Note: I don't own Code Geass. This is simply pure crack, so laugh.

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Lelouch vi Britannia, the 99th Emperor of Britannia and recently christened head of the UFN and the Black Knights after finally defeating Schneizel and holding the entire world at gunpoint with the Damocles and its FLEIJA ammunition, effectively labeling himself as an utterly treacherous and callous dictator, felt everything going as he planned it.. Once the hatred of the world had sufficiently been festered and dumped all on his shoulders, the Zero Requiem would officially take place and ultimately destroy the world's hatred along with him.

Unfortunately for him, his helpful accomplices the Knight of Zero and his right-hand witch were going to poke a hole in his flawless plan.

"Are you really sure you should still be up?" he asked skeptically as Suzaku Kururugi walked in with half of his body still in bandages.

He simply sighed and replied "I'm not putting any unnecessary strain on my body right now so I thought that C.C. and I should talk to you about some problems that we've discovered in your plans."

He glared at the green-haired immortal leaning against the wall trying to look innocent and failing miserably. He sighed in turn and looked at Suzaku with skepticism. "What are you babbling about? I'm holding the world hostage with the threat of nuclear genocide, effectively betrayed everyone who ever had faith in me, and I've even killed off a few outspoken families. If anything, it's going very well."

"You still haven't hit the zero-approval line yet." C.C. said from her corner of the office.

Lelouch narrowed his eyes in irritation, and as much as he wanted to toss both of them out of his room during this rather stressful regime of his, he simply couldn't summon the energy and just decided to give in.

"Okay, I'll bite. What's wrong with the plan?"

Suzaku stepped forward and continued talking. "Frankly Lelouch, there's still a good percentage of the population that doesn't curse your name daily, and it could pose a problem if they're not agreeing with the rest of the world once you're dead. Not to mention that some of those people actually follow your every word without the influence of your Geass."

The Demon Emperor scowled and said with frustration "Why the hell not?"

Suzaku, to his surprise, rolled his eyes and sat down to be more comfortable. "You must have realized back when Area 11 still existed that some people are content to ignore the world around them or simply throw away their pride in the face of adversity?"

The raven-haired man folded his fingers and immersed himself in thought. It was true that some people were deliberately oblivious to the suffering of others while others just went along with the flow holding no real opinions of their own. He had seen amongst both civilians and the military regardless of what their nationality was.

Looking up back at his partners-in-crime, he replied "That is cause for concern, but I could just launch another FLEIJA. That would change their minds very quickly."

C.C. snorted and gave a retort in spite of Lelouch's glare. "You can't really be using all of those up too quickly or you'll run out of them before the Requiem can be completed. Besides, there still has to be a sizable human population to move into the future after you off yourself."

Rolling his own eyes in turn, Lelouch contemplated once more for about ten seconds when he threw out another idea. "How about instead of more destruction, I take away something the world values other than life and they'll get it back after I'm dead?"

Suzaku and C.C. briefly looked at each other in confusion and looked back at the teenage genius. "Exactly what would you have in mind?" C.C. asked with an eyebrow raised skeptically.

He thought for a few more seconds and replied. "How about temporarily deleting soap operas?"

With a deadpan expression and tone of voice, Suzaku replied, "You're supposed to be inciting hatred, Lelouch, not worship."

Lelouch frowned at the rejection and came up with another idea on the spot. "I could make all caffeine products illegal."

"Even your Geassed slaves would fall into depression."

He unfortunately had to concede the point and quickly thought up of a few more options in his mind for some feedback.

"Eliminating a few beloved holidays like Christmas and Valentine's Day could do the trick."

C.C. looked at him with some pity. "Did you really ignore all of your school lessons or did you never really learn about Prohibition and the problems it caused?"

Another frown formed but he gave in to her logic and made his next suggestion.

"What about outlawing television?"

Two simultaneous sighs. "Again, Lelouch, Prohibition. Besides, they can still turn to books."

"Anime conventions are a possibility."

"You'd be facilitating better mental health." Suzaku retorted.

Lelouch's frustration grew.

"Pizza?" he said without thinking.

C.C. whipped out a gun with lightning speed and pointed it menacingly at the emperor's crotch.

"Say that again. I DARE you."

Faced with her wrath, he quickly and repeatedly shook his head "no" until she put the gun back in its holster. Satisfied, she leaned back against the wall again while Suzaku hid a small smile.

"Ah! I'll take Buffy the Vampire Slayer off the market!"

"Again, Lelouch, you're trying to incite hatred."

The poor 18-year-old man and possible sociopath sat back down with a depressed air about him. Looking up at his (sort of) friends, he tossed the problem over to them. "So you two come up with something! Just because I have the highest IQ here doesn't mean I have to make all the plans!"

That's not what you usually say, Suzaku and C.C. thought.

C.C. tilted her head and spoke up. "How about we ban anime from television?"

Lelouch waved his hand dismissively. "Not if we want global suicide."

She rolled her eyes at her junior partners. Taking another shot, she said "We could dismantle every kind of fast-food chain restaurants and hog Pizza Hut for ourselves."

Lelouch face-palmed and Suzaku took a deep breath and replied "That would contribute to global starvation. Besides, you already stuff yourself with pizza enough to put a dent in the treasury. It's a miracle that you aren't fat."

C.C. cocked her head again. "What are you going to do about it? Challenge me to a children's card game?"

Glaring at her for the pun, Lelouch pondered once more and threw out another desperate suggestion. "Maybe a ban on Winnie the Pooh could work, everybody loves him…"

Suzaku rolled his eyes with great distain and interrupted. "Are both of you going to keep making ridiculous grasps, or am I the only one who knows what really could rile everyone up?"

Normally the Demon and the Witch would glare at him with their fiercest expressions, but they had nothing else to go on and exhaled with resignation. Lelouch turned to his on-and-off best friend and asked "What is the obvious solution, Mister White Knight?"

Suzaku smirked.

They felt worried. Suzaku never smirked.

Their fears were confirmed when he opened his mouth and explained his plan.

Looking at him in shock, Lelouch replied after a few seconds. "That's low. It's horrible, even for me. Only the worse sort of person would think of doing something like that, even if it won't last long."

C.C. nodded in agreement.

Suzaku kept smirking. "You're both going to agree to it anyway, aren't you?"

Both Lelouch and C.C. stretched their most horrible grins. "Damn straight."

:::THE NEXT DAY:::

All of the world's television screens flickered to life, and all of the people realized that their ridiculously dramatic Emperor of the World was making another announcement. As his smirking face became visible, they braced themselves for whatever he was going to throw at them this time.

"ATTENTION, MY SUBJECTS! IN THESE PAST FEW DAYS, I HAVE BEEN MADE AWARE THAT MANY OF YOU STILL REFUSE TO REGARD ME WITH THE PROPER RESPECT IN SPITE OF MY REASONABLE BENEVOLENCE TOWARDS YOU ALL SINCE MY RIGHTFUL RECLAMATION OF MY DESTINY IN THIS WORLD!"

Eye-rolls occurred all over the world as they listened to his blatant lies.

"TO REMEDY YOUR LACK OF RESPECT, INSTEAD OF BEING MERCIFUL AND UNLEASHING A FLEIJA WARHEAD, I WILL INSTEAD TAKE SOMETHING FROM ALL OF YOU THAT YOU ALL LOVE AND ENJOY!"

Hearing this, everyone felt a sudden rush of fear as they now paid full attention to their screens waiting for his next odious act to take place.

"I WILL NOW ALLOW YOU TO OBSERVE THIS OUT OF MERCY JUST SO YOU KNOW THAT THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME YOU WILL EVER WATCH THIS OR LISTEN TO IT!"

His demonic grin was quite prominent as his image faded from view. "HAVE FUN."

The screen faded to black and reverted to color again, showing an image of a very familiar man in sunglasses. The horror kicked in for them as the video played for the (not) last time.

"OP. OP-OP, OP. OPPA GANGNAM STYLE!"

And that is how Lelouch cemented his legacy as the most despised man in history.

Fin

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