laugh when there's nothing to laugh at," Sasuke replied sharply, walking just a little bit faster.

"Ouch," Shisui remarked, his grin (and the fact that he had picked up the pace in order to keep up) evidence of his lack of offense. Sasuke dearly wished that he would take offense once in a while. Or perhaps take a hint. Either would be excellent, but his cousin seemed capable of neither.

Yes, cousin. Yes, boyfriend of brother. That one had gone over like a lead balloon. At least the tangled family tree of the Uchiha made it impossible to tell just how Shisui and Itachi were related, exactly (cousin was used as a simplifying term), or both of them would have ended up disowned in addition to ostracized. Sasuke was more or less the only person within the family (excluding his mother) who had anything to do with the happy, vaguely incestuous couple these days, and he had a lingering suspicion that this was due in at least some part to Shisui's spur-of-the-moment decision to drop the bomb at the fiftieth Uchiha family reunion. And then prove that the whole thing wasn't some elaborate practical joke by kissing Itachi. In front of old Aunt Uruchi. In front of fricking everybody.

Sasuke could feel the twitch in his eye intensifying, and hurriedly switched his train of thought to a less trauma-inducing track. Something wholesome, like Christmas shopping.

Ah, perfect. Christmas shopping being the activity that he and Shisui the Almighty Bonehead were currently engaged in. For approximately the twelfth time that evening (this is particularly impressive if you consider that they had only been at the mall ten minutes), Sasuke cursed Itachi's work schedule for rendering him unable to come along and act as a buffer between Sasuke and their imbecile of a relative.

"Hey, Bath and Body Works," said imbecile pointed out, heading off what was sure to become another mental rant on Sasuke's part. "We need to stop in here."

"Why?" A sign on the glass advertised a sale on scented body lotions. Sasuke tried valiantly to fend off the resulting mental images.

"They have hand sanitizer in, like, forty different scents," Shisui responded, as if it were the single most obvious thing in the world. "You know what a germaphobe Itachi is. If I have to inhale pure antiseptic fumes for much longer, I'm going to lose my mind."

"Too late," Sasuke muttered under his breath. But he followed Shisui into the brightly-lit store regardless.

Ten minutes later they were out, Shisui bearing five little bottles of hand sanitizer with bizarre scents like marshmallow and shea butter, and Sasuke in possession of a pair of extremely fluffy socks. He could find someone to give them to. Everyone needs socks.

"Where to next?"

"Don't care," Sasuke replied shortly.

Shisui raised an eyebrow. "What's with the 'tude?" he asked, sounding more curious than anything else. "It's Christmas. The season of joy and happiness and all that good stuff. You're supposed to be cheery and walk around with a Santa hat!"

Sasuke stared. "Every time I think I can no longer be surprised by the idiocy that you spout," he managed eventually, "you prove me wrong."

"Cold," Shisui drawled. "You cut me to the quick, little cousin."

"Call me little one more time. If you don't mind going through life missing both hands, that is," Sasuke retorted.

"Well, we can't have that. I need my hands. For a variety of reasons." He grinned wickedly. Sasuke fought down the greenish tinge that was attempting to color his face.

"Keep your perverted thoughts to yourself and let's get this over with."

"'Over with'? You mean you don't absolutely love spending time with your favorite cousin?"

Forcibly swallowing a scream of frustration, Sasuke pivoted and started walking in the general direction of the bookstore.

Shisui was back at his side in moments, of course, but thankfully chose not to say anything more until they were inside the store. "Think I could find something for Aunt Uruchi in here?" he asked.

"Undoubtedly," Sasuke replied grudgingly. "Books tend to be a safe bet. Wait-" He paused as the subject of the question registered in his mind. "Aunt Uruchi? Why her?"

"Why not her?" Shisui shrugged. "If I'm gonna find gifts for everyone in this unnaturally large family, I need to start somewhere, right?"

"The whole family?" Sasuke repeated, feeling somewhat like a parrot. "How are you planning on pulling that off?"

Shisui grinned and ruffled his cousin's hair (not that it needed it). "It's called the mail, Sasuke. Maybe you've heard about it?"

"That's not what I meant," Sasuke snapped, ducking out of Shisui's reach, "and you know it."

As far as Sasuke was aware, there had been no contact whatsoever between Itachi and Shisui and the vast majority of their extended family since that now-infamous reunion. Shisui's own parents were long dead in an accident, but everyone else had been at the event and had avoided having anything to do with the pair since. It wasn't just that it was a scandal—it was wrong, in the minds of most people, and it was arguably illegal to boot. So aside from Itachi's parents (mostly Mikoto, but their father said something every now and again) and Sasuke, there was nothing from the rest of the Uchiha clan. No invitations, no phone calls, no anything. They were very much in disgrace, and while Sasuke was sure the fact grated on Itachi, Shisui had never given any sign that he was bothered by it.

Clearly, that wasn't the case. Aunt Uruchi had been one of the first to cut ties after the fiasco, and had been very diligent about her decision since. If Shisui was getting her something, of all people…

Aware that he was starting to feel sorry for Shisui and thoroughly annoyed by it, Sasuke terminated the conversation and went to drown his sorrows in the graphic novel section.

-;-

They left the bookstore with a bag full of books each and began the trek again. Sasuke, having been able to find and purchase the latest Ultra Maniac volume, was actually in a good mood for the first time all evening.

Naturally, Shisui saw to it that this was ended immediately.

"We've still got an hour before the mall closes," he remarked, glancing at a clock on the wall. "Mind if we stop in here?"

Sasuke opened his mouth to ask, and not even in a snarky way, where 'here' was. But the words died a horrible death in his throat the moment he set eyes on the pink (frigging pink) glow of the store to their right.

It suddenly felt like all of the blood was being systematically drained from his body, leaving behind nothing but an insistent urge to put his hands around his cousin's throat and start squeezing.

"So, how about it?" Shisui, the bastard, was smiling. Actually smiling. As if he wasn't prompting Sasuke to seriously consider homicide in the middle of a crowded mall.

"This," Sasuke finally forced out, "is a lingerie store."

"Really? And here I was convinced that we'd run across a Hallmark. Thanks for the clarification."

It could be done subtly. He could leave the body in the bathroom. It might be hours before someone caught on.

"A lingerie store," he growled, "for women."

"Well, Itachi is rather girly," Shisui pointed out thoughtfully.

That has nothing to do with anything, you perverted ass! Sasuke mentally shrieked. Outwardly, he clung to his last vestiges of calm and tried once more to reason with the madman.

"Then get him some new shoes or something. Now let's go."

"But there're boots in there," Shisui insisted. And the smile widened. "Leather boots. With five-inch heels. Pretty sure there's even a matching-"

It was at that point that Sasuke lost control.

"For the love of God," he all but screeched, "would you stop it already? In case you've somehow forgotten, that's my brother you're talking about!"

Shisui blinked. The passerby began to stare. Sasuke didn't notice either.

"He isn't your toy," he seethed. "He is not something for you to screw around with and ditch. And if I am ever convinced that's your stance on things, I will fucking kill you."

And then Sasuke did what any sensible male, having torn his companion a new one and then found himself surrounded by curious mall goers, would do.

He ran like hell for the nearest exit.

-;-

It was only after he had bolted across the parking lot (almost slipping on the ice several times) and hunted down the car (a quest in itself, considering the darkened sky and the fact that aforementioned vehicle was black) that Sasuke realized how futile his escape attempt had been: The car was Shisui's; meaning, of course, that Shisui had the keys.

"Damn," he muttered, rubbing his hands together furiously. The temperature had dropped considerably since he and his moronic cousin had entered the mall, and there was snow on the ground.

His cousin. His cousin who was dating his goddamn brother.

"Damn," he growled, a bit more forcefully.

Dating his brother and being absolutely shameless about it. Making jokes, as if there were anything remotely funny about the whole thing. And on top of everything else, acting like the situation was no big deal. Like it wasn't anything shocking. Like it wasn't anything at all.

Like it didn't mean anything at all.

"Dammit, dammit, dammit!" Sasuke yelled, balling his hands into fists and pounding them into the hood of the sleek black car.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," an infuriatingly familiar voice said, sounding disgruntled. "First off, you might wanna watch your mouth—there are kids walking around, yanno? And secondly-"

Shisui came into view, looking mildly horrified.

"-don't hate on the car," he emphasized.

"Screw your car," Sasuke snapped. "Screw you. Screw everything. But mostly you."

"I could make a joke here that would result in you attempting to punch my lights out, but I'll resist. See? I can be mature."

Shisui grinned at what he apparently considered a clever remark, but it slipped right off his face when he realized Sasuke's face was still stony.

"Look," he sighed, "I'm still not completely clear on what I did to piss you off, Sasuke. I'm sorry about it, whatever it is."

"Not good enough," Sasuke managed, trying unsuccessfully to keep from thinking murderous thoughts.

"What, the apology or me?"

"Both." As much venom as possible was injected into the word.

"Yikes." Shisui winced, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, then maybe you could clarify what I could do to lower your shitty opinion of me."

Sasuke stared. Inhaled slowly. "Stop acting as if your—relationship—with my brother is some kind of massive joke," he said in a tone of forced calm. "That would be a start."

Now it was Shisui's turn to stare.

"You're kidding me, right?" he asked after a few seconds of silence. "You thought that I thought—that—a joke?"

Were the situation slightly less tense, Sasuke would have congratulated himself. It took quite a lot to render his cousin incoherent. He hadn't thought anyone besides Itachi possessed the ability.

"Hoo boy," Shisui said, having finally managed to regain control of his vocal functions. "I think we have a serious miscommunication on our hands here."

Sasuke sent his cousin the most withering look he could conjure. "Do tell, Dr. Phil," he replied acidly. "I'm all ears."

Shisui ignored the attitude with practiced ease. "I don't think that Itachi and I are a joke," he said, as if it was the single most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard. "God, no. Sorry, but have you ever met your brother? If he so much as thought I was stringing him along, he'd kill me and make it look like a suicide or something."

"Drop. The. Cracks," was Sasuke's extremely strained response. He was pretty sure his humor tolerance had died a terrible death sometime much earlier in the evening.

"Right, right, sorry." Shisui sighed. "Okay, you want the truth? Fine. You were pretty wigged out when you found out your brother was dating your cousin, yeah? Don't even try to deny it. Obviously a little thing like a questionable love life wasn't going to make you hate Itachi—don't think anything could make you hate Itachi, actually—but I figured the same couldn't be said for me. Right?"

Sasuke said nothing.

"So I started working double time to keep things light between you and me," Shisui continued. "The jokes, the teasing, etc., etc. Same as always." He shrugged uncomfortably. "I guess I just wanted to reassure you that nothing had really changed."

He shoved his hands into his pockets as Sasuke stood by, feeling very awkward.

"Um…" Shisui swallowed. "Hey, there was one more thing I wanted to grab, since—since we're here. Do you mind?"

Mechanically, Sasuke shook his head. It was miserably cold out. Even returning to the belly of the mall was preferable to becoming a popsicle in the parking lot.

-;-

Shisui reentered the mall with a strange determination burning in his eyes. He was walking at about twice the pace of his earlier, leisurely stroll, forcing Sasuke into a near-jog in his effort to keep up. And mostly the younger male kept quiet, somehow feeling that he had exceeded his bitchiness quota for the day.

Once they'd run through what felt like the entire length of the place, however, he found himself unable to keep his mouth shut any longer.

"Where," he demanded, grabbing Shisui's coat sleeve, "are we going?"

"You'll see," Shisui promised. "We're almost there."

Sasuke glowered suspiciously—the mall was seeming more like an endless labyrinth with every step they took—but he let go and resumed the jog.

Shisui finally ducked into one of the last stores by the south exit. Sasuke followed and glanced around the shop's interior.

A jewelry store. He frowned. Itachi had never been one for jewelry; he didn't even wear a watch most of the time. In fact, the only "accessory" he'd ever seen his brother wearing was the necklace their father had given him, an heirloom from their ancestor Madara who had supposedly been a great ninja sometime in the distant past. But that was a matter of filial duty, nothing else to it, so why…

Sasuke edged closer to his cousin and peeked discreetly over his shoulder.

And promptly felt all the blood drain away from his face.

Rings.

Shisui was looking at rings.

Sasuke made a vague attempt to say something—anything—but all that came out was a strangled kind of squeak.

Still, it was enough. Shisui jumped like a schoolboy caught reading yaoi fanfiction instead of studying and turned. He was sweating.

"Um…"

"Silver," Sasuke heard himself say faintly.

Shisui looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. "What?"

"If…if you…" Sasuke shook his head. "Get the silver, moron. Itachi hates gold."

Something like relief washed over Shisui's face. He laughed in the slightly unhinged manner of the deeply stressed out. "I know that, squirt. Give me some credit, huh?" He scratched the back of his head. "Besides, I've already had one picked out for weeks. I was just making sure."

Weeks. He'd been planning this for weeks. Sasuke swallowed hard, waited until Shisui had turned around again, and then backed quietly out of the store.

-;-

When Shisui met up with him again he was tightly holding a small black box. Sasuke eyed it in silence.

"So," Shisui said hesitantly. "Are you…um…"

"If you value your life, don't ask me if I'm 'okay' with this." He considered before adding, "And don't expect me to say something stupid like 'take good care of him'."

"We've been over this. Itachi doesn't need protecting. Hell, if I piss him off, I'll be needing protection. From an entire friggin' task force, preferably."

"I would've thought you'd smarten up and drop the jokes by now."

"Sorry, sorry. Habit."

They walked outside in silence—not a companionable one, but not a hostile one either. Only when Sasuke was convinced that the parking lot was utterly deserted did he blurt out the question he was sure he would regret asking.

"Doyoulovehim?"

For what seemed like the umpteenth time that night, Shisui looked as though he despaired of ever understanding his younger cousin. "Huh?"

Sasuke ground his teeth, trying to ignore the indignity of it all, and forced himself to say the words more slowly. "Do…you…love…him?"

Unexpectedly, Shisui didn't blink. He didn't adopt an expression that suggested tentacles were wriggling out of Sasuke's ears and waving at him. He didn't stammer or kid or laugh it off.

He just smiled—a small, nervous little smile that made the age gap between them suddenly seem much smaller than it was—and kept his reply short.

"Yeah. I really do."

Sasuke exhaled. Slowly.

"Fine."

And he got into the car.

-;-

The drive back to Shisui and Itachi's apartment—and thereby Sasuke's car—was uneventful, save for a few colorful phrases from Sasuke when Shisui proved stubborn about his choices in Christmas music. They reached the building's parking lot and Shisui turned to face the teen in the passenger seat.

"Itachi's gonna ask you later on anyway, but since we're here and I don't want to seem like I'm just going along with it…I'd, uh, really appreciate it if you came over for awhile on Christmas."

Sasuke's eyes widened slightly before his self control took hold again. "I was going to anyway, nitwit," he replied coolly. "I'm not leaving Itachi alone with you all Christmas."

"Whatever." Shisui's face split into the evil grin Sasuke loathed so much. "Just don't plan on staying too long, yanno what I—owwtch!"

"I will buy myself a cat for the sole purpose of training it to claw your face off."

"Fuck, Sasuke, my hair—"

"Sorry, what was that?"

"Itachi's a hair-puller too, but I don't enjoy it nearly as much coming from you—ow, ow, fricking ow!"

"Good god, I will never know what he sees in you."

"Ditto, squirt—goddammit, ow!"

Fin