Hey there, it's my first Glee fanfic and of course it's Brittana...just because they're are an awesome pair and i ship them so hard and i'm sure there won't be a shipwreck anytime soon haha. Anyway this is a one shot of what i want to happen between 'Rumours' and 'Prom'.
Disclaimer: I don't not own anything (i wish haha) apart from my written work and just to warn you there will be bad langauge...i do tend to swear a lot :/
And Brittana doesn't interact as much here but i really wanted to get inside Santana's head a bit more and show what she's thinking/feeling but don't worry there will be some little interactions between them.
I hope you enjoy this one shot!
I knew Brit could hear me talking to Jacob in the hall way and I had no choice but to say that. I can't do this. I'm not ready and I don't know if I'll ever be ready to reveal who I really am.
As a ton of thoughts flashed through my head, I realised I was staring at her. I quickly adverted my eyes as she looked back at me. I stared down at the floor. Damn, why do my eyes find their way over to her. Well she is rather beautiful.
"Alright guys, rehearsals are over, I'll see you tomorrow. And remember, a song that gives out a message saying be yourself." Exclaimed Mr Shue. How ironic. We have to find a song to sing about how you have to be yourself. And what am I like right now? Definitely not myself.
I quickly stoop up from my chair and was about to dash for the exit but I felt a tight grip around my wrist.
"Santana can we talk please?" Said a familiar voice of a certain blonde.
"Yeah what about," I shrugged.
"Why didn't you come over last night," she started. "I wanted you to come on Fondue For Two."
There are people in life who are just confident in defining who they are right from the start of their birth. And there are people who are filled with holes in their life, and to fill them up they have got to be brave and do whatever it takes to fill up that hole, they make an effort to do something about it. Last but not least, there are people filled with holes but are not brave enough.
I am one of the people that are filled with holes and not brave enough.
And now new hole has just been dug.
"I'm sorry. I'm just not ready," I said lowering my voice a little.
"But come on San, we could have be dating right now," she replied.
"I'm just sorry okay! I can't! Not yet!" My voice went louder than before, and heads turned towards me and Brittany. I gave them an angry look meaning that they should mind their own business, and everyone carried on walking towards the exit again.
When I got home from school yesterday, my walls came up again and I was surrounded with fear. When I'm with Brittany all that fear goes away and I feel invincible. Like I can do anything. She has this power over me that I'll will do anything for her. So when I got home she wasn't there. She wasn't there to give me confidence. So that's why I couldn't go on her show.
I know it would have meant the world to her if I did and we could have been together right now…go to prom together. But I'm stuck with Karofsky.
If only I was brave enough.
My phone suddenly vibrated causing me to jump out of my skin. I picked it up without looking at the screen. It was Karofsky. He wanted to asked about that article. You know the one I wrote because I had to cover up my sexuality.
Even though Brittany didn't mean it that way, the other students thought different. People were giving me weird looks, not the 'she's intimidating' one. It was the disgusted look. Well anyway I told him I wrote it and I just had to so we could still be each other's beards and no one would question me or him.
I leaned over to my bed side table and opened the top draw. I took out a picture and I laid down under my covers with the picture next to me. That picture was of me and Brittany smiling, staring and our arms wrapped around each other. I remember that day clearly. It was like she was looking into my soul and nothing else mattered in the world. It was just me and her.
"I promise you I'll have enough courage," I slowly felt my eyes close and I drifted off to sleep.
Isn't she lovely
Oh god. Really? I rolled my eyes as Artie continued to sing to Brittany.
Isn't she wonderful
Isn't she precious
Less than one minute old
I swear if I roll my eyes one more time they're going to fall out of my head.
I'd never thought through love we'd be
Ergh. Fuck this. I can't stand listening to him sing to her anymore. I grabbed my bag and I hastily sprinted out of the classroom despite the shouts from my teacher. I felt the burn of Brittany's stare through my back.
I didn't want to go back in that classroom so instead I made my way to New Directions' rehearsal room. There's only half a period left and then it'll be singing time anyway.
I just sat there tapping my feet against the floor and, every couple of seconds, checking my nails. I knew the perfect song to sing. And I hope that Brittany really listens to the lyrics and understands. But I hope the other students won't.
This hole needs to be filled.
As the end of lesson bell rang, Mr Shue came into the room with his hands full of books, papers and his laptop. I immediately rushed over and helped him with his things.
"Thanks Santana, you never help!" He teasted.
"Shut up," I rolled my eyes.
"What are you doing in here before me anyway?" He questioned and I just shrugged without saying a word. "You can talk to me about whatever if you want?"
"No."
I went back to sit down in my chair again and the other members of Glee club finally arrived. Well actually it's only been a couple of minutes but I have been sitting in here for at least half an hour.
I could feel Brittany's burning stare again but I didn't look back at her because I know I'll get lost in her eyes and my walls would come crashing down right in front of everyone.
I was the first person to be picked to perform. I stood up at the front with my sweaty hands, I took a deep breath and began to sing.
I sit and I realise with these tears falling from my eyes
I gotta change if I wanna keep you forever
Promise that I'm gonna try
As I began to sing the chorus, my eyes found it's way to Brittany's and I could tell she was really listening carefully to me.
But I never meant to hurt you, I know it's time that I learn to
Treat the people I love like I wanna be loved
This is a lesson learnt, I hate that I let you down and I feel so bad about it
I guess karma comes back around 'cause now I'm the one that's hurting yeah
So don't tell me you can't forgive me
'Cause nobody's perfect
I finished and I blinked hard trying not to let the hot tears seep through my eyes. I looked at Brittany again and she was smiling. Smiling as if to say she understands what I was saying. Then I realised this hole that I created had been filled. I've been forgiven for letting Brittany down. And I discretely sang a song directed at her in front of everyone else. That's progress isn't it?
I saw Artie giving me a hard stare because I know he also understood what the purpose of that song was. He seemed pretty pissed.
Almost everyone has sang their song, even Mr Shue, and their was only one person left to sing. It's Rachel's turn. Typical. She always saves herself to sing last.
"Hey guys, well I'm last because you know, save the best till last," she smiled. See what I told you.
She closed her eyes and started.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror
Why am I doing this to myself?
Losing my mind on a tiny error
I nearly left the real me on the shelf
No, no, no, no, no…
Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're, everybody's bruising
Just be true to who you are
I sat on my bed. The song that Rachel sang was repeatedly playing over and over again in my head because that song has got me thinking. The lyrics were fresh in my mind.
Just be true to who you are.
Maybe…maybe I can do this.
No I can't.
Yes I can.
My mind was racing with the words can and can't. Tears started to trickle down my face. I need reassurance. I grabbed the picture of me and Brittany and looked back and forth at me and her.
We were happy there, really fucking happy. It was only until Brittany mentioned the word 'feelings' and I became a coward and basically ran. I couldn't help it. Feelings just scare the shit out of me. I knew what Brittany wanted from me and yet I couldn't give her that.
The only way to win her over and get my girl is…
To do something at prom.
For those who have read through that, i'm sorry if it was rubbish, but thank you for reading!
I do hope that Santana's 'major moment' at prom is where she'll come out to everyone but it's a 50/50 chance she will/won't.
Songs used in order of appearance:
- Isn't She Lovely by Stevie Wonder
- Nobody's Perfect by Jessie J
- Who you are by Jessie J
Now i highly recommend for you to listen to Jessie. She's absolutely amazing and has a lot of talent! Her songs are just amazing and her album is too. And i recommend the two songs i've used by her. You won't be disappointed;)
Sorry for my fangirl moment of rambling on. And once again thank you for reading!