The Curse.
"Take heed my friend lest you be torn asunder
like all that's become of me."
- Disturbed – The Curse
.
I knew you would come for me. I told him you would. Then again, I think that's exactly what he wanted. You always were a great thorn in his side and what better way – speaking from a diabolical genius sort of perspective – to dispose of a foe than with a...Trojan Horse as it were.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leading you here, to where you're likely – though I hope you're strong enough not to – to die. I'm sorry for attacking you like this and for being the hesitation you would rarely otherwise show.
It's a strange sensation, really, and I can't help but wonder if this is how a coma patient feels; in one's own body, aware of that which goes on around, but being completely helpless to interact with anything or anyone. I'm powerless, Chris. Please, free me. I don't want to hurt you!
If this were any other time, any other place, I know I would never admit such a thing. I suppose that's just the type of woman I am. I've always felt a little inferior – did you know that? I've always tried to hide it. Always shorter, plainer and just a little too masculine, I never felt like a...woman. I was never chased before – by men, I mean. I was never made to feel particularly special.
That's why I joined S.T.A.R.S. I thought that, even if it was a public service, I could at least allow the help we provide to make me feel better about myself. I wanted to feel important; and even when the rest of the guys were swelling with pride and trying to bring me down back when I was a rookie, through the tears I shed for my family, I didn't mind so much. I was one of the only women in our unit, and though I was teased, at least someone noticed me.
I'm sorry. It was selfish that I threw myself out that window, even if it was to stop Wesker. I knew he was going to kill you and I couldn't handle the thought of watching him tear out your heart as he'd done to Spencer. But...it wasn't because I know – deep down I just know – that you'll be the one to defeat him. It was because I didn't want to lose you. I didn't want a new partner, a new friend. I didn't want to imagine a future where, "What if..." was not possible.
And, I suppose, I wanted to look tough. If I couldn't be feminine, I wanted to be strong, like you. I wanted to prove that I could hold my own, even against someone like Albert Wesker, who I'm sure could make even Satan cringe. But now, I'm selfishly asking for your help because, at the end of the day, I'm just a weak little girl in need of a hero. I want to be released from my guilt, redeemed from this Hell.
My arms are bound – that woman, Sheva, I think you said, is strong – and though I struggle, I hope your bullet is true. You always were a perfect shot, not that I fear for my life anyway. I probably should have died a long time ago.
But there's no time to think about that. My body bursts with unfathomable pain – imagine being sacked while giving birth during menstruation all while being burned alive – and the device that Wesker strapped to me like an electric collar, is gone. It'll leave a horrible scar, but a small price to pay for my freedom.
And then, like the hero you are – though you're far too humble to ever admit it – you hold me and it's all I can do to stop from crying. It wouldn't be professional. And I feel my lips move. Ironically, this too is beyond my control. The B.S.A.A. member in me sprouts chivalrous banter about saving the world, while Jill Valentine bites back her true feelings.
"You have to stop him," I say, when what I want to say is, "I love you, Chris. I love you; please, don't leave me again."
But I know I never will. Even at this climax, when I know I may never see you again, knowing that – even if I do – you may never hold me like this again. We've been partners for years, yet there's been more between us then awkward smiles and friendly claps on the shoulder. So I repress my feelings again. It's another act of egoism. I would much rather never know, then know it can never be.
I guess I am really selfish after all.
.
Disclaimer: All Resident Evil characters belong to Capcom.
Author's Notes: After playing Resident Evil 5, Chris really grew on me and I love his relationship with Jill (even more than any of Leon's love interests). I wish there was more solid evidence though. Obviously Chris cares for Jill, but likely they're both too professional to ever act on their feelings. It's sort of sad. I apologize if this was too short. I wanted to make a short, blunt point.