A/N: Found this floating around on my laptop so thought I might as well upload it. It's a little weird and I'm not all that keen on it but oh well. I hope you enjoy it
Pairings: Wincest (Dean/Sam)
Warnings: Slash, some mentions of sex. Evil/Demon Dean.
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.
"And if there's a small piece left of us
Somewhere in the battles we have lost
Baby look at me cause this is where my heart takes over, over, over..."- The Saturdays, Heart Takes Over.
Dean had to admit that he'd always been a bit too close to Sam even when they were kids. They'd been inseparable after their mother had died. Particularly after Sam had grown up a bit and their father had got into hunting; leaving them on their own when they were hardly able to take care of themselves. Sam had become Dean's world during those years; when he was too young to help but still just about old enough to protect his brother. It was something John had practically forced down his throat as well. Protect Sammy – he had to take care of his baby brother no matter what. He'd grown up with it and, although Sam had grown up as well, hitting the teenage years with gusto and becoming the perfect student at school, Dean was always going to be there for his Sammy. His Sammy.
In a way it wasn't much of surprise that Dean had fallen (and fallen hard) for him somewhere along the line. Being so dependant on someone had to leave its marks and his stolen heart just so happen to be that. That was his argument anyway; his reason for not turning Sam away when he should of. How could he resist such beauty and innocence when, at the age of sixteen, Sam had asked him about liking guys? More specifically, liking his brother. So he'd taken him, taken everything he had selfishly. He'd let Sam love him, sin with him and dragged his brother into his world of lust and corruption. Dean could even say he had revelled in it, the admiration in Sam's eyes. It made him feel he was worth something when Sam looked at him with such love. All good things have to come to an end though. He should have known Sam would leave eventually. Somewhere deep down he probably had always known but hadn't let himself address it. So when Sam decided to leave for Stanford Dean had argued, screamed and shouted. He'd tried everything to keep his brother close but all that had got him was a broken heart.
At first, Dean had tried to get him back. He had visited every weekend he could but it seemed that nothing could fix their tattered relationship. Sam had changed and was still changing even then. Dean's visits slowly became less frequent and the times he did go to see his brother it usually ended with raised voices and a door slamming in his face. So he hunted more; even more dangerously reckless than ever just to fill the void that Sam was leaving in his heart. It didn't help him much. Being the good little soldier wasn't the same when protecting Sam wasn't part of his daily duties. It wasn't as bearable but he got through it. This was the life he had chosen and he just had to accept that.
He'd almost broken free from hunting once. It was the faintest flicker in his mind now, not even enough to call a memory but he knew he'd tried. It had been about a year after Sam had left. A year full of heartache, one night stands and blood. Dean and John had been arguing – one of the few times Dean had ever questioned his father's orders and certainly the first time he'd ever said no. He'd been so angry with something, pissed off enough to leave the motel without his father. Enraged enough to say he wouldn't be back. Hecould still clearly remember driving to Stanford after he'd left John, music blaring and hands clenched so tight on the steering wheel his knuckles went white. He remembered arriving as well, just in time to see Sam walking home from the student bar with his arm wrapped around some random chick's waist. Watching them from the impala had been like a dagger to the heart. Sam was obviously drunk from the way he moved but Dean could tell this wasn't some one night girl from the local boozer. She was the real deal. A girlfriend. He'd been replaced. After he'd tortured himself by watching them go into the small flat Dean knew Sam stayed at he had driven all the way back to the motel, joining his father once more with apologises and excuses.
Life without hunting would have been perfect, but not without Sam.
When their father disappeared Dean hadn't really been sure if contacting Sam was a good idea. They hadn't spoken for weeks at that point – another bitter argument having ended in the hanging up of phones as the other was shouting at them but this was family and no Winchester could ignore the call of their family in need. So he'd gone to his brother and asked for his help, meeting Jessica in the process. Dean had recognised her and hated her the moment he saw. How could he not after watching her and Sam from in the impala that fateful night? She was with what was rightfully his and it pissed him off to no end. He returned the favour by flirting with her, noticing how Sam's eyes flashed with jealousy at every word that fell from his lips. The expressions made him smirk; especially as Sam didn't even seem to realise he was doing it and the jealousy was in no way aimed at him but focused solely on Jessica.
It would be cruel to say that he had been pleased when Jess had been murdered. After all, his brother had loved her and she had done nothing that could truly be called wrong. She may have stolen Sam's love but somehow Dean knew she wouldn't have done so without encouragement. It had been Sam's choice to leave him and now it was Sam's choice to return to his side. Sadly not out of love but for revenge against his girlfriend's killer. Only it turned out that had been Azazel's plan anyway and it was all so much more complicated than the brothers could have even foreseen. He wanted Sam to become a hunter again; well trained, lethal and when the time came be ready to lead the demonic armies of hell. Azazel had been smart, smarter than them, but then he had got conceited and Dean knew from experience that being cocky only got you so far. Azazel had misjudged just how far they would go for each other. Perhaps he didn't know how sick and twisted Dean's love for his brother truly was. Dean didn't know but he also didn't care. The yellow eyed demon had got Sam killed and that was all that mattered. Dean had never been able to let his protective role go and he had never been able to live without Sam. The elder Winchester couldn't survive without his younger brother.
A crossroads deal later and Sam was alive and he had a year to live.
It had been incredibly satisfying killing Azazel after that so much so that even Sam's scolding or his impending road to hell couldn't bring Dean down until months later. It was then he had realised he wouldn't be able to protect Sam anymore. Sam would need him and he wouldn't be there; he would be stuck in hell. The thought had been the worst torture imaginable, worse than anything the demons of hell could do to him. Only by the time he had finally realised and started fighting for himself it was too late. The searching for information took too long and Lilith's hounds tore into him in front of Sam's very eyes. And perhaps that was what had got to Dean the most; that Sam had seen his demise and had been unable to do anything about it. He knew it would have destroyed his younger brother completely.
Alastair used to like reminding him of that. Of course, nowadays Alastair doesn't like to remind him of anything, not that he could if he wanted to; most people and demons on Dean's part of the rack can only really manage screams. It still kind of amuses Dean that the demon had, at the time, been so pleased when Dean had got off the rack to torture others. He had only got off the rack because he knew that Alastair was right – Sammy needed him back upstairs and even if he had to torture a couple thousand souls to get back to him he would. What Alastair hadn't been expecting was Dean to get a little too much into the favour of his superiors. It had turned out Dean was better than his old teacher at the art of torture. So much so that when Dean requested it Alastair himself was put on the rack. He had a lot of fun ripping that SOB apart daily.
He doesn't get to do that so much anymore though, mainly because he has more important things to do now. Like Sam.
Oh yeah, doing things to Sammy is definitely a lot more important than doing things to Alastair. Particularly when they involve Sam flat on his back, Dean sitting in between his legs and dominating that smartass mouth of his before… Well, you get the general idea.
Anyway, it turned out that being dragged to hell had actually done the world a lot of good because, seen as he had become so popular with the 'superior' demons of hell he had got to hear all of the important information the underlings didn't. More specifically – the apocalypse. Only he hadn't really liked that plan so he had systematically killed all of the SOBs who were in charge of the operation, other than Lilith of course. He hadn't been stupid enough to kill her. He hadn't wanted to risk the possibility of jump starting the last seal or something like that. No, he had just thrown her on the rack alongside a bunch of screaming human souls for the underlings to play with. If he had to pin down his 'turning' point as it were then that moment was it. The moment he took over hell with those murders was probably the day his eyes had first turned that familiar pitch black. Not that really matters to him anymore but still; maybe someone out there might want to know when the King of Hell actually became a demon. That's his official title now which he finds kind of weird if he's honest with himself. After all, wasn't Sam supposed to be the 'Boy King' or something like that once upon a time? Funny how things change. Dean personally thinks that Sam's much better suited to the title he had now anyway. It had taken Dean long enough to convince him to accept it what with Sam insisting that Dean couldn't possibly be serious and he would never take on the role of 'Consort to the King of Hell' and various other drivel about 'evil' and 'wrong'. Dean had expected they would have to have the whole talk about being a demon though so it had been pretty easy to beat that argument down. It had taken a little longer with the other stuff but Sam had eventually stopped arguing. He had also taken on the title, although he still half-heartedly grumbled about it every now and then. Dean generally ignored him when he did that. In Dean's opinion, the younger Winchester actually revelled in the attention it got him most of the time. Dean didn't give a shit about that though. He just cared about what it meant in the long run. It meant that Sam was his and his alone and no one else could ever take Sam from him again. Not even Sam himself.
Just like it was supposed to be.