Once upon a time, Midoriya was walking to school while listening to his iPod, enjoying the nice crisp fall morning. Out of nowhere, Bakugon dropped out of the sky and decked Midoriya, causing him to drop his belongings. The green haired hero sat on the ground crying since spaghetti spilled out of his pocket. As the iPod hit the ground, the headphones came unplugged, causing Despacito by Luis Fonsi feat. Daddy Yankee to start playing aloud. Because of this, Jiro warped over to the crime scene and provided Midoriya with replacement earbuds, while stabbing Bakugon in the process. Leaving him to die, Jiro and Midoriya flew to UA just in time for the first bell.
Walking into the classroom, they see Sero taping Mineta to a wall because he was being a little bitch. Just then, Eraserhead walked into the classroom just in time to see the terror unfold. Aizawa stared at Mineta for only a moment, then said, "Please… Continue." Sero went on his way to finish what he had started. He continued to wrap Mineta until he was a complete cocoon.
Eraser took that opportunity to take a nap because who tf was the genius that decided that high school should start at 7:30 in the goddamn morning. Fast forward 30 minutes, Mina asked, "Hey, has anybody seen Iida? He's never late to class." Tokoyami inputed, "I saw him waiting at a crosswalk while commuting that morning." "Maybe his legs ran out of gas or something," 🅱️enki joked. "Now that I think about it, do his legs need gas, or is it fueled by his regular eating habits?" Momo was about to speak, but was suddenly cut off by 🅱️enki. "If he uses his legs enough, does he even need to poop? His legs are basically his digestive system in that ca-..." 🅱️enki's thoughts trailed off as the thought of pooping made him realize that he needed to poop.
Tenya's point of view: 6:30am
"Alright, leaving at 6:30 will give me enough time to get to class and still be there bright and early. *epic camera angle as the background is full of blue and mostly white streaks* Because a good hero always gets to places in a timely manner. *Glasses do that white shading thing* Therefore, it leaves room for error in case something does come up." Tenya then rushes out the door with buttered toast in his mouth.
6:35am
Tenya approaches a crosswalk. He presses the walk button and eagerly waits for the traffic light to change. Little did he realise was that Bakugon used the crosswalk light as target practice last night, so it was out of commision. The fast man continued to wait for the non existent light to change…
8:10am
🅱️enki was now in the bathroom trying to take a poop. He grunted SO hard, he caused his quirk to activate and shoot electricity into the toilet and school power supply. Tetsutetsu was in the bathroom across the school and ended up gaining magnetic powers from the electricity, causing the toilet to stick to his ass. Meanwhile, the extra electricity in the power supply was shooting through the electric wires all over town, which illuminated the crosswalk Tenya was at. He thought to himself, "I want Tenya Ida to run."
Back on campus, Snipe was running around trying to find the source of the power serge. While doing so, he tripped on a banana peel that Funky Kong had left behind. He made a thud. "Oof owie, my ass," he thought as he grabbed his knee and reenacted Peter Griffon from Family Guy created by Seth MacFarlane. *Inhales deeply* aaaahhhhhh….. *INHALES* AaAaAaaAAAaaaAaAAaaaAAaAaAAaaAAaaAAaaaAAAAAaAaAHHhHhHhHHHhhhhHHhhHHhHhHHHh." The school nurse overheard his struggle and came Naruto Running™ running down the hall and screeched to a halt, making skid marks and tire squealing noises in the process. "Aaaawwwwwwwww, did someone hurt their wittle knee? :3" the nurse asked. Snipe, while crying, nodded his head. "There there *pats his head* i'll make it all better," Recovery Girl exclaimed as she puckered her lips and took a big ass smooch on his bruised knee. "Better?" She asked. "Much better," Snipe said half conscious since the treatment drained his energy. Recovery Babe shoved a lollipop into Snipes mouth, "Get well soon, honey :3" she said as she pulled a segway (like the one featured in Paul Blart Mall Cop 1 and 2, directed by Steve Carr) out of her hair bun and rode away into the sunset like a cowboy.
8:30 am
Tenya burts into the classroom while T posing with his glasses still having the white shading effect on them. The sudden noise woke up the gay teacher in his sweeping bag uwu. *traditional over enthusiastic Tenya voice* "The crosswalk never changed to the walking sequence. As a model citizen, it is against the rules to J walk, so I waited patiently for the light to change. Thankfully it did. I am here now" *bows, then walks over to his seat.* "Right.. Ok then. Class today we'll be continuing our lesson on common tactics villains use. Aizawa pulled out the traditional elementary school cart with the giant outdated tv on them. He put in a VHS tape and turned on video 1. Ernie from Sesame Street appeared on the screen and said, "Today's lesson is brought to you by the letter 🅱️. 🅱️is for 🅱️ONE HURTING JUICE." Then none other than Bill Nye the Science Guy became visible on the tv as everyone in the class chanted in sync, "BILL BILL BILL BILL!" At that moment, the Electric Boogalo known as Denki came through the classroom window seemingly unnoticed by his classmates and sat next to Kirishima. They cracked jokes the entire time during the 90's documentary about 🅱️one hurting juice. When the movie was over, Aizawa stopped the VHS player and rewound the tape like a model citizen. "Any questions?" Mineta attempted to shuffle in the tape cocoon to raise his hand. Eraser noticed, but ignored it. "No questions, very well… I will now pass around a sample of 🅱️one Hurting Juice. This is so you know what it looks and smells like. Whatever you do, DO NOT DRINK IT." The red haired rock man glared at Danki. He took Aizawa-sensei's warning as a challenge. "My stomach is a rock hard chamber. ,': )"
He said with a smug face. "How the hell did you do that with your mouth," asked Dinki sobbing. Momo studied the juice so she can replicate it later. Once the juice got to Kirishima, he activated his quirk, looked the electric man straight in the eye, and swallowed the whole goddamn thing. Momo saw this, sighed, and created another batch to give to Aizawa.
12:00pm
The bell rang for lunch. "Class is dismissed," the grumpy teacher said while chugging his 9th juice box and climbing in his sleeping bag. Present Mic smushed his face against the classroom door window, fogging it up. Eraser gestered for him to come in. *finger guns* "GGggGGgooOOoOoOOooooOOoOOooOD AFTERNOON AIZAWA," Mic said unnecessary loud. Eraser covered his bleeding ears. Yamada turned down his neck speaker thing™. "Sorry, I was using the blender earlier and couldn't hear myself talk… Smoothie?" Mic held out a smoothie for the teacher who needed to shave. "Thanks :D" Eraser said, taking the drink. Mineta started to squirm again. This disturbed Aizawa. "Before I forget…" Shouta said as he activated his scarf, wrapping around Mineta and tossing him out the window.
12:10pm
Class 1A were now happily enjoying lunchtime. "Boy, that 🅱️one Hurting Juice video sure was informative, huh Yuga." Midoriya said to his classmate. "Mmmm, it sure was, honey." Yuga said while putting his head in both of his hands. "I sure don't want to come in contact with any of that juice. It'll give me a tummy ache :(." "True dat" Deku replied. Kirishima overheard the conversation and could hear his stomach start to gurgle. He ignored it, like a lil bitch. A minute later, it gurgled again, but LOUDER. "Dude, you took that Crippeling Juice like a champ, huh Kirishima." Donki said. "Yeah…" The rock man thought as his stomach felt like it was coming apart. "Excuse me," Rock Boy said as he got up making his way towards the exit. Then it hit him. He stopped dead in his tracks and fell face first. "OOOFF OOOOWIE MY BOOOOONES!" Eijiro exclaimed. Midnight came to Kirishimas aid. She assumed that Kirishima contracted a contagious virus. To prevent an outbreak, she unleashed her quirk, causing everyone in the room to faint. Yuga ran up to Kirishima to help. "Huh, why aren't you unconscious?" Midnight asked confused. "Hah, your power does affect me. Because, IMGAY," Yuga said proudly. *sigh* "Fine, then help me take him to Recovery Girl." Midday said, lifting his feet.
12:35 pm Nurses Office
"He needs to have his stomach pumped." Recovery Girl immediately got to the point. She then proceeded with the operation. She activated her secondary quirk "The Invisible Hand" which allowed her to reach inside of stuff without cutting it open. RC proceeded to pull out his lunch, eaten whole without a single bite mark in it. She then pulled out a blu-ray edition director's cut dvd of the 1997 hit Nickelodeon film Good Burger, directed by Brian Robbins, starring Kel Mitchell and Kenan Thompson. Next, the nurse pulled out other miscellaneous items like the British crown jewels, car keys, and a pink unicorn keychain. "And there's my car keys," the pink fish from Spongebob added in. "Man, Kirishima sure does eat a lot of weird stuff," Midnight said while holding the unicorn keychain. "Uuhhhh… That's mine," a Shinsou said behind them who was unaffected by Midnights quirk, for he to was also gay. *Present Mic voice* "Hitoshi Shinsou, his quirk, brainwashing. He can control anyone's mind just by asking them a question. Shinsou stood 177 centimeters tall and weighed 155 pounds. Both his hair and eye color are purple. If you'd want to cosplay him, a lace front Marty Classic from in the color grape would probably work best." He walked in the room looking slouched. He grabbed the unicorn keychain, looked at Kirishima, said, "Lmao, that guy is a loser, extra loser," then left. Recovery Girl then pulled out a devil egg and placed it in the tray next to her while saying, "One deviled egg." Kirishima woke up, ate the egg, then went back to sleep. Recovery Girl proceeded to pull out the deviled egg again and say "The same deviled egg." Finally, Recovery Girl found the source of the 🅱️one Hurting Juice and removed every last drop. "I feel so much better now, thanks Doc," Kirishima said and gave RG a big smooch.
1pm Lunch room
Bakugon finally recovered from being stabbed by Jiro that morning. He walked into the cafeteria hoping to catch the end of the lunch period. "What the hell?" He said as he noticed everyone unconscious from Midnights quirk. Not giving a shit, Explosion Boy proceeded to steal everyone's lunch money. When he got to the table where class 1A liked to hang out, he noticed that his boy friend Kirishima was nowhere to be found. Bakugon then went to the Rock Mans other hang out spot and he wasn't there either. He felt his heart sink a bit. "Where could that son of a BICTH BE?" Bakugon said has he did his traditional angry fist into his other hand causing small explosions.
Wandering the halls, King Explosion noticed (your name here). "Hey, you… That's right, YOU," Bakugon shouted down the hall. "Have you seen Kirishima anywhere?" "No, I haven't.. Why do you want to know? Is he your boyfriend? ;)" (y/n) said with a smug ass face. "SHUT UP," Bakugon said, causing explosions and walking away. Halfway down the hall, he stopped, turned slightly, "Yeah… he is…..," Bakugon said quietly then continued to walk away.
Rounding the corner, Bakugon sees Kirishima standing in the middle of the hallway with faint music playing. As he approached The Red Riot, Kirishima whipped his body around and started dancing to the parody video called "Why you got a 12 car garage when you only got 15 cars"
of Nickelbacks 2005 song Rockstar released on the album All the Right Reasons with the genre of rock and roll. "KIRISHIMA!" Bakugon shouted as he ran towards his lover, embracing him. "Dude, calm down. I drank some 🅱️one Hurting Juice and had to get my stomach pumped, that's all." Bakugon, who was slightly crying, looked up at Kiriskima. Baku wiped the tears away, pulled himself together, held Kirishimi on one shoulder and did that overused fist clench thing with the other hand. "That's the manelist thing i've ever heard."
1:30pm Classroom
Eraserhead and Present Mic were enjoying their time together, when they noticed the time. "1:30? Where the hell are my students? Lunch was over half an hour ago," Aizawa exclaimed in a confused and yet concerned tone. He stood up and started to leave when his husband went, "Wait!" Mic walked up to Eraser, put a hand on his head and said, "Proud of you." Aizawa got mad for only a moment, but he could never stay mad at such a beautiful man. Yamada jumped on Aizawas back for a piggyback ride to the cafeteria.
1:35pm Lunch room
The epic duo made their way into the cafeteria and were greeted by a eerie atmosphere. "wHOSE RESPONSIBLE FOR DIS?" Mic asked in a Monty P Moneybags impersonation. "Sorry, that's my bad," Midnight said walking up behind the two of them. "Kirishima was in great pain, and I thought he had contracted a contagious virus, so I made everyone unconscious to prevent the virus from spreading. But… *shrugs* It turned out that he got a hold of some 🅱️one Hurting Juice *puts hand behind head*, hahaha," Midmorning explained.
The group decided to walk around the lunch room to see if any of the students were waking up. Just then, a piece of paper hit Aizawa in the back. *Johnny Test whip crack of the neck* "Whoever threw that paper, your moms a hoe," Shouta said angrily while his eyes turned red with bitchiness. Nobody moved or said a thing. "BICTH, I WILL CUT YOU!" The man threw the paper in the direction it came from. "Sorry about that," *Todoroki steps out from behind a 6 inch wide collum.* "I came into school late hoping I could pick up any missed work, and I thought a deadly virus swept through the school and I assumed you were zombies…." Aizawa paused for a moment then asked, "If you thought we were zombies, why didn't you use your quirk, that would've been more effective." "Oh shit, I guess you're right." TodoAfrica spat out.
Profesional hero Yamada Hizashi of blood type B stood on the nearest table, motioned for Midafternoon, the hobo man, and Freezer Burn to hold their ears. "WWWWWWAAAAAAKKKKKEEEE TTTTHHHEEEE FFFUUCCCCCCCCCCCC UUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPP," Mic fuccing shouted casing 2.1 magnitude earthquake. Sure enough, everyone woke the fucc up. Everyone looked around, then focused on the loud voice coming from the hallway. "Zach, stop… Zach stop, you're going to get in trouble." Bakugon said to Kirishima while filming him doing a stupid walk. They both stopped outside the cafeteria looking inside to find everyone waking up from their drugged slumber. "Hey.." Aizawa said to them. I'm calling the cops." "CHEESE IT!" Bakugon shouted as he and his bro ran down the hall and out of the school to the Benny Hill theme.
"AHAHAHA," a familiar voice spoke. All Might busted through the ceiling landing in the middle of the cafeteria. "I AM HERE!" he spoke and striked a pose. Toshinori looked around taking in the madness that just occured. "I AM LEAVING," the hero said has he made a brand new hole in the ceiling. While flying through the air, he spotted Kirishima and Bakugon running away. All Might landed right in their tracks with so much force that he broke the sidewalk, creating a 2 foot crater that can only be fixed by either Cementos or MLIT (aka, the people who fix roads in Japan). "Where do you think you're going, young man?" All Might said with one blue eye glowing as the introduction sound from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit with an Imdb rating of 8/10 played. Baku and Kiri stood frozen in their tracks as the number one hero taunted them. All Might cracked his fingers while saying, "Do you wanna have a bad time?" That phrase alone summoned the song Megalovania from Undertale, the popular roleplaying game released in 2015 that is playable on platforms such as Windows, Mac, and PlayStation 4, to start playing as All Mights one blue eye glowed even more brightly as he smirked at the two students, striking fear into their very souls.
The End
Hidden references
Paragraph 1: Spaghetti falling out of pocket vine.
Paragraph 2: The last sentence was a slight reference to The Poop that took a Pee by Butters Stotch.
12:00pm: Google, "Spongebob window slide."
12:35 pm Nurses Office: The episode of Futurama where they went back in time to Roswell NM and Zoidberg ate the deviled egg. The Shinsou "extra loser" part was from SDCC 2018 where Bakugon's voice actor was going down an escalator, calling everyone a loser.
1:30pm Classroom: Google, "Family Guy proud of you."
Last paragraph: The Law & Order bit was part of a BNHA vine compilation. I can't find that video again for the life of me...