The Last Beginning - Part 1
14 Verimensis, 9:31
The Blight has ended. I can state this more definitively than most, for I was there on the top of Fort Draken. Warden Elissa, called now the Hero of Ferelden, struck the final blow against the Archdemon as Wardan Alistair bravely entertained the foul creature with his swordplay.
Given that I have already quite literally lived beyond my time, I expected that to be my last great moment of service, both as a healer mage of the Circle and as a citizen of Ferelden. Supporting my traveling companions with my healing magics, ensuring that the Grey Wardens survived to face and defeat the Archdemon. After conquering the impossible in sunset of life, I could have died happy knowing all I had accomplished with my time here.
However, it seems that the Maker is not finished with me yet. It appears that He has laid one last task at my weary, old feet. Thankfully, it is not a task involving battles, or armies, or long marches and cold nights sleeping in a tent. After all the death and destruction I have witnessed, to have a task with the potential for life and joy to result from it warms my old heart.
The newly crowed King Alistair is pledged to wed Lady Elissa Cousland, on the last day of Eluviesta, a little over three months hence. I am sure the songs and tales of these two Grey Wardens will resound through the ages, and I am honored to consider them my friends. More than friends, for in truth they are like the family I never had; the children I never got to know.
Though I must say, now that they have attendants and maids to change their bedding and wash their dirty socks, they are certainly much more comfortable to be around in an olfactory sense. The shear amount of dirt and sweat one has to contend with while on these supposed grand adventures is sincerely unconscionable.
But I digress. I have already written the journals of my time traveling with the Grey Wardens, and my reflections as a Spirit Healer supporting a major battle offensive are within. Thus I start a new journal here, detailing my notes and procedures as to the task I have been presented. I find it very hard to believe that these events would ever repeat themselves, a kingdom ruled by two Darkspawn-tainted Grey Wardens seeking an heir to the throne. However if my long life has taught me anything, it is that knowledge and wisdom in its own right needs to be shared and preserved. Should my efforts come to successful fruition, I can hardly envision a more wonderful and powerful use for a Spirit Healer's gift. Helping two people so genuinely in love and forge a new life together, for the good of their own hearts and the good of their people.
I am reminded yet again of how fortunate I have been in this life, even after all the self-inflicted trials and hardships of my youth. The Maker be praised.
17 Verimensis, 9:31
Going forward in this manuscript, I will refer to the Lady Elissa and King Alistair by their first names only. I understand that those looking back through the lens of history may see this as disrespectful or flippant. Remember, however, when I met both they were Grey Wardens, lacking titles and claims to any type of nobility, and this is how I came to know and love them both. They would personally be offended, or at best think that I'm being dreadfully silly, were I to refer to them by any other name or title. History may say many things about Wynne the Spirit Mage, but I absolutely refuse to allow of it to think of me as silly.
In addition, dear reader, please note that I will be speaking bluntly about certain very personal and private matters within this journal. If you are squeamish about such things I recommend shelving this manuscript instantly. Matters of reproduction cannot be seriously discussed without touching on certain things which would not be considered polite dinner conversation. That being said, I will attempt to keep such matters as clinical advice and information only. May the Maker forgive me if I lapse into impropriety.
It was just about a week ago when Elissa approached me requesting my assistance, and I have spent much time contemplating her request since. The events of the Landsmeet had been swift and passionate, and it was only afterwards that she had learned from Alistair that he had never once heard of a Grey Warden conceiving a child after performing the Joining. The very weapon they used against the Darkspawn, ingesting in a small bit of their essence and thus allowing them to battle against them more effectively, changed them on a very base level. Over time, these changes will take over their entire selves, and most Grey Wardens choose to end their lives prematurely down in the depths of the Deep Roads. But I shall not go into those factors here and now, for the effects of the taint on those who voluntarily suffer its burdens is highly documented elsewhere.
Having one parent with the taint in their veins would make conceiving a child hard enough… but could a child grow in the womb of a Grey Warden and survive? Let alone one conceived by a father who also carries the same taint? I could, possibly, see a man fathering a child in his first few years subjected to the taint, when its grip on him was not as strong as it will surely be in later years. But for a woman, whose very body will nourish the child for the better part of a year? The chances seem poor at best. Or worse, if a child could survive, would it be born human, or as… something else? Could the mother even bear such a child and live? The consequences of such an event could indeed be dire.
Thus were the concerns that Elissa and I discussed this afternoon. I did not shield her from my darker postulations on the issue. She and I have spent many a night resting outside my tent while traveling, discussing our varied views on the world. I will not do her the indignity of sparing her my darker thoughts, no matter what role she may be playing now in the annuls of history.
I do have some hope to offer for the situation, however. While no Spirit Healer can drive the taint completely from a person's veins once they consume it, I do believe I temporarily drive the taint out of small areas of the body. Once that is accomplished, I can create a magical barrier around these limited areas, and prevent the taint from entering them for a time. If this theory is sound, I should be able to drive the taint from Elissa's womb and quickening glands for a time, and allow them to be able to accept her future husband's seed. The downside I see to this is that no magical shield lasts very long… let alone the months a body needs to nurture a child. The best shields last only hours. I would have to re-cast the shields morning, noon, and night, in order for them to have any long-term effects.
Knowledge may be power, but the raw stamina required for such an endeavor may be beyond what I can muster. I will need to beseech Irving and the Circle for an assistant for this endeavor, and soon. Time is of the essence here. Elissa said she will speak with Alistair as soon as the opportunity presents itself. I will need to send a message at once, when and if they decide they want to test my theory.
If I know anything of politics, yet alone the heady insanity of young love, I should draft the message now and simply pass it to a messenger as soon as they say the word.
18 Verimensis, 9:31
It becomes blatantly obvious to all that a king is young and deeply in love when he will cancel holding court for the day to spend it conversing with an old wizened witch bearing questionable promises. Now that I think on it, I do believe Alistair did indeed call me wicked once, while discussing this very topic in fact. I may have been teasing him mercilessly at the time, but that is neither here nor there.
Discussing a man's virility is always a touchy subject, not to be undertaken lightly. No matter what the cause, he will invariably take it as a slight against the very core of his manhood. I feel very fortunate in this instance, therefore, because in this case Alistair fully understood that it was the taint that was to blame, not any personal weakness of his own, perceived or imagined.
When I explained to him that the procedure would involve casting a spell shield around his seed glands several times a day, however… well, he took that far less amicably. Once he finished sputtering out his shock and horror, he said he would most likely agree to such a thing, once the time was right, and if it was the only way. I assured him of two things: one, that it was only way that I could possibly see being able to help them, and two, the procedure could effectively and safely be performed while wearing trousers.
As an aside… normally I would not commit thoughts such as these to parchment, but I've been worrying about it since this morning and simply cannot put it out of my head. At this point of our conversation, the oddest glance passed between Elissa and Alistair. They proceeded to ask several times if I was sure it was the only way to help them, almost as if they firmly believed I should have another answer. Which, of course, I did not.
Feelings of shock, fear, and a large sense of discomfort at the thought of an old mage casting spells over one's nether region, I could understand. But the guilt I saw in their eyes was unexplainable. They did not deem me as needing to know what was being unsaid, however. I note it here mostly in case my old mind does eventually move on and forget about it, lest it have some bearing on something in the future.
Moving on, here is my plan, as I laid out to the young royal couple. First, Alistair would need to allow me to cast the taint-shield on his seed glands for at least a month, to give his body time to heal as well as to start producing viable taint-free seed. Secondly, I would then need to start casting a similar shield on Elissa's womb and quickening glands during that same month, starting after the completion of her moon's blood. The chances are good here that I would pass Alistair's care to whatever assistant Irving deems worthy to send my way. I must remember to request a female mage be sent if at all possible, for I get the impression that our wayward king would run for the Frostback Mountains were I to turn this particular task over to another man. Thirdly, and this was the part that pained me the most, was that I had to tell them that I simply could not keep up with this kind of magic up forever, even with additional assistance from the Circle. If, despite all our best efforts, we do not see results within a handful of months, the plan may simply not be viable and we may need to stop. If we are successful, I will be facing many months of necessary treatments going forward, and the longer we pray to the Maker for a quickening, the longer the spells will need to be maintained. And I honestly do not know if I have that much time left before I pass to the Fade.
I have truly come to love these two Wardens as if they were my own children. I will go to any possible lengths to help them when and where I can… but I cannot promise aid past my death. Alistair insists yet again how "formidable" I am, and they both believe in my abilities as much as I believe in theirs. I feel irresponsible enough, promising to help them at all… but we all do desperate things at times for the ones we love. Never let it be said that I did not try.
Perhaps I should ask Irving to send two mages to assist me, an enchanter and an acolyte. But that would be a selfish request to make of the Circle, even in this time of post-blight relative peace. Love makes selfish fools of us all however. We shall see.