Chapter 1 : a new home

(inside the inner mind of Hamtaro)

Things were different since the accident. Hamtaro longed for the days when Laura and he could frolic freely among the sparkly anime backgrounds of yesteryear. Those days seemed like whispers lost to the rushing flow of change in a postmodern cultural landscape. The producers wanted something "fresh" and "more real". Naturally, this meant Laura and the whole "helping my finds" subplots weren't going to cut it anymore. "It's 2005 and reality TV and the cult of celebrity are in full swing. The kids don't want cute anime anymore they want Britney Spears and scandal!" It's true, tabloids have become the cultural currency and even anime has gotten darker. (e.g. Yu-gi-oh) No longer will it do to pass as purely cute character.

*knock knock knock*

"Come on in"

A bookish-yet-dashing young assistant wiggles his way into the dimly lit dressing room, it's the final taping of Hamtaro.

"Sir, you were supposed to be on set over an hour ago"

"I must have lost track of time….my apologies tell everyone I will be out shortly."

(inside the inner mind of definitely-not-Jessica Simpson circa 2005)

We came out the gate with such a strong showing, Nick and I...what are we to do? The "chicken or fish" gag can only last so long. I've thought about making edible beauty products but my team assures me no one will be on board for that...(I am going to still shelve edible house products for the future though..) How can I keep my relevance? Dukes of Hazard will surely put me on the map as a respected actress but I am beginning to feel like Nick is getting sick of my antics...does he know it's an act? Do I know it's an act? What am I going to do...

The inner machinations of the young "chicken-or-fish" philosopher's mind rendered her face into a dull gape. She sat statuesque among her immaculately decorated Hollywood mansion. definitely-not-Nick Lachey, of 98 degrees fame (this is important because he is largely known solely in relationship to his wife), stared at Jessica who appeared to be entranced at some child's television program.

"Jess, can you turn that off? I have something I want to talk to you about…"

Snapping back to reality, she *clicked* the TV on mute, "Sure, hon, what is it?"

"Listen, the past few years being with you have been great and all...but I think we need to take some time off."

"Oh…" definitely-not-Jessica stared back at the TV, letting the bright waves of color wash over her.

"...I guess it's time for a change then…" She began to sniffle softly, crying both for her prospective divorce as well as for the sentimental end of the beloved Hamtaro anime series.