KrissyKat91: I think I can safely say this is the shortest thing I have ever written. This is possibly an Alice/Hatter pairing. Maybe. If you squint and stand on your head.
Why is a Raven Like a Writing Desk
"Why is a raven like a writing desk?"
Alice Kingsley sighed.
It had been six years since her last trip to Underland, and in all that time, the Mad Hatter's nonsensical riddle had never bothered her like it did now. Perhaps it was because she had finally finished what her father had started, and no longer had that to distract her from her memories of that wonderful place, that she was thinking so hard about it.
Alice gave herself a shake. Soon she would be at Lord Ascot's house. She would give her last report on the state of the English/Chinese trade route they had established, and then she would return to her mother's house. Beyond that, she didn't know what she would do.
Glancing out the window of the coach she was riding in, Alice gazed wistfully at the maze garden Lady Ascot loved so much. All she had to do was go to the other side of the maze. She knew exactly how to get to the rabbit hole from there. It would be so easy to tell the coachman to stop, so easy to return to her Wonderland.
The coach suddenly came to a halt, and she reluctantly tore her gaze away from the maze to see that they were in front of Hedgewall Manor, the Ascots' home.
The coachman helped her out and handed her her carpet bag. She paid the man and sent him on his way, then climbed up the steps and rang the bell. After several minutes, the door cracked open, and the butler peered out at her with wary eyes.
"Hello," Alice said hesitantly. Something was wrong here.
Recognition entered the butler's eyes, followed quickly by relief. "Miss Kingsley!" he gasped. "It's only you. Come inside, quickly!"
"What's happened?"
"Best to let His Lordship tell you. Oh, you shouldn't have come here, child!"
The butler led her to the study, where she found her mother, her sister Margaret and her husband Lowell, the Lord and Lady Ascot, and their as-of-yet unmarried son, Hamish.
"Alice!" Mrs. Kingsley cried upon seeing her. "I am glad to see you, but I almost wish you hadn't come!"
I slayed the Jabberwocky. I can handle anything. "Why? What's the matter?"
"Oh, Alice!" Margaret wailed. "It's terrible! There's a madman in the maze!"
"A what?!"
"Yes," Lord Ascot said, sounding only slightly calmer. "He's been here for a week. The servants have seen him wondering around near the other side of the maze, singing some nonsense song and acting like he's looking for someone. But every time I summon the authorities, there's no one there!"
"Just the other day," Lady Ascot burst out, "I was standing on the balcony overlooking the garden, and that... person walked right out of the maze, looked up at me, and said, 'Why is a raven like a writing desk?', then laughed and ran off!"
At the sound of the riddle that had lately been plaguing her thoughts, Alice turned pale and dropped her bag.
That's impossible! she thought. But then, almost everything in Underland was impossible. Could it really be the Hatter?
"What did he look like?" she asked after she had regained her voice.
"He—" Lady Ascot was cut off when Margaret suddenly screamed, pointing out the window.
"There he is!"
As everyone dashed to the window, Alice picked her carpet bag back up and rushed to the nearest exit.
"Alice!" Mrs. Kingsley shouted when she realized what her youngest daughter was doing. "Are you mad?!"
"Yes, Mother!" Alice cried gleefully. "Quite mad!" Then she flung open the door and darted down the steps.
She had caught a glimpse of the man through the window bare seconds before her sister had screamed, and had recognized him immediately. He'd cleaned himself up quite a bit since the last time she had seen him, but there could be no mistaking that hat.
She ran across the lawn towards the entrance to the maze where he was standing, watching her come, a wide smile on his face.
Skidding to a stop before him, she gasped, "Why... is a raven... like a writing desk?"
The Mad Hatter's grin widened to almost Cheshire Cat proportions. "I haven't the slightest idea."
He offered her his arm, which she took, and he led her straight through the maze and to the rabbit hole, the others' alarmed shouts fading into the background.
The Hatter gave her a mock bow. "Ladies first," he said, strange green eyes twinkling merrily.
Alice giggled, dropping her carpet bag down the hole and jumping in after it, the Hatter right behind her.
She was going home.