A song fic for my favorite fictional couple, and my first one. Hopefully it works! ^^ Its just a little quick, yet vague oneshot. Enjoy!
Because I always site my inspirations for my work, this comes from when my boyfriend and I had a spat not to long ago and he called late that night to apologize and sing this song, which was the first time I heard it. And much later I thought to write a fic =)
I Don't own Hey Arnold or the song "If you Only Knew". The song is by Shinedown
If you only knew
I'm hanging by a thread
The glass was shattered across the floor of the bedroom, the picture that had one been behind it torn to pieces and littering little white flakes among the glittering shards. She didn't care she had broken the frame she'd gotten for their first anniversary, not a bit. Or did she? She blinked, the tears pouring down her face in spurts. After a few gasping breaths, she sat on the edge of the bed and ran her fingers through her hair as thoughts swirled in patterns in head.
The web I spin for you
If you only knew
She didn't know what had gone wrong, she just couldn't comprehend why he was doing this to her. It had been more than a week since they had had the fight about him leaving to go to some college more than six hours from where she'd been accepted. So maybe they hadn't discussed going to the same college, but it was a given. God, he knew how much she loved him. How attached she was to everything that was associated to him. How many pieces of gum she'd used to build his likeness. Even how many books she'd filled with her thoughts of him.
I'd sacrifice my beating
Heart before I'd lose you
Her gasps came in sobs now as she remembered.
"I can't go to that school with you Helga…."
"W..what?"
He had looked down, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I can't afford it."
She had tried to protest, but he'd interrupted. "I saved as much as I could, but I can't. I was offered a scholarship somewhere else…I'm sorry."
I still hold onto the letters
You returned
I swear I've lived and learned
She'd said some things she shouldn't have. Done things she now regretted. There was no other word for her but crazy, and she knew it. On the nightstand next to the picture she'd just shattered was a stack of letters with "Return to Sender" written on them in his hand. He hadn't even bothered to read the apologies she'd bombarded him with at the dorm address he'd posted as his status. She couldn't understand why he wouldn't even bother to read them. It made her so pissed and hysterical at the same time that she'd let this happen. She peered over at the digital clocked that blinked in the dim glow of her bedside table lamp.
It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
She had missed him before. He'd gone on small trips with Gerald or his grandparents. But he had talked to her then, said he cared about her. She crawled the rest of the way onto her bed, but it was cold and lifeless to her. It was too big for her now. Those nights where they had fallen asleep in each others arms lingered in her mind. Of course, he never stayed the whole night, but how could she get to sleep with the smell of his cologne and the soft feel of his skin.
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, if you only knew
Helga curled into a small ball, shivering slightly as a fresh wave of loneliness poured over her. He had, no, he still was everything to her. When he had got in the car and left he'd taken some of what made Helga, well, Helga. She knew that in some celestial destiny, he was the reason for her life. She felt she was meant to help him grow, and he was to help her. She knew that still, deep in the core of her heart. He had to feel that too, didn't he? A year of dating couldn't allow him to just leave her totally unscathed. Another flashback.
If you only knew
How many times I counted
All the words that went wrong
"You don't give a shit about me, do you?" she'd fumed, her fist clenched as she fought back tears. "This year was just some game to you!"
"Helga-!"
"Don't touch me!" Helga had pulled back from his touch, ignoring his hurt expression. "I have feelings! I'm not some pity case!"
"I never saw you that way," he had whispered.
She had then dropped a rather un-lady like "f" bomb before stalking off in her anger.
All those tears she had held in that night now soaked her bed.
If you only knew
How I refuse to let you go,
Even when you're gone
She felt her thin body shake as they came in salty torrents. The best year of her life snatched away, and she'd been such a fool about the whole situation. She could've asked to work long distance instead of ending it like she did. They could've visited, called. Anything. If she loved him as much as she claimed, couldn't she? She knew she could. But she had felt bad about asking it from him.
I don't regret any days I
Spent, nights we shared,
Or letters that I sent
After a few more moments of tears, she rolled over onto her back and stared up at the ceiling where Arnold had teasing made their initials with glow in the dark stars. It seemed somewhat ironic and hurtful that the stars making his initials barely glowed in the dark bedroom anymore. Another blink of the clock.
It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
A sudden unknown relaxation feeling swept over her as she looked up at her fake night sky. She was always going to love him, and she accepted that. She knew she would always keep everything that he had returned. She'd keep his smile tucked in her heart, and she'd let the memory of his kiss tickle her lips on these lonely nights. She dream about his arms when she slept and she always stop in front of the boarding house as long as she could walk.
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, if you only knew
If you only knew
She felt her eyes start to grow heavy as she crossed her arms across her chest. Another picture sat on her nightstand, framed. The picture they'd taken the first date. He would be the first and last for her, wouldn't her? Forever. She would just drift into this new reality that was her own illusion.
If you only knew
I still hold onto the letters
You returned
You help me live and learn
He had helped to shape her into the person she was today. She observed her life lessons from him. She'd always remember her Arnold lessons. She gave a sleepy yet hysterical tinged laugh as her eyes closed.
It's 4:03
And a boy six hours away wakes up,says
and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
He finds a pencil and paper and composes a message.
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, believe in is you
I still believe in you
Oh, if you only knew
At 4:10, he drops a letter in the postbox addressed to Helga G. Pataki.