A/N: I totally blame Somergraham and those Bamon 5x22 screencaps for this. This is a ONE-SHOT based off those screencaps that have flooded the Bamon tag on Tumblr. This is my interpretation of that scene. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: These characters are the creative property of LJ Smith/CW Network. No copyright infringement is intended.
Every time I close my eyes it's like a dark paradise…No one compares to you, I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side... Lana Del Rey
Who could give hope to the hopeless? Who could quell the fears of a bad dream, get rid of the haunting spindles of a nightmare, cleanse everything with fire and start anew? There was bottom. Then there was the endless dark pit which followed afterward. Where exactly was the silver lining if there was one to be found?
She had reached the end of the rope and all there was left to do was make amends with those loose ends. There wouldn't be any coming back from this. No loophole, no card left to play, nothing to get her out of a jam she unwittingly created for herself.
Bonnie thought of herself as the epitome of biting off more than she could chew.
Never bring back the dead.
Running her cold fingers over her forehead, she blew out a hard breath as she walked toward her dorm room. The school year was nearly over. She had just finished her last final, and though a feeling of completion should have come over her, all she felt was incomplete and like she had wasted valuable time. Time she could have utilized to search the ends of the earth for any witch not affected by Markos and the travelers who were intent on undoing everything her ancestors and those who shared her birthright had done, to help her.
But what did any of it matter anyways? The Travelers were on the verge of winning, and if anything could have been done to stop them, wouldn't it have happened already?
Where was a restart button when you needed one?
Bonnie paused before entering the room. She had been avoiding Caroline and Elena since she finally fessed up and told Caroline the truth about the lie she concocted. How she could kick herself for that in giving everyone false hope that once again, Bonnie Bennett would save the day without breaking a sweat or a nail. She had never felt so helpless as she did at the moment, and the last thing Bonnie wanted to do was face the judgmental glares of her friends.
Stefan was dead. He wasn't coming back. There was nothing she could do to rewrite that one harrowing fact.
Lucky for her, Enzo had disappeared and no longer followed her around like a pestering shadow. Their one possible lead in recreating the spell used to free Markos had been sucked up into an unknown oblivion. Pretty soon, more would follow, and then herself.
The thought should have been chilling. And it was. Bonnie wasn't looking forward to the day she would stop existing. Being dead sucked ass, being a tangible ghost—though it had its moments, was still horrible. Being nothing at all, made it hard for her to swallow.
Yet, her impending doom was slightly liberating once she got over the unfairness of everything. Depending on where she ended up, if she ended up anywhere, Bonnie wouldn't have to see those she loved and cared about being hurt or constantly in danger. The shackles would finally be released and she could just…
That was the conundrum. Bonnie had no clue on what came after, and yes she was scared out of her mind.
Most people feared dying in pain. She lived in pain every single day almost, and had gotten used to it. Didn't make it any easier to live with, but it sure as hell didn't make her feel good about her present situation.
Turning the knob of the door, Bonnie took one step inside and stopped.
Standing on the far end of the room clad in his customary black leather jacket, jeans, plain T-shirt with wild, unhinged looking eyes was the one person Bonnie really didn't want to see right now.
"Damon…you know?" Bonnie decided to skip formalities and get right down to it.
"You know," he began calmly, damn near conversationally, "you're many things, Bonnie but being a liar wasn't one of those things. Until now."
"I can explain…"
"Save it," he spat through clenched teeth. "It's bad enough my brother is dead. But knowing the Other Side is falling apart and the one person who said there was a way to bring our carefully chosen comrades back can't do shit because there isn't shit that can be done," Damon let his thought trail off and smiled manically for a second. "Why lie about something that huge, Bonnie?! Why say Liv was working on a spell when there is no spell that can undo what's currently happening? Is being straight up about your imminent demise that fucking hard for you to do? Because of what? You don't want to hurt feelings? Have you learned NOTHING?!"
Bonnie sucked in a massive breath and glowered at Damon. She was ready to retort back just as heatedly and then, the fight went right out of her.
In her mind, not being upfront and honest had very little to do with trying to prevent people from being sad about her doom, and had everything to do with stalling. Instead of throwing in the towel, admitting defeat, Bonnie figured she could implore Liv to really look for a solution. But with her and her twin busy trying to hide the doppelgangers from Markos and friends, and then turning around attempting to kill Stefan and Elena per their coven's orders, finding a way to stop the Other Side from disintegrating was placed on the back burner.
With the Travelers stalled for the time being in allowing their spell to take total affect across the globe, perhaps searching for a solution could commence once again.
From the agitated expression on Damon's face, he was scant seconds away from snapping her neck because his reliable fix it couldn't fix it.
Was he mad at her because she couldn't bring Stefan back? Was he mad because Stefan died and there was still so much unfinished business between them? Was Damon mad at himself for a myriad of reasons Bonnie didn't have the brain capacity to examine because they were vast in number? Was he mad that they were all on the cusp of destruction and there wasn't anything anyone anywhere could do to stop it? Maybe it was all of the above and then some. But he wasn't exactly taking her feelings into account.
Hardly anyone did, herself included.
She didn't want to be in this position where things literally rested on her shoulders. Bonnie wasn't built for this, and she was tired of losing. Of being the odd man out. Dying as a result of overwhelming herself with magic had taught her a lesson. A deep one that the most valuable relationship she needed to protect was the one she had with herself.
Bonnie shifted her weight on her feet.
"For a brief time, Damon there was a way. The traveler who helped Stefan and Elena escape…she knew the spell that resurrected Markos, but then, according to Enzo she was sucked into the void. So there went our one shot. I'm sorry you lost your brother and I'm sorry there's nothing that can be done to stop the Other Side from vanishing."
She was saying everything he didn't want to hear right now because Damon knew it to be true.
There had been a time and not that long ago he wanted Stefan dead. Now that his little brother was in fact dead, and he hadn't been there, just like he hadn't been there when Silas stuck him in a safe and dropped him in the bottom of the quarry, the hatred for himself that Damon meticulously buried under a thick, tough layer of bravado and nonchalance came spewing forth like sludge and molten lava.
The good ones suffered while the bad ones prevailed. Damon didn't know how this science worked out, but he knew all the shit he endured through the centuries couldn't hold a candle to what Stefan had experienced, and now he was dead with no miracle lying in wait to reset the clock.
Rage took over his motor functions and he grabbed the first thing his hands touched and began destroying whatever his eyes landed on.
Bonnie took several cautionary steps out of the way and observed Damon as he shattered glass, flipped over chairs, dented the walls, beat the fireplace mantle until the poker was nearly warped.
While he did this she thought. Thought about a way that could bring Stefan back but it wouldn't do a thing for her, though. Her end had been carved in stone. Her idea would hasten things, expedite the outcome.
"Damon," she called. "Damon stop!"
He yelled, let out guttural cries that nearly made tears sprout from Bonnie's eyes. She understood loss, knew pain intimately. Witnessing her father being murdered in cold blood, losing her estranged mother to vampirism, losing Grams to the very thing they wielded, when Bonnie thought about all this she found it improbable to smile, and yet she did. There were reasons to live hidden underneath the debris of disappointment, heartache, and death. You just had to dig for it.
"Damon there is another way!" Bonnie kept right on talking as Damon kept right on destroying property. "Kill me!"
He heard the words which had been shouted but sounded like a whisper to him. Damon paused in his tantrum and faced Bonnie like she was crazy, and she had to be to tell an irate vampire to kill. Clicking over to instinct was like snapping fingers. It was instant and quick with no safe return. Yet he managed to pull on the reins.
"What? What the hell are you saying? Kill you? What will that solve?"
Bravely, Bonnie approached Damon never wavering in eye contact. She stopped when only two feet of space separated them. "I'm the anchor. If I no longer exist then neither does the Other Side. Everyone who is a ghost will come back. You want your brother and Enzo back, then killing me is the only way left to do it."
Any other day it would have been a done deal with Damon. No hesitation. A quick, clean thrust. No mercy. Not even an eye blink.
The synapses in his brain fired and things were spiraling faster than he could keep up with. This couldn't be the solution, but what other solution was there? No one created a spell to prevent something from crumbling that everyone believed had been absolute.
Killing Bonnie was the only way.
Damon held the poker towards Bonnie like a sword. Her face was practically emotionless. No fear, he couldn't even smell it on her. She was resigned. Ready. Once again the ultimate sacrifice. Her courage could put the toughest soldier to shame.
Shifting her eyes to a point over Damon's shoulder, Bonnie spoke her final words. "Tell Caroline, Matt, Jeremy, and Elena that I love them and…I'm sorry."
That poker began to feel a tad bit heavier in Damon's hand the second Bonnie gave her final will and testament.
He stood on death's threshold too many times to remember, and Damon thought he had the guts in him to face death and dare it to take him out, but his ass was always saved at the eleventh hour.
That wasn't the case for Bonnie.
The muscles in his face twitched and an all-out war broke out between his logic and his desire. Logic was telling him Bonnie shouldn't throw her life away just to bring Stefan back, but his desire to get Stefan back by any means necessary was just as strong. He owed his little brother so much, but he also owed the stoic young woman standing in front of him so willing to die for other's happiness.
If it hadn't been for Bonnie pulling his ass out of the fire both literally and figuratively, he would be nothing more than a footnote in someone's memory databank. Stefan, too, had played a huge part in saving his abdominal life.
None of this was right. None of this was fair. Chasing tail, drinking booze, throwing himself pity parties when things didn't go his way, people pandering and excusing his illicit and assholian behavior—why had he continuously received a pass when good decent people like Bonnie and his little brother paid the price? Yeah, Stefan might have knocked the halo off his head or tilted it tremendously to the side, but he had always been the better man, the better brother.
Bonnie didn't know what the hold-up was. Why Damon looked conflicted. She was ready. She didn't need to say goodbye to anyone because it would only hurt more. This time around her death wouldn't be a kept secret.
"Damon?"
"No," he woke up from his stupor. He lowered the poker appearing the quintessence of distraught.
Things weren't going to end like this. He had made a promise to protect the Bennett line and he royally fucked that up, but…it wasn't too late to get things right. Like some dude in a movie said, life finds a way and they were going to find a way to overcome this.
"What do you mean no? This is the only way!"
"No!" Damon stated more firmly and threw the poker aside. It clanged nosily the second it made contact with the hardwood floor. He shook his head. "I'm not going to kill you."
Stomping over to the poker, Bonnie picked it up. "If you won't do it then I will."
One minute the long piece of metal was in her possession, and the next it was flying out of the window. Bonnie gawked up at Damon barely cognizant of the fact his hand was wrapped around her arm and applying pressure.
A staring contest ensued where insults and debasing sentiment was exchanged optically.
"I don't know why you're always so desperate to die," Damon practically growled.
"And I don't know you're so desperate to keep me alive."
That comment would have earned anyone else a first class ticket to Mockville, but it brought Damon up short.
Other than Stefan and Elena, Bonnie was the only other person he literally moved heaven and earth for. He could hide his reasoning behind keeping a smile on Elena's face, but reading between the lines it may have went deeper than that.
Damon placed people he interacted with into two columns. Those he cared about and those he didn't give a fuck about. Adding on a third, there were those who lingered in the gray area where their death wouldn't get so much as a shoulder shrug from him, but he lifted a finger every once in a while to keep them around.
If he spared this too much thought, Bonnie…meant something more to him than just a means to an end, but he wouldn't justify her importance beyond that.
He couldn't because the implications… Damon didn't even want to go there. And plus this really wasn't the time for it.
"You're not killing yourself and that's final. I'll…we'll find some other way."
Bonnie shook her head in denial. She had made peace with dying again and Damon was messing everything up by giving her that sliver. That shred of hope.
"Don't do this to me, please," she whispered.
The dark vampire frowned. "Do what to you?"
"Give me hope!" Bonnie exploded and ripped her arm out of his gasp. She began to pace the room.
"I have been holding my breath since I came back hoping that things would stick, that nothing would spring up and jeopardize everything," her voice turned hollow and the words were barely audible. Tears rose and spilled from her eyes. "The pain I feel…I hate going through it, but it reminds me that I'm still here and I'm still real as backwards as that sounds. Now everything is falling apart and I have to give it all up," Bonnie hastily wiped her tears away and choked on her sobs, swallowing them back down not allowing them the chance to be heard. "So please, don't make promises to me that we know won't come true. It's over, Damon. I'm dead either way," her breath hitched at the end.
Seeing Bonnie cry hammered in the final nail of his coffin. Damon eyes were turning into dust and then his vision turned blurry. He didn't know he was shedding tears until a thumb that didn't belong to him wiped them away.
Damon looked into watery emerald eyes.
"I'm sorry," Bonnie said.
She hesitated, gauging Damon's reaction. He seemed to be miles away which gave her the courage to wrap her arms around him. She rested her cheek on his chest.
For a second, things didn't register in his brain and Damon's arms remained akimbo near his sides. Once it became clear that Bonnie was indeed hugging him, slowly his arms lifted and encircled her. A sigh released from her parted lips as he embraced her. Minutes ticked off the clock as they stood in the middle of her dorm room—hugging.
Her tears wet his shirt, and his dripped down to her shoulder. Defeat, Damon was familiar with the taste and it tasted like ash.
Bonnie was the first one to pull away, but with Damon's arms still around her she couldn't go very far. "No matter how much time may be left…just take care of everybody. They need you."
"Not as much as they need you."
"I…I have to let them go at some point."
"No."
Bonnie smiled tremulously at his stubbornness. She would and wouldn't miss that about Damon. And it wasn't until this moment Bonnie realized what a big part of her life he had become, how vital knowing Damon Salvatore had been to her.
"I'm gonna miss you," she unintentionally confided.
Damon wouldn't say the words back. He hated goodbyes and avoided them at all costs.
Wrapping her hand around the back of his neck, Bonnie pulled down as she leaned on her toes and kissed his forehead.
When she pulled away Damon didn't try to stop her. They were battling words, emotions, pride, sadness, anger and doing their best to keep it all contained because if they opened that door there'd be no shutting it.
Some base part of Damon wanted to kiss her, but knew she'd never go for that, and would question where the urge came from in the first damn place. He didn't know why it was there either, other than it felt appropriate considering her time on earth was dwindling down. But he wouldn't do it. She was still with that emo pest Jeremy, and his heart was still playing its daily game of Russian Roulette with Elena. Yet all that crossed Damon's mind was being there for Bonnie as a friend.
They had never been friends. What they were…there was no real title for it. She was one of the few people he respected and could tolerate being around. He liked her spunk, played off her energy, Damon could grudgingly admit to just plain liking her.
But allowing Bonnie to accept her fate without fighting that was a plan Damon couldn't go along with nor condone. He put in so much effort to bring her back. It wasn't going to end like this.
Bonnie had crossed over to her side of the room and took a seat on her bed. She wiped her last lingering tears away, sniffled, and waited.
"Things started falling apart when Markos escaped, right?" Damon questioned suddenly.
For a second Bonnie was a bit confused at the subject change. She replayed Damon's inquiry and nodded.
"Well we need to put him back where he belongs."
"And how do you plan to do that? He's bloated on doppelganger blood and he's more powerful even for you to take him out."
A chill grin overtook Damon's face. "Then the word needs to be spread to anyone who's supernatural and wants to keep their life that he needs to be eliminated."
"And if Travelers have invaded the bodies of those who are supernatural?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we get there. This isn't over, Bonnie. You might not have any hope left, and I can't even say what I'm feeling is hope, but whatever it is, I need you to grab on to it. I'm not giving up on you, Stefan, or Enzo. Not until the fat lady sings, and right now she's in her dressing room warming up."
Bonnie smirked. Enzo had said something similar but his speech had been a touch more eloquent and inspiring. "You think you can save us all?"
"I'm gonna try."
The former witch was still conflicted and bit down on the inside of her cheek. "Then I guess this is me latching on."
Damon nodded and vamped over to her. Bonnie tilted her chin to stare up at him.
He cupped her cheek and lightly ran his thumb over the rim of her bottom lip. "Don't let go."
Bonnie felt a weird shudder run though her at Damon's touch. "I won't."
Feeling that urge again to kiss her, Damon knew it was time to go. He stepped away from Bonnie, walked over to the door, and left without a backwards glance.
For her part, Bonnie released the breath she had been holding, and placed her fingers over her mouth.
"Well that was touching."
Snapping out of it, Bonnie narrowed her eyes at Enzo. She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted.
"My brother never stops surprising me," Stefan spoke from his perch. He was stretched out on Caroline's bed.
"How long have you two been here?"
"Long enough to know," Enzo began.
"That Damon loves you Bonnie," Stefan finished.
The girl in question rolled her pretty green eyes. "No he doesn't. Now get out."
Enzo smirked and pushed off the wall he had been holding up. He stood before Bonnie. "I think Stefan and I are the authority on Damon. He doesn't just make promises to someone he doesn't care about."
"None of that matters," Bonnie refuted.
Enzo grinned. "Maybe you're right and maybe you're wrong. Either way your secret is safe with us."
They were gone before she even had the chance to say, "What secret?"
Chapter end
A/N: All righty there you have it. Don't be mad at me if the scene plays out nothing like this, which I'm sure it won't but hey what do you expect when dealing with the current writers? Anywho, thanks for reading! And leave any thoughts behind that you may have. Love you!