Chas doesn't like guys. Not like this. Never has and never will. But he loves John. Always has and always will. In that bone deep, blood simple, do anything, stand hand in hand in the fire, kind of way. So sometimes, just sometimes, they do this.
It's okay. Sometimes it's even good. Really good. And it's better. Better than John going out and cutting himself to bleeding on the sharp edges of some stranger. Some guy who might really want to hurt him. Again.
So here they are. It started off as 'just once' then 'just once more'. Now, it's 'just sometimes'. And that's okay.
John leaves bite marks in the headboard and bloody scratches in Chas' skin. He's demanding. He's always demanding. But that's okay too. Chas is used to it. But this isn't the part he likes. Physically, yeah sure. It's okay. It's even fun, sometimes. But this isn't why he does it.
He does it for what comes after. When John finally relaxes. Really relaxes. Collapses. Shuts up. Looks up and their eyes meet. And there's nothing there between them. No walls. No fear. It doesn't last but in those few seconds it's glorious. Sometimes Chas even thinks John is trying to say thanks - thanks for begin everything - can't say it in words, of course. That'd scare him half to death. But he can say it like this. With a few seconds of real genuine honesty. Even if it is silent.
And in those moments of after Chas can pull him in. Tuck their bodies in close - in a way John wouldn't normally allow. Don't bloody coddle me, mate. And Chas can feel John's breath rise and fall with his own. A cool shiver across hot skin. Feel both their heartbeats still pumping true. And he knows that John's alive. Really alive. He's as safe as John Constantine ever gets. And sometimes, just sometimes, everything feels like it might come out okay.