Oh darlin' I know you're taken, but something 'bout this just don't feel right,
Every time one of us tries to leave here, oh the other one holds on tight...
Baby tonight there's so much lovin' between us but you say you gotta get home,
Stay here with me, I won't tell a soul
-o-o-o-
It started with a meaningless sex. Hair-pulling, skin-scratching, hot, meaningless sex.
They met at a bar, as almost everyone who ended up having one night stands did, Alex approaching Piper with such an odd line to start anything with ("It's a little cold out for margarita, don't you think?" would have probably not worked as well as it did for Alex if it wasn't Alex who used that line.)
They got drunk, too drunk to care about anyone when they started making out in the middle of the crowd, and then they woke up in some shitty hotel's bed with nothing wrapped around them but their arms and legs (surprisingly entwined together in a supposedly uncomfortable way that both didn't seem to notice at all.)
It was Alex who woke up first at the time and if it was some other time and some other girl, she would've hurriedly left before everything became too awkward, but for some unknown reason, she fell back asleep, pulling the blonde just a little closer to her, tightening her grip just a little bit more.
But when Alex woke up again, Piper was gone, her scent lingering on her skin like it's always been there.
Alex let it go. Even though there was something different about the girl, something she couldn't put her finger on, she let it go and forgot the whole thing even happened... until about two weeks later when she again saw the blonde at the subway when Alex ran just a little bit late to work.
Alex knew she should have ignored her, turned around and pretended like she didn't see her. But that something different about the blonde seemed to pull at her like a magnet she had no ability to fight and before she knew it, she was speaking to her again, unknowingly giving that beautiful blue-eyed blonde the power to one day shatter her into a million pieces.
Today marked the third month that this had been going on and Alex shouldn't have been counting, but she was and every time she did, that rip in her heart grew just a little bit wider.
Piper had someone else. She was getting married to some guy she's known for probably forever and even though they never really talked about him, Alex felt his presence so damn much every time Piper would pull away from her telling her it's time for her to go.
And she was feeling that again right now as she watched Piper put her clothes back on, her back on Alex every damn time, her eyes never really meeting hers no matter how much Alex tried to. Usually, Alex would just watch Piper quietly until she would put that fucking ring back on, giving Alex a tentative smile before walking out of the door.
But today was different. Today Alex felt that pull so much stronger and she felt that if she had to once again watch Piper walk away from her, she would break apart again and she wasn't sure how much more of that she could take. So unlike any other day, she spoke before Piper even had the chance to take one more step.
"Do you really have to go?"
It was one simple question and Alex asked it as casually as she could. Yet it fell so heavily from her lips, tension immediately filling the air. She saw how Piper suddenly stood rigid, and Alex had to hold her breath for she didn't know how long until Piper finally managed to look at her, her eyes only darting at her briefly before shifting her gaze towards a spot just beside Alex's head.
"Yes. I'll see you soon, okay?" Piper then smiled, and it was so heart achingly beautiful that Alex just let her kiss her on the lips one more time before she walked out of the room, leaving Alex for the nth time.
But this time, this was not the same Alex that Piper left. Because this Alex was someone who had finally accepted that thing she's been trying to deny herself for so long because she was too damn scared of how much it would ruin her once the realization would set in.
And now it had, and Alex was in no way prepared of how much this hurt. Because she's fallen in love with Piper, fallen in love with a woman who already belonged to someone else, fallen in love with that one person Alex knew she could never call hers.
Alex ignored the feeling for as long as she could. She let whatever it was that was going on with her and Piper continue and let Piper make her, her dirty little secret. She allowed herself to feel all the pain in every part of her body if it meant having a portion of Piper's time because she knew that it was the only thing she could have.
But Alex wasn't numb. She could feel how Piper would hold her just a little bit tighter every time she knew there were only a few minutes left before she had to leave again. She could see how her eyes sparked every time they would look at each other, could feel how her tender touches meant so much more than she was making Alex believe.
There was a chance that Alex might just have been fooling herself in believing that Piper might be feeling the same thing she was. But she was god damned tired of this set up and if this was the only way she could finally have Piper to herself, then she was at least going to try.
Now or never.
So Alex let Piper do her usual routine: change her clothes, put her ring back on, kiss Alex on the lips. But this time, she wasn't gonna let her do what was next, she wasn't gonna let her turn her back on her to walk towards the door and leave Alex by herself.
This time, she was gonna make her stay.
"Stay."
One word. One word and it rendered Piper frozen and speechless. She stayed still for a few seconds but then she finally looked at Alex, and she was wearing that fake smile again, that smile that Alex hated so much, before she shook her head.
"You know I can't, Al. Larry's waiting for me."
And Alex wanted Piper to look her straight in the eyes so badly but she wouldn't and it frustrated her like crazy, an irritation suddenly bubbling inside her.
"Fuck Larry. Well, technically it's fuck Alex because that's what you were doing just a few minutes ago," she smirked, and she wore that shit-eating grin that always managed to conceal the pain she felt every time the name Larry would leave Piper's lips.
"Alex." It sounded like a whine, like Piper wanted nothing but to just leave and yet Alex couldn't seem to want to acknowledge it, couldn't seem to grasp the fact that Piper suddenly felt more distant than ever.
"I mean it, Pipes. I don't want you to go."
Alex has now stood discarding the blanket that was hiding her nakedness from Piper, not caring that she was now standing so closely to the blonde wearing nothing at all. She didn't care, because she knew that it was the only thing Piper couldn't really resist, her body.
And she ignored the pang in her chest that came with that realization, knowing that she wanted Piper to want so much more than that. She wanted Piper to want the whole her, her body, her heart, her soul. No reservations... just everything about her and her alone.
"Piper, I love you." When those words left Alex's lips, she saw how Piper's eyes widened, how she seemed to stop breathing, how she suddenly looked as if she was about to cry. And she waited, the anticipation of what Piper could say about this making her heart hammer loudly against her chest.
Then as if Piper was programmed to do nothing but cause Alex pain, she shook her head, and looked at Alex as if this was such a big mistake. "A-Alex, we've talked about this."
"I know, Pipes. I know that I promised you I'd never fall for you. But fuck, Piper. You're the most amazing woman I've ever met. You're beautiful without even trying. You're smart and you're funny and you just... it's just so hard not to fall in love with you. So I'm sorry for breaking my promise but I'm not even in the slightest bit sorry that I feel this way because this, us, no matter how much it hurts, this is the best thing that's ever happened to me... ever."
And Piper was starting to pull away again but Alex wouldn't let her, holding on to her so tightly she knew her grip was starting to hurt. "You know that nothing more could happen—"
"I'm not asking you for something more. I just... I just want you to stay for one night. One night where I can pretend like you're mine, that I'm not just borrowing you from someone else."
"Alex, I have to go home."
"I know you want to stay."
Piper swallowed, and then pulled her gaze away from Alex. "I don't."
That hurt. It split Alex's heart in two and suddenly, she wished that she would just bleed dry until there's nothing left to feel any more of the pain. But instead, the pain spread on Alex's chest causing her to finally let go of Piper, her skin feeling as if it was burning her. "Then look me in the fucking eye and tell me that you wanna leave."
"Al, please don't do this." Piper's tears were now filling her eyes and Alex could not understand whyshe seemed to be hurting when she had just made what she wanted clear.
Alex should have just let her. She should have wanted for Piper to feel the same pain she was feeling but seeing Piper like this hurt Alex a thousand times more so like a reflex, she held Piper's face gently, wiping the tears that had now stained her cheeks.
"Piper, we've been doing this for so long. I've wanted to get out of this so many times, but you always made me stay. You were the one who's always told me not to let go just yet, and now I'm asking you to do the same thing, not even for forever, just tonight."
"I can't—I'm sorry."
And then Piper turned her back on Alex, ripping Alex's heart in the process, splitting it wide open in so much more pieces, leaving Alex to try and hold it together as much as she could.
But still, Alex couldn't let go. So she almost ran towards Piper, wrapping her arms around her, as she rested her forehead at the back of Piper's head.
"Alex," Piper pleaded, her hands immediately grabbing Alex's arms so she could pry them off of her, but her voice lacked conviction and when Alex still wouldn't let go, she just exhaled in defeat, letting Alex's tears wet a few strands of her hair, her own tears shooting from her eyes blurring her sight.
And then Alex did that one thing she swore in her life she'd never do for anyone. But then again, this was Piper and she wasn't just anyone. She was different. And it made the begging just a whole lot easier.
"Piper, please. I can't watch you walk away from me another time. Please don't leave."
For a moment, Piper just let Alex hug her, her lips softly pressing on her hair. But then before Alex even realized what was happening, Piper was out of her grip and she was facing her with an unreadable expression on her face. Her eyes looked misty but she was doing a good job at hiding what exactly she was feeling at the moment and Alex couldn't do anything but let Piper cup her face gently and probably break her heart for one last time.
"Al, I'm sorry. But I have to get home. And L-Larry, he's home, Alex. I'm so sorry," then Piper was pulling Alex's face towards her, and she crashed her lips against Alex's with everything that she could.
And Alex kissed her back with as much intensity, using that kiss to tell Piper everything she couldn't say, and to make Piper feel that one thing she wasn't allowed to. She kissed her back and hoped that in that way, Piper wouldn't ever forget just how much Alex loved her, and how she was breaking her in a way she knew she'd never be able to piece back together again.
Piper then pulled away, twisting the invisible knife she had stabbed Alex with, further breaking Alex in half, "I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. I have to go."
So for one last time, Piper walked away from Alex. And what made it a thousand times worse was the fact that Alex couldn't do anything but watch Piper walk out not only from her sight, but from her life for good.