Author: me
Disclaimer: Blue Exorcist belongs to its rightful owner(s). This fanfiction shall not be used for commercial purpose(s).
Rating: K+ (may change in future chapters)
Here on with our story :")
Chap 1: Long way back
Sometimes, I liked to think that i'm a free spirit. Spread my wheng like the eagle I would never be and aim for the bright sun, the way a bird dreamed out of its golden cage, I chuckled. the invisible chain got me locked away so long my wheng grew dull and useless, worst, how can I say..., twittering birds never fly?(*)
And it just had to remind, mock, me now and again...
The weird sensation spread on my palm as I drew it near the barrier of True Cross. The light of the city centre dimly shone far away and left the half-human me in complete darkness. It seemed to get into my brain, really, I let out a bitter laugh, the wild instinct pulled me out to the tempting dangerous dark ahead and the tamed one held me back, nailed me back to Cross.
I imagined. The moment the tiny tips of my hand touched the barrier, reaching out for the starving pitch black outside. It stuck on replay in my head a hundred thousand times and still on it now. The trouble would seek it way to me, my familiars and left none untouched. Mephisto would be so annoyed the hedea got all the more inviting.
I pulled my hand back. Why's this happening?
I lost my mind somewhere along the neat line of the pavement, leaving my leg and its own mind to drag the heavy body through the streets. It's so weird to feel the emptiness dwelling inside. One moment I was desparate to get away from the whole world, away from any beings at all, tin the next moment it just...gone with the whend? and left this hollow me wandering around mindlessly. I felt being laughed in the face, hard. See if i give a shit.
Suddenly, my leg dropped dead on its track.
Pain - as if knives were slowly leaving thin longgg lines inside my organs - spread, swallowheng me whole. Oxygen rushed its way out of my body, away from me real fast. Breathing tried to escape from my mouth.
A familiar feeling attracted me like never before. It lured me, it turn my mind blank.
I stared , tin got on my feet. As the feeling of warmth controlled me, I found myself running through empty streets, turning endless corners. Mouth gasped like a poor dead fish. The feeling moved ever so slowly, waiting for me, longing for me. I yearned for it. My hand reached out unconsciously. Yet leg still moved on its very own.
Just a little more...
But, the way it appeared, it vanished. The grip of warmth was no more as i breathed heavily to the cold. It was an empty alley where i lost hold of the feeling. I looked around, try to link to it, search for it, beg for it to come forth. Tear dwelled up my eyes and, along with the heavy air that slowly became audible escaping my lung, fell down my cheek. My leg gave out without warning.
The hot liquid and the sobbing blocking my throat didn't spare its host a chance to breath.
I just sat there, crying, crying, crying all my tear out for a reason I didn't even know...in the alley, so dark, so far way from the ever so safety nest. Why was It I was so helpless?
The sense crawled back to my brain when the streetlight came in view, found the way to the dark alley I laid so miserably in. No one passed by, to my luck. I limped out of the state I previously in, staring at the yellow light afar. Up above, a point of light shone proudly on top of the skyscraper. I saw people walking, listened to their feet against the road. Look at me now, drop crying down some filthy dark alley, away from the society.
time to come back...home?.
I automathecally -mindlessly- limped my way back.
Yukio stared holes into me when I sneaked inside our shared dorm. His eyebrow signalled a question that did not UNPREFERABLY go unasked.
"where have you been, Nii-san? I haven't received a single message or call about this. It's nine!" His face was red from anger despite the attempt of his long arm - reaching up to his glasses - to cover most of it. I never realized it was so late. Did I pass out at some point?
I laughed it off and escaped, ran, to the bathroom fast, leaving behind a furious sibling, his yelling followed me even to the door of the room. How am i supposed to report something I didn't even get to my brother?
The sound of water filled my sensitive hearing and exterminated the surrounding out, it had such a peaceful and safe ring to it. Feel good on me...Hot water washed away drained tear and took great care of my dry throat. How I wished I could stay in the tub for the rest of my life. But the warmth seemed different. I let myself drown in the relaxation and dripped away to my far far land of thought.
"I'm still waiting for an expanation, Nii-san" Yukio had calmed down by the time I got out of my bath. So bossy...with his hand folded and leg crossed like that. He stared sharply at me, the intense added up each second I kept my voice down.
"I just..ya know, need some fresh air and, yeah, exercises! I lost track of time somewhere, though! That's it!" I laughed nervously at his unconvinced face. His eyes examined me from head to toe before sighing. Light flashed in his glasses. He looked really old like that
"Make sure to call me next time, please." He messaged his temple, deciding to let the thing slip.
"Sure!"
The feeling earlier, that warmth, decided it wouldn't leave me alone for the whole night, or the many many weeks coming, for the matter.
_Interval_
I wondered what it was. Yes, I could still feel something linger in my cist. At first, I dumped it on my imagination, or even my hunger! It was late and cold, of course I would be hungry...But that's not it, that couldn't even get any further from it. That. It became quite impossible to ignore after a few days, the way that reminded me of my blue flame. It was not from physical fire, I knew. There was something else, something so obvious I missed completely...Questions continuosly popped up and puzzled with my mind, together with the mess of emotion I was in This is just great.
My ear went deaf to all the teachers' words, as usual, mind you. Instead, my eye peered out the whendow, down the large campus of the Academy. It was overwhelming, both with its size and elegant beauty. I didn't even know if such word could apply to the case...
Mephisto was lying above a pink giant cotton candy, shooting me his oh so modest headmaster's grin from the giant ground. His ridiculous fashion sense was as healthy as ever. And the big white hat just made his whole presence another dot moving now. On a pink cloud that I was so sure sweet as freaking hell itself...
I sneered, looking away. My mind is already BOOM!, thank you.
The afternoon after was spent looking for that, again. I patiently waited for Yukio to attend another meeting before sneaking out, cautiously bring my sword this time.
I tried to make out the route hopelessly. It had felt like there was some force driving, directing me to it that time and now, without it, I just felt so lost. I made endless mistakes, got farther and farther from the city untill its building was out of sight. I turned around, the skyscraper was there and the scenery became familiar. I started to dash, the path cleared up in mind. There was no such feeling like the last time but it's not my top priority now.
I can feel myself become desparate for that stupid whatever-it-is now. Damn it all.
There was nothing. The dark peaked out after I sat there hours on end. Don't even know what I was waiting for. Again, damn it all.
I tried summoning bits and pieces of my flame. It's sure warn and nice, but something was different. I didn't know, however, and just laid on the rooftop with the blue color dancing, floating in the air. It still helped ease me down. For now, this's enough.
Feel like the moon is wearing its ever so wicked grin again tonight.
I never caught sight of a familiar weird umbrella, though.
It got cleared with days passing by that the feeling started to turn into pain. My chest hurt, so heavy it itched everywhere. It was as if my brain were squeeled mercilessly, forced to stop beating. It's hard to breath. My wary brain just wanted to burst out, on the other hand. And It happened in Cram class, the worst time ever as I couldn't cling to my flame for comfort. My palm held up, hiding the lower half of my face as I turned away from Yukio desparately. Hot wet breath could be felt on its surface. My eye got blurry with the liquid forming slowly.
"It's selfstudy for the rest of the class. Okumura, please meet me outside."
I followed Yukio outside, slightly surprised when he suddenly turned back, facing me.
"What happens, Niisan?" Concern filled his voice and eye. He eventually reached out for my forehead. "You're a bit warm, still, what happens?"
"i..ah.." Believe me, Yukio, i'm trying real hard to figure it out.
"Is this related to demon, Satan or exorcism?" He saw the clueless reflection in my eye and this time, waiting for my answer. Silence took dominant for a while.
"Dunno, i'm not sure. Just a headache, Yukio"
"..."
"..."
Yukio's worry got bigger and deeper as the silence went on. He must feel helpless and my guilt was eating me away...Wait, guilt for what? it's another of his usual motherhence-mode. I shrugged it off
"Please tell me, Niisan, you are being stubborn" He grabbed my hand, forcing me to face him.
"I just told you! It's nothing important. I just feel a bit uneasy tise days. That's all"
"I can't help if I don't know what's going on!" Now I felt like a stupid child in front of a patient adult, who was supposed to be my little brother, and I'm telling you, he's equally stubborn, if not more.
"Later, Yukio. i'm tired and sure as hell don't know what is going on myself..."
The weekend was drawing near and my craving for the shit worsen. The difference between it and my flame got clearer and I started to summon more and more of them to hold down the need. I was urged to look for it. Actually I did, three or more times for the first few weeks, then fewer before giving up at all. Yukio's suspecting something and It's nowhere near smart to drag him into this. I snogged, what a drama queen I am.
Most of the time, when it got too overwhelming, I sneaked into the bathroom, unsheathed my sword and stayed there for hours on end. Longing for the sensation to reappear and make all of this go away.
Somewhere between those long hours, tear forced its way out and I can't help but silently cry, praying for what make me so miserable to whatever force out there.
"it hurts"
"NIISAN!" Yukio? His calling woke me just seconds before the sharp claw of the demon was right in front of my right eye. Its eye shone clinging to the bright hope of killing me, well, that's before the being dropped dead as my brother's bullet digged into its skull. There's me, standing still - as all of my senses queueing back to their host - so naive while my brother approached angrily.
"WHY YOU-"
It all died down, however, right when Yukio stopped next to me, his eyes to mine. 'What are you suffering from?' the unvoiced question directed at me. He lost his cool again, trying hard as he was to cover it up with the infamous stiffened face.
"Our part is done. We will let the others take up the rest." Yukio annouced
"And you, you will calm down and spit it all out, whatever you've been trying to hide the past .Now." It dropped low the second his head turned to me. "I can believe it...You got distracted on a mission, between a fight? You are one second from the death out there! What if I hadn't see it coming?! Are you out of you FRIGGING mind!-"
Aah..I can't make sense of Yukio's rambling anymore. And it still hurt.
"Niisan?" His voice was that of an angry threat warned me of my lack of reply. I remained the same, though. My concentration was lost in mysterious fog and my mind couldn't hold still, floating.
"Weird, Yukio...it's a bit cold..." I muttered. Ahh, the force in my leg seemed to vanish any moment.
"Wha-" His hand rushed to both of my cheel, stayed there for a moment then quickly to my closed eyelid, his warm palm against my tired eye felt so relaxing. He must have seen it too, me relaxing before approaching my forehead. It felt cool and good...yeah...I clung onto his warm hand, snugged into it while he brushed my hair out of my face, messed up and sticky due to the unusual amount of sweat. His finger, hardened from the gun training and using, touched my pointed ear. I let out a small giggle, while Yukio a sigh of relief.
"You are being strange, Niisan, and a bit feverish, I guess...You are not escaping from this. We are getting back to the dorm right now and you will rest. We will talk about this after you have a good sleeping. Let hope it's not something serious"
"Yeah..." Too bad I was still in dreamland...
His eyebrow suddenly furrowed, however, and I got exactly what he was going to think about. Lucky Yukio didn't notice this.
'Right, of course'
'Mephisto'
"Mephistooo" I bared my fang and hissed at the stupid clown of a principal, who was, as usual, signing endless piles of paper. I was not wasting my time admiring how those stood still now...My mind turned back to my sole target for the day. He looked up and I sweared, for a moment, I saw him taken aback. His infamous grin was fast to get on sight. Either the demon or the light was playing trick with me now. and It was not even fun!
"My my, what surprise~" His fingers folded together.
Oh, this's gonna be a very lengthy talk...
there are always more than what meets the eye...or ear with that demon...
"Mephisto said it was a surprise outlet of unknown power and he would tryTRY to fix that soon. Otherwise, it's just a demonic illness that would heal soon enough. It may as well require rest and you know, less asides, I should be perfectly fine, healthy, whatever."
To my surprise, Yukio DID give less homework. Guess my brother was so desparate like that.
"Father of mine" Mephisto took off his ridiculous hat and gave a human way of formal greeting. So long, Geinna, so long. he grinned. The deadfish eye filled with excitement like never before. In front of him, the throne above flooded with overwhelming powerful aura without a real form put on. Lines of lamps lit up from the entrance to a few steps away from the throne in the unique blue color, dancing wildly on the architecturous wall, a masterpiece of genuine aesthetism. The ground Mephisto stood on was a remarkable artwork as well with two rare line of bright color, but let not talk about it for now.
"I see you have recently had a walk around" The demon smiled, keeping his cool in check. It'd been hundred of years since he left for Assiah. And at his first glance he can tell how he had underestimated the growth in power of his own father.
"Get on with it Samael" The voice felt like nothingness yet everything. Like spoken out yet echoing in his messed up mind.
"The memory shall be done for but the feeling will remain forever, my father." He held a hand over his empty chest, where the heart of most beings were supposed to be. Along with it was a sickeningly obviously fake look of concerned and hurt, pity, whatever.
The dim lit blue fire wavered in place of the dead silence. They danced crazily, leaving their reflection all over the place, casting light and shadow over both the seemingly empty throne and the demon. How It sometimes reminded Mephisto his old rusty father on his dear sitting place everytime those light/shadow fell on the aura where his father was supposed to be.
"You are supposed to be smarter than that, dear son"
Mephisto could feel the annoying smirk now, look down to the whole world from the up above blessed silver throne. Yet, there was a sharp edge of feeling that drew the demon king close to his Lord, to his Father. He looked right up.
"I don't stop untill i get what i want"
The playfulness washed away like water from the visible demon's face. he didn't have any facade to uphold now. "He's under me now, Father."
He heard a chuckled "I hate repeating myself, Samael. You will hate that even more."
"Yes. Of course." The demon gave up, this was not gonna end up the way he wanted it to be. He was already playing with his own life coming back to the old castle. "I will dismiss myself now." Being the gentleman he was, Mephisto gave a polite bow before looking up again. All the fire disappear with a quick sound, leave only the dim light of two near the entrance and the demon in the dark.
He really wanted to laugh right now. The way he was being all son/father with his Lord and dare he say, vice versa. His umbrella popped up, spinned between long fingers. He never expected himself to experience these humanic things again. It's just laughable, really...
The voice echoed endlessly in his mind, every egde of it. How they were so similar.
"It's for your and his sake, Father" His voice died down in the empty room - the aura can't be sensed anymore - before a large pink smoke paved him his way back to Assiah.
The sun went down behind the breeze of late Fall. It's been a few weeks since my visit to the loved headmaster yet it felt like such an era ago. I felt like sipping some tea, murmuring about the youthful days when I was stupid enough to boast into Mephisto's room to ask about that stupid little thing.
The sound of freezing wind howled in my ear through every corner of the empty street.
It'd gotten dark earlier these days due to the cold season. The forecast even mentioned snow around the upmost Northen area, ha...the place had always been the first to welcome the cold air from the North and the last to bid it adieu. They also had a few international areas' forecast added recently and the situation everywhere seemed no difference.
A few more days and I would love to take resident in Yukio's winter closet. Well, for now, his black scarf was more than enough, literally. The cloth felt nice but a bit heavy on my neck, partly due to its over-size. I can dig even up to the nose into the fabric and it still managed to cover my whole shoulder till the upper arm, behind, and, in the front, hang loose over my torso. Yet, it sure felt nice when the tip of my nose ruffled into the scarf.
I welcomed the season with totally open arm. The craving suddenly fitted in the frame so well I was willing to give a standing ovation. Bravo! It's not that hard to imagine how weird it was to crave for the sensation of warmth so much during the heated season, or whatever left of it.
'it's a bit cold...' My own words dawned on me. The bastard seemed to pop up its own mind and generously pay me a visit, mocking how i was stupid and pathetic and blahblah. Not like the accusations were wrong, why bother?
But the cold may be what have been setting the exorcism behind its track...
Idiotic as i was, it's easy to realize something's gone wrong recently. Some of the soooo familiar faces were missing from crowds and there was Yukio, all stiff and serious, lost in his thought, missing meals and sleeps in those long boring meetings that got frequent now. I'd just noticed a few days back so the situation couldn't have been lasting for long. It could be another of those season spirit though, what's the big deal?
Back to that stupid little thing, the source of all my thinking long words and stuffs like this. The good news first, I guessed. The wariness in my brain seemed to clear up after the visit a few days, so did the fog in my mind place. Instead, It felt like there was a direction now and the craving transformed into the urge to follow it.
On the other hand, The pain increased and I felt like exploding to the core. It hurt...My heart was squeeled hard, its beating got so loud and slow. Everytime it did, though, It's hard to breath and all I can hear was the loud thumping and the noise of my hissing crying. From the point of far and few in between, the outburst got frequent.
Fire exploded inside and burned my organs to ash.
_End chap 1_