I've been literally working this story on my head for over a year now. Trying to built it to a good point to start writing. I finally got off my lazy butt now. I hope some people will read and enjoy it. Any support is welcomed greatly.

Oh and to the most hardcore Bartimaeus fans, please pleaaase excuse me for the lack of footnotes, I aint gonna use them cause I kinda tried and I sucked. As the story progresses though I'll have a better excuse and you'll see why.

Warnings: This fic has lots of dark elements and situations. I'm not gonna point all of them out now but it will be rated M later for good reasons. I'll post the most disturbing warnings in the beginning of each chapie kay? Last thing, I'll try to update frequently but I wont set up dates. Especially the month coming I have university exams so you'll have to be patient :)

Prologue

I thought I'd die... I wanted to die.

Well, maybe not really. No one really wants to give up life. And I hadn't given up on it all these endless centuries. At first it was to stand against those damned humans. Those who enslaved and hurt me. I wouldn't die just cause they wanted me to. Just because they sent me to those dangerous missions not caring of course for my safety or objections. They could always summon another slave in my place right? Wrong! I wouldn't just let them win. I would live, I would outlive them all. Me, the great Bartimaeus!

That was..in the beginning.

My reasons changed…. And the new fuel and obsession that drove me was even more powerful than before. Made me stubborn. Also made me more of a coward. But I didn't care. I had to keep going. Otherwise all would have been for nothing! And I couldn't have that.

And there I was! Despite all that ready to die.. willingly once more. Together with that little brat. That brat I never came to love as deep as Ptolemy, but still I found impossible to hate.

Nathaniel…

Those last moments we were one being. Sharing thoughts, understanding completely each other. I was happy in the sickest way to feel his guilt for the pain he caused me. The way he could never really think of me as his slave. Just as I was never able to think of him as a master. How could we anyway?. He was so young when we first met. His heart came close, heh waaaay close to the "dark side" but never really crossed over there.

Let us die together then. Part of me felt relieved. I had finally a good excuse to stop. A meaningful death, even though ridiculously poetic, would justify me giving up. I would honor Ptolemy's wishes. His dreams for spirits and humans.

So why? Why I was here now? This place full of colors. My weak essence mixing with all the others. Healing slowly and vibrating softly. Survived yet another time.

Why? I was ready. And then Nathaniel had to pull another Ptolemy on me! It wasn't fair! You brats just can't do this to me! And poor, poor Kitty! She'd die soon enough. Two more kids, victims of their insane human society that ended up destroyed. And I gave them the final push.

Say hello to Kitty for me.

You damn fool! There could be a hundredth years before I was summoned again and moreover If her body would react the same as Ptolemy she… had less than a decade left..

How was I supposed to..

I was so angry! Furious! I recognized that feeling. It was the same intense one I had after Ptolemy released me. And as hopelessly as everything else it would fade away.

The other place made you dull. It stripped you slowly of your personal thoughts and feelings and you just merged with it..them…us..me.

NO I wasn't ready yet! I wondered if I was actually a masochist. I could let go of the pain. Forget. Cease to exist as an individual. Push it all away. But…I couldn't do that yet. I didn't care if it was supposed to be my nature! I wanted to cling into my unnatural, personal memories a bit longer. To the death that was still fresh. I felt like betrayal to let it go.

In a sudden rush my essence pulled together in a foggy, humanoid shape. I separated from everyone else and held myself concrete and alone. My liquid hands buried themselves on the faceless head and the spread legs curled close to my stomach. I floated there. Drowning in earthly memories. Mourning in the only way I knew. In a way there was no one to see me now. I had no need to humor the others, or myself. I could just be pathetic and small. And no one would hurt me for it.

In a place full of peace and unity, I felt horrible and alone. Once more.. everyone was gone. And I was left behind. Responsible. Well, humans would eventually die right? It was my fault, I should have kept my distance. I shouldn't have let myself care. The empire would fall anyways.

At some point the spirits would satisfy that angry part which we all had, the one that sought revenge. And then they would feel as lonely, sad. Insane when their furry would die from the loss of the other place they'd probably commit suicide. Or be killed by other summoned spirits. Some humans would survive and the cycle would go on. I should have stayed here….and Kitty would hate me for not trying to save her people. Nathaniel would become the shell of a demon. Dying feeling pathetic for his incapability to fix anything. It couldn't have gone any differently. I would have done the same things over and over. It was the best…

It still wasn't enough.

I went against my own kind. Sure they made wrong choices..but they were their own choices. For the first time. And I stole them. I had no right. I knew the pain. Even the worst ones didn't deserve…

My thoughts stopped their miserable progress as another one came and sank deep into the core of my essence. Suddenly I felt even heavier.

Faquarl…

He had died too. Disappeared. I'd never run into him again. The last stable part of my existence…gone. Of all the times we tried to kill each other…I never thought to actually…

I killed him. Nathaniel hit him, I couldn't move then, but it was my energy. And my free will. The one time I was able to use it..and I did this.

I had no doubt I'd return to earth. I always did. And this time I'd be truly alone there.

I sank deeper into sadness. I should have died. I should be dead.

It didn't take long for the essence around me to feel discomfort towards the foggy, concentrated essence. They started to push and pull me. Calling out with words and light touches to join them. This place doesn't want pain. Nor reason, purpose, future or past.

Slowly, despite my best and desperate efforts, they tore me apart. Very gently I was sucked into the lights and moving shapes, becoming one. Losing myself. And all my memories scattered around. The other place isn't violent. You can't feel alone. You can't mourn. It's not like it's forbidden. It's just impossible. You'll be lost eventually. My djinni nature accepted it happily. I faded away. And everything else did too..

No time passed, but it also did. I existed. In color and light. And warmth. Not a name to separate me. Not a call. And the fear of it faded away as well. First time it did. Deeper and deeper into the lights and colors. Never been so deep. Never stayed so long. A distant thought came in and went by. I wasn't going to be summoned again. The humans must have thought of me dead. I felt so calm. I was safe here. Safe from pain. At last.

Bartimaeus!

My essence shook. My consciousness violently emerged as the name made the Other Place vibrate.

What the…

Bartimaeus! Bartimaeus!

Three times, and the familiar cold chains grabbed me tight.

Fucking Hell!

That is all for now :)

See you in next chapter! ^^