AN: This story really has no meaning or plot so I'm sorry if you accidentally stumbled over here. Instead of working on "Confessions of a Queen and Her Knight", I've been playing Twilight Princess. I'm waiting for my copy of Hyrule Historia to come in anyway, and I'm stuck trying to get the sinking lure. No, I can't move on until I have it. I'm that kind of person. And I want to do it without the coral earring so it's taking forever. It's much more annoying than beating 64 levels of Roll Goal which I thought was bad. But no this is worse
So, I wrote this while I was fishing. I wait for all the fish to swim away hoping that it'll give more chance to get the sinking lure if I purposely let the fish get away. I imagined that Midna wouldn't be too happy with me on all the days I've spent at the fishing hole, so I wrote this. I kinda based Link a little on the one from "Confessions of a Queen and Her Knight" as in, totally unhappy with his life. But really, there is no plot. I just wanted to write about Link bathing... lol
It was cold. It was raining. The water was dirty. But he didn't care. Besides, he was pretty sure he must have been a whole lot dirtier than the water. It was impossible not to be. Maybe the water would make him smell like fish. But he already smelled like fish.
He estimated that it must have been about three in the morning. He couldn't tell though. The rain clouds blocked the moon from him.
He was as far away from the fishing hut as he could be without being in the water. He didn't think Hena would be spying on him now. She was one to spy, especially since she knew he had been hanging around. There was no light from the hut. There was no light from the sky. No shadow to annoy him, either.
He took off his hat, and tossed it to the ground, not caring that it landed in mud. It was already soaked through by the rain anyway. He heaved off his shield, setting it to rest against the stony walls that kept this magical place safe. He felt somewhat unbalanced with it off, watching the rain splatter against the metal. He hoped he would remember to dry that thing off when he had a chance. He didn't want it to rust.
Next he took off his sword, and though that was safe in its sheath, he put it under the shield for further protection. Then he began to unbuckle all of his straps. It felt entirely too good to have them gone. He placed his belt and knapsacks with his sword, tugging off his boots and socks next, enjoying the bliss of having his hot sweaty feet sink into mud. Why did he wait this long to do this?
After hiding his boots also behind the shield to ensure they wouldn't fill with rain water, he pealed each soaked article of clothing from his skin. Gloves, tunic, chain mail, undershirt, pants, underwear. He took everything off. It was too late to try to keep them dry so he left them fall with a splat by his hat. He squatted over his stuff, naked, digging in one of his knapsacks for a bar of soap. It took him a moment, since he seemed to have everything in the Goddess damned world in there but eventually he found the tiny, dried up thing.
He began to walk into the shallow water swearing as he stepped into what felt like liquid ice.
"Fuck, it's cold."
He forced himself anyway, walking in to about ankle deep water. Clutching himself, he sank down, almost bringing tears to his eyes as he forced himself to sit down. After a moment of shivering so hard that his jaw hurt from it, he wiggled deeper into the mud, hoping it would keep him warmer, though it wasn't making him any cleaner which was the original intent. He sat there for a few more moments, telling himself he was not cold, before counting to ten, and made a dive into deeper water.
He surfaced with a gasp for air. Why had he made this decision to bathe when it was fall and not summer? He just couldn't be dirty anymore. Not for a second more. He had been wearing the same clothes forever. The same wet clothes, constantly sticking and then drying against his skin, and even though he was freezing his ass off, he couldn't help be feel elated, floated naked in the water.
He took his sorry soap, and began to scrub himself hard with it. It took it a moment to remember how to sud again, but with his insistence, he was able to coat his skin with the white foam. The friction from his forceful scrubbing warmed him up a little. He made sure to get everywhere in every tiny crevice of his body. He even washed between every single one of his toes. He scrubbed like it was the last bath he'd ever have, his skin victimized, turning into a shade of pink despite the cold temperature.
Last, he lathered his hands, before running his fingers through his hair, letting the rain wash out the soap. For once, he almost felt relaxed. Though this place made him feel like that a lot. Maybe that's why he kept coming here; to feel almost relaxed.
He was reluctant to leave the water to put on his still soaked and dirty clothes, so he swam around a bit, chasing after fish he knew were impossible to catch, dunking underwater to escape the dragonfly that would repeatedly try to land on his head.
He knew he had to get out. He had to sleep or he would drown here. He climbed out of the water, his whole body feeling heavy. He thought about just finding shelter and leaving his abandoned clothes here but he couldn't. He may have felt alone but Hena was never too far away.
He put on his wet pants, and carried everything else in his arms. He made it to the exit door, the rock wall over hung the entry way a great deal, creating a decent amount of shelter from the rain but he was still cold and he was still wet. He briefly thought about going to the fish hut but he was trying to avoid that place.
He draped his wet clothing over his shield, in a vain attempt to dry them, before sitting down, leaning against the ice cold rock. He didn't even notice falling asleep.
"Link? Link!"
Link woke up with a start, afraid and expecting to see Midna in front of his face. It turned out to be almost worse.
"Are you trying to catch your death out here?"
He realized he had been wrapped with a blanket. He was somewhat grateful but he half wondered if he would like to catch his death.
"You're half naked!"
"Oh." He looked under the blanket and realized Hena was right. "My clothes were wet," he said.
"Well you could have come into the hut, you know."
He knew.
"Did you want to come in now? Did you eat breakfast?"
"No, I got to... I have to go back to fishing..." and like always, Hena's face lit up into a smile.
"You just can't get enough of that fishing! I know the feeling! I never thought there was anyone else out there that enjoyed fishing as much as me." Everything he did seemed to make her happy, even when he was trying to subtly be rude. He didn't want to be outright rude. He was never outright rude. But he thought if he was a little rude, a little clumsy, a little dull and a little stupid, maybe Hena would get tired of him.
"Well, if you ever want to take the boat out, or you know, just stop by, I'll be in the hut!" He nodded his head, and Hena strutted back into her hut.
Right. Fishing.
He put his clothes back on. They were as cold as shit and still slightly damp, but at least they weren't soaked anymore. Once all his equipment was in order, he started off, going back to the same spot at the pound that he had bathed in, the farthest spot away from the fish hut.
"Link."
No.
"Link."
Ignore it.
"Link!" Unfortunately, the sun had dried up the rain clouds and shown brightly on the deep red leaves of the trees. When he stopped at his spot, his shadow sprang up against the rock wall, moving on its own free will. "Link. Are you still going through you're breakdown, or are you going to talk like a reasonable person?"
He ignored the voice that came from no where. Instead, he reached for his smaller knapsack, magically pulling out a long ten foot fishing rod from the small leather. Then he pulled out a small glass bottle filled with bee larvae.
"Oh, so you think you can just ignore me like that?"
Link popped open the jar, picked up a larva and began to hook it through his hook. Right before he was about to cast out, his shadow leapt in front of him, no longer in the shape of him.
"Did I call you?" he asked.
"Link, we've been here for two and a half weeks! Now I've been trying to be understanding. Maybe, you needed a break. Maybe, you needed time to relax because you're stressed out. I personally think you're being a pussy but I set aside my frustration. I mean, it's not all that important. It's only your country. It's only the entire Twilight Realm. So I let you have a vacation. I let you fish for days on end. I let you waste money and play stupid little games for hours at a time. I let you flirt with the local girls but now, Link, now you've been fishing IN THE SAME EXACT SPOT, CATCHING THE SAME EXACT FISH FOR TWO FREAKING DAYS STRAIGHT! You're not even recording them in your fish journal anymore. Because they're the same fish! I know you're not leaving this place because of Hena. You obviously don't like her anymore. So get off you're fucking butt, and get the next fucking Twilight shard!"
"I don't have to keep listening to you," Link murmured softly almost to himself as he cast his fishing pole right through Midna. "You're only a shadow right now."
"Ah! Only a shadow? Did I not save your ass when you were in that cold, dank little cell, trapped in the body of a beast? Are you just gonna stand here and fucking fish while the world is in peril?!"
Link said nothing. He only stood there and fished.
"Okay," Midna gave up. "Obviously you're still in your funk. You've hardly slept. All you've been eating is bee larvae." The fishing line went taunt and Link reeled in the same 23 inch loach for the millionth time. He unhooked the hook from its mouth before setting the fish back down into the water. "I'm not really sure what you're trying to do exactly but I know you're trying to cheer yourself up... somehow... by apparently catching the same two fish over and over again. Why don't you take a break from fishing, go visit Hena-"
"I don't want to see Hena."
"You wanted to see a lot of her before."
"I changed my mind."
Mida narrowed her absent shadow eyes. "What's changed? She's still the same as ever. Did you get bored after two and a half weeks?"
"I didn't mean to kiss her. I ... I don't know. I'm just... frustrated."
Midna smiled evilly at him. "I see. Frustrated, huh?"
"Maybe that's not the right word."
"Maybe you just need to fuck her and leave so we can finally go to Lake Hylia."
Link finally took his concentration off his bobber to glare at Midna. "No! I'm not like that."
"Not like that, huh? You seem quite the lady killer if you ask me. Or are you still upset about Ilia?"
"Ilia and me are just friends."
"I guess so, since you're in no hurry to rescue her."
"Would you just shut up!"
"You're a virgin aren't you Link?"
Link did not answer.
"Oh what am I saying-of course you are. So are you saving yourself for Queen Zelda? I mean the way you were when you first saw her, like an animal in heat, panting and drooling."
Link managed to reel in an old boot, and he attempted to throw it at Midna but it only went through her. "I was a wolf! I can't help it! It had nothing to do with whatever the hell you're talking about."
"Oh, Link, you naive child. You're obviously just sexually frustrated. You're at that age."
"I'm not sexually frustrated. It has nothing to do with that!"
"Oh really? Then what is your problem?"
"It's more complicated than that."
"I don't know if you can handle complicated."
"I can't do this!" he said throwing his fishing pole to the ground angrily. "I can't save everyone! I'm just an orphan kid from Ordon! How did I even get mixed up in all this! The Twilight Realm, the Queen, Hyrule, Illia, I can't handle all of it."
"Of course you can. I'm telling you how!"
"Oh, by saving the Zora Prince? No one knows where he is. He's probably dead."
"He could be, because you've been wasting all your time here!"
Link picked up his fishing rod and continued to fish. "I don't belong in that kind of world. You don't understand. I grew up in a small village. I'm used to a small boring village life style."
"You're right Link. I don't understand how you can be such a pussy when I know you're capable of doing these things."
Link didn't want to talk anymore so he started to head back to the fish hut. Midna couldn't talk when Hena was around.
Link stared out the window, watching the snow fall. He had opened the magic door on his way to the fish hut. He got bored of the same season all the time.
"Did you want to go out on the boat?" Hena asked.
"No, not right now."
"Actually, I didn't mean rent a boat. I meant just go out on my personal boat for fun. We don't have to do any fishing or anything. Of course, unless you want to or something."
"I thought you didn't lend your boat out," Link replied nervously.
"I wouldn't be lending it, you see."
Right. It would mean she considered him her boyfriend. Of course she did. They had made out for a good three hours that one time and he kept coming back. He gave her all his money to play useless games and told her she was pretty. He was her boyfriend. She'd probably expect him to marry her. It was sort of tempting, living here forever until the end finally came. It was nice here. You couldn't see the portal in the sky.
He agreed. He always agreed. It didn't matter if she was asking for 100 rupees to be a guide for him that he didn't need. It didn't matter if she was asking for five rupees to try one more time in roll goal. He did it. What could he say? He simple could not resist pretty girls.
They went out on the boat together, the frozen air didn't allow for mosquitoes, which Link was glad. They hadn't brought their fishing gear, because Link hadn't been in the mood. With nothing else to do, they would have to talk but of course, Link wasn't very good at talking so he let Hena kiss him. He let her kiss him as much as she pleased.
"So you're saying you can't say no to girls?"
"I guess."
"Then what the hell?"
"What?"
"I'm a girl, and you have no problem saying no to me! I've been telling you to go to Lake Hylia for-"
"You're different."
"Why?"
"You just are."
"Am I not pretty enough or something?!" she asked outrage.
"No. What are you talking about?"
"Well, obviously I'm not tall and sexy like all the other woman you fancy over."
"I'm not... I don't fancy over them!"
"Yea? Do you fancy over me?"
"What?"
"You don't, do you? I'm not pretty enough for you!"
"Midna, you're an imp. I don't think we're even the same species."
"Oh so now you're being racist!"
Before Link could respond, he felt something catch on his hook, and as usual, felt that was more important than whatever Midna was talking about. Reeling it in, he realized he didn't recognize what it was. "What is this?" he asked.
"It's just more junk from the bottom of the pound that you can add to your collection of stupid garbage!"
"I think it's a fishing lure."
"Well that's just great, because you don't have enough of those."
"No, take a look. I think it's one of those sinking lures that Hena really hates."
"Well don't let her catch you using it."
"Why not?"
"She'll probably take it away from you and hate you forever."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"Why...?" Midna suddenly asked.
"If she hated me forever. She'd want me to stop coming to the fishing hole."
"And maybe you'll go to lake Hylia?!"
"Maybe. Or maybe I'll go to Castle Town and give all the money Hena gave me to charity."
"Link. I'm going to kill you."
"And then eventually... get to Lake Hylia and be awesome at the last second as always."
"Gee. Thanks Link. Really though. What the hell's wrong with you?" though Midna did sigh in relief. Even if Lake Hylia wasn't immediately on Link's list of things to do, at least now it was back on there.
"I obviously can't do things the easy way. I have some sort of mental disorder that won't let that happen."
"Obviously. What can I do to convince you to skip Castle Town and go straight to Lake Hylia."
"Turn tall and sexy?"
And somehow, even though Midna couldn't physically slap him, he forgot and winced at her harmful gesture, losing his balance and falling into the water.