Thanks for reading this new project of mine! This is not my first story, but it's the first I write right in English. If you were so kind to point out any mistake I make, I would be really grateful. I hope you enjoy this, critics and suggestions are always welcome.

He had to restrain himself from pulling away from the sudden contact. The other guy must have noticed the startle the touch caused on his teammate, because he retrieved his hand from his shoulder.

"Is everything ok, Kai?" he asked.

'No, everything is NOT ok' the Russian thought, but he bit his words back. "I'm fine" he said instead, though he couldn't keep the bitterness away from his voice.

Guilt washed over him as he looked into the golden eyes of his friend. The raven-haired male was just trying to help, and he acted like a moron. But he couldn't help it. He looked down at his blade, resting on the floor before him, as feelings rushed inside him. He took Dranzer and occupied his place on the bench, never sparing a look at his friends, who were sending some worried glances at him.

Kai didn't know when it all started. He woke up one day and he found out, with a shudder of dread, his walls had tumbled down. He felt. Not that he didn't have feelings before, but they were like a faint breeze against a rock castle. Now, he hadn't that numbing barrier, and his emotions roared like a tidal wave.

'And it's all because of HIM.'

His eyes hardened as he looked at his Chinese teammate. He might not know when, how or even why he had changed, but he knew it had something to do with Ray. Whenever the raven-haired was around, he was unable to think straight. His silky hair, the curve of his smile, his smoldering eyes, like a pair of suns… his sight made him tremble, and dulled his head. It made him sick. He had to put it to an end.

Kai jumped to his feet, gaining startled looks from his friends, and walked back to the dojo. A sigh of relief left his throat as he closed the door of his bedroom. He opened the wardrobe, took his duffel-bag and started to fill it with his belongings. He was half-done with it when the door snapped open. Only the years he spent training his self-control kept him from jumping in surprise.

"What the heck is wrong with you?"

The bicolor blinked. That was all he could do, as he felt his mind freeze and his heart race. Ray arched a brow at his lack of response.

"So? Are you running away? Just like that?" the tiger said. "You've been acting weird lately. As if you were… avoiding me. Is that it?" he looked at him intently. "Are you mad at me?"

Kai run a hand through his hair, sighing. He breathed in and out a few times, hating himself for the weakness that was taking over him.

"You make me sick" he finally mumbled.

The Russian felt miserable. His words had hurt, deeply; he didn't need to see the horrified expression on his mate's face to know. Meanwhile, Ray was dumbfounded. At first, the words cut through him, sharp as blades, and drew the breath out of his lungs. But something didn't fit in that phrase. Then it hit him. Kai's voice. Despite the slight contempt, it was weak and filled with… despair? He had never seen him tremble.

"Kai…" he called, reaching for him.

'No' the bicolor tried to say, but he could only watch, helpless, as Ray's hand came closer until it rested flat against his chest. Something, like an electric shock, beat him. It wasn't painful, though, and left a warm sensation spreading through his body.

He couldn't remember what happened next. He wasn't aware of his own moves. He just found himself a step away from where he had been standing, his hands placed on Ray's shoulders, pulling him closer, and his lips clashing against his. Aghast, he pushed the other away and took a few steps back.

"No… no, no, no…" he repeated under his breath over and over again. He couldn't have done that. He couldn't have those feelings. 'I've screwed up'.

The Chinese touched his lips with the tips of his fingers. They were still tingling. He felt heat rising to his cheeks when realization struck him. He had liked it. Ray was aware his feelings for Kai had grown lately. At first he just respected and admired him, but with time he had come to enjoy his presence, and seeing him happy or content –as happy and content as the stoic Russian could be- made him want to smile like an idiot. However, he was sure those feelings were one-sided, and chose to bury them but… but maybe he had been wrong. Kai didn't like touching people, and he had just kissed him! That had to mean something.

He looked at Kai as if he was seeing him for the very first time. He seemed lost and vulnerable, opposite to the mask of unwavering strength the Russian used to wear. He liked it. He liked seeing him so human. Ray walked towards him. Kai lifted his head and met his eyes.

"Ray, don't…" '…come any closer' he was going to say, but Ray silenced him with a soft kiss. And then another. And then he was the one to kiss the Asian. He forgot his fears and everything he was taught at the Abbey and pulled Ray closer, until he could feel the warmth of his body. He dug his hands in his thick hair. It was softer than he had ever imagined. When they pulled apart, he was sitting on his bed, with Ray on top of him. The raven-haired traced his features with a finger. He just stayed there, mesmerized by every subtle move of the younger boy.

A sad smile crept into his lips. He was pathetic. And he wasn't allowed to.

"We can't do this" he said, regaining some of his composure.

"What?" Ray stood up. "Is it because we are both men?"

Kai shook his head.

"I am not like this. I'm not supposed to…"

"Feel?" he completed.

"More or less."

"That's ridiculous… I thought you had gotten over your grandfather's craziness."

"Ridiculous or not, I have duties, and can't ditch them for… whatever this is."

Ray growled in frustration and disbelief.

"I hate it when you are like this. Then, why did you kiss me? Do you think playing with my feelings is funny?" he shook his head. "Maybe coming back wasn't a good idea…"

The bicolor gritted his teeth and glared at him, no trace of affection in his eyes.

"Then do both of us a favor. Pretend this never happened and go marry that pink fluffy thing from the White Tigers."

Golden eyes flashed as he had never seen before, full of rage. Ray left the room, and he couldn't help feeling he was the stupidest man alive.

Thanks for reading this new project of mine!