Disclaimer: Hellsing is NOT mine. I'm just a fan.

Sir Integra Wingates Hellsing was in a bit of a quandary. It wasn't anything she couldn't handle, nor was it anything life threatening. But when you were the leader of a secret organization dedicated to the destruction of undead scum, and a member of Her Majesty's Knights of the Round Table there were things that you simply couldn't abide by. One such thing was waking up with a raging hangover and the keen desire to take seven headache tablets and disappear into your office in peace, only to discover that you were not alone in your bed. Taking further stock of the situation she determined that she was in a flannel night gown too.

"Damn,"

Quietly, carefully, she edged out from under her covers, taking care to be silent. When her feet touched the cold wooden floor she reached across the still form on the opposite side of her bed and plucked up her glasses from the nightstand.

This was all really quite out of hand. Not only was she nauseous, irritated, and slightly embarrassed, she was also waking up on the wrong side of the bed… literally. Oh it was a small thing to be sure. She could sleep on either side of the king sized monster of a bed, but she generally slept on the right- it was closer to the closet and loo, and it was the side with her alarm clock. Whoever was foolish enough to have crawled into her bed had made a grave mistake in sleeping on her side and she intended to give him? - She thought it was man at least- a serious wake up call…Just as soon as was dressed, of course.

She found her clothes piled neatly beside the bed with a jacket that wasn't hers, she lay this into a chair as neatly as possible, then, quickly pulled her pants on under the gown and changed into her bra, shirt, and jacket. Her headache was unbearable when she realized that she'd been sleeping in the same bed with a complete stranger, without her bra on. There would be blood spilt, that much was certain.

"And now to find out whose blood it shall be." She went to her dresser and opened the top drawer, beneath her socks and underthings; a small derringer- hidden for just these kinds of emergencies- was removed and unlocked. There were only two bullets in the tiny gun, but Integra was a good enough shot that she wouldn't need to waste anymore than that. She closed the drawer carefully and approached her bed with as much dignity as she could manage with rumpled clothes, bleary bloodshot eyes, and tangled hair, and kicked the sleeping form,

"Wake up this instant!" her own voice betrayed her, causing waves of pain to shoot through her temple. The sleeping form stirred, then lay still again. Integra steadied her hand which was shaking with agitation, and tried again,

"Get up now, I don't want to shoot you on my new sheets."

The form stirred again, and the covers came off. Integra lowered the gun,

"It's you," she sighed, "What are you doing here?"

Her bedmate shrugged, "You were in no shape after last night's festivities to put yourself to bed so I took the liberty."

Integra sighed, "What was in that punch?"

"Rum I'd wager."

"I didn't taste it."

"I think you'll agree that it was there none-the-less."

"Why were you in my bed?"

"I stayed up with you to make sure you didn't vomit, you were looking a bit green. I hope you don't mind?"

"Of course not… thank you." The last part was grudging.

"My pleasure,"

"Who- who dressed me in my bedclothes? Certainly not you…"

"No, of course not- I had your vampire do it."

"Seras? Oh of course."

"No, not the little one, Alucard was perfectly willing to do it."

Integra raised the gun again and shot this time before stalking out of her bedroom.

"Father Maxwell? Where were you last night, after the gala we couldn't find you and- Oh my Lord what happened to your arm?"

Enrico Maxwell grimaced, "Nothing, Yumiko, it's just a flesh wound."

Seras Victoria woke to the sounds of gunfire. She hopped out of her four poster coffin, grabbed her gun from its case and ran in the direction of the shots; her master's bedroom.

"Master what's-'' she was cut short by Integra,

"Sorry to wake you Police Girl, Alucard and I were just having a discussion about the proper attire for bedtime."

"Oh," Seras winced at the mess that had been Alucard moments before reassembling itself, "Well I'll just… er … go then…"

Integra nodded, "If you see Walter on your way upstairs please tell him that we won't be attending anymore Hellsing / Iscariot mixers, and to send Father Maxwell a flower bouquet and a get well soon card."

"Yes sir."

End

A/N: Just a one shot bit of fluff that came to mind after a company mixer that was incredibly boring. R&R