Disclaimer: All copyrighted work recognizable in this fan fiction are the property of their respective owners. I don't earn any money to write this story, it's for entertainment only.
A/N: I haven't written a Stargate SG1 fan fiction since 2007 so hopefully my characterization of Sam, Jack and the others is not to rusted. I've been re-watching the whole serie lately, and after a conversation with a friend about Sam and jack's relationship, this idea came to my mind. SG1 is the first fandom I've ever written fan fictions in so it's like a homecoming for me. I don't know if it's gonna be good, but I hope there's still some folks out there to read this little S/J oneshot.
This story doesn't take in consideration what happens after "Threads." In fact, I kept some elements of seasons 9 and 10, but to be short I prefer to tell you it's AU from episode 8.18. It's rated T for language, I don't think it has to be rated M. Just a last little thing, English is not my first language so I'm sorry for any mistakes that is left. Hope you're gonna like it, please drop a review, that'd be nice!
Read, enjoy and review!
oOo
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Autumn Leaves
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"Autumn leaves under frozen souls,
Hungry hands turning soft and old,
My hero cried as we stood out there in the cold,
Like these autumn leaves I don't have nothing to hold."
{Autumn - Paolo Nutini}
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Time is a strange thing, when he thinks about it. He knows that no one is eternal, they all come to pass away at some point, because that's like things are. He knows that time passes, his aching knee and back are a reminder of this, even they don't hurt all the time, they hurt enough for him to notice he's not twenty anymore.
Carter would tell him that time is like a river, it flows, always has and always will. Sometimes, it stretches so much that seconds become hours, that days become years. Like those months he spent in a prison in Irak or when he was Baal's prisoner and he was interrogated on things he didn't really have memories of. Sometimes, though, time flies so fast that years pass in a blink of an eye, and when he looked back, he'd been part of SG1 for eight years already. Despite all the threats they have faced, all the battles they have led, all those friends who have died… those years have been the best of his life, somehow.
He hasn't thought this day will come so soon. but time passes , unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does.
He looks around and takes in his surroundings. What he sees first is a bunch of closed faces in uniform. The place is silent, only the wind in the trees come to trouble this peaceful moment. The sun is shining and pierces the foliage dressed in the red and golden of autumn. He's glad to see the sun. Rain, on a funeral day, would have been too melodramatic for his taste.
A new glance at the people around him confirms he knows most of them. The majority are military, faces he knows to have worked with them at some point, either at the SGC or for Home World Security in D.C. they're all gathered here for the same reason, to give their farewells to a Commanding Officer they all respected greatly.
Three volleys of rifle fire suddenly chatter the silence, and he could have been taken aback if he wasn't expecting it. It isn't it first military funeral, far from it actually. He has attended many of those, too many for his liking. And some of them have also taken place here, in Colorado Springs military cemetery, mostly members of SG units they lost in combats or during missions. People a corner of his mind will always remember. That's the least they deserve to have sacrificed their lives for their country. For their planet.
The man they burry today was one of the bravest of them, a commanding officer they all respected and admired. Jack, especially, has looked up at him when he was at the head of the SGC. He wanted to be as good as him, and he still hopes today he didn't make a mess of the base while he was the leader there.
His eyes falls on the marble grave and the name written here: George S. Hammond.
General Hammond is gone, and it's still a foreign concept for Jack. Beyond his Commanding Officer, George Hammond was a friend, even more since he left the SGC to work in Washington, before retiring later on. Thinking he will never see him again was odd. Of course, since Jack left the army, his life has been more lonely and quiet, but Hammond was still a phonecall away. For the last three years since jack's retirement, they have called each other several times a year, and even if they only talked of Jack's fishing and George's grand children, that has been nice. And Jack will never be able to talk with him this way ANYMORE.
Beyond the death of a friend, though, he feels like it is the end of an era. General Hammond has been the first person he met just before the second mission to Abydos, even before meeting Carter and Teal'C, who have later become the most important people of his life. Meeting Hammond has been like a new start for him. His retirement has been kind of the beginning of the end, but with George gone, he doesn't know with whom he's going to talk about the old good times of the Stargate Program. Hammond has been the one to share those moment of remembrance with him, like two old veterans chatting about a war they have fought decades ago.
Jack can logically talk of the SGC with Teal'C, Daniel and Carter. Because they're his teammates, they shared all those missions with him, and they're still friends. But things are different now. For Teal'C and Daniel, the Stargate program is not "old good times" yet. They're still active in it, Teal'C for the Free Jaffa Nation, Daniel in Atlantis. Carter… well, for Carter, it's even more different. She's still part of the Stargate Program, somehow, she works at Area 51. But his relationship with Carter is kind of odd today. It has always been in a way, because of those feelings they have for each other. They "had" for each other. Because he doesn't care about Carter no much anymore. Does he?
He stops his thoughts here. It has never been a good idea to think of Carter and this thing between them. because it's been a long time, and Carter doesn't feel those things anymore. What about him? Well, he still feels this way for her, but it really doesn't matter. It haven't mattered for quite some time now.
He is startled out of his thoughts when he hears the guards playing the funeral tune. He focuses back on what's happening in the here and now, and smiles for himself when he thinks that Hammond would have reprimanded him for not being attentive, as he sometimes did during briefings and Carter lost herself in her technobabble. Here comes Carter once more… is he condemned to think of her everyday of his life?
He muses about Hammond again. In all this tragedy, he is strangely relieved to know that his former superior left without arm nor pain. He died in his sleep, a heart attack took him away in the middle of the night. He fell asleep to never wake up again. He died peacefully, with his family, far from the galactic warzone he has been close to for the past ten years.
The ceremony ends soon after, and Jack follows the cortege of people to the way out. He is one of the last arrived thus one of the first to go out of the cemetery. He walks to his car, and waits for the others to lead the way to the reception hall where a wake will take place. He could have waited for his friends but he prefers to take some time to find some peace. The emotions of the funeral coupled with the apprehension to meet his former teammates again make him feel a bit on edge.
He hasn't seen them since a Christmas party Daniel threw one year and a half ago. They exchange emails, sometimes phone calls, but they all have their own lives today. Jack misses them, sometimes. Often. But he still loves his existence the way it is today, in his cabin, in the peaceful and wild nature of Minnesota. He has spent the most part of his life away from home, either for some top secret Air Force missions or off world for the even more top secret Stargate Program. He sometimes misses this period of his life, particularly his years at the SGC, but his aching back and knee are a reminder that his time has passed. His mind and body have endured many injuries and tortures, it is time for him to rest.
Vehicles soon start leaving the car park, and Jack follows them. The journey to the reception hall is short, and soon he finds himself inside, a glass in one hand, looking around to see if he can join someone he knows. He sees General hank Landry entering the room and heads towards him.
The leader of the SGC greets Jack with a smile. They are soon engaged in a lighthearted conversation, exchanging news. Jack is relieved to know he is still able to talk with those he consider his friends. It is true his life is no longer filled with adrenalin, traveling the stars and killing evil megalomaniac snakes, but a chat with a friend is always nice. During their conversation, people come to greet Jack, still calling him General O'Neill. He stops correcting after the fifth person, because he's not patient enough for this and a part of him misses being called "General" or "sir."
Colonel Cameron Mitchell joins the two generals after awhile, and they continue talking in between old colleagues. Jack drifts off at some point and takes in the room at a single glance. His heart skips a bit when he sees two familiar faces a few meters away. Daniel Jackson and Teal'C are talking quietly, and o'Neill takes some time to observe them.
They haven't changed that much. Daniel looks still the same, except for the graying hair at his temples, sign of the years that have passed. Teal'C is almost the same than when Jack first met him, except for the hair thing that has disturbed him greatly the first time he has seen them after few weeks spent in stasis at the Ancient out post in Antarctica seven years earlier. Seeing his friends so close lightens Jack's mood, and he decides to meet them and say hello.
Instinctively, he looks for the fourth member of his former team. But she is nowhere to be seen. Jack wonders for a moment if she has come but dismisses the idea. Of course she is there, Hammond has been her commanding officer as well, and Jack knows how much she respects him. He puts these thoughts at the back of his mind and excuses himself to Landry and Mitchell before heading for his friends.
"Hello, guys," he says when he is in ears reach.
Daniel turns back as Teal'C looks up towards him. The Jaffa bows his head slightly in greetings, and Daniel smiles at him. "Jack! It's nice to see you."
"And you, too," O'Neill replies. "Teal'C, you look well."
"As you, O'neill."
"How have you been, Jack? How's retirement going?"
"Smoothly, I have to say. You know me Daniel; fishing, fishing and more fishing."
"You live in Minnesota permanently then," Daniel smiles. "Are there still fishes in your pond after all this time?"
"Looks like," Jack answers nonchalantly. "What 'bout you guys?"
"I'm still in Atlantis," Daniel informs. "I'm part of one of their teams and work around the city, artifacts, translations… old boring archeologist stuff, you know."
"I see," Jack nodds. "What about you Teal'C? still a member of the Jaffa Free nation's Council?"
"Indeed."
"Do you know where's Carter?" Jack asks.
Daniel frowns, and Jack wonders if it is because he hasn't called their former teammate by her marital name. but he can't picture him calling her Shanahan… He has already hesitated to ask about her in the first place. She is the person he is the most apprehensive to meet. He knows he shouldn't feel this way. He is impatient to see her again, he has missed her. But there are still those feelings, buried deep in his heart, that sometimes pop up without warning.
Jack can't put these feelings aside when it comes to Samantha Carter. They are a strange mix of emotions, a bit of bitterness and regret because he didn't do anything to stop her marriage to Shanahan. A bit of melancholy, too, for what could have been if he has stopped this from happening.
But in the end, he knows it has been for the best. Despite the feelings he still has for her, the most important thing is her happiness. After her father's death, she has delayed the wedding, to have some time to think. And that's when something could have happened between the both of them. it almost happened, in fact. But she expressed regrets, and Jack was a coward and let her go. He still remembers that night as it was only a few days ago.
He's in his living room, sat on the sofa in a state that Daniel would qualify of larval. The TV shows The Simpsons, but he's not in the mood for it right now. He's not in the mood for anything. Because he's alone, once more, and it's quite depressing in a pathetic kind of way to think of it. He thinks of Kerry, of what she told him before going out of his office, and of his love life for that matter.
"Is the Air Force the only thing keeping you two apart? Rules and regulations? Cos if it is, you're making a very big mistake." She has said, and he knows that somehow, she has been right. It's just that he doesn't like to have his feelings thrown at his face like that.
That's what he has in mind when he hears the doorbell ring. He frowns, wondering who can it be. He puts his beer on the coffee table and heads to the door to open it. On the threshold he fins Carter. She looks hesitant, but he can't stop himself from thinking that she's divine in her little blue dress and her leather jacket. He has long ago stopped wondering why he turns into a freaking marshmallow every time he sees her.
"Hello, sir," She says.
"Carter, whatcha doin' here?"
"Am I interrupting something?"
"Nothing… Come in," he eventually invites.
She crosses the door, and Jack closes it behind her, wondering why is she here. Not that he doesn't want to see her, but he has been thinking of her in a very uncivilized manner just before she arrived… then it is not really appropriate.
"Do you want a beer?" Jack asks to put an end to the awkward silence.
"Yes, please," She simply answers.
"Go to the living room and make yourself at home,, I'm comin'."
Sam nods and she heads to the adjacent room. Jack goes to the kitchen and grabs a beer in the fridge. He doesn't know what to think, Carter is here, in his living room, the woman he's been thinking of those past days, the woman he loves but he can't have because she's marrying another guy in a few weeks. When has his life become such a soap opera, exactly?
He's soon back in the living room and holds out the beer to Carter. She grabs it and takes a sip. The silence is awkward again, but Jack doesn't know what to say. It's not his turn to talk, Carter is the one that came here in the first place.
" You've been watching the Simpsons," She eventually says.
"Uh… yeah," Jack nods. "Old habits die hard, ya know the deal"
"That's what I like about it… it's constant… like you, in my life," Carter breaths, , lost in her thoughts.
Jack's heart skips for a second. What the f… Did she really say what he heard? He might be having hearing hallucinations. It wouldn't be the first time, and he's closer to senile age than to his teenage years. After all those alien tortures, sarcophagus and brain alteration stuff, it wouldn't surprise him if he finally got insane.
But it looks like he doesn't have hearing problems. Carter is now staring at him, with her big startling blue eyes and he feels like Jell-O inside, like the blue one she always seems to eat in astronomical quantities. Yeah, he's just a freaking marshmallow when it comes to Samantha Carter. Not that he will never admit it to himself. Or to anyone else, for that matter.
Their eyes are still locked, and Jack can feel the tension building in the air between them. he knows it's one of those moments, between Carter and he. Those too rare moments when they probe at the rules. And he has always enjoyed these moments too much. How many of these did they have during mission, when he was still Colonel o'neill and she was still major Carter? How many secret smiles, how many knowing eye contacts? some nights, while lying under unfamiliar stars on worlds whose names he has already forgotten, he remembers thinking how unfair it was that the person who could have offered him a second chance after his first disastrous attempt at a family was his 2IC, someone he could never be with.
But those moments don't feel the same anymore. Because he's now General O'Neill, and she's Lt. Colonel Carter. Because he's still her CO, she's still is 2IC, and she's getting married in a few weeks, for crying out loud!
Strangely enough, though, this instant is different from the ones they've been having those past weeks, months even. It feels like old times, like they are alone in the world, no ranks, no reg, no Shanahan. It's them, on his sofa, around a beer and an awkward conversation. It's him, freshly single again, him that has been brooding all day on this everlasting non-relationship with his subordinate. It's she, single again, even it's certainly temporary, she who just lost her dad, has come to visit him in her lovely blue dress with her even bluer eyes. Goddamn it, she will be the death of him.
For the first time in what seems years, Jack feels at peace because she's here, with him, right now. And it's all that matters. He knows that something's going to happen tonight. Something that could be bad, in the long run. But he has fought it too much. They have fought it too long. And if it has to be their only one night ever, so be it. He's tired to struggle. He knows that soon, she will belong with another. But now, he wants to enjoy her presence. Because it's him she has chosen tonight. And the rest doesn't matter. The rest of the world can go and fuck off itself, he doesn't give a damn about it.
Carter has put her beer away on the coffee table and has shifted closer to him on the couch. He swallows hard, but eventually relaxes. 'Don't give a damn 'bout the rest of the world, remember?' he chides himself. 'So relax and enjoy for once, O'Neill.' His inner voice sounds annoyingly like Daniel, but he dismisses it quickly.
Carter must have felt the tension in the air too, because she's staring intently at him. The glint of doubts and uncertainty in her eyes is gone, replaced by something that looks really like desire and longing. He has seen these things in her eyes before, on rare occasions. This time, however, he won't be the one to stop her. He won't be the one throwing the reg at her face. If she wants him, she will have him. Because something is telling him that is their last chance to have such a night together. He doesn't want to think, he just wants to feel. 'cos it's Carter, her beautiful blue eyes and her warm body pressed against his side. And for Christ's sake, he's enjoying it. Very much.
He doesn't know who's the first to lean towards the other. Their lips meet half way, and he doesn't care anymore.
The kiss is hesitant at first, curious lips against curious lips, as they are tasting the water. She tastes like beer and sugar at the same time. She tastes, smells and feels exactly how he has thought she would, when his arms rap around her thin waist. He's dizzy with desire and passion and denied feelings. He lets go completely, dives in the wonderful sensation that is Samantha Carter. And he feels alive, truly alive, for the first time in years.
The kiss becomes passionate, messy even, made of wet lips, teeth and tong. And he loves it. He snakes a hand in her hair, she comes closer, always closer. A familiar warm is born in his lower back, a sensation long forgotten. He needs her,More than he has ever needed her. All he wants is more, to have more, to feel more. One of her hands comes to rest at the back of his neck, caressing his hairline absentmindedly as they lose themselves in another messy kiss, their lips meet once again. Nothing has never felt so smooth against his. Or so right.
Soon, she's on his lap, deepening their kiss. Their hands are everywhere, in a desperate need to feel, to touch. Her jacket is thrown to the ground, but they don't pay any attention to it. She tries to put his shirt out of his jeans, his hands are on HER back, on her arms, on her shoulders, taking in the soft touch of her fair skin under is fingers. She shivers slightly, but doesn't stop nonetheless. She arches against him, and her lips let pass a whisper of his name. he knows he's definitely lost. But for once, it's not a journey he wants come back from.
They are now in the stairs, trying to reach is room. The sofa would have been just fine, but he doesn't found it rather romantic. Not that Carter nibbling at his earlobe is romantic, but the mattress of his bed seems more appealing than the hardness of the couch.
They have hardly entered is room when she falls on the bed, and he follows her. Their engaged in a new fierce kiss, their clothes disappear one after another. They want to take the time to explore each other's body, but it'll have to wait. The need of the other is too strong, and jack knows he'll have the rest of the night to get to know her further. For now, he just wishes to appease his thirst of her.
When their skins meet for the very first time, when no barriers remains, and no obstacles is stopping them from becoming one, they take a moment to enjoy this feeling. jack can feel her heart pounding against her chest, he can see the flush on her cheeks , the lust and desire in her dark blue glassy eyes. His brown orbs meet her for a second, and he can feel all the love she's hiding in there. A lump forms in his throat when he thinks that it will be their only night. That he will never be able to hold her like this after that. But he doesn't want to think about it, so he kisses her again and once more, loses himself in the feelings she raises in him.
And they make love, slowly, smoothly, their frenetic embrace an instant forgotten.
It's only when the first lights of dawn color the horizon in pink and blue that they lay in his bed, their bodies entangled. Jack would like this night to never end. But time flies, the world keeps spinning and soon, she will be gone. Then he enjoys her presence, her touch, her lips brushing against his shoulder. He tightens his grasp around her waist, wishing he would never let go.
But he should. He has to. He must, let her go. Because they can't be together. It's not only the rule, it's all those things that HAVE kept them apart for the past EIGHT years. Because he knows, despite all the love they may have for one another, he's not the one for her. Not the good one, not the better one. She wants to have a happy married life, she wants to have a family. And he doesn't reproach it to her. She deserves it, after all the sacrifices she has made for the SGC, the planet, the galaxy even. She is the person who deserves it the most.
And he won't be the one to stand in her way. She will have this life, this happiness. He can't give it to her, because he's old, he's her CO, he's broken inside even after all those years. Charlie's death has torn him apart, and even a decade later, he's still a mess inside.
He wishes he could have been this man. The man loving her, marrying her, giving her a baby. But he isn't. and will never be. He loves her, that's why he'll let her go. That's a bit too melodramatic for his TASTE, but so has his life been since he entered SG1. When you deal with alien enemies and intergalactic exploration on a DAY TO DAY basis, your life can't be anything but a bit melodramatic.
They're quiet as the sun's rising outside the window. He knows she's enjoying their embrace for a last time. He also knows that they should talk about it. But what is it to say? She'll go, get married and live her life and he's gonna… well, there's still this affectation for the Home World Security in Washington on his office. maybe he will reconsider it.
"I won't call off the wedding," she eventually states, breaking the silence.
"I know," he replies.
She looks up at him, and he can see all the love, the longing, the sadness she's trying to hide. They both know it will come to this. They can't be together, even it's tearing their hearts apart.
"I wish things could have been different," she adds, stroking his cheek. "I wish you were not you, I was not me, and we could have another life."
"In another world, it might have been possible," Jack says quietly, almost dejectedly. "Alternate universes have proved it enough."
"She smiles despite of the situation, and kisses the palm of his hand that rests on her face. "We could have been so good together."
"I'm sure we would have been damn good, indeed," he nods oar sly.
"I don't regret anything," she assures him. "jack, this night has been…" she pauses for a moment, smiles sheepishly and bites her lower lips in a nervous gesture. "I gotta go."
"I know, Carter."
"It's not that…" she pauses again. "It's not that I don't feel anything for you, that I don't care about you. I do. Really. A lot. Too much. But Pete…"
"…is the one that can give you what I can't never offer you," he supplies.
"We could try!" she adds quickly, to quickly maybe.
"You know we can't," he says soothingly. "I… I can't give you all those things, Sam."
She's got a shiver down her spine when she hears him telling her name, and she has to stop herself when it brings back memories of their lovemaking and Jack whispering her name endlessly, passionately.
"I'm broken. And old," he stops her when she tries to interrupt. "Don't deny it. I already had a family, Carter. And it's been a mess, it still is. You deserve better, far better than a grumpy, old, broken general for a husband."
She looks down, and he can see the tears in her eyes. He sweeps them away when they fall on her cheeks, and she smiles at him.
"We're being too melodramatic here, Carter," he says, trying to lighten up the mood, even he knows it's kind of hard.
"Yes, sir," she replies almost instinctively.
He smiles, and they kiss, for what they know to be the last time. They enjoy each other proximity for awhile. For the last time they hold each other tight, and they finally make love because the need and the desire are still there, and they are aware that it'll be their last time together. Carter cries as their body are entangled. She cries for this future, for what could have been, what has been and what will never be. They make love slowly, desperately. For the last time, they are one and it feels so right that Jack wonders once more why he's letting her go, because he loves her too much, even he shouldn't.
When Sam leaves his bed, he stay under the blanket and watches here dressing up. She pulls into her underwear's and her blue dress. They look at each other for a last time, and she steps closer to him, leans to him and kisses him. It's full of love, of desperation, of longing and gratitude. He already misses her as they splits apart. She keeps her forehead against his for a long instant and she breaks free of his touch. Her eyes scream out what her mouth can't tell, and he nods. He wants to say 'love you, Carter.' But he doesn't. they're hurting too much already.
And then, she's gone.
"Jack? Are you with us?"
Jack is startled back to the present when Daniel's voice calls him.
"Uh, right, I'm here," he answers.
"Colonel Carter is coming," Teal'C informs them.
Jack looks up and he sees her. She's wearing her blue dress uniform and he notices she's been promoted to the rank of Colonel. He smiles proudly. He doesn't know if he should feel pride, but he does nonetheless. She heads for them, she's smiling, and Jack thinks that she's still beautiful. Strangely enough, no lump forms in his throat. Carter looks happy, and it conforts him, somehow.
"Hello, guys," she greets them cheerfully.
"Hello Sam," Daniel answers.
"Greetings, Colonel Carter," Teal'C adds.
"Carter, you look fine," Jack states.
"You too, sir, it's nice to see you."
"Thanks Carter, but we can drop the 'sir' thing, now, don't you think? I've been retired for three years now after all."
"You're right,s… Jack."
Thus, they start talking, like the three past years has never happened. They're still friends, still a team. Despite all the things they have faced, all the regrets there might have been, between Carter and jack, mostly, they're still family. Always. Teal'C talks of the progress of the Jaffa Free nation, Daniel talks of Atlantis and its mysteries, and Carter talks of her family, her husband and their daughter, Grace. Jack doesn't talk that much, because he has nothing to say, really. He's just happy to be with his friends again. They even talk of General Hammond at some point, remembering moments of their common past.
SG1 are in their own bubble and don't care about other people around them. they enjoy each other's company in a moment of complicity.
They really don't know how, Jack and Carter find themselves outside. It's just the two of them, in a comfortable silence. The sun is setting, night will be here soon, but they don't mind. Jack stares at Carter for a moment, taking in her appearance. She really looks happy, and he's glad to see it. She looks up at him, and their eyes meet. She smiles at him, but it's not awkward at all. Even one of the last time they have seen each other has been for that night, their only night, now, everything seems back to normal. Carter smiles at him, friendly, fondly even. And he smiles back.
"You happy, Carter?" he asks.
"I am, jack. My family, my life… that's what I wanted."
"I'm glad to hear it, Sam."
She blushes slightly under his intent gaze, but she nods. Jack is relieved now. For good. All those sacrifice haven't been in vain. She's indeed happy, she has everything she has always wished for, a loving husband, a family. He could have never given her all that, it was true six years ago, it's still true today. She's got her happy ending. And him… well, he's got it already, all those years ago, even this story ended up with pain and tears. But Carter's story is a happily ever after. And it's all that matters.
oOo
"And I hear him singing while he sits there in his chair,
While these autumn leaves float around everywhere.
And I look at you, and I see me,
Making noise so restlessly,
But now it's quiet and I can hear you sing,
'My little fish don't cry, my little fish don't cry.'
Autumn leaves have faded now,
That smile I lost, well I've found somehow,
Because you still live on in my father's eyes,
These autumn leaves, all these autumn leave, all these autumn leaves are yours tonight."
oOo
Some years later…
The sun is shining high in the blue sky. The wild nature of Minnesota is golden, red and orange with Autumn. Jack loves it this way, when the fall come to ignite the leaves of the trees. He's not a great observer of nature, but Fall has always made him melancholic. It's the time of the year where the forest around his cabin is the most beautiful, along with Spring when flowers blossom everywhere.
He's sitting in the wooden terrace of the cabin, in a rocking chair even older than he is. And that's saying a lot. His hair is almost all silver now, only a few glints of greyish brown remains. He knows he's still in good condition for his age, nature, clean air and long walks in the forest three times a week do that to people. He doesn't walk as far as before, but even his knee is rather bad, it still allows him to enjoy his surroundings.
That's what he's doing right now, reading a book in the warmth of this autumn sunny day. September started a few days ago, and it's this time of year when, even before the first leaf falls, you can feel the seasons click. The air is crisp, the summer is gone.
It's been more than a decade he left the Air Force now. He sometimes took part to the Stargate Program, but it's been only for the first few years of his retirement. It's been a long time since he last saw the Stargate, but he stopped missing it for quite some time. He has seen his friends again over the years, but they don't keep in touch really much now. It's kind of funny when jack thinks about them, because even they don't talk that much anymore, they're still as close as before when they meet. Everytime it's like they have last seen the day before. And Jack's happy about it.
He's brought by to reality by a strange noise, foreign to this remote part of the world. It's the noise of a car. He frowns, wondering who it might be. He doesn't get many visits those days. He waits for the car to arrive, and a few minutes later, a vehicle parks in the driveway, behind is truck. He doesn't recognize it right away. The motor stops, the driver opens the door and gets out of the car.
And when Jack sees her, his old heart skips a bit. She's older than the last time he saw her, but that's kind of normal, life does that to people. Her blond hair is longer and tinted with silver. But to him, she's still stunningly beautiful. While she gets closer, he notices she's not wearing her wedding ring, and he wonders about it for a quick second.
"Carter?" he greets her questioningly.
"hello, Jack," She smiles at him.
"I didn't expect to see you here," he says, standing up.
"Surprise, then," she jokes. "I'mnot interrupting something, am I?"
"Nop, no problem," Jack replies. "Ya wanna drink something?"
"Yes, please," she agrees.
They heads for the cabin, Jack waves towards the chairs on the terrace, and Carter sits in one of them. Jack comes back with two bottles of water and gives one to her.
"No beers?" she asks teasingly.
"I'm not as young as I used to be, Carter," he shrugs.
"Neither am I," she nods musingly.
The silence falls on them for a moment, but it's a comfortable one. They glance at each other, and jack wonders what she's doing here. Not that he's not happy about the visit, but he's still curious.
"It's beautiful around here," she notices.
"Yep, better in the fall," he agrees.
"I can see that," she smiles. "how have you been doing, lately?"
"Not bad," O'Neill answered. "You know how getting old feels like. But I'm kinda in a good condition for my ancient age."
"Ancient age?" Sam asks, arching an eyebrow.
"You know what I mean," he says nonchalantly. "And what about ya, Carter?"
"Well, Grace left for college this week" she answers.
"Wow… that's a big step, isn't it?"
"Yep, it is," she nods.
Jack doesn't add anything, because he doesn't know how it feels to drop your kids at college. Charlie didn't get the time to reach this time of his life. But Charlie's death hurts less than before, today. Time works in wonders, apparently.
"So it's only Pete and you now?" he asks to break the silence.
Carter doesn't answer right away, and jack looks up at her to see what's going on. In her blue eyes, he can see a glint of something that looks strangely like sadness. Or pain, he doesn't know, really.
"Carter?" he presses gently.
"Pete… Pete's gone. It's been a while now."
Jack is speechless for a moment. Pete is gone… like really gone? He didn't know that Carter and him haven't talked in such a long time for him to miss the death of her husband.
"Sorry to hear that," he finally says.
And it's true, he's really sorry. Even he still feels a lingering something for Carter, their only night together, which has concluded all those years of forbidden attachment , happened nearly ten years ago.
"Thanks, jack," she says. "But… I'm fine, really. I've go the time to mourn and move on with my life."
He nods, and they exchange a glance and a smile. Carter's eyes are lost in the distance, staring absentmindedly at the lake in front of them. jack observes her, not saying a world. He wonders why did she come here, to him. But he lets her time to talk.
"I think I've done what I wanted with my life," she starts talking again. "I get married, had a kid, bought a house, I even made it to General."
"I've never doubted you on that, Carter," jack banter, nudging her teasingly. "And now, you can relate when I complain about the paperwork thing."
"Christ, yes," she laughs, remembering her time at the head of the SGC.
"What about now?" Jack asks, coming back to serious mode.
"Well, that's what I'm here… kinda," Carter replies. "My husband is gone, my daughter's away for college, moving on with her life… and here I am."
"With me?"
"With you," she nods, locking their eyes together.
They are still so blue, like in his memories. He remembers them fiercely defiant when they first met, and he made this not subtle comment about her not being a guy. He remembers them full of concentration, when she worked on a new alien technology or when she was trying to find a way to save the day on her own, because she was far smarter than the whole base staff combined. He remembers those same eyes full of tears, when Daniel or janet passed away. Or shining with pride when Cassandra graduated from Berkeley. He even remembers them, full of desire and pleasure, this only night they have made love, all those years ago. All those memories that are Carter. His Carter.
And then, he understands. He understands why she has come here, to meet him. Because she has lived her life. She has built a family, and now that this family is gone, that she has retired from the Air Force, that her daughter is too busy being an adult, she's here, with him.
They are no longer two officers that the rules keep apart. She's no longer in a need for a husband, he's no longer the one who can't offer her what she wants. Quite the contrary, he might be exactly the one for her today. Because despite all the years that have passed, the lives they have built, they're still here, together, two people still caring deeply for each other.
The passion of their younger years is gone, but an indefectible affection still bounds them together. It's quiet, immutable and strong, but it's still love. It has changed, but so have they. And eventually, they are reunited, with nothing on their way to stop them from being together.
They exchange a smile, and jack feels at peace. He knows this time, it is for good.
"Wanna come in, Carter?" he asks. "It's getting kindacool out there."
"Absolutely, Jack," she nods.
So they stand up, and leave the terrace to go inside. Maybe they'll have dinner and will play a game of chess later on. But they have all the time of the world to figure out what to do with the rest of their lives.
The sun is now going down over the lake, igniting the nature in red and gold. On the terrace, the two rocking chair move slightly in the evening wind that sweeps away the autumn leaves. And everything is quiet once again.
The End.