'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the castle
Not a creature was stirring, not even Rocky.
The fishnet stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas would soon be there.
Columbia was nestled all snug in her bed,
While visions of tap shoes danced in her head.
And Magenta in her outfit and Riff in his uniform,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Riff sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon shone brightly on the new fallen snow below
Giving the luster of midday to objects below.
When what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a sweet transvestite named Frank and eight Transylvanians.
Clad in a corset and fishnets, standing tall and dark,
Riff knew in a moment it must be Frank.
More rapid than eagles the motorcycles they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name!
"Now Kimi! Now Tony! Now Rufus and Ishaq!
On Sadie! On Perry! On Peggy and Stephen!
To the top of the castle! To the top floor!
Now dash away! Dash away! To the floor show we go!"
As dry leaves that before the hurricane fly,
When they met with an obstacle, the Time Warp they did!
Then to the top of the castle the Transylvanians danced,
With bags of goodies, and dear Frankie too.
And then in a twinkling, Riff heard above him
The prancing and dancing of each Transylvanian.
As he drew in his head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney came Frank with a bound.
He was dressed in women's clothing, from head to toe,
And his corset was all tarnished with ash and soot.
A bundle of goodies he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.
His eyes how they sparkled! His makeup quite merry!
His cheeks were like roses! His nose like a cherry!
His lipsticked mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And his pale skin was as white as the snow.
The stump of a cigarette he held in his teeth,
And the smoke encircled his head like a wreath.
He had wild black hair and two tattoos,
One was a heart that said 'Boss' and the other # 4711.
He was tall and skinny, quite a jolly transvestite,
And Riff couldn't help but laugh at his entrance!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon had Riff knowing there was nothing to dread,
At least not for tonight.
He spoke not a word as he handed Riff the bag,
And strutted out the door to find Rocky,
A few moments later he jumped on a motorcycle
With his creation behind him,
And the Transylvanians in tow.
They started their engines,
And Frank gave a whistle.
As they drove off Riff heard Frankie exclaim:
"Oh, Rocky! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"